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xavier delamere {the count of monte cristo} ([info]whatbefell) wrote in [info]bellumlogs,
@ 2010-07-19 02:46:00

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Entry tags:count of monte cristo, mercedes mondego

Who: Xavier Edward & Gina
What: Dream times
Where: Dreamland
When: The night before the epic Xavier/Gina/Lucas dinner.
Warnings: Angst. This should be a given with Xavier

The dream starts in their old apartment. He wakes up in their old bed, curled up against a warm body. His eyes don't open but he can still smell their sheets they forgot to change last week and the left-overs from last night. He can hear that leaky faucet in the bathroom and the soft breathing of someone next to him. His eyes still don't open, as he shifts closer towards the body. There's no resistance as his chest presses against her back and an arm slings about her stomach. He doesn't need to open his eyes to know the hair his nose is buried into is blonde and that at six a.m. their alarms will go off.

He can tell he's Edward though as he pulls her to him, rolling her over. A kiss is placed to her temple and he sighs. This is a nice dream, one he wants to continue - all thoughts of past dreams are forgotten. He wants this to last for as long as possible.


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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 07:06 am UTC (link)
Waking up in this old bed comes naturally to her, as if she had never left it. She isn't sure what exactly rouses her, but imagines that it's a combination of being turned over and kissed. Gina had always been a light sleeper, something that would have probably vexed most people. But to her, it's a blessing. After all, it means she can be woken up in ways like this as opposed to needing a violent intervention.

Smiling, she slides an arm between his arm and chest, looking into his eyes with sleepy recognition. "Morning," she yawns.

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 07:19 am UTC (link)
There's no shirt on for some reason and her skin across his chest causes a shiver to run through him. His eyes flutter open as he looks at her - there's a funny haze around the edges of the room, showing that it's a dream. His mouth twists into something bitter before he leans down to kiss her forehead again. "Missed you," he says softly.

One isn't enough and he moves her slightly, arms that are stronger than they once were so he can press his lips to the spot between her eyes, then her nose, and her lips.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 07:32 am UTC (link)
How did he miss her? She hadn't gone anywhere. Giggling at the kisses as they trailed down her face, she shifts her arms to accommodate as he moves her. "Missed me?" she asks sleepily, returning the kiss to her lips with gentle affection. "I haven't gone anywhere."

Brushing her fingers gently over the nape of his neck, she smiles, kissing him again before breaking it to speak. "Did you have a long dream?" she asks, voice both teasing and serious at the same time right before she kisses him again. "To somewhere far, far away?" Another kiss. "Did you get frequent flier miles?"

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 07:43 am UTC (link)
He doesn't answer as she kisses him back - he hasn't dreamt of this before, she's merely vanished any time he drew close to her. There's a feeling of belonging as his lips seek out hers. Each movement she makes to move away is mirrored, unsatisfied.

"A dream?" he repeats in between kisses. There's something niggling about it and his movements stop temporarily, frozen as she presses against him. This is a dream - this isn't a regular day in bed, he's back in Bellum somewhere where Gina is really a few floors above him and sleeping next to Lucas...

And he remembers Helena and talking to her afterwards. Xavier's eyes open and he rubs at them, pushing at Gina with regret. His eyes search hers out, before he asks, "You don't - you don't remember?" She might not be here then. "About me having to ...go?" There's something shaky in his voice, torn between fear and hope.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 07:54 am UTC (link)
Being pushed away wounds her slightly, and she looks up at him with wide eyes. "Remember what?" she asks, thoroughly perplexed. When did he ever go? He couldn't leave - he had a full class schedule. Nobody just up and left during the academic year, it was madness.

She shifts slightly so that their eyes are level, her bare toes ghosting over his calf beneath the sheets. "What's wrong?"

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 08:05 am UTC (link)
His hands go to her shoulders, gently but not letting go. "Me and what happened. Christmas Eve..." He's panicked, unsure of what he's doing - ruining this one sweet moment or fixing it before it went to hell. This couldn't really be Gina, this had to be a dream, they could lie back down and forget everything else in this fucking world...

