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Rosalie Belvedere ([info]beaute_endormie) wrote in [info]bellumlogs,
@ 2010-06-30 14:53:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:mercedes mondego, sleeping beauty

Who: Rosalie and Gina
What: Waking up.
Where: Orange County Hospital
When: A few hours after this
Warnings: Possible drug mentions and probable unhappiness


Rosalie woke up slowly, from complete nothingness. There had been no dreams. A slow murmur of voices infiltrated her consciousness, lulling her gently into the pain of the waking world. The first thing she noticed before she could even scrounge for the energy to open her eyes was that her body still hurt all over. Then she felt the bed and the tape on her arm heard the soft thrums and steady beeps of equipment. Her eyes snapped open.

The needle in her hand was better secured this time. Her mouth opened in sudden panic to scream again but her voice had already been spent. She didn't even realize that she had started crying again as her fingernail dug at the tape until she had unattached the needle and could pull it out. When it was done and buried away, she buried her face in her hands and cried, trying to get rid of all the suppressed fear and memories and desire her mind associated with needles. Some part of her mind told her that she needed to get a grip, but it was all too raw and powerful and she stayed on the bed (they had moved her; when had that happened?) and shook and tried to make it all go away.


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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-01 03:15 am UTC (link)
Deep breath. Her tears were slowing some. Gina hadn't tried to stick the IV back in yet, which was good, but she still might if she thought it was needed.

Cold. Rosalie pressed her lips together. "Fine."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-01 08:00 am UTC (link)
Patients that said they were fine when they clearly weren't were the worst. However, Gina kept any annoyance or exasperation out of her face at Rosalie's response.

"Fine?" she asked, smiling slightly. "That's good. I see your fever's come down a bit, that's very good." But it was still at 102, which was high on its own. "But we'd still like to see you feeling a bit better than fine. I want you to feel great." She paused, giving the other woman's hand a squeeze. "And if we work together, we can make that happen. Will you work with me?"

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-01 02:05 pm UTC (link)
Rosalie was suspicious. She liked doctors and nurses. They were good-- when they were fussing over other people. Her personal experiences with hospitals and medical care had not been so enjoyable. "Will there be more needles?" She had to make sure.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-01 02:35 pm UTC (link)
Well damn. Gina couldn't promise her that there would be no needles, because that would be a lie. She paused, considering this, and tilted her head to the side slightly. "I can't promise you that there won't be," she said frankly. "But I can promise you that I'll stay here with you. Why are you so afraid of needles? Are they just scary?"

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-01 03:00 pm UTC (link)
"No. Yes." Rosalie tried to move away a little, not liking Gina's answer. She twisted her hands for almost a minute, not speaking. "I have-- trauma?" she told the other woman finally, sounding a little uncertain as to what the actual term might be.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-01 03:17 pm UTC (link)
Rosalie's chart had mentioned hospitalization for a heroin overdose, which would explain the fear. But it was doing the girl no good. Stagnating in paranoia only worked for so long, and eventually, you had to take the bull by the horns and deal with it. Though Gina wasn't presumptuous to assume that she was going to cure Rosalie's problems overnight, she was determined to get this girl an IV she could at least deal with without nearly slicing herself open.

"Yeah?" she asked. "What kind of trauma? Talk to me about it." She smiled. "I promise, anything you say to me will be kept between us. This is a safe place."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-01 07:48 pm UTC (link)
What? Gina wanted Rosalie to tell her? Didn't the woman have her medical information or something. She blinked a couple times. The tears had stopped a little and she pulled her knees up to her chest and smoothed her gown down over her legs. "Have you been a nurse for a long time?"

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-01 08:20 pm UTC (link)
As Rosalie shifted, Gina released her hands, instead leaning against the bed. At the question, she shrugged. "It depends on how you're counting," she said. "But I've been a nurse for ten years, which to me is a pretty long time." She smiled slightly. "I was your age when I started, actually."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-01 08:33 pm UTC (link)
Rosalie opened her mouth to ask how Gina knew her age, before remembering the chart. "Did you always want to be a nurse?" was her next question.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-01 09:11 pm UTC (link)
These sorts of questions were a bit silly, but Gina was fine with answering them. She nodded. "Yes, actually. I mean, when I went into college I had that as my goal." Though really, she had chosen it at random. It seemed like a good job, and she liked it well enough. It wasn't until after her first year as a nurse that she truly loved it more than she loved the idea that she was able to work and support herself.

