Eithne Savastian (got_a_light) wrote in caeleste, @ 2009-05-25 20:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | eithne savastian, eragos feareborne, the grey riders |
steel (eragos)
There was no erasing how she felt, no drink could do the job, and certainly no talk could have. But she could ignore it now that Vargis had given her a good reason not to leave and wallow in it. She would have wallowed in it if she'd left them here to be on their own. She'd dread every word she found on the road, thinking it might be about his death. About their deaths. Even if she didn't particularly like Vera or Hasna, she'd been with them for a long enough time to understand that their deaths should be mourned even if she didn't believe in such things completely. Death was just that, death, the end and there was no time worth wasting in mourning when another drink or coin could be in hand. But now things were complicated. Feelings muddled and bound to beings she never expected to be bound to.
Like him.
She could see Eragos now, huddled a bit away from the camp, talking with Hasna. Eithne didn't want to approach them at first. She dreaded dealing with Hasna, especially after the reception she'd been given after she tried just to stand closer to the group and be of help. She hadn't had a blade in hand, and now that she had a sword, Vargis' of all things in her hand she worried that the woman might assume she'd slayed the older rider for being old or something. Hasna wouldn't actually think that, Eithne was being cruel. The woman had every right to think she'd been a monster for murdering tht Grey Rider. But from now on she just wouldn't do things like that in public.
And then there was what Vargis had said. The last bits of what he said in that long talk. The closer she was to Eragos. Well it wasn't like she could avoid Eragos and hope she didn't already tarnish him by being as close as she had been. Avoid him? She couldn't even avoid thinking about him, let alone make sure she wasn't teamed up with him. Vargis had to know that when it came to Eithne at all Eragos usually got lumped into whatever she was assigned to. Or vice-versa. She hadn't known Eragos had been sent to find Vera first, but there he'd been and she knew why Agrippa sent her. There were countless missions along the way and they were never far apart.
He hadn't meant missions at all. Or had he? He couldn't know what she'd been thinking about or how she felt, or what she'd yelled at him and what she really meant when she yelled at him because Eithne wasn't even quite sure if she knew. She felt things, stupid things really, and he kept doing stupid things like making them better or worse. He wasn't helping. He was just as much to blame for everything that was happening between them. Arguments or other things.
She was just going to keep avoiding saying either out loud or to herself forever if possible.
She had to approach him now. There was no time to waste just because she wanted to catch him alone. Eragos was never alone for long. She didn't want to risk running into Vera either. She'd just have to deal with the looks Hasna gave her and not over-react when she got the stink-eye yet again. Eithne should have been used to it. She did get it from a lot of women. Walking up was easy enough, not opening her mouth to say something mean when they both stopped talking the moment they noticed her approaching was very very hard. If she yelled, or other wise tried to wave her arms with the sword in hand she was likely to get yelled at, threatened, or worse. She bit her tongue and tried her very best to look something beside mad.
What had they been talking about? Why did they stop talking because of her?
Were they talking about her?
She hated him for being stupid. She hated him for placing her in the other group instead of with him. She hated him for getting hurt while in that forest, for embracing her when she got out of the forest and for being so pristine even though he was covered in just as much ash and ruin as the rest of them. She hated caring for him. Eithne couldn't smile at them, she merely stood there with the sword in both of her hands. She was not awkward in stance, she was not nervous, it wasn't proud either, but she was standing straight. She didn't look to or really acknowledge Hasna, which was the only sign that Eithne was still angry with the woman for the display she'd put on for everyone to see, Eithne was looking at Eragos.
"I need to borrow you." It wasn't what she wanted to say in front of Hasna, but it wasn't asking for him to teach her how to use the sword which would have probably sent Hasna on guard. She wanted to be alone. "Can I talk to you, alone?"