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Gabriel "Sylar" Gray (inaworldsocold) wrote in colligo_threads,
@ 2009-09-15 15:34:00

Entry tags:

!closed, claire winchester, gabriel 'sylar' gray

WHO: Gabriel "Sylar" Gray & Claire Bennet
WHAT: It's not everyday that someone shoots herself in the head.
WHERE: Claire's apartment
WHEN: Post-Claire's Freakout
RATING: PG
STATUS: In Progress

It was a next to impossible thing for Sylar to fathom, coming up with some sort of reason that Claire would have to shoot herself in the head. The only thing that he could come up with was that, whatever the reason, she needed help. Priestly and Noah were one thing, support in their own right, but neither of them could truly understand. They could assume, guess, try and empathize in their own way. But that was entirely different. He hadn't even responded to either of them by the time that he was already on the way to her room. It was quite a bit more of a walk now, but it didn't really matter in any way except for how long it took to get there.

When he reached the apartment, he knocked, leaning up against the door to try and listen for any moment in the apartment when there wasn't any answer before trying to the door. Huh. Well, it wasn't locked, so someone had to be home. Stepping into the apartment and closing the door behind him, Sylar moved through the place. It seemed empty, sounded empty, and as he crossed to the bedrooms, he opened one door, peeking his head in and finding no one inside the room before turning and trying the other.

That door was firmly locked.

Well. At least he'd found Claire.

Leaning against the door, Sylar raised his hand before deciding...knocking probably wasn't the best strategy. So instead, he clicked the lock with his telekinesis, opening the door and stepping into the room, closing the door behind him before stepping over to the bed that he could see Claire curled up in, sitting down on the edge of the mattress before he bothered to speak, "Do you want to talk about it?"

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x_clairebear_x
2009-09-15 08:23 pm UTC (link)

At the sound of her bedroom door opening, Claire had immediately stiffened but hadn't bothered to turn toward it. She had a feeling who it was and was proven right the moment he spoke. It wasn't hard to figure out before that, though. Peter wouldn't use his abilities to break into her room, Nathan would have just flown to her bedroom window or demanded she open the door, Angela... well, honestly, she thought Angela would probably agree to give her space just like her dad seemed willing to do, and Priestly would have knocked. So really, that just left one person. Sylar.

Normally, the thought of having Sylar in her bedroom, much less asking if she wanted to talk, would have seemed a little strange even for their recent, amicable interactions in Colligo. Had he so much as thought about trying it before arriving in Colligo she probably would have shot him in the head. Now, though, given the circumstances, she was actually rather... touched, that he'd come by. And while a large part of her really didn't want to discuss what had happened with anyone, ever, she knew that keeping it bottled up inside wasn't a very smart move on her part.

So in a soft voice and while continuing to stare at the wall and keeping her back to him, she replied, "Someone, some thing, got inside my head. Convinced me that I'd-" Become like you used to be. "Killed everyone. That I needed to kill Priestly."

Slowly she turned to face him, her eyes glassy from crying even if her ability prevented the puffiness and redness that normally came with the act. Claire peered up at him for a long second before she stated simply, "I wanted it to stop. Shooting myself... at least I knew I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone." Her gaze dropped, brow furrowing a bit.

"The only problem is, I missed."

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inaworldsocold
2009-09-15 08:42 pm UTC (link)

"Claire," Sylar said quietly, reaching out and gently touching her temple. "As simple as everyone's been making it out to be to kill us, that spot in the back of the head, it's next to microscopic. Even the most well trained sniper would have a difficult time pinpointing it with just one shot," He said, not really sure why, but he felt that he should clarify. Just in case she decided to try again. "And you haven't hurt anyone, not as far as I know. And if there's anyone around here who I'd assume would snap and kill everyone, it wouldn't be you," He said, emphasizing the point by raising both of his eyebrows.

He wasn't being flippant, but still, it was rather obvious to him that this pattern of thought was just... It was out there to say the least. He couldn't see Claire hurting anyone on purpose, not unless she'd been forced into it, or unless that person was him like he used to be.

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x_clairebear_x
2009-09-15 09:25 pm UTC (link)

Claire knew he was right. Well, not about the spot that would signify death for her. That stick that had been jammed into the back of her head had sure hit the mark, before. So either she had some really bad luck or, well, he was just trying to make her feel better. Maybe a mixture of both. As she wasn't currently planning on testing his theory, though, she wasn't going to worry about it.

"I didn't care," she spoke just as quietly as before, although she did pull herself into a sitting position with her knees tucked up against her chest and her arms wrapped around them. "Peter was dead. My dad. Everyone, and I didn't even care. And it felt so real. I could smell the blood in the air."

