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Tweak says, "All I've got is a red guitar.."

ohcheckers (ohcheckers) wrote in cassadagarpg,
@ 2010-09-22 14:28:00

Entry tags:

bryan 'checkers' mensfield, eric claybourne

Who: Eric and Checkers
What: Watching Tyra
When: Early afternoon
Where: Front room of the Belfry
Rating: TBD, but lowish I'm sure
Status: Incomplete

After work today, Checkers had naturally brought home food. He'd not bothered to remove his work clothes as he flopped on their sofa with their fat basset hound staring up at him with drippy-sad basset eyes. Checkers gave Jack the Ripper a scratch behind his heavy, floppy ears with the tips of his fingers, then dug into his bag for one of the burgers. The dog lifted his head and licked his chops.

"No, I don't think so," he told Jack the Ripper as he switched on the Tyra show and opened his laptop to see who was on. Not many people. Just Eric, mostly whom he invited to watch Tyra with him. Tyra had lost a lot of weight. It wasn't that Checkers preferred larger women, but now Tyra sort of resembled a yield sign in the face and she was blabbering on about how people shouldn't smoke marijuana.

"Maybe you shouldn't snort cocaine," he told the television. "Maybe you'd look more human!" He tossed a fry at the screen. It barely thunked against the glass, then landed on the hard wood floor. Jack the Ripper got up to gobble it from where it lay, then sniffed the area as if more magic french fries would fall from the sky.

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ohcheckers
2010-09-22 08:41 pm UTC (link)

"Would you allow your child to go into a home of someone who's been smoking marijuana?" someone asked on the TV.

"The better question would be is if I would allow my child to go into the home of someone who's never sucked on a Quaalude before," Checkers answered. There were four women talking over each other, all of them either opposing one side or the other.

"God, I'd fuck every single one of them," Checkers said absently, chewing his burger. "Except Tyra."

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grimlyfiendish
2010-09-22 08:46 pm UTC (link)

Checkers, once again, had Eric in stitches. He was shaking his head at the women, thinking how annoying they all sounded, but then his friend's comment registered in his head.

"Well, I'd maybe do that one," he noted, motioning towards a petite brunette who didn't look surgically enhanced. Eric may have preferred men, but there were some women that did it for him. "Do they let you call in? Because you should, and say exactly that when you're on the air."

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ohcheckers
2010-09-22 08:50 pm UTC (link)

Eric's suggestion gave Checkers pause for a moment. He remembered those shows, like Donahue where you could phone in and make a comment to the guests. Tyra sometimes did the same thing.

"Shit," he grinned and giggled as he placed his burger down and lifted his hips up for his cell phone. At that time, they were cutting to a commercial and he quickly dialed the number into his phone before the commercials came on. "Dare me dare me?" he asked.

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	grimlyfiendish 2010-09-22 08:59 pm UTC (link)
	Eric grinned right back at Checkers. Oh yes, it was definitely fun time. "I triple dog dare you!" he challenged, his grin getting positively wicked. Oh, this just had to be done. "I'll even TiVo it for you,m" he added, reaching over to grab the remote. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ohcheckers 2010-09-22 09:05 pm UTC (link)
	"It's ringing!" Checkers exclaimed like a giddy girl at a slumber party. When someone answered, he froze for a moment. He'd never done this before. "Hey, do you take on air questions? ...You do? ...Okay, sure." He looked at Eric, trying to stifle his laughter. "They said to wait five minutes." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

grimlyfiendish
2010-09-22 09:08 pm UTC (link)

Eric almost did a little bounce in his seat, he was so thrilled about this. Biting his lip and covering his hand with his mouth, he nodded to Checkers. He was afraid that, if he spoke, he'd start laughing. This wasn't the time for distractions.

His free hand worked the remote, getting the TiVo set up, ready to record what he hoped would be the greatest moment on television ever.

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ohcheckers
2010-09-22 09:17 pm UTC (link)

From experience in talking with radio disc jockeys, Checkers knew to turn the volume down on the TV as Eric set everything up. At the same time, he nearly dropped his burger to the floor as he did the I'm Gonna Be On Tyra dance, which basically consisted of bouncing in his seat.

On the floor, Jack the Ripper ripped another fart and Checkers waved his hand in front of his face and waited. The women chatted on and on until, finally, Tyra addressed him. The volume was down, but it was still audible through the speakers.

"Caller, are you there?" Tyra asked, looking at nothing.

"I'm here," Checkers confirmed.