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 08:30 am UTC (link)
This makes absolutely no sense. Staring at him, she reaches up to cup a hand to his cheek. "Sweetie, I don't understand," she says, struggling. It's scary, seeing him like this. She imagines it was a nightmare, but has never known him to be this shaken by one before.

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 09:14 am UTC (link)
Xavier stares at her for a moment more, before falling back against the pillows. The haze in the room moves closer, but it doesn't matter. His head pivots so he can kiss the palm of her hand, before tuggin her to him again. He's never been one for shame, but the feelings overwhelm him. He buries his head into her hair, crying with little restraint. Relief that she doesn't know tinged with the regret that she didn't make him feel out of place. Even now, with a moment like this he can't enjoy it.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 09:26 am UTC (link)
This can't be happening. There's no way that any of this is real. She feels something strange inside, like her liver had been replaced by a knife that was poking her ribs. As he tugs her close and begins to sob into her hair, she holds him tightly, unsure of what is happening. "Edward?" she asks, fingers digging into his shoulders briefly as she attempts to worm her way out of his grip in order to look at him directly. "Edward, sweetie, what happened? You're scaring me."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 02:19 pm UTC (link)
Her words barely pierce through his shaking and crying. It's one of those situations where you can't stop after holding it back for so long. There's been occasions where he's broken down before, but it's been years - he's been relatively put together in Bellum Letale. He lets her move away as he curls forward in a nearly fetal position, his whole body shaking.

He can't explain, not if she doesn't know - he can't see her reaction, he can't deal with that on top of everything else...But she has to know. "I was innocent," he manages at last, voice hoarse. "I didn't do it, Gina. I didn't."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 03:54 pm UTC (link)
As he pulls away and curls up, she rests a hand on his shoulder. Seeing him like this was breaking her heart, and she doesn't know what to do. Tears prick in her own eyes as she scoots around so that she's facing his front, allowing her to take his chin gently in her hand and tilt it so that he can't look anywhere but her face.

Her cheeks flush red with distress, eyes growing glassy as she looks down at him. "Sweetheart," she coos. "Of course you didn't. You haven't done anything wrong." Biting her lower lip, she runs her fingers tenderly through his hair. "Talk to me."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 04:15 pm UTC (link)
He's never been one for nightmares - at least, when he was Edward - but there's something familiar and reassuring about her. He shakes his head once before tugging her closer, an arm pulling her to him for a moment. Another passes and Xavier pushes himself up and grasps her hand. "Can't - I'll show you. If you'll come."

Their bed isn't the best but stands up on it, shaking all the while. He tugs her to her feet, stepping backwards if she'll come. It's still a horrible dream, but maybe - just maybe, she'll stay with him as they follow where he's gone.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 04:23 pm UTC (link)
Her confusion is evident on her face as she returns his embrace, pressing his cheek to her collarbone. As he straightens up, she holds his hand tightly. Show her? Show her how? But she doesn't press him on it. Instead, she stands with him, stepping forward as he steps back.

"I don't understand," she says, gaze falling to their bare feet on the bed. "But I trust you." Her other hand falls on his, sandwiching his one hand between both of hers. Despite the situation, she offers him a tiny smile full of encouragement.

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 04:41 pm UTC (link)
It's enough and Xavier steps back onto thin air. They don't tumble but float downwards to the floor that's far below. His arms move around her, pulling her into a waltizing position to support her. His expression is tight and his hands firm - no sign of where they're going or floating to.

But they reach the ground eventually, the blurring around them clearing out. He bends his knees to absorb the impacting, lifting her so she isn't hurt. Putting her gently on the ground and settling into their dance again, Xavier leads the way. The area is visible now and recognizable - the court room where he'd been sentenced to jail for life twelve years ago. His eyes only move from hers for a moment to take in the surroundings before returning again.

