Al Gumboil is a bad big brother. (countervail) wrote in an_ill_wind, @ 2009-08-01 02:24:00 |
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Seeing Alice and her baby Neville had been wonderful. Of course, Rita wasn't exactly a kid person and she had been nervous around the newborn, but Al had been wonderful. And for the first time, Rita hadn't felt like she was completely out of step with her friend. She was nowhere near ready for a baby, of course, but her life was a tad more stable than it had been. As awkward as Rita had been with the child, having never really been around children before, Al had been perfectly natural with his godson. He'd warmed to Neville well, and it had made Rita feel lucky to have him to watch it. Al was clearly a good man, and he made her feel like she could maybe be good enough for him. The whole situation had, of course, made Rita say something ridiculous, and now she was curled up in bed with Al, hours later, cozy against him and obsessively remembering how ridiculous she'd been. Honestly. They weren't engaged or married or even officially living together, and she'd gone and said that Al was going to be the stay at home dad with their kids. All she'd meant was that clearly he was better with babies than she was, but... well. It had come out entirely wrong. Rita shifted a little and cushioned her cheek against Al's chest, saying vaguely, voice soft, "I didn't really mean that, you know." Al was absently drawing circles on Rita's side. By now, he was used to these chats in the dark before bed. It was relaxing and... informative. And he liked listening to her talk anyway. He breathed deep and adjusted the pillow behind him. Today had been long, but last night had been fantastic, meeting his godson. The kid was just adorable. And he liked babies to begin with. "Didn't mean what?" he inquired quietly, the moment of awkwardness long gone from his mind over twenty-four hours later. Al moved his hand to tangle gently in Rita's hair, more or less content just to cuddle and touch. He was sleepy and trying rather desperately to keep from thinking too much about Greyback's journal entry from a few days ago. If he could fill it with Rita, then all the better. "The--babies. Thing. That. I know we're not... I'm not trying to be something we're not. I'm not even ready to be anything like that. It was just a silly comment," Rita said softly, curling her arm around Al's waist, fingers pressing into his skin. She wasn't nervous with Al anymore, not exactly. She trusted him enough now to know he wasn't going to just chuck her if she said something dumb. He loved her, just like she loved him, and she felt safe with him, especially in bed in the dark in his arms. Al had to think to remember just what she was talking about. And then he smirked raising his head an inch to look at her. "You didn't think I actually thought you were serious did you?" he asked, quirking a brow. "I mean..." Al let his head drop back. "I like kids and I want a couple, but it isn't like I was going to start asking like, tomorrow night or anything. I've got a nephew and a godson. And an evil werewolf to track down and a bunch of crazy other dark things to worry about. Merlin knows it isn't exactly the safest environment to be raising kids." "Of course, I know all that," Rita replied, laughing a little. But that wasn't all she wanted to say. That wasn't what had really been bugging her about it. What had been bothering her, really, had been that she apparently didn't find the idea of settling down with Al and one day having kids all that scary. She needed him now, yeah, and that was scary, but loving him? That wasn't. She tilted her face towards his, then, and added with a shy smile, "But do you think maybe one day?" The implied with me was left unspoken, though it was certainly suggested. Al tilted his head so he could look at her, quiet for a moment. The silence though, was obviously not negative, as he was gently brushing his fingers through her hair. "Yeah," he agreed finally. "One day. Definitely. When living isn't so dangerous. And I don't remotely mind being the stay-at-home dad." He was all but grinning now, teasing in some capacity, but at the same time, entirely serious. He'd wanted to be dad for ages and he had a big family and the whole thing just appealed to him in a way he couldn't really explain. "Whenever their mum happens to be ready for it though," he added, again stroking at Rita's side. "It isn't as if there isn't time." Returning the smile, Rita stretched up just a bit and closed the gap between their mouths to press a slightly sloppy kiss to his lips. Much as he could be terrible with words to the point where it tended so far to be the basis for most of their arguments, Rita found him incredibly endearing at the moment. It wasn't too clingy, it wasn't too desperately-planning-for-the-future, and it wasn't the sort of statement that might send Rita running for the hills. It was a someday, maybe. He was thinking about her just as she was him. "We do rather have all the time in the world, don't we, now that we're done wasting decades of it?" Rita quipped, resting her head back down against Al's chest. "Time to go wherever we want to go together, to do whatever we want to do, time to enjoy and experience." Al stretched toward the kiss as much as he could in the somewhat restricted position he was in, hanging onto it for as long as he could before she broke away. "I'm pretty sure it was just the one decade," he said with a cheeky sort of smirk. "Don't go over-exaggerating, Rita." She would always be the more verbose of the two of them, certainly. Al had no qualms with this. She was a journalist after all. He would never have the eloquence it took to make a living off of the written or spoken word. He just gestured and stumbled and stuttered and fidgeted too much. Even when he was laying down, as he exhibited just at that moment, idly ruffling his hair with his free hand. "But yeah. There's time," he mumbled, turning to lay on his side, wrapping his arm around her waist. Rita laughed a little as he told her not to over-exaggerate, and flicked him lightly in response. As he shifted to face her, she blinked up at him, tracing the shapes of his face with her eyes in the darkness. What details she couldn't quite make out were memorized anyway. "How do you see us in a year? Or five, or ten?" she asked curiously. In reality, they hadn't really been back together all that long, Rita knew that, and though they were happy, she couldn't help but wonder just what he saw when he pictured the future. She could see herself with him, maybe in a year engaged, in five married, and in ten with children. Though, she couldn't help but fear the possibility of her mother's fate befalling her. Her father had said the healers never thought she'd be able to conceive, that she had was a miracle, and that she died in childbirth, a tragedy, a