InsaneJournal

Who: Cas and Gabriel
When: Wednesday night
Where: Cas' apartment
What: The watch
Rating: Medium for adult themes.
Status: Incomplete, closed




He only took the pills when he was lonely. Those long, slow, sleepless nights when he felt the lack of companionship in his life. Cas was a personable man, he had friends, was liked by his employees, was respected and that was something, it really was something, but then he came home and it faded in his empty rooms. He only took them to sleep.

He stared at the bottle. Cas Taylor had never contemplated suicide before. Taking his own life. He had always had too much to do with it. No. He stopped. He couldn't even think in those terms any more. He didn't have a past. He'd never flown in a plane, tasted warm beer, seen the Statue of Liberty from the inside. He'd never seen Breakfast at Tiffany's, never bought coffee from the little van that sat outside his boyfriend's apartment. Never held a hand or kissed a mouth or touched a cheek. His hands fell open.

He was a fiction.

He picked up the pills. They were real. He held them for a while. They clacked softly against each other. He uncapped the lid.

No last name until you marry Sam He wondered, for a moment, if he would like Sam, be happy with him. He wondered what sort of man he was besides a little snappy and a bit of a player. He wondered if he was gay in his other life or if he had "turned" for this Castiel. He certainly seemed convincing as a straight guy. So Castiel was troubled, besieged, socially incompetent and had weird, easily angered, friends. But did he ever need to take pills to sleep because if it didn't hear another voice soon he was going to scream? Or did he just reach out his hand, settle into Sam's arms and close his eyes?

Cas had been alone since he came but he thought he was successful, doing well. He was busy. He has friends. A life. A clue.

He took two pills from the bottle and washed them down with a little water from the nightstand. Then a third. He stopped.

If he kept going he would be free but wasn't he taking the will of someone else? Wasn't it murder too?

Gabriel's brother. Gabriel had been a good fr- Gabriel was a good friend and Cas Taylor didn't think killing his brother was the act of a friend. His thoughts slowed, become strikingly clear, simple.

I don't think it would matter, if I loved someone, if they were a guy or a girl.
Cas sat on the edge of his bed, staring into the open bottle. He didn't move.