"Does this seem familiar?" he asks softly. He spins them past the judge's bench and to the jury box.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 05:06 pm UTC (link)
Under normal circumstances, their floating would have shocked her. But Gina takes this in stride. Aside from a small "ooh" as the world blurs around them, she's silent, accepting their change of scenery as normal fact. With one hand clasping his and the other on his shoulders, she settles naturally into the waltzing position.

As they appear in the court room, her tank top and shorts transform into a smart blouse and pencil skirt. The outfit seems to bear some meaning in relation to their new surroundings, but she isn't entirely sure what it is. Twirling with him as their dance begins, she looks about with wide eyes at his question.

"I..." Something stirs inside her, and she begins to feel a twinge of fear that urges her to dance more closely to him. "I'm not sure...something about it speaks to me, but I-I can't be sure."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 05:12 pm UTC (link)
Xavier's pajama pants don't vanish and no shirt appears to hide the slight goosebumps on his skin. He watches her reaction, waltzing her across the room and back again. Faint music begins to come into the room, combined with haziness. Their dancing slows to a swaying to fit the beat as Xavier's mouth grimaces tightens.

"They condemned me here." Because that was what it was. He didn't expect her to - he hadn't seen her there, but it wasn't different from any other court room on television. Hadn't she imagined it at the least?

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 05:17 pm UTC (link)
As they slow, she looks about more carefully. Though they're alone, she begins to feel ghosts of old memories creep from her mind. With her chin nearly sitting on his shoulder, she can see hazy apparitions sitting in the seats, the faces of people she can't recognize. She blinks once and they're gone, retreated back into her imagination.

"I..." Her fingers tighten against his shoulder as they twist, revealing one seat in particular that makes her heart throb. He can feel her heart against her chest, pounding loudly enough to startle her. "I sat there..."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 05:22 pm UTC (link)
They continue across the hard wood floor, even as he can feel her heartbeat quicken and the haze moves with her apparitions. He barely recognizes them as they come and go - they don't matter when Gina says she sat there.

"You didn't." The hand holding hers tightens and the one on her waist digs in. "You didn't, you weren't there." His old anger is too easy to ignite and the music isn't helping. "You never came and you never wrote-"

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 05:30 pm UTC (link)
Once again, her face is filled with confusion. Eyes huge, she stares at him. Though her wrist is starting to hurt, she can't feel it over the overwhelming sensation of "what the hell?" She doesn't bother to struggle, instead recognizing the old anger in his face and refusing to slink away.

"Of course I was there," she says, her voice faltering slightly. Though she won't slink off into the sunset, she is beginning to feel frightened. "I went with my mom. And I wrote you...I wrote you I can't remember how many times. I never heard back."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 07:51 pm UTC (link)
His grip doesn't slacken but it doesn't grow any tighter. He shakes his head, twisting them towards the witness stand. "You weren't, I never heard - I wrote and wrote, Gina. You didn't do anything, you weren't the one who got me out..." He trails off, shaking his head.

It's time to move and the courtroom dissolves around them. The music continues to play eerily as they find themselves in a cell block. He's been here before, in earlier dreams and when being led to his cell in the past. "I was there for a few years," he points out. A hand slips from her waist and he spins her out towards it, before reeling her back in again. "Then I went mad and they moved me down the hall."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 08:03 pm UTC (link)
Her eyes grow wide as he says she didn't write, but wider when he says he did. "No you didn't," she whispered. "I never got anything from you, I didn't know what to think, I-"

The scene changing cuts her off, causing her to loose a small shriek from her lips. As he continues to dance, she begins to feel the slow and creeping fear of being trapped in a house of gray. She recalls the chain gang her father was on as he was lead into prison, the sound of the chains around his wrists and feet as he and the other prisoners shuffled inside. She remembers how one of them had looked at her little sister, the absolute animal that lurked in his face.