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-02 12:04 am UTC (link)
Rosalie was a little calmer now that she was diverting the conversation away. "Where did you go to college." Normal questions, questions that didn't have to do with needles and near-death experiences. Maybe Gina would get bored and go check on someone else.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-02 12:07 am UTC (link)
It was clear that Rosalie was just dodging now, but Gina could wait it out. "Harvard," she said with a smile. "Are you in college? Or have you graduated already?"

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-02 12:20 am UTC (link)
"I graduated from Columbia this past spring," she began to answer, but the last word was cut off by another string of coughs that tore up her chest.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-02 12:40 am UTC (link)
Just as Gina was about to make Ivy League small talk, Rosalie started coughing. Snapping up to her feet, Gina rested a hand on her back, looking over at the monitors attached to her. Her heart rate had spiked, but that was to be expected with a cough. She frowned at the cough, waiting for it to subside.

"Honey, that doesn't sound good," she said. Frowning, she looked at her temperature again. Still 102. It was better than 104, but if it persisted for much longer, it could become problematic. "Can you drink something?" she asked, reaching for a pitcher of water on a nearby table. They kept them in all the rooms, ready when necessary. She poured out a cup of water and handed it to Rosalie. "Try this."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-02 12:53 am UTC (link)
Taking the cup gingerly, she held it in her hands, hesitant to drink. "Do you have...a bowl? Or something? Last time I tried to drink water, I threw up and I don't want you to have to clean--" she looked down at the bed and fell quiet.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-02 12:57 am UTC (link)
Nodding, Gina reached for a plastic basin under the table the pitcher had been on. She handed it to Rosalie. "Here," she said, waiting while the girl drank. She hoped that she could keep the water down. It would at least help her fluid intake, though she'd need to have the IV reinserted at some point.

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-02 01:07 am UTC (link)
It took three tries of drinking and then throwing it back up before Rosalie finally took small enough sips that she could manage about a half cup of water. After that, she set the cup down, not wanting to push her luck. Her cheeks were burning behind the fever. Being sick like this made her feel embarrassed and undignified and she hated it.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-02 08:07 am UTC (link)
Watching Rosalie drink was excruciating. Gina said nothing, merely holding the basin steady when she threw up and getting her new water when necessary. Finally, she took the cup and basin away. "Good," she cooed, setting them aside. Unfortunately, they really didn't have any other options. Rosalie would dehydrate if they didn't get fluids in her. She needed an IV.

"Rosalie, I'm going to be honest with you." She sat down on the foot of her bed, hands folded in her lap. "You need fluids. And that isn't going to suffice." She paused. "Would you talk to me about the time you were taken to the hospital right before you turned 20?"

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-02 10:40 pm UTC (link)
Rosalie took a breath. Then another. She shook her head a couple times and looked at her hands, not saying anything for almost a minute. Why did Gina want her to tell the story? Didn't most overdoses happen the same way? Her breathing was the only thing that broke the silence, sharp and uneven.

"What do you want to know about it?" She asked the question softly, twisting hard at her hair as the anxiety over the memories began to take over.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-02 11:36 pm UTC (link)
It was obvious that Rosalie was upset, but Gina didn't know of any other way to do this. She didn't want to have to restrain the girl - she hated restraints - and thought that this gamble was better than breaking out the male interns and crazy cuffs. At Rosalie's question, she glanced down for a moment before looking up at her, expression honest. "How it started," she said, voice gentle. "I can look in your chart and see what your heart rate was, and what your blood tests showed. But I'd like to hear...your story."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-03 01:09 am UTC (link)
Rosalie blinked, surprised. "Started, started? Or do you mean how it happened that-- that one night." Her fingers tugged at her hair, around and around. This couldn't really be necessary.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-03 09:40 pm UTC (link)
"How it happened that night," Gina said gently. Her expression was genuine, soft. She wasn't sure if this would work, but she hoped that if Rosalie just talked about her overdose - which, she imagined, involved needles - then maybe she'd be more willing to accept her IV. If not, well. They didn't keep getting male interns for nothing.