Sighing softly, she frowned a bit as she met Sylar's gaze again. She wasn't sure what to say, though, so she just sighed again and turned her attention to the spot where she'd shot herself. There was still blood there, still not entirely cleaned up, although currently hidden with a throw rug that she'd tossed over the stain.

"I can't explain it," she admitted as she looked back to him. "It was like living out my worst nightmare. Like not being able to feel pain had finally shifted into not being able to feel anything. That nothing mattered, their lives, the pain I was causing, I just... didn't care anymore."

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inaworldsocold
2009-09-15 09:59 pm UTC (link)

This was progress, at least. Anything was better than curled up in a ball with the door locked. Her statement, however, provoked him to do something that as out of the ordinary of a thought as it was seemed the most appropriate thing to do at the moment. Scooting over next to her, he draped his arm lightly around her shoulders, giving her a bit of a hug as he frowned. Like living out her worst nightmare. He wasn't sure what could do that to a person (other than the illusion that he had failed to steal from Candice), but whatever it was, it sounded dangerous if it could make her think that she had killed everyone, that she needed to kill someone else.

"It matters, Claire," Sylar said quietly. "And you're not the type of person to let something like that turn you into something like...me."

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x_clairebear_x
2009-09-16 01:23 am UTC (link)

Once she was calmed down and more like herself, Claire would probably feel a bit awkward from the hug. Anyone who knew of their history wouldn't blame her for that either. However at the moment, she felt nothing more than gratitude. She didn't want to admit it, and truly felt that by keeping everyone out she was ultimately protecting them, but she needed comfort at the moment. She needed to know that her fears weren't coming true and that she wasn't some sort of monster that everyone wanted to bring down.

Just like Sylar used to be.

"You're not like that anymore." The words were soft-spoken but no less true. She peered up at him with a small, stubborn frown that refused to consider an alternative to what she was saying. What she knew to be true. "You've changed."

The only problem was that if he could change for the better, what was keeping her from changing for the worst? It was a question she didn't have an answer for and it was one she had been terrified to ask. Now, though, she knew. Nothing. Absolutely nothing was keeping her from turning into the very thing she feared. Nothing was stopping her from losing touch with humanity. And eventually, when enough time had passed, the thought of shooting herself wouldn't even cross her mind.

"What if you're wrong?"

Her voice sounded small. Frightened. She hated it, hated sounding as weak as she felt. Clearing her throat, she tried again. It wasn't much better the second time, though. Just a little less of a waver and a whole lot more trepidation.

"I don't feel pain. I don't even remember what pain used to feel like. I-I look around at everyone and I know that there's a part of them, a part of living, that I can't experience anymore. So what if the... whatever it was that I experienced turns out to be true and I lose the rest of what it means to empathize with others? It isn't like it didn't happen to some other version of me, already."

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inaworldsocold
2009-09-16 03:25 am UTC (link)

"The circumstances were different, Claire," Sylar said, his tone clear and forceful to emphasize the point. He had every confidence that she wasn't going to become the person that had been here before, the person that Peter had seen in the future. The circumstances had far more bearing upon an event than most people were able to realize, and this was one of those things.

"There's nobody here to corrupt you, no reason for you to turn against anyone, and nothing as simple as not being able to feel pain can cause that much of a fundamental shift in personality," Sylar said. "You're a good person, Claire. And nothing that you say is going to make you think about that any differently. I'm already enough of a hypocrite. I don't need to make myself into more of a one."

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x_clairebear_x
2009-09-16 04:10 am UTC (link)

Claire wanted to argue with him. She wanted to scream at him that it wasn't 'simple' not to feel pain. Wanted to point out that he didn't know, that not even he could understand just what she meant by that. Hell, she wanted to just scream in general until her voice was hoarse - which it never would be, courtesy of her ability.

Instead she just sighed heavily and frowned at her lap. At some point she'd unfolded herself and had stretched her legs out a bit. Fighting the urge to hug them back against her chest, she instead looked to Sylar once more.

"The alley that I saw Peter in was here, in Colligo," she stated flatly. "It was right down the street from my video store, in fact. And the park Nathan flew me over was just out there." She nodded toward the window before sighing again and shaking her head.

"I know that I don't want to hurt anybody now and I want to think that I won't want to hurt anybody ever, especially not my own family. But... I don't know," she mumbled, absently tucking some hair behind her ear. It was silky soft to the touch and she cringed from it. How many times had she had to wash it to get the blood and gray matter out? Ten? Twenty? Her hands quickly went back to her lap as she tried to shove aside her doubts and return a bit more to normal.

Even if she didn't feel it, she figured she could always fake it.

