Dear Anyone Who Cares To Know:

I apologize for just up and disapearing. (And for my bad spelling, I havent been sleeping well... but Ill get to that later.) Parents took EVERYTHING. To prove that they could. To try and break me, blah, blah, blah. No homephone, cellphone, or net. So, I have to sneak on. Know whats really bad? I have to MAIL my own boyfriend letters. I hate the waiting, it kills me.

Yep, got a new guy. I love him to death. Ive dated him before, but... Im hoping he'll be different. After him, Im taking a vaction. I dont think Ill touch men meat anymore after him for a while. 

Job market hates me. I cant get anyone to call back. No one wants a newly graduate, thats never worked a day in her life. *sighs* I just want to get a job and get my own cellphone, so that I can be closer to getting my car fixed and finish getting my liense. Parents said I was going to have my liense last week, decided I wasnt ready, so Im stuck at home all day with nothing to do but worry about current boyfriend and wish to god I had a phone. I have cable in my room.... which now Ive begun to watch as much tv as a normal American... pathetic really. I actually always hated the idea of running by a tv "schedule". Urgh.

On the sleeping.... its getting REALLY bad. And I do mean BAD. Just tonight I woke up with night terrors. You know how long its been since Ive had TRUE nightmares? Ive been having them for several weeks at a time. Mainly about spiders. Ill wake up and hulicinate spiders on my bed, around my bed, and webs covered in me, and will scream and jump out of bed, grabbing every part of my body to make sure I dont have anything on me, to only find nothing ANYWHERE. And my cat, Stormy, looking up at me like, "What the hell did I do?" The spiders arent the worst though, no, my brain gets creative. I could SWEAR I heard someone ring the door bell at 3 am. And I got MAD about it and got up out of bed and went to the door to find everyone was asleep and that no one was there. And Mom's asleep in the living room closest to the door!

*sighs* Not to mention, Ive gained 20 lbs. And my entire body feels like its sore all the time. My knees are killing me, and my muscles are sore all the time now. Even when I wake up.

If I dont get a job soon, I think Im going to literally go insane. College is an option AFTER I get money. I need money first.

Love,
Me.


P.S. My bf lives in a county away... and I sent the letter out Monday. Do you think he got it by now?

Current Mood: Really Down.