:: wax on, wax off :: (![]() ![]() @ 2010-05-13 06:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, #complete, *log, aziraphale, castiel, gabriel, god, loki, michael |
[ part one of two ]
WHO: God and: Castiel, Gabriel, Michael, Aziraphale, and Loki
WHAT: Before leaving Colligo, the Almighty pays a visit to each of her angels, individually.
WHEN: From Sunday (Mother's Day) to Wednesday afternoon
WHERE: Various locations around the city
RATING: PG-13 (language, mostly)
STATUS: Complete; logs
NOTES: Part one of two. Part two can be found here.
The time had almost come for God to depart from Colligo for a while. Although she knew she would return soon enough, more than likely, she also knew that there were going to be events taking place in her absence that were going to test the faith of even her most devout: her angels. And so she had opted to speak to each one of them before departing, both to inform them of her intentions as well as offer a few parting words of advice. She knew what she had to say would likely seem ambiguous at first, but she also knew that when the time came, the meaning behind her words would be made rather obvious. And the first on her list to receive said words was Castiel.
She had chosen Castiel first for a handful of reasons. Primarily because, out of all of her angels present, he was the one who often relied on her guidance the most. Interacting with humanity was still far newer to him than it was to most of the others. She also knew that, although his faith was never in doubt, the fact that she was leaving at all would likely distress him to some extent. After all he had been all but abandoned by her in his own reality. True this wasn't the same, but he had only just realized that, in his world, God truly had given up. So to lose her now, here, was going to be difficult for him at best. Which meant she would speak with him first and, based upon his reaction, would then inform his brothers how they might best aid him in her absence.
Sending him a message, asking him to meet her at the very same park in which they had originally met face to face, God sat upon the very same bench where Castiel had sat and prayed to her all those months before. There was a low murmur of people exiting the nearby church following a Mother's Day sermon. God paid them little mind, her thoughts on Castiel. She knew he would be along at any moment. As she waited, her gaze flickered up to the blue skies above and her lips quirked upward in a smile at the sight of a baby bird hopping about on the edge of a nest that was perched upon one of the branches of the tree behind her.
"You wish to see me Father?" Castiel stood before her, his head lowered in deference. He had been at Sam's apartment when he got the message, guiding Sam's new pet towards aeronautic proficiency. The creature had been rather a blessing for Castiel in the difficult time he found himself if. Squeaky's needs were easy to attend to and he demanded little (though he demanded it often). For a being that found every day full of challenges it was pleasing to come across a problem he understood, a need he could address. Simply touching the animal made him feel relaxed. He would definitely have to send a message to Adam, thanking him for the wonderful distraction. Castiel was seeking distractions right now.
This qualified. You didn't feel sorry for yourself in the presence of the Lord. You listened to every word and worked out how best to attend to His wishes. You made the effort to understand Him and if you did not understand you asked for clarification. If you had a need you brought it to Him and He would decide if He wished to address it then or if He preferred you to, with or without His advice. You put other thoughts aside and held yourself correctly and knew, all the safe, that He knew all of your thought and fears and concerns. Castiel waited patiently for his Father's words, already calmed by His presence.
God's gaze slid away from the baby bird who, by this point, had managed to hop off of the nest and closer to its mother perched nearby on another part of the branch. Any moment now, the bird would find itself forced to learn to fly whether it was ready or not. The mother would give it one last bit of advice, one final shove, and that would be that. Survival at that point would depend primarily upon the bird itself and whether or not it was truly prepared to put to use the lessons its mother had taught it thus far. As the Lord looked to Castiel, she was able to easily see the paralleled similarities. It was time for him to put to use the lessons which she had taught him. She wouldn't be here to guide him in a direct fashion, at least not for a while, and during her absence every success and failure he was faced with would depend primarily upon him.
Yes, Her voice drifted across his essence, ever mindful of the humans in close enough proximity and their incapability of withstanding the sound of her true voice. Outwardly she simply continued to smile and lightly patted the empty part of the bench upon which she sat. Come, Castiel. Sit with me. I've some things to discuss with you. She offered no insight but it was clear from both her expression as well as her tone that she wasn't upset with him. This wasn't a rebuking. However there was a touch of sorrow in her eyes, if one looked close enough to notice, that seemed to be a direct contradiction to her current seemingly carefree nature.
Castiel was ever so slightly relieved by his Father's relaxed invitation to sit. He had made a error, he was not to be rebuked. Perhaps his Lord had something he was required to do? He was ready. He always was. "Yes, Father," he said and sat himself near Him but not touching. He felt emboldened to look his Father in the face. "Thank you for this beautiful day Father." And he gave a reserved little smile. He loved to look into his Father's face. It warmed his chest and made his vessel's fingers tingle. "What do you wish to tell me Father?"
There was no easy way to say what God needed to say. There was no easing into it, nothing that would change it in any way to make it something more pleasing to the ear. The best way was simply to say it and be done with it and yet even the Almighty was remiss to do such a thing. She knew that Castiel still had a ways to go and the fact that she would not be there to directly guide him in the next series of challenges he faced was something that filled her with a great sorrow. Glancing over at him, her feet swinging idly beneath her seat, she gently took his closest hand within her own.
