InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm not drunk."

Ianto Jones (notjusta_teaboy) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2012-07-05 00:18:00

Current mood:	apprehensive
Entry tags:	ianto jones, isabel evans

Who: Ianto Jones and Isabel Evans
Where: The coffee shop
When: Wednesday night, right around close
What: A long put-off conversation
Rating: Shouldn't go higher than PG
Status: In progress, closed

The last few months at work had been awkward, to say the least. Ever since having his memories of Lisa and Torchwood One brought back so fresh like that, and the subsequent conversation with Isabel, work had been almost unbearable. It was hard enough organising the schedule so they weren't working together. But beyond that, she was his friend, or had been, and he hated that their interactions had come to this. As much as he was grateful that someone apparently saw eye to eye with him on what he had done, or at least allowed to be done, he was ready for it be over now. He missed her terribly, both as a co-worker and a friend, as was desperate for a chance to explain and perhaps exonerate himself. He wasn't sure how to go about it, but Asaph was apparently being helpful in that regard, if helpful was the right word, which he didn't exactly think it was. It had been all he could do not to blurt things out at shift change when the cafe was full of customers.

As it was, the cafe was closing down. All the customers had left, and he was starting to wipe things down and put things away. All he had to look forward to was another evening at home, and that could go one way or another, given how Rose had been feeling lately. Not that he blamed her. Still, Colligo was starting to wear on him, and one of the last things he could stand right now was more of the same. He looked over to the little break room, where Isabel's sweater was still hanging one on of the hooks. Well, it was hardly cold out, although it must have been cool that morning when she came in to open. She was opening tomorrow, too. He wondered if she would come back for it, since she was opening tomorrow too, and couldn't decide if he wanted her too or not.

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antarprincess
2012-07-06 04:32 am UTC (link)

Isabel unintentionally flinched when Ianto put his hand on her arm, trying to help her over to one of the tables. She shook her head, "This is a bad idea. I should go." Because all either of them had to do was ask the right questions, feel compelled to give the right answers, and all of their carefully tucked away issues would be brought out into the open. And while the emotional toll would already be more than Isabel felt like she could handle, there was also the issue of Ianto finding out what she was. She couldn't let that happen. She had to protect herself.

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	notjusta_teaboy 2012-07-06 04:39 am UTC (link)
	He drew his hand back slowly as he felt her flinch, trying to keep the hurt from his face. "Please, Isabel, we should talk. I hate things being like this." The words were out before he could stop them. If he could. Asaph was funny like that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

antarprincess
2012-07-08 01:44 am UTC (link)

Funny, Isabel seemed to be having the same trouble with keeping her mouth shut. "But talking won't change anything, will it? Your past is still your past, and I feel the way I feel... You scare me now, Ianto. Don't you get that? You scare me." Isabel felt tears welling up in her eyes and not just because of the emotions behind her words, but because she couldn't keep the words in her mouth. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want this.

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notjusta_teaboy
2012-07-08 01:57 am UTC (link)

He was visibly wounded and shocked at her words, unable to keep it from showing in his face. "No, I didn't,. I just...god..." He trailed off, burying his face in his hands for a second before continuing. "I thought...you were mad at me, or hated me, but...but I can't stand you being scared of me. I can't change what happened, but I can be sorry it did, hate myself for not being better, stronger. I...I wouldn't be that way now, I know I wouldn't. I would try to stop them, no matter what they did to me." It hurt him, unexpectedly, to see the tears in her eyes and know that anything he did to try to comfort her would only make matters worse.

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antarprincess
2012-07-09 12:55 am UTC (link)

The tears fell down her cheeks, but she didn't falter. She couldn't. She just continued to look Ianto in the eyes as she said, "I am angry at you. Angry at the thought of you just sitting there, knowing what was going on behind closed doors. But out of sight, out of mind, right? Forget that whoever is behind them... can feel pain. Has a family. When they die, they'll be missed. Mourned." She paused, "You say that it would be different now, that you would try to stop them. But you know these types of people...the lengths they go to. So would you really? If it was Jack?"

Isabel choked on the words that fought to escape her mouth, begging Asaph to pardon her this once from whatever game he was playing. The pardon never came. "...If it was me?"

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notjusta_teaboy
2012-07-09 01:09 am UTC (link)

He wanted so badly to go and put his arm around her, but knew that it would the opposite of his intended effect. He held her gaze, though, he owed her that much. His head did drop for just a second, though, and his voice was barely audible. "I didn't forget. Maybe I didn't do what I should have done, but I knew, and cared, and I felt guilty." He took a deep breath. "I know now, and I knew then. They haven't changed, but I have. I wasn't a bad person, then, I don't think. But I was...weak. Used to doing what was expected of me, keeping people happy. That's not an excuse, just an explanation."

He looked at her. "If it was Jack or you doing it, or if you were the ones it was being done to? Either way, doesn't matter. I would do everything in my power to stop it, even if I knew it wouldn't be enough."

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antarprincess
2012-07-09 01:52 am UTC (link)

"I meant if it was being done to us. Because Jack is different. Because I'm different."

Isabel didn't move an inch, but objects around her began to. Napkins, drink stirrers, sugar shakers, empty coffee cups started to float in the air, encircling Isabel. They started to spin around her, slowly at first, but then picking up speed, going faster and faster until they started to create a bit of wind. Her hair started to whip around, but she never lost her focus, never stopped staring Ianto down.