"There's something out there," she finally stated in a small, yet deliberate, change of conversation. "Something, or someone, that made me see all of that. Something that made that gun show up out of nowhere and made me convinced Priestly was out to get me. Colligo isn't safe right now, Sylar, and I'm not sure if it's something that any of us can fight. I mean, how do you fight your worst fears when they come to life?"

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inaworldsocold
2009-09-17 03:24 am UTC (link)

"The only way that I could think to is by standing your ground," Sylar said quietly, a heavy dread feeling his chest as he frowned. "But that's definitely easier said than done."

Definitely in his case. He could think of several fears that he would want absolutely nothing to do with, that he would likely end up breaking down over if they were shoved so directly into his face, but that... That didn't matter right now, and he shoved all of those thoughts aside as he hugged her again. He wished there was something that he could say that could solve all of these problems in one foul swoop, but life was hardly ever that easy.

"Whatever it is, though," Sylar said quietly, a very light touch in his voice that showed that he was trying to lighten the mood. "At least it isn't stealing hearts?"

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x_clairebear_x
2009-09-17 04:08 am UTC (link)

"Yeah." She felt the sorrow start to seep in again. Knowledge that she hadn't even come close to facing her fears with anything even remotely like bravery weighed heavily upon her. Claire leaned into the hug almost without realizing she was even doing it. Thoughts of how odd it was, being hugged by Sylar of all people, were the furthest from her mind. All she could think about was that she had shown nothing but weakness and absolute terror during a time when she should have been strong. Should have known something was wrong.

She didn't know how many times she'd cried since coming to, in Priestly's arms, after doing her best to kill herself. She had lost track after she'd broken down in the shower, and the time she'd spent curled up in her bed while weeping sorrowfully for reasons she couldn't even properly explain had passed by like a veritable blur. She could feel the tears again, thickening her throat and stinging her eyes, and swallowed hard in an effort to stave them off. His next comment, however, achieved that goal and caused her to do something else entirely.

She laughed.

It started as a soft snort, then a giggle. By the time his words had fully registered she was outright laughing. There was a touch of bitterness there, a feeling of mild hysteria bubbling up from somewhere inside of her, but Claire didn't care. The laughter helped and, although it died off a little faster than she would have liked, it had served a purpose if only by bringing a smile to her face when she'd honestly felt as though she would never smile again.

"True," she finally managed, voice a touch lighter. "That pretty much sucked." She'd almost lost Priestly that time, too, but had actually reacted quickly enough to save him. The thought made her feel a little bit better. Less of a screw-up, definitely.

"I'm still worried this fear thing is going to come back." The admission was made in a softer tone but was clearly lacking the defeated sound from before. With a soft frown, Claire peered up at Sylar. "Or that it's never going to leave the city at all."

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inaworldsocold
2009-09-25 04:31 am UTC (link)

"Nothing sticks around forever," Sylar said, offering her a very slight smile. Well, except them. He and Claire had both been here for as long as he can remember. He, her, and Ma...Angela had arrived all at once. And none of them had yet to leave even as lots of people had came and went. "We'll figure out a way to get rid of it, after all. Someone got rid of the Gentlemen when they were here. This is no different. You've just have to have the right people for the right job."

Smiling, Sylar gave her hair a bit of a friendly tussle before giving her another half hug. Laughter was good, even if it was born of a sick irony and painful memories, it was better than her being curled up in a ball and hating herself for something that she didn't even do.

"And until we do, we've got each other. And we'll manage to keep each other sane no matter what lengths that we have to go to in order to achieve it."

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x_clairebear_x
2009-09-25 10:12 am UTC (link)

Claire wanted desperately to believe what he was telling her, and part of her did. Not all of her, though. Too much fear still swam through her veins, too many horrific images still assaulted her mind's eye, for her to truly have faith that things were going to get better as easily as he made it sound. Nothing was ever that easy. It was a bitter lesson Claire had been forced to learn time and again, and she doubted this would be much different.

It did feel nice to think otherwise, though, even if she was only pretending for a while.

"So we just need to find someone who isn't afraid of anything?" Claire's eyebrows rose a bit. "Anyone in particular come to mind that we could nominate for the job? Because clearly I am not a candidate."

Her tone was mildly joking but there was a hint of seriousness there as well. Who wasn't afraid of something? Everyone had at least one thing they feared, didn't they? She'd always thought so, at least. It wasn't as though you could just decide not to be afraid of something... could you?

"I think I really freaked Priestly out, with the whole shooting myself thing," she admitted after a second. Claire frowned lightly as she looked back to Sylar. "Probably a bit too hardcore for him."

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