InsaneJournal

Usually, when someone lost their way, someone else was delegated the task of getting them back on track. Whether through happenstance, fate, or for a select few actual guidance from a celestial being, it was pretty safe to say that for the most part people tended to not deal with God directly in their moments of crisis. Not that those people were typically aware of that fact of course, but that didn't make it any less true. The simple fact was, God couldn't spend all of His time attending to the issues of others or He'd never do anything else.

However, there are a select few who did get His full attention. A personal sit-down with the Lord that typically resulted in some life-changing realization or, in some instances, seriously pissed them off. Really it depended both on the person and the mood of the Almighty at the time of the chat. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, for the most recent addition at the top of the list, God happened to be in a pretty good mood at the moment.

He'd been at the park for a good ten minutes or so, simply observing the man who so desperately needed his guidance. Dressed in a simple button-up shirt and pair of slacks, with only a hint of stubble at his face rather than the full-on unshaven look he typically sported when posing as Chuck, the Lord had a light smile on his face as he finally made his way toward his target. His footsteps were silent and his gait was a casual one. He didn't ask if he could sit. He didn't wait to even be acknowledged. He simply took a seat and hunched forward a bit, resting his elbows on his bent knees and staring out at the treeline in the distance.

"It always amuses me," he spoke after a second, "The way you all think you need something - how you're so certain of it, in fact - and in actuality you couldn't be more wrong if you made a conscience effort." Slowly he looked to Gabriel and his lips drew back in a lazy sort of smile.

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"No," came the even reply, "it's how you drive yourself nuts. You're always focused on whatever it is that doesn't quite mesh. Always trying to make sense of it all." God shook his head and looked back out to the trees. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret," he added after a second, looking back to the man beside him.

"A lot of this thing called life? Doesn't make a bit of sense. It's all just..." He waved his hand around a little as he sat back against the back part of the bench with a soft sigh. "A whim," he finally settled on the word. "There's a deeper meaning to some things, sure, but for the most part? What you see really is what you get."

He gave a faint shrug and let his hand fall to his lap. "And you're welcome to try to kill me," he said completely casually, as though he were discussing the weather. "You'd fail, pretty spectacularly I might add, but if you really think it'll make you feel better." God flashed him a smile that was all teeth.

"You're certainly welcome to give it the old college try."

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God chuckled lightly and shook his head. "We both know that isn't the reason," he said simply, "but if you want to tell yourself that I'm just not worth the effort, go right ahead." He gave a slight shrug of his shoulders then turned his attention to a pair of squirrels chasing one another across a small patch of grass just on the other side of the sidewalk. It was a bit late for the animals to be out and about, really, but they served as a decent enough distraction for a brief moment.

When Gabriel finished speaking, God turned his head and looked at him once more. "Ah but we aren't talking about other people," he pointed out. "We're talking about you. You and this pesky habit you have of driving yourself to kill because... well, we can get to the why in a minute. The point is, it's a self-defeatist attitude and I have to say, it's getting a little old."

He began tapping his fingers lightly against his knee as he glanced skyward. "So here's how I see it," he stated. His gaze flickered back to Gabriel. "Either you can drop this whole 'it doesn't really matter because I'm doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes' bullshit, or I can make you drop it. Now keep in mind the end result is going to be the same. You're going to stop killing people and get a grip on this little thing we like to call reality. The only real question is which route you want to take to get there." He grinned rather suddenly.

"So, what's it going to be?"

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"Kill you?" God gave a light laugh. "Now did I say anything about killing you?" He shook his head, still grinning with amusement. "No, I'm not going to kill you. Why would I want to do that? You could actually be of some use, if you would just get your head out of your ass."

Pulling a flask from his pocket, he took a sip from it and gave a soft sigh of contentment as he studied the metal on the outside of the container. "And it really is just that simple," he admitted absently. "Or, at least, it can be. You just need a new way of looking at everything. Especially yourself." God put the lid back on the flask and stuck it back into his pocket. His attention locked onto the man beside him. For a brief moment, his smile faded and he grew serious. Everything around him seemed to go still as he spoke in a tone that was completely and utterly certain.

"You are more than just your abilities, Gabriel. You're the one in control, not them."

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God rolled his eyes and gave a theatrical sigh. "Oh come on!" he exclaimed, turning to look Gabriel in the eye. "All that intelligence and you can't do better than to quote Popeye?" He shook his head and gave a slight grimace.

"Okay," he decided. "Clearly the usual stuff isn't going to work with you. I had hoped but well, free will. What are you going to do, you know?" He frowned in thought for a moment before grinning. "I've got it."

A snap of his fingers and they were no longer in the park but were instead standing on what was clearly a roof of something. God turned to the man beside him. "It's the library. I figured you might want some space to just think without any interruptions," he explained. Going still, he tilted his head a bit then straightened up as though remembering something vitally important.

"Oh! Right! And all your abilities are going to go on a little timeout and clear up some of that headspace of yours. Don't worry though, they'll be back. Once you've figured out a few things."

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"Sure she will."

God hesitated. "Well, maybe not at first. I'm sure if you give it time and work at it, though, you'll end up better off than you were before this whole messy thing started," he added. It was, perhaps, the most caring his tone had been thus far. In an instant, it was gone and his lazy grin was back.

"I should probably start by telling you that this also wasn't all your fault," he admitted. "You were susceptible to outside interference and, in a way, this really was meant to happen if you believe in that sort of thing." He stepped a bit closer and lowered his voice a little. "And between you and me, you might want to take that as a sure bet."