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notjusta_teaboy
2012-07-09 02:01 am UTC (link)

"Especially if it was being done to someone I cared about."

He watched in stunned amazement as the objects began to levitate and move, quickly stirring the air up into a wind that ruffled his hair. "Please....please stop." He cursed Asaph silently at the next words out of his mouth. "You're scaring me now. Not because you can do that; it doesn't make any difference to me where you come from or what you can do.....But because you're angry at me and you have every right to be and I have very little defense against flying objects."

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antarprincess
2012-07-09 02:16 am UTC (link)

As if they were simply turned off by a switch, the objects stopped spinning and were gently placed back down. "That's the difference between me and the people you worked for. I would never hurt anyone. Not unless I had to. Not unless I was protecting myself or my family."

Isabel wasn't so stoic now. Not as images of the White Room flooded her mind again. "I don't know what they did to my brother when they took him. I'm his best friend, his sister, his home... and he can't even talk to me about it. My brother - the healer. The boy who brought a bird back to life. Who would never hurt anyone. They considered him a threat. So they kidnapped him. Drugged him...Cut into him..." She choked back a sob.

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	notjusta_teaboy 2012-07-09 02:39 am UTC (link)
	"Well, you're also much nicer in general." It broke his heart to hear that, what had been done to her, to her family, by people who sounded an awful lot like Torchwood London. "Oh god, Isabel..." In spite of what happened earlier, he couldn't help himself. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry, Isabel, so sorry...." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	antarprincess 2012-07-11 03:20 am UTC (link)
	Isabel tensed under his touch again, her voice getting softer, "And all I see is you. I imagine the other people who were there when my brother was taken. Scientists, doctors, other agents... They didn't necessarily do anything, but they didn't stop it from happening either. He was tortured and they did nothing. ...I put you in that room now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notjusta_teaboy 2012-07-11 03:26 am UTC (link)
	Now he was the one who felt like he was going to be sick. He withdrew his arms from around her and stood up, putting some space between them. "I can't say you're wrong." His voice was just loud enough to reach her ears. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	antarprincess 2012-07-13 01:37 am UTC (link)
	Isabel shook her head, her frustration for the entire situation bursting through again, "This is the conversation you wanted to have? This is what you wanted to know? ...We shouldn't have done this, Ianto. You shouldn't have asked... I should've picked up my sweater and left. You were better off not knowing." And now her secret was out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notjusta_teaboy
2012-07-14 04:16 am UTC (link)

"No. But maybe one we needed to have. These past few months, I can't lie, it's been hard. I hate that you had to tell me like this, but not that you told me at all. You're still you, Isabel. I still want to be your friend. I just don't know if that's something you can do. You have to decide. You know me, know the person I've become. I just don't know if that's enough to make up for the person I was."

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antarprincess
2012-07-18 03:48 am UTC (link)

Isabel shook her head, "No one needs a conversation like this. And yeah, these last few months have been hard, but this is worse. I would've never told you. I should've never told you. Because I'd rather exchange pleasantries...then have you know. How I feel." She paused, "What I am."

She couldn't help it. It wasn't just about the past, it was about now, too. Knowing what she was, would he ever fall back into his old habits? Would he look the other way if they came for her?

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notjusta_teaboy
2012-07-22 01:28 am UTC (link)

"But... we weren't exchanging pleasantries, Isabel. We were barely talking at all." He sighed and shook his head. "I know you hate that I found out, and you hate even more how I had to find out. And I wish you hadn't been forced into telling me."

"But...you can ask Jack, or maybe the Doctor...I'm not like that anymore. I would never do that again. I've worked so hard to change Torchwood, make it different than that, make into place that can help both Earthling and aliens. Please, they'll tell you. I would never hurt you, Isabel, beyond what I've already done. Add I would never let you be hurt." He was pleading, almost desperate, as if her forgiveness would make up for everything that he had done and felt responsible for.

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antarprincess
2012-07-23 02:38 am UTC (link)

Isabel, contrary to popular belief, wasn't cold and unforgiving. She knew that people could change and, for the most part, believed in second chances. She also knew that there were layers to people. Look at Valenti. He had been the enemy of the group for most of her junior year. Always on their case, always trying to uncover their secret. But in the end, he had helped them to save Max from the Special Unit. And, since then, had put his life and his job on the line for them countless times, eventually losing the latter. So she understood. She did.

But this...this was different. It just was. Because the line that Ianto had crossed...and how close it was to Max, to the people that kept him in the White Room...

If someone from the Special Unit, someone who watched Max get tortured, came to her for absolution, would she give it? Could she? If they had changed, if they had started over and were doing good...

Finally, Isabel spoke with a voice that wavered, "I don't know what you want me to say now, Ianto. What you want me to do. I can't help the way I feel. I don't know how to change it."

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notjusta_teaboy
2012-07-26 09:25 pm UTC (link)

He watched the play of emotion over her face, trying to judge what he should say and how he should act. Although he hadn't participated in or even watched what had happened at Torchwood One, he knew, in the same way that everyone there knew, what went on. If it's alien, it's ours, he could still hear Yvonne's voice. And of course, if something (not someone, never someone) belonged to you, you could do what you wanted with it.

"All I want is forgiveness, Isabel. But I can't force it. You have to give it. If you can. If you will." His voice was weary and resigned, already anticipating and almost accepting her refusal.

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