"Edward," she whimpers as he spins her out and reels her back. "I'm sorry, I...I didn't...I thought...I tried..."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 08:15 pm UTC (link)
"Shh," he says, pulling her towards him again. He doesn't want to frighten her - not really - but there's still the betrayal, stronger than ever. She may have missed him, she may be torn up about this, but it doesn't change what she did and didn't do. He spins them down the hall, past the guard's desk and several doors - through hallways into another wing where his and Abraham's room had been.

The door opens and they go inside, never breaking from their steps. "And I was here-" He pulls her towards him, her back against his chest. There's a pause, the music gone as they pant and leans towards her right ear. "Until I died."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 08:37 pm UTC (link)
This time, as he pulls her close, she begins to shake. She didn't mean for this to happen. She didn't know. Could he really be alive? Could this all be real? It feels real, and to Gina, that's all that matters. What else is there to go on but how things feel?

As they move through the jail, she finds it harder and harder to keep up with him. Her steps falter and become clumsy as she's both distracted and being consumed by fear. The deeper they move into the prison, the more she begins to fear that they'll never leave it.

When they reach a final cell, she lets out a squeal of protest as he pulls her into it. Back pressed to his front, she stares at the bars around them, eyes wide, and for a moment the only sound in the prison is the sound of her panicked panting. His lips at her ear would have been erotic at any other time, but now, they're terrifying. She squeezes her eyes shut, nails digging into his arm as he whispers to her.

Eyes snapping open, she can't help the tears that begin to roll down her cheeks. She shakes in his arms, collapsing back against him as her legs scramble to hold her up. "I'm sorry," she chokes, sobbing openly. "I wrote you and never heard back, and I-I saw you in the courtroom and you...you were violent and-and angry and my mother...she-she said it was just proof that you were always capable and I-I was too scared t-too go see for myself." It was a horrible run-on that was punctuated by her breaking down and crying too hard to continue.

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 09:31 pm UTC (link)
His arms keept tight about her as she slumps and he bends down to keep her up. The floor is filthy, covered with scattered notes and drawings and she doesn't need to lie on it - no one did, not even him or Abraham. Yet they'd made it their pig pen, their learning center as they lived out their final days.

Xavier's stomach twists as she goes on, her sobs making his arms clutch her more tightly. It's protective, even though he's caused this - he doesn't know what he's thinking anymore other than he should never have left their apartment. Not that night twelve years ago and not a few minutes ago, when he had her again. He tries to pull her to her feet, to get her out of there to the next place as his words come out before he can stop them, repeating his statement from before. "I didn't do it."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 09:43 pm UTC (link)
Though she normally would have been concerned about the state of the floor, Gina doesn't think twice about it. She sags in his arms, both craving and fearing his support. The tears run down her cheeks like gushing torrents, and she isn't sure when or if she'll ever stop.

As he starts to pull at her, she unwillingly obeys, forcing strength into her legs to support her own weight. She takes a hesitant step forward, knees shaking, and presses a hand to her cheek as he re-states his innocence. "I...I want to believe you..." she chokes, crying into her hand. "And-and I do, I don't...I was so shocked...I didn't think you ever could, I just..." Everything had crashed down, and she had been too paralyzed to do anything. She froze, locked in time, while the rest of the world moved around her. She hadn't acted. And now she was nearly paralyzed again.

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 09:49 pm UTC (link)
He turns her once she says she believes him, pulling her towards his chest - facing him this time. His arms go around her shoulders, not unlike a teenage slow-dance as they shuffle out. The lights dim about them as he tugs her forward, even as she seems frozen in her arms.

"I didn't," he says again - as this is important. He might have done it, but he hadn't - that was the point. He wouldn't have done it, even if he had been capable of it. "It was all his fault."

They arrive in a beach in California, after sunset. The music is gone and the only sound is the breaking of waves and their voices. There's a pause before he adds softly, "I lived near here for awhile."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 10:23 pm UTC (link)
Though she expected this embrace to calm her, she finds it only unsettles her more. Shaking, she lets him herd them out of the cell, her movements wooden and awkward as if she weren't even moving of her own free will.

