Birthright

SEARCHLIGHT - Last night, Lucky's Saloon proved not so fortunate, after a gang of drunken Japanese cartoon convention attendees entered into a drunken brawl on their way to Las Vegas. By all accounts, unsuspecting customers found themselves amidst a frightening array of life-like monster costumes, with a number of physical altercations being reported. Concerns of animal abuse were noted after one young woman apparently opened up with a concealed firearm on an escaped bear, but as with much of the resulting hyperbole, this proved to be unfounded after local law enforcement turned up to find not a single dead body.

"This would never have happened, back in Verlie Doing's day," said one town resident. Though our reporter did hear some murmurings of disagreement, with another observing such a time now, "Feels like a lifetime ago."

The costume parade, itself, was described by many as obscene, with at least one dressed as an array of writhing penile extensions, complete with a sophisticated functional hydraulic pumping ink-spraying mechanism. A sorry example of otherwise creative engineering talent led, sadly, astray.

* Turn to page 30 for a guest-written opinion piece, 'An Imperfect Ass For An Imperfect World: Revamping Vegas In Style', by our anonymous contributor, 'D'.