InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "is that what i think it is"

likeyourwheels (likeyourwheels) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2012-10-25 00:03:00

Entry tags:

canton everett delaware iii, clint barton

WHO: Canton E. Delaware III & Clint Barton
WHAT: Clint's been avoiding everyone as best he can, and Canton is determined to make him stop running.
WHEN: October 23rd [backdated]
WHERE: Stark Tower; Clint's floor
RATING: PG
STATUS: In Progress

Canton had wanted to talk to Clint since the whole memories issue had wound down, and their memories had been restored to them. He had wanted to, but actually managing to get near Clint was proving to be an utterly difficult task. The man was a master assassin, skilled at covert ops and stealth reconnaissance. The vents had been a given, perhaps, but getting into them was utterly impossible for Canton, and after that, locating Clint had proved to be a matter of one step too slow, one step behind. It was only by utterly freak timing that Canton actually managed to make it into Stark Tower and up to Clint’s floor without doing anything that might have sent the other man fleeing into hiding once more.

Striding into the open rooms, Canton was careful to be as quiet as he possibly could be before he managed to actually get himself into a position where he could block a retreat should there be one. He and Clint needed to talk. He wasn’t entirely sure what was forcing the man into silence and avoidance, but he didn’t want to just get pushed away if Clint was determined that there was “nothing” to talk about. As much as pressing the matter might make things worse, Canton didn’t see what choice he had at the moment.

If Clint kept this up, he was going to end up collapsing in on himself again, and as much as that might help him to get the worse of it out of his system, Canton didn’t particularly want him to reach that sort of end if it could be helped.

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tobeunmade
2012-11-14 08:31 am UTC (link)

Clint knew on a logical level that everything Canton was saying made sense. And he wanted to believe it. He wanted that more than anything. He was tired of feeling so utterly broken down and hopeless. But it was hard. It felt as though he'd reached this point where so many things had hit him and he was past his ability to fight it all. He'd tried so hard for so long to keep everything together, and he just couldn't keep it up any more. It helped that Canton acknowledged his damage without demeaning it or pretending it was anything other than it was. He wasn't stupid. This wasn't something easily fixed. Most days, trying to repair the damage of the past months felt like putting a bandaid over a shotgun blast. But Canton was here, trying, and he wasn't giving up on him. No matter how hard Clint tried to make him walk away, the other man stayed. And that helped. Not a lot, but it helped.

With anyone else he would have fought. He didn't particularly want to be touched, and he certainly didn't want someone else initiating it without warning, but with Canton there was only a brief struggle before he went limp against the other man and just let himself be held. He didn't want to fight. He was tired of fighting. It felt like all he'd done lately was fight, and he was through with it. So he just let himself be. Let Canton try to comfort him.

"What if I can't?" he asked softly after a long moment, a hesitance to the words. "What if..." He trailed off with a heavy sigh, closing his eyes. He was so tired. "What if...I'm not strong enough to do that? I know you think I'm strong...but I'm not. I'm really not." If he was strong, he would have stood up to his father. To Swordsman and Trickshot. If he was strong, he'd never have lost himself to Loki or Meg. Barney and Phil and so many other people wouldn't have died. Clint was many things, but he'd never seen himself as especially strong. "I...I'm trying here. I know it doesn't look like it, but I am. If it weren't for you guys...if it weren't for you...I would have thrown myself off a building months ago. I know I would have. I would have found a way to kill myself in that warehouse...or just laid there and let myself die." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes against a sharp wave of emotion. "You...it does a lot of good. It does. I just...I'm not sure it'll ever be enough. I want it too. But I can't help feeling this way. I don't want to...god knows you deserve better...but it's just how I feel." He sighed. "But I'm glad you're here. I don't know what I'd do without you."

When Tripod forced her way between them, Clint let out watery laugh and reached down to pet the kitten with shaking hands. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said softly, not sure if he was talking to the cat or the man next to him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. You know I didn't. I'll never get sick of you." Tripod purred contentedly, and Clint shook as he let go of the tension that held him still and collapsed further into Canton's hold.

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likeyourwheels
2012-11-14 09:34 am UTC (link)

The fear, the hesitation, the exhaustion, all of it was unsurprising to Canton after the venom that Clint had been working out of himself since their conversation had started. Anger so often faded into exhaustion particularly when you were already tired to begin with. Clint had already been damaged upon arrival, a fact that had been reinforced by the presence of his captor in this city, and had proceeded to be beaten, battered, and abused simply for doing his job, getting caught up in the same shit that the rest of them were in, or merely existing in some cases. It was far more than he should have had to endure, far more than anyone should have had to endure, and the very fact that he was still standing was, as far as Canton was concerned, a testament to his strength. He'd kept going, even if it was only for the people in his life, through everything, through the pain and the fear and the uncertainty, and that was so much more than some people could manage.

"I know, Clint," Canton said, trailing a hand lightly down Clint's arm and side to try and smooth some of the tension one of him. "Someone would have to be blind and dumb to not see that you're trying despite the struggle. You're coping the best ways you know how, and as long as you're eventually willing to let us take on some of that burden for you, you'll make it through," Canton said, pressing another kiss to Clint's temple as he sat there quietly with him for a moment, smiling gently at Clint's reaction to Tripod forcing her way back next to him and tucking himself tighter around his lover at Clint pressed into him.

"You know," Canton started after a moment, running a hand lightly through Clint's hair to try and sooth him, "no matter what you think I deserve, what you feel...you might be lacking, you're wonderful, damage, baggage, doubts and all," That said, Canton let it linger, the quiet internal debate raging inside him before he sighed lightly. There was no sense in trying to hold it back when he knew it was true. "I wouldn't know what to do without you, either. So... Keep trying. Please?"

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