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-03 11:26 pm UTC (link)
Rosalie closed her eyes. "I can't-- it's hazy." Tears slipped out from under her eyelashes. "It was a party. One of the druggy ones on the Upper East Side that ends when the last person passes out and starts up again after the hangovers have dissipated." She shook her head slightly, knocking unkempt strands of blonde hair over her shoulder. "I saw-- well, first, I had just--" she cut off and mimed pushing a needle into her arm, which was still faintly scarred since she hadn't been able to cover the mark for the last few days. "--before I got there. And then I was talking to Luca and drinking and then he was gone and I didn't know where and someone gave me another drink. And there was another guy, je sais, il s'appelle-- his name was Corey and we saw each other a lot I think. Around. I can't-- I can't remember his face now." Rosalie was crying in full force, eyes squeezed shut and nails digging sharply into bone white hands.

"It had been beaucoup de temps-- a while since I had arrived. I don't know how long. I had drunk a lot-- so much; there was a bottle of vodka and Luca was trying to get me home with him-- and I felt sick and Corey kissed me and he said-- Corey a dit that he would make it better. He had already gotten the needles ready and then we were in a room." Rosalie stopped and coughed again, the rough sound mixing with the quiet sobs. When she began talking again, it was much quieter.

She opened her eyes and stared down at the bed. "He let me go first. I was happy. I was lying down on the bed, laughing. I don't-- after that, I can't really remember." Her voice was dull. "I was so tired. Luca found me alone though, he said after." She stopped talking, but her mind kept running forward to hospital and Luca and then need need need.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-03 11:36 pm UTC (link)
Listening to stories like this was always hard. Gina had known so many people, close friends, whose lives played out like this. She had lost track of all the high school friends that spiraled into nothing and extinguished when they ran out of drugs or lives. And in the back of her mind, she recalled her father's drunken, confused face as he sat in that hospital bed, stuffed with tubes, while a ten-year-old boy lay crippled next door. But this wasn't about her. This was about Rosalie.

As the girl cried and continued in broken French and half-English, Gina stayed right with her, nodding and encouraging. She didn't say a word until Rosalie finally broke off, voice almost dead sounding. After a pause, she reached out to lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "That must have been hard," she said quietly. "Getting through that and telling me now." She paused, shifting just slightly to try and encourage Rosalie to look at her. "But you did it. You got through it, Rosalie, and you can get through this, too." Gaze flickering to the IV bag hanging on the stand above them, she straightened slightly. "I promise that all needles aren't bad. If you control them, and you use them safely, they can help you."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-03 11:45 pm UTC (link)
Rosalie shook her head violently. "I remember though. When I woke up just earlier, I could feel the needle and I felt-- like I did then. Like I'm-- I'm 19 and dying and letting everyone, my friends--" she sniffed and rubbed her eyes but the crying continued.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-03 11:49 pm UTC (link)
Face falling, Gina kept her hand on the crying girl's shoulder. A few passing hospital workers gave them odd looks, but Gina waved them onward. Though she never said it, Gina was almost certain that she was referring to "letting everyone down." Shaking her head, she let her cry for a few moments before speaking up. "But you aren't," she said firmly. "What happened happened. It's in your past now. Then, you were 19 and dying. But you've gotten stronger since then. Now, you're 22 and in trouble, but you can get through this."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-04 01:26 am UTC (link)
Rosalie pointed to the chart. "Turned 23 last month," she mumbled. "I can't make it go away. Je ne peux pas-- I can't control it. It's like--like the sleeping."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-04 09:18 pm UTC (link)
Shit, she did? Sometimes Gina was reminded why she usually carried a little calculator in the pocket of her scrubs. She had forgotten it earlier, though she'd never use it in front of a patient anyway. "Sorry," she said with a frown. It was a genuine apology, and she felt like an idiot for making such a mistake.

"Your narcolepsy is a medical condition. But this? You can control this." Her voice was serious and sure. "I'm not going to sugarcoat this, Rosalie. You need an IV. You can't keep fluids down, and your body needs them to fight off this infection."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-04 11:22 pm UTC (link)
For a second, Rosalie almost considered it. Almost. Because wouldn't it be nice to let go like Gina said and have everything be alright?

