Dear You,

I really hope you don't think I'm an idiot by the time I'm done with this letter. I'm sure it will be inevitable, though you're too nice to tell me to my face, so I'll never know for sure. Please feel free to stop reading at any point if you think I sound ridiculous or you think I'm in over my head.

Here goes.

I wish there were actual words for what I'm feeling right now. I wish I could accurately describe it so that you would fully understand. I'm going to try, but keep in mind that I'm not really doing it justice.

When I'm with you, it feels unreal. Like I'm imagining the entire thing, only I know I'm not that creative. And everytime I see you, I'm just a little overwhelmed because my memory never seems to quite retain every detail and really doesn't measure up to the real thing. There's a degree of nervous nausea and everytime I open my mouth, there's a silent prayer to God that I don't make too big of a fool out of myself. You leave me with such a feeling of euphoria that I've lieterally had to pinch myself.

I sound crazy. I know.

What makes this so hard for me is that you are the first person to make me feel this way and happen to be impossible to read. I have fairly decent people reading skills. I can usually tell by body language, word choice, tone of voice and amount of eyecontact what is really going through someone's mind when they say something. You sir, are not so easy.

Part of the problem is my good old common sense keeps reminding me that I'm probably over-exaggerating things because I want you to feel the same way. That in all liklihood, you're just a really (insanely) nice guy who doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Common sense is a big know-it-all and won't shut up about it.

Optimisim however, inisists that every word, touch, glance and smile point to attraction and affection. Optimism would lead me to believe that you won't think this letter is crazy.

The ever told confilct between the heart and the mind. Please don't judge my cliche.

So here I am sitting at my unbearably dull office job with nothing better to do than to spill this all out on paper and hope with everything I have that if I actually give this to you (odds are not looking so good, I'll be honest) you won't think I'm crazy or obsesive and that if by some grace of God you actually do have feelings fo rme this doesn't kill them dead.

I know you're leaving. You're already gone ifyou're reading this (I'm not that brave) I know that it's absurd to think we could have something more than just whatever it is that this is between us. (I'm not looking for a definition, by the way) Our schools are far away but India is practically on the other side of the world and I don't want you wasting any adventure having time or thoughts on me. That's silly. But so you know, just in case you reappear again like you did in May (and effectively turn my entire world on its head again) that I think you're one of the most amazing, most fearless, most fantastic people I've ever met. And that I think this could very much be what love feels like.

Don't judge me.

You've changed my life. Completely and now that I know that guys like you are out there and that they can actually maybe want me, I'm completely spoiled. Way to go.

I think I've sufficiently embarrassed myself.

-Me