InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You're proof of evolution!"

Faustus Stirling (secretson) wrote in beyondthepages,
@ 2010-05-21 08:49:00

Entry tags:

2023 10, faustus stirling, lily evans

Characters: Faustus & Lily
Time/Date: 20 October 2023, evening
Location: Hogwarts
Warnings/Rating: FL for Faustus' Language
Summary: Faustus has a dilemma and he doesn't know the solution.
Status: Incomplete

Faustus paced back and forth in the workroom that Lily used, his robes flowing out around him and swirling at every turn. He’d come down here straight after dinner because he’d wanted somewhere quiet to think... and quite possibly because his subconscious was at play. After all, it would only be a quiet place to think if Lily wasn’t here and it was... possible that he wanted Lily to be here.

He ran a hand through his hair as he paced. It wasn’t the first time he’d done that and his thick black hair was sticking up in every which way to the point where he was beginning to look slightly demented. Which was apt because he was starting to feel that way.

Tom Riddle was back and now he was really caught in a quandary. He knew that he had a slight resemblance to his father. Not enough to make people go ‘Hey, you’re Severus Snape’s son’ but certainly enough to make certain people do a double take and frown... as Lily had amply proven the last time they’d spoken. It had happened a couple of times before as well. Kingsley Shacklebolt had done it to him. He’d gotten it from both Draco and Astoria Malfoy. He was fairly certain he might well get the same reaction from Bellatrix Lestrange.

And if people looked into his background and found out who his mother was and when he was born, did the maths, counted backwards nine months, well, there were people who might well be able to put two and two together and come up with an answer pretty damn close to four.

Maybe.

And that was the problem. He wasn’t sure if he had a problem. But with Tom Riddle back, it was natural to assume that the Death Eaters were going to find a way to get to him or vice versa. If he did have a problem then it was only a matter of time before they found out. Maybe. And if they found out, he could be used. There were ways. He was a Slytherin, he knew that.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again as he continued to pace. Which had all led to him being here, pacing and wondering whether he was hoping that Lily would come or wishing that she wouldn’t. Because he wasn’t sure what he should say or even if he should say anything at all. Maybe he was just making a mountain out of a molehill. It wasn’t like his mother had ever acknowledged publicly who his father was. But that didn’t mean much. People could do the maths. Other Death Eaters had been at that party. They could have been seen leaving. The Death Eaters were mostly Slytherins.

"Oh, for fuck’s sake," he muttered. "I think I’m going mad."

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emerald_eyes
2010-05-21 03:54 am UTC (link)

Lily listened, and tried to simply listen without putting her own spin on his words, to translate them in ways he didn't mean them. She tried not to feel angry at his mother for using Severus like that, and for a moment she was prouder than usual that she'd been a Gryffindor. So what if she was an open book? It was better than worrying about what your mates were doing, saying, plotting behind your back.

It amused her in a vague sort of way that if she'd been a Slytherin, she would've been torn up and spit out in her first couple of years. But then, if she'd been a Slytherin ... things would have been completely different, wouldn't they have?

But Faustus had brought up the sticking point. Severus wouldn't like knowing, but he'd be livid if he didn't know and the first he heard of it was it being used against him somehow.

"It's up to you," she began carefully. "But he'll take one look at me and know I've found out something he's not going to like. He won't push me but I can't lie to him, either, and then I'll get all consumed with guilt, knowing this and not telling him, and then it'll just ... pop out in a really bad way and then he'll be here, like with his wand out, and ..." Lily gestured.

"No, all right, it probably won't go quite that far, but ... it ... it would be best if he heard from ..." She sighed. "From me." Her eyes rolled slightly, but she supposed that was the price she got to pay for being so close to him. Being the barrier between him and the public. Being his lover. Being the one who knew him better than anyone else did.

A silly little smile crept across her lips as those thoughts sank home. So, maybe it wasn't so bad, being where she was.

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secretson
2010-05-21 04:08 am UTC (link)

Faustus scrubbed his face with his hands and started to catalogue all the hiding places he knew in the school then tossed that out, because his father would surely know them all anyway, and started coming up with excuses that would let him get away for the weekend back to Aunt Eunice's. He could hide there. She was always saying he didn't visit enough. Of course, she have the reason out of him in five seconds flat so... maybe not.

"Merlin, I hope I'm doing the right thing," he muttered into his hands then he dropped them into his lap and, with the expression of a man writing his own death warrant, said, "Tell him. He can only kill me once, right?"

He had no idea whether this was the right thing to do or even if he wanted to do it but... his hand had been forced. Tom Riddle was back, Bellatrix Lestrange was back, there Dark Marls appearing all over the place... and he was the son of the man who'd betrayed them in such a stupendously clever manner. What choice did he have?

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emerald_eyes
2010-05-21 04:31 am UTC (link)

"Generally speaking, yes, he can only kill you once, but ... suppose you come back? Then he can do it all over again." Lily did smirk a little before she grinned. "Don't think he'd put for the effort to do it a second time though, so you might be safe."

She reached out and squeezed his shoulder gently. "At least he'll likely do it quickly."

Lily was just glad Sev loved her. Maybe he wouldn't kill the messenger. She'd just ... try to figure out the best, least lethal way to break the news to him.

"I'll try to warn you if he's coming after you," she promised, sucking in her cheeks a little to keep from smiling.

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secretson
2010-05-21 04:55 am UTC (link)

Faustus laughed a little but he couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes. At least not yet. Give him a day or two and he'd have found a way to shove all his feelings about this in a little box and shove it away into the dark recesses of his own mind. This wasn't what he'd wanted and it wasn't going to go the way he'd secretly, childishly, hoped and that was that. He'd faced disappointment and hurt before. He would cope.

Maybe he was just destined to be alone. The lonely old professor at Hogwarts down in his dungeon until the day he died. That was a galling thought but it seemed more true that many others he'd had.

And now he was just getting maudlin.

"Maybe I'd come back as a kid. That wouldn't be so bad." He smiled wanly and got up. "I... should let you get on with your work." Maybe he'd go and walk along the battlements. The fresh air would probably do him some good and he knew a few quiet places up there where he could sit and brood.

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emerald_eyes
2010-05-21 05:00 am UTC (link)

She watched, studied his expression. She wasn't nearly as good at reading people as others were, but she wasn't blind, or an idiot. "It might not ... be that bad," she offered. "I'll owl you as soon as I've told him to ... let you know how it went, and what the verdict is." She caught his hand lightly and squeezed it gently.

"I'll be here for a bit if you want to come back in, or ... if you change your mind or something like that," she offered. But she didn't think he would change his mind. This was news she didn't want to deliver, that he didn't want told, but ... the alternative wasn't exactly acceptable. If Severus was taken by surprise, and she'd known about the thing that had surprised him ... well, Lily didn't want to deal with a rupture like that in their trust.

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