Dear you (this is my explained, rambling and unabridged, apology), <br /><br />I've seen you do these letters for years now; to tackle your fear, hate, and frustration. The letters for him (the asshole). Yeah, the one that, to this day, terrifies me. I've even seen the letter that was for me. Telling me that once again, I&nbsp;was&nbsp;impulsive and should have spoken my mind. <br /><br />Maybe its my time to do one. Let's hope I don't fuck up. <br /><br /><strong>Topic 1: </strong>I saw that preview so long ago, sitting in my favorite chair in an abandoned living room. And then I wanted to see the movie. Did I know that by showing you the preview a year later, you would decide to figure as much about this world as you could? No. So I'll admit (I guess I do that a lot) I got "territorily pissy". Maybe its because I'm not used to being the one who finds the interests. My favorite books: Harry Potter and Twilight. My favorite band: Slipknot. Some one else showed me those things. So when I discovered something through my own bumbling ways, I was delighted.&nbsp;But when&nbsp;you got more information faster than I did,&nbsp;I was frustrated (envious?), to say the least.&nbsp;Because shit, I've wanted to see this movie for a year longer than you!! <br /><br />I'm not a complete idiot though. Now I realize what I should have done. But why do these realizations always come late? And if you're asking, no I'm not pissed. Or angry. Just frustrated at myself. Oh well, I'll get over it. I've never been one for fights.&nbsp;<br /><br /><strong>Topic 2:</strong> Another case of my territorial pissiness. My excuse for this one is not as good though. *laughs* I was freaking out about the topic ideas. (Should have done it last night, don't know what the <em>fuck</em> to do!) And nope, I honestly had no idea we're supposed to shut down the computers for the next class. I took it for granted that the computer would be on when I got there. Yeah, I'm stupid. (I'm loving the self-deprecation. Aren't you?) Like I said, I blame this one on those topic ideas. . .That seems kind of round-about though, since I was the one who forgot to do it the day before.&nbsp;<br /><br />Can I just say I'm having a bad day? Week? Hell, maybe <em>month</em> is a better term. I&nbsp;hate January.<br /><br /><strong>Topic 3:</strong> Last topic I swear. Remember that self-deprecation bit? Yeah here comes another one - I forgot, complete idiot that I am (didn't I say that&nbsp;I <em>wasn't</em> earlier?) I didn't remember that he (the asshole) had gone through your most private things. So in my panic to have my best bra, I went searching where no person should. Of course, I know this NOW. When all is said and done (and <em>after</em> you told me). But why the "pity party" on my part? Because I didn't <strong>remember!! </strong>I didn't remember that the asshole had done this to you until you told me. I thought it was just another brand of paranoia. And what's one of my paranoias? That someone will come through my things, lose the writings, break the pottery, bend and rip the artwork. THAT is why I mentioned my fun little "move". At the time I thought what you were yelling about was nothing compared to me seeing my most prized possesions get packed up (what if Doom, or one of the Beasties had broke?).&nbsp;I thought it was nothing compared to seeing my artwork get torn, and having someone else touch - and possibly lose - my writings.<br /><br />Here's the thing though: <strong><em><u>I know better now.</u></em></strong> I know about the possessiveness (fuck, did I spell that right?). I hope you know about why I mentioned what I did. Because it wasn't a "pity party" or whatever it was that you said. It was me mentioning one of my worst paranoias: Will it disappear?<br /><br />And now I'm running out of time. One last thing though (actually 3). I. Am. Sorry.

Current Mood: curious

Dear You,

Why are you so ungrateful? How could you sit there and say the things you said? You accused, not only me, but "everyone" of not caring and not trying hard enough to see you, and do things with you. And it was ironic that it was me you said this crap to when I, out of everyone, spent the most time with you. When I was pretty much the only who spent money on you just SO you could be there with everyone, because you never have money. And you never pay me back. But wait, you have money for your pot? Go figure.

J looked for like an hour for plane ticketes home when you missed yours. You say it wasn't your fault, but let's be honest, I think we all know it was probably because of some stupid bullshit reason, you're so ditzy, I expect nothing less. I sent you $120 to change the initial flight you had because you fucked up the dates. That was the last of my money until I got paid x amount of days later. But I didn't care about anything other than the fact that you wouldn't be home in time so I did it without thought. And Steph I know bought most of the shit you smoked while you were home. I bet you didn't even offer to give her money. Infact, you said when you got here, I'd get the $100 back, but funny, you've come and gone, and that shit is nowhere to be found...

And then the fact that "I planned your last night in town with a certain someone, knowing you wanted to see them as little as possible" is absolutely horseshit. It is not my job to make sure our get togethers are up to your standards you self rightaeous bitch. You could've stepped in any time and put in your two cents. You certainly have a mouth, with all the shit that's coming out of it now. And it wasn't just me, it was everyone. Yourself included. You don't wait until the day of to decide to change the whole dynamic that everyone had been expecting.

I don't even care if you're still mad. I did nothing for you to be upset at me for. Fucking nothing, and just because you couldn't get your way, you have to lash out and throw a tantrum, like a little brat. That's fine, because the screaming and shouting is falling on deaf ears. I'm not sure if you expect me to come crawling and appologize for not seeing you on your last night, because if you are, well, it's going to be a long wait sweetie. I didn't break what's broken, you did. You fucking fix it.

And in regards to S, if you try to steal her away, and she falls for it, again, just think on what happened last time. You guys lasted, what, a month as friends? You don't even like her that much, we both know that. But I know you'll talk your shit about me to her, and attempt to talk through her and use her as your tool. And it's unfortunate that you're not mature enough to not do things like that because, unless she brings it up, you won't hear your name out of my mouth to her. Unless it's to explain why I am mad, and even then, I don't expect that to reach you, and I'll tell S just that. You act like you're all against drama, when you're it's biggest instigator.

So go smoke some more pot, it seems to be all your good at these days. And all you care about.

XOXO,
Someone who used to care.