As the scenery changes again, she looks up at him with swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Whose fault, Edward?" Her voice sounds dead in her ears, but she doesn't notice.

The beach is a welcome change, with its wide open shores. She takes a few steps towards the ocean, looking down to see that her clothing has changed yet again. She's in a bikini top and long skirt, feet bare. Wiggling her toes in the sand, she walks forward until the water laps at her feet. It's cool, but not freezing, and it's almost comforting. "This is beautiful," she says softly, looking out over the dark sea.

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-19 10:40 pm UTC (link)
There's a pause before the name comes out as a curse, knowing she won't believe him. "Lucas. Fucking Lucas."

He lets her go, hands going to his pajama pants. For a moment he watches her enjoy the place before he walks forward, digging his toes into the sand. He stops at the edge of the water line, seating himself without a care, hunched over and crossed arms resting on his knees. "I thought so too. It's more calming than anything else."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-19 10:47 pm UTC (link)
Her eyes widen as he says the name. "Lucas?" she asks in disbelief, staring at him. She can't believe it. All comments on the scenery are put aside as she turned to him, kneeling forward in the damp sand. Her skirt is soaked instantly beneath her knees, but she doesn't care.

"Edward, what did Lucas do? I...I have to hear this from you." Lucas had been so kind and supportive during the whole ordeal. He had practically held her together and taken care of her sisters. How could he have caused this?

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-20 01:06 am UTC (link)
A small sound forces his way up and out his throat and he shakes his head. It's inhuman again, repressed frustration that she had only seen hints of prior. "Lucas," he reaffirmed.

His eyes go past her to the landcape - it feels like he's explained this too much lately, though it's only been one or two people. He's used to keeping quiet and not sharing his secrets. "He wanted you. He always did I...knew that. And I didn't think much of it." His eyes met hers for a moment, voice catching. "I trusted you and he was my best friend. Never thought he'd put me in jail as a result."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-20 01:30 am UTC (link)
She can't believe what she's hearing. At first, she denies it. "No," she whispers, shaking her head. Though she believes Edward, trusts him, she can't believe that Lucas had put him away. He couldn't have. Taking a sharp breath, she listens.

The idea that Lucas wanted her is foreign to her. He was just her friend, after all. He married her because it would help her and her family. That was it. Staring at him in disbelief, she takes a slow, nervous breath. "How...what do you mean?" she asks stupidly. "He just...he just wanted to help," she says hollowly. She isn't sure why, but there's an itch in her head that grows the more she thinks about this. "Nobody...nobody could do something like that..."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-20 01:45 am UTC (link)
He fixes a look on her - honest in it's hurt and fury. "Welcome to the real world, Gina. People are horrible. It's about time you learned that." He shook his head. "Welcome to reality."

There's a sudden change in the air - it grows colder, for both of them. Xavier draws up more tightly, realizing. Dreams. She remembered now but...he glances at her. How could he have forgotten? "Like Helena, you could be like Helena-" He curses and gets to his feet, pacing. Hands go to his head as he looks to her and away. A few minutes pass, before he rounds on her. "Do you think this is a dream?" The crucial question.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-20 01:54 am UTC (link)
Her expression is hurt, wounded at his comments. "I..." she starts, frowning. She knows that people are cruel. She knows that senseless things happen, and that terrible things happen to good people. But if she gives in to that, if she ever decides to let that consume her, she knew she'd never get back out again. So she takes her false naivety, her fake shock, and clings to it. "I know that, but there's a line," she says. "Lucas was your friend, Edward. He loved you like a brother, he'd never..."

As he stands, she watches him with wide eyes. "A dream?" she asks, shaking her head. "Why would this be a dream?" The concept that she was talking to a dead man didn't phase her. Not at all. "Edward, you're scaring me."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-20 02:11 am UTC (link)
Xavier shakes his head. "He never loved anyone but himself. Maybe he loves you-" There's a rueful laugh. "I doubt it though. There's no heart in him, he's a monster." Echoes of another experience touch his mind, fighting and cells and worms... He shakes his head once more, hands clenching at his sides.

