escapee:

Hogwarts Daily
1 December 1995
anonymous reporter

DECEMBER OPENS WITH A BLIZZARD FOR UMBRIDGE

This morning, at approximately seven thirty-eight A.M., High Inquisitor Dolores Umbridge opened her office and was greeted with an unpleasant seasonal surprise: Snow! Witnesses of the scene report that the High Inquisitor opened her door and the snowballs rained on her like a blizzard in the Arctic.

“It was bloody terrific!” one Gryffindor, who wishes to remain anonymous, reported to us, “She didn’t even know what hit her! There was snow everywhere!”

High Inquisitor Umbridge has barred her office from entry until further notice, but some daring students have caught a glimpse of what was once Umbridge’s office. “It looks like Hogwarts decided to let it snow inside there first, and then it decided why not let loose a stampede of pixies. There are snowmen and snow angels,” another student who declined to give their name or house swore to your reporter. “The best thing of all? The snowmen haven’t stopped throwing snowballs yet!”

Attempts to de-activate the snowball-throwing snowmen have proved useless so far. Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick claim the spellwork is far too advanced. “It’s beyond our expertise, I’m afraid,” the Transfiguration Professor told me. “We have no choice but to defer the situation to our superior, Dolores Umbridge.”

A few students expressed sympathy for the High Inquisitor’s situation. “It’s a shame about all her tea cozies, she had quite the collection,” a sympathetic Hufflepuff commented.


Reported by EP.