Two chairs suddenly appeared near the edge of the roof, overlooking the lights shining throughout the cityscape. There was a feeling of peace in the air as the deity looked back to Gabriel. "But first things first. Why don't we have a seat? It can't help but make this process much smoother," he offered.

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God smiled faintly in amusement. He did enjoy talking to humans when they had no idea who he was. It always made for such interesting conversations. This was certainly proving to be no exception.

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'the devil made me do it'? Well, you can now say honestly that it most certainly applies to you, Gabriel." God gave him a mildly sympathetic look as he added, "And yes, you murdered Angela. Didn't want her raining on your little parade, I would imagine. Now, I can fix it but right now we're focusing on you so let's get back to that."

He didn't offer anything by way of explanation as to how he could fix it. He simply said it in a matter-of-fact way before shifting a bit in his own seat and looking out at the city.

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God just stared at him for a long moment before giving a soft snort of derision. "Everybody is a screw-up," he stated. "There's no one human that's ever gotten it all right. You aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last."

Once more pulling out the flask, he took a long swig before holding it out to Gabriel, silently offering him some. "You need to realize, and more importantly accept, that you are not just the sum of your parts," he said. "Those abilities only have as much power as you choose to give them, Gabriel."

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"I don't deal in maybes," God replied flatly as he shrugged and slid the flask back into his pocket. "The problem isn't your ability. It's you and how you look at it." Okay. Probably not the best way to talk a guy back from the proverbial ledge, but it was time to get down to business and God wasn't about to pull any punches. Being a kind, benevolent deity only got him so far. Especially when dealing with guys as stubborn as this one.

Gazing back out at the city, he paused for just a moment. "Look," he finally spoke as he turned back to the man beside him. "You've been dealt a shitty hand. I'll grant you that. But you can cope with this ability. If you couldn't, you wouldn't have it. It's just that simple."

Resting his palms on his thighs, he shrugged ever so slightly and his lips quirked upward a bit. "You just have to suck it up, accept your destiny, and deal with it already. It isn't easy but it's not half as tough as you're making it out to be."

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If there was ever any doubt as to why God had gotten this far into the conversation without alerting Gabriel as to just who he really was, this fully explained it. The bitterness coming from the clearly broken man was very nearly tangible and the majority of it was aimed directly at a deity he'd never met. Until now. Not that he knew that fact. Yet. The point was, to prevent the conversation from turning into something wholly unpleasant, ignorance had been almost required. Now, however, they were reaching a point where the truth as going to have to come out if any progress was going to be made.

So he bypassed commenting directly on most of the conversation thus far. Instead he simply turned in his chair and faced the man directly. His expression was a neutral one as he finally exclaimed, "Oh for the love of me, would you just get over yourself already?!"

With a disgusted shake of his head, he rose to his feet. Stepping toward the roof he turned so his back was to the city and he was facing Gabriel. "So life isn't easy. So the demands aren't reasonable ones. Do you really think sitting here, feeling sorry for yourself and everyone else that drew their own short straw, is going to change that? Do you really want to see what happens to humanity when you all aren't faced with challenges and given obstacles to overcome? I'm telling you, it isn't pretty."

Pausing, shoulders slumping a little, God sighed. "What happened to your mother was unfortunate, Gabriel, but she was right," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "You are not going to be given more than you can handle. That includes your ability. You just have to find a way. Otherwise you're going to spend the rest of your life alone, utterly miserable, and with no one to blame but yourself."

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"No, you aren't him," God said in a far more certain tone. He eyed Gabriel for a heartbeat. As he dropped back down into his chair, he heaved a soft sigh. "But if you keep making excuses and just give up, you're going to wind up just like him."

Glancing at Gabriel, he offered a grin. "You're not a completely lost cause, though!" He assured him, even going so far as to reach over and pat his knee. "If you were, we wouldn't be having this conversation. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of the underdog. Huge, even. However I don't waste my time on those who stand no chance of making the right choices. Which means you do still have the ability to turn this whole thing around. It's just going to take a lot of hard work, focus, the ability to accept what you've done, forgive yourself, and move on already. Because really, you are the biggest thing that's holding you back."

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Right. That was the crux of the issue, really. Guilt was such a difficult emotion to deal with for most humans and this man certainly had his share. Expecting him to simply forgive himself that easily really was asking an awful lot. Granted he could do it, but God knew he likely wouldn't. Not without some added help.

"Oh, I wouldn't say always," God said slowly. "Probably a good decade or so but, we'll see, won't we?" And with a casual wave of his hand, the scenery once more changed. From a rooftop in Colligo to what looked, for all intents and purposes, exactly like Gray and Sons. Glancing around as he gave Gabriel a few minutes to adjust, God finally grinned at him.

"Such humble beginnings," he murmured before clapping his hands together and smiling. "Right. So here's how this is going to work. You're in your own mind right now. This is just a clever representation of where it all began, so to speak." His smile grew. "And right here, inside your own head, is where you're going to stay until you learn how to forgive yourself." A slight tilt of his head, a pause, and God tacked on, "Also, to make sure you don't wig out and forget what you're here to learn, you're not going to be alone. Granted I'm not sure how much help she's going to be, but... she'll definitely call you on your crap, at least. You'll find her just as soon as you step out that door."

He looked around then refocused on Gabriel. "And that's it! This new and improved version of 'It's A Wonderful Life' starts right now and ends when you get your head out of your ass and remember what it means to be a functional, sane human being."

He smiled broadly. "Good luck!" Then he was gone and the door leading out of the shop slowly swung open to reveal the street beyond.

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