"What's your name and where are you from?"

"Checkers," he answered, earning a confused look and a laugh that said the name was ridiculous. Checkers didn't care. "I live in Cassadaga, Florida."

"Well, what do you think of the moms here, Checkers?" Tyra asked. "Do you agree that marijuana should not be smoked if you're a mom?"

"Why not?" Checkers asked. "What about the moms on the panel who don't smoked? Do you drink wine?"

"Sometimes," one of the anti pot hotties said. "But it's not the same."

"How isn't it the same?" Checkers asked. "It inhibits your thinking abilities much more than marijuana does."

"No, I don't think so," the woman argued, laughing as though this were ludicrous.

"Would you let someone babysit if they've been drinking wine then?" he asked the moms who continued to insist that it wasn't the same thing. They began talking over each other again until Tyra got everything out of control.

"Real quick, Checkers. Is there anything else you'd like to say to the panel before time runs out?"

"Yes," Checkers said, then looked up at Eric before he looked back at the television. "I would fuck every single one of you." The second the f bomb left his mouth, television censors were on the stage and everyone's jaw dropped open. Then, there was a commercial and he was told to hold on the line for the FCC.

"Oooh!" he told Eric. "I think I'm in trouble!"

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	grimlyfiendish 2010-09-22 09:33 pm UTC (link)
	Eric watched the whole spectacle unfold, snickering the whole time. Oh, this was pure brilliance. Just watching the people on the television's reactions made it even funnier. His eyes widened, however, when he saw what happened after Checkers dropped the f-word. "What's up?" he asked his friend, a bit nervous now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ohcheckers
2010-09-22 09:41 pm UTC (link)

"I don't know, but I hope they arrest me." Not really. Jail sucked. "I wonder if it'll make the news?" That part would be awesome and people might even rally enough money together to bail him out of jail. What a world. Couldn't even say 'fuck' whenever you wanted to. Absurd.

Finally, someone answered the line.

"Hello? ...Against the law? Is it? ...Oh, I had no idea." Of course he did. Everyone knew you couldn't say 'fuck' on national television. "Yes, sir. No, it won't happen again."

Then, his real name was taken, as well as his phone number and address. All this over a silly word.

"Yes, sir," he said. "Thank you, sir." Then, just before he hung up, he said, "Go fuck yourself." Then he hung up.

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grimlyfiendish
2010-09-22 10:22 pm UTC (link)

Eric began to wave his hands frantically, trying to indicate that Checkers should hang up the phone, but then someone was on the line and it was too late.

He listened to the one side of the conversation that he could hear, thinking that the censors all needed to get lives, and started laughing again when Check said to fuck off. That was perfect.

"Do you think they'll try to fine you?" he asked, since he knew FCC fines could get ridiculously high. He just didn't want Check to have to go through all that if he didn't have to, really.

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	ohcheckers 2010-09-22 10:29 pm UTC (link)
	"Definitely." Getting fined for a word that he used all the time was ludicrous to Checkers, but if they wanted to charge him, he was going to let them. That didn't mean he was going to pay it, though. For now, he leaned back and started on his burger again without a care in the world. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

grimlyfiendish
2010-09-22 10:35 pm UTC (link)

Eric, however, was a bit worried for Checkers. He didn't want to see his friend get tossed into jail for not paying, especially since it was for something that he didn't consider an actual crime. The government was so stupid sometimes.

Picking up his own burger again, he took a bite, then leaned his head against Check's shoulder. "That was awesome, though! Did you see their faces?" Because after all, that was the point really.

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ohcheckers
2010-09-22 10:43 pm UTC (link)

As if Checkers couldn't tell that it troubled his friend. He put his burger aside where Jack the Ripper eyed it, then scooted over to Eric and put his arms around narrow, silly shoulders and he buried his fingers into even sillier hair.

"Now you stop being so silly," he warned of even more silly. "If I get in trouble for sayin' fuck, then it's been a long time coming anyway. Don't go worrying about it, okay? Ole Check's got it in the bag." Not really, but anything to make Eric not worry too much.

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	grimlyfiendish 2010-09-23 12:13 am UTC (link)
	Eric wasn't certain that Checkers had it 'in the bag', but he knew to drop it. He figured he'd do some card readings later to ease his mind, so he put the thought of Check getting into trouble aside for now. "Okay," he finally said, his own thin arms wrapping around Check's waist. "No matter what, we'll get through it, we always do." And he truly believed those words. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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