But it wouldn't be. Gina couldn't understand and Rosalie couldn't even wish that she could because Gina seemed nice and Rosalie wouldn't wish what she had done on anyone. "I can't," she mumbled, voice broken and cracking from the fever and the coughing and the crying. "I don't care what happens; I never want to feel like that again."

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-04 11:51 pm UTC (link)
And it almost had seemed like it had gotten through. However, Gina didn't sigh or pout or fuss. She just took one of Rosalie's hand as she backpedaled, nodding her head. "Yes you can," she said. "This is different. What you did then was nothing like this. You had a problem, and you confronted it. You got clean. You did. Because it was necessary. It saved your life, and you have the chance to do that again right now."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-05 12:12 am UTC (link)
Rosalie shook her head. "But it feels the same, it does, in my head--my head thinks I'm there." She was so tired. Hadn't she just slept? She blinked several times, sending more tears tumbling down her face. She slid down a little so that she could curl up on the hospital bed.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-05 12:16 am UTC (link)
As Rosalie curled up, Gina slid off the bed to crouch at her side, not letting the girl turn her back on her. "I never said it would be easy. And I won't pretend to know what it's like. But you can do this." Really, she had to. But Gina wasn't about to emphasize that now. It would only be bad pressure.

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-05 12:55 am UTC (link)
"I can't go. Certain places in the city." Rosalie wasn't really talking to Gina, or at least she wasn't looking at her. "Because if I do, the-- the want will be too strong. It feels better than anything I've ever felt, before or-- or since or anything. And I don't-- I can't fight that right now. And that's what it brings me back to." Her shoulders hunched slightly and she went back to twisting her hair, harder this time, although she didn't seem to notice.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-05 01:00 am UTC (link)
Drug addiction was hard to overcome, and even harder to completely swear off of. Rosalie seemed to be the poster child for this principle. But Gina wasn't about to fold. The girl needed fluids. "Yes you can. I can stay here with you. You won't relapse, Rosalie, you're stronger than that. And you need to recognize that as hard as this is going to be, you still need to do it for yourself."

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-05 01:13 am UTC (link)
What Gina couldn't know was how bad of a place Rosalie was really in, with Boyd gone with only a note and the argument, if one could even call it that, with Daniel, and the time travel and the Romanovs dead and nothing to help her recover in between. This time, she didn't bother protesting out loud, just shook her head and closed her eyes.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-05 08:48 am UTC (link)
No answer wasn't an answer at all. So Gina said nothing, and instead just rested a hand on her shoulder and looked down. As much as Rosalie's plight made her heart break, the girl needed fluids before she became even more tearjerk-worthy. Another nurse passed by, and Gina quietly mimed a request for an IV insertion kit. The other woman nodded and disappeared.

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[info]beaute_endormie
2010-07-06 03:28 am UTC (link)
Dimly, Rosalie knew that if she fell asleep, the needle was going to go straight back in. Fighting the fever and the sleep, she struggled to push herself back up to try to convince Gina one last time that it would be better to let her go fluidless than stick the IV back in. She managed her head and then her shoulders and as she wet her lips to speak again, a brief look of surprise crossed her face and then her eyes slammed shut and she fell back to the bed, dead asleep.

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[info]justonefish
2010-07-06 09:44 am UTC (link)
The other nurse arrived with the IV kit just seconds after Rosalie fell asleep. Gina looked down at the other girl for a moment, a small amount of remorse creeping into her mind as she accepted the kit. "Thank you," she said to the other nurse, pulling on a pair of latex-free gloves and picking up the small alcohol scrub square. Her gaze lingered on Rosalie's face for a moment before she set to work putting in the IV and carefully wrapping most of her arm up in a thick bandage. The bandage would make removing the IV very difficult, hopefully preventing Rosalie from ripping it out a second time.

When this was done, Gina pulled up a chair and sat beside Rosalie's bed. The hospital had gone quiet after the deluge of patients, which gave her some time. So she simply sat by the sleeping girl's side, hoping that this would all be over soon.

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