I've something to tell you, Castiel, she began. Her forehead furrowed and eyebrows drew together a bit. It was only then that a touch of the sadness she felt was visible in the down-turned corners of her mouth. I must take my absence from this place for a while. My attentions are required elsewhere. She chose her words carefully. Strategically, although she highly doubted he would realize as much until well after it all was said and done. For the time being she paused, allowing his reaction to the beginning of what she had to say before delving any further.
Fear gripped Castiel when his Father took his hand. Not fear of his Father but fear that what his Father had to tell him was going to be so hard to hear He felt the need to take his hand.
His body was tense despite the proximity of his Father. All he could to was listen, looking his Father almost in the eye. His Father spoke the words. Castiel took them in. He knew his Father would not go without good reason. He had said 'for a while'. This was also important. "So you will be returning," he offered for confirmation. His mind was reeling. What could call their Father away? Was this to do with the apocalypse? Was he going to take action when His other aspect did not? It was not for Castiel to ask but there was something he could offer. "Father, if there anything you need me to do? Do you have orders for me before you go?" His tone became very chaste. "Am I permitted to know when you will return?" His eyes were full of concern, tension in his stomach rising to clutch at his heart. His breathing became tight. He told himself it was no reason for concern. He had never had this kind of contact with his Father. But then, he had always believed Him to be right there, hearing his prayers, issuing his orders. The concept of his Father inaccessible... "Father... will you still be able to hear me?"
God had expected the questions as well as the fear that came with her words. She knew, out of all her angels, Castiel depended upon her the most for guidance. It was as it should be - he'd had the least amount of guidance back home, after all - but she also knew that now was the time for him to once again trust his brethren and learn that there were simply some things that she could not personally fix for them. There were some things they had to do on their own and those things were fast approaching.
If it is meant for me to return, I will, came her first, carefully worded reply. So very much of her answer depended, ultimately, on the choices of others. While each outcome was an ineffable one, that ineffability relied heavily upon what decisions were made in her absence. She could only set the wheels into motion. She couldn't force anyone - neither human nor angel - to make any choice that would lead to any particular outcome. It was a difficult concept for those with such devout faith as Castiel to grasp but that didn't make it any less true.
As for you, she continued gently, You are to continue to guide Dean. Ensure he does nothing too terribly foolish. Should he find his own faith is waning and his common sense blinded by emotion, do not allow any doubts he may feel to make your decisions for you. Know that all is not always as it appears to be. That was all she could offer, all the hinting toward what was to come that she was able to part with. Her smile, although still tinged with a touch of sorrow, grew a bit. Reaching out with her free hand, she gently cupped the angel's cheek and met his gaze directly.
I will always be able to hear you, Castiel. Even when it seems I do not answer, it does not mean I have forsaken you.
Castiel looked full into his Father's eyes, still for a moment, just feeling the connection between them, soaking it up to last him the long days till his Father's return. He did not wish to entertain the idea that He wouldn't. "I will guide him, Father. I will remind him of Your presence, your words to him when I feel he needs to hear it. I will also watch over Sam. He has improved greatly, Father. He has chosen a righteous path. I have come to care for him as a friend. I will do all you ask in your absence. I will work with my brothers. Loki has been a great help to me. He has answers to many of my questions. I will help watch Adam. Our relationship has improved." He gave a soft smile.
He ran through all the matters concerning him at the time but, apart from the loss of Jo, it was peaceful. He had time to relax with his friends, to get to know them better. To experience more of life. "I am learning the things you wished me to, Father. I believe I can continue to do so in your absence. I know better what you expect of me. I will ask my brothers if I am unsure." He was concerned with putting his Father at ease. If God was leaving it was because He has something important and difficult to do. He did not need to be distracted by concern for an angel who could well take care of himself with a little more faith in his judgment. At his Father's lost words he closed his eyes. "Thank you Father. I will speak to you as I always have so you may have our voices where you go." He rested his head in his Father's hand, warm and relaxed. Stealing the peace for when he had none.
God knew all of the things that Castiel said but, much like with her other angels, she did enjoy hearing it directly from them. Unnecessary, perhaps, but there were so few who were on the same level upon which she was that rarely was she ever truly surprised. Therefore she took pleasure where she could and having others confide in her was certainly one way of doing so. Her smile remained loving and gentle as he spoke, fingers dancing upon the flesh of his vessel's cheek. You make me very proud, Castiel, she admitted after a brief pause, when he'd finished speaking. Do not allow anyone to convince you otherwise, I do not care who they might happen to be.
The urge to protect him from what was to come, to simply tell him what would transpire, was a strong one. She ignored it. To do so would be disastrous. Not because he couldn't handle the truth but because anymore involvement from her would cause irreparable damage in the long run. So she simply moved closer and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, her eyes sliding closed for a brief moment as she allowed her love for him to wash over his very essence. When she pulled away, she also withdrew her hand and rose to her feet. Take care, Little One, she murmured.
Then, with a slight breeze that caused a rustling of the leaves in the trees, she was gone. There was still work to be done before her departure and time was quickly running out.
Castiel's eyes closed. The wind was cold on his face. He didn't move for a very long time.