That's reassuring though and he manages a fond look. "Then there's nothing to worry about," he breathes out. "You're a figment then, nothing more and nothing is at stake-" He moves towards her again, bending down on his knees to grab her hands. "You're fine, this will be over. Knowing my luck, I'll wake up and the real you will still be upstairs with him."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-20 02:29 am UTC (link)
She shakes her head in response, expression sad. "Nobody's...nobody's that heartless, Edward. Lucas..." How to describe him? "He's difficult. And stubborn. And he doesn't know when to stop. But I like him. He's done well for my family, I owe him that much."

When he stoops before her and babbles on about figments and dreams, she stares at him, bewildered. "What..." she starts, eyes wide. "What are you talking about? What do you mean, the real me? This isn't a dream, Edward, you aren't making any sense."

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-20 02:39 am UTC (link)
It's almost enough to make him angry, but the reassurance that this isn't real comforts him. It keeps him in check as he shakes his head, squeezing her hands. "He's a monster and he'll pay. You'll see, the real you will - you deserve that much."

Things begin to blur - the coldness is now accompanied by a damp mist, moving around them so they're caught in a cocoon. He's going to wake up soon he realizes and he pulls her towards him, kissing her forehead one last time. "It's a dream, I'm waking up and I'll see you soon." Something doesn't click though and he looks to her, a question crossing his face. "I'm not Edward anymore either...if you're in my head you should know that..." Nothing adds up and he pulls back from her, fading into the mist behind.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-20 03:20 pm UTC (link)
With a gasp, Gina barreled into consciousness. A thin sheen of sweat coated her forehead, and her heart was pounding hard enough to make her fear that it would wake Lucas up. Looking about their bedroom, she sat up quickly, running her hands over her face.

Once again, it was a dream about Edward that wasn't all saccharine and sweetness. He hadn't hurt her, but he had terrified her. She was still scared, even in her own bed. Flinging the covers from her legs, she walked swiftly to the bathroom and leaned against the sink, staring at her reflection. The lights were off, but a stream of moonlight bathed her face in a blue glow.

Hands shaking, she turned on the faucet and splashed her face with fresh water. Dreams were just dreams, after all. There was no way that anything Edward had said was real. No, no, he had killed that boy. He had to have. The alternative...

She leaned out of the bathroom and crept towards the bed, looking at Lucas' sleeping form. "He's a monster and he'll pay." Clenching a hand against her chest, she closed her eyes and took a short breath. No. No, it couldn't be real.

Crawling back into bed, she hugged a pillow to her chest. Subconsciously, she balanced perilously at the very edge of the bed - too afraid to sleep close to her husband.

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[info]whatbefell
2010-07-20 03:28 pm UTC (link)
Gina's face was blurred by the mist until Xavier sensed he was waking up. With these increasing lucid dreams he realized he was getting better at this. His eyes opened to find himself on his back, spread out and alone. The bed seemed cold in comparison to the one in his apartment and he frowned. A bathrobe was retrieved as he made his way to his desk.

A few clicks later he had a few sights on dream interpretation. Jung and Freud had been old friends in college, but he wanted to make sure. Either his mind was conjuring Gina in this confusing mess...or that had really been her. He grimaced, scrolling past the meaning of the Anima and Animus to find a recommendation on waking up. He paused, staring at it.

If another dream happened with someone who he knew was from the building, was it worth waking up? His mind went to Helena and how explaining things had felt right. Now he had more trouble clinging to the fact that she wouldn't say anything but he'd trusted her in the dream. There'd been a dream with Lucas before the moon...which if it was real was even more disturbing. And now Gina, though he'd dreamt of her an infinite number of times before. This had been different though - he'd been able to speak to her, touch her and...

With a heavy sigh, Xavier rubbed at his forehead. He just didn't know anymore.

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