cruel twist of fate. There had been pre-existing medical issues they hadn't known about, things doctors considered but not healers. Things that could be passed on to children, though her father had never said that. Rita only assumed. Would Al still imagine a future with her--if he even did now--if she couldn't have children? It didn't really bear thinking about, Rita supposed. The question caught him off-guard and Al paused, thinking forward a bit. "Mm, dunno. Wherever it takes us, I guess," he said. "I mean hopefully, I want a family and kids and a house and big holiday dinners with everyone. Eventually, you know. But it's just... there are too many variables right now. And we're just figuring us out again." He was suddenly very aware of how quickly the I love you's had come and how attached he already felt to her. He couldn't even help it, really. Caring about people came very easily to Al. "And anyway, nothing has to be rushed," he went on, more for her benefit than his. Merlin knew he felt ready for marriage and kids. Like this was the right part of his life to be doing it. Or at least, it would be if he wasn't spending fourteen hours a day at work. Of course, caring about people was not nearly as easy or as natural for Rita as it was for Al, but caring about Al in particular had never been difficult for her. She'd learned to love him before her father had died, before she'd decided to isolate herself from other people, really, and she supposed she'd just never forgotten how. "Mm," Rita murmured contentedly, letting her eyes fall shut. She liked both the words he was saying and the way his voice sounded as he spoke them. It seemed like in this matter, they were on the same page. There were things they wanted eventually, but there was no immediacy yet. Well, not that Rita had ever had dreams of a big family. She'd been an only child, and she'd liked it well enough so she didn't feel any compunction to try and have a whole quidditch team or anything, but she supposed they could wait and see how she handled even one child. Besides, she wasn't sure what might happen when that time actually came. "My mother died in childbirth, you know," Rita said softly. "I don't think I ever told you that." Al was quiet for a moment, still gently running his fingers in her hair. "I'm sorry," he said truthfully. It wasn't empty or automatic. He was sorry. "I wish I'd met your parents. They had to have been good people, you being their daughter." Quite personally, Al couldn't imagine his life without his family. He was the baby. He had two older brothers and attentive parents that still managed to get all of them around the dinner table once a week. He had a sister-in-law and a nephew and sure, he and his oldest brother didn't get along a lot of the time, but no family was without it's spats. For a moment, he was grateful he had one, and that despite their differences, they all cared for each other. Quite a lot. It was more than a lot of people had. More than Rita had certainly. It was no wonder where Al got his idea of family. Or his general compulsion to want make the people he knew best into one. "She was a muggle, and doctors aren't the same as healers. Logically, it's nothing I have to worry about," Rita said softly, sighing and letting his hand in her hair soothe her. Much as her words made sense, it was somethign she worried about, whenever she bothered to think about having children. Somehow, she'd never really expected it to be an issue as she had never considered the possibility of herself with children. But with Al, it didn't seem unrealistic. It seemed... somehow inevitable. A logical eventual step. "I never knew my mum so I can't say much about her, but my father was amazing. I wish you could have met him too, because you'd really have liked him. He was an activist. He was fearless. Of course, it got him killed, but I always admired it. I wanted to be just like him my whole life when I was a child. That man was my sun." Al furrowed his brow slightly, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. What was she on about then, that she couldn't have kids? He didn't quite know what to think about that. It just didn't quite fit into the image he had for himself, after all this was over. He was, however, starkly aware of the growing silence. "Well," he started slowly. "When it's like... we'd talk to a Healer first," he said seriously. "And make sure it was okay. And if it wasn't then... we'd figure something out. We could always like... adopt or something." Which all sounded very lame in his ears, but he didn't really know what else to say. This was oddly serious for before-bed-chatting. Never mind the fact that they were discussing having children together, which Rita tried not to think about too intensely or she knew her commitment fears would probably flare back up again, but here was Al telling her if it wasn't safe for her, they'd figure something out, or adopt, or something. Rita swallowed around her doubts about her own capabilities to be a decent mother and instead focussed on the sentiments behind what he was saying, because that was a far easier subject to deal with for her. "You're so... wonderful, you know. I mean. You do realize you could do much better than me, don't you? I'm not exactly perfect, Al," Rita mused, smiling self-deprecatingly. Al pulled her into his arms. "Bollocks," he murmured, curling carefully around her. "You're perfect for me. And I'm obviously the only one that matters." He let a smile touch his face, pressing a few idle kisses to her shoulder and hair. "And yeah. I'm fucking aces. Get used to it." Rita smiled, touched as he replied that she was perfect for him. As he continued on, she let out a small laugh and turned to look up at him, squinting in the dark. Usually, they talked each other to sleep, clinging to the last moments of togetherness after a long day apart. It was calming, comforting, casual. But tonight had been slightly different, and even now Rita was biting her lip as she slid one leg over his beneath the covers. "I suppose I'll have to get used to it, won't I, if I'm in this for the long haul," she answered, and then chirped, "Don't suppose you have enough energy for a quickie before bed? Only your conceit is such a turn on, I can barely help myself." Al smirked, moving his kisses to her neck and lingering there for a long moment. "I think I can probably find a way," he mumbled against skin, tangling their legs together. "I'm aces, remember? I'm just so much more concerned with you." He was smirking now, unable to help but be amused at the thought of possibly wearing her out or something. So much more often he was just too tired before bed. "I guess I'll talk myself up more often," he added smartly. "Just because." "Mm, don't push it. The charm is already wearing off," Rita laughed, but there was a breathiness to her voice already, brought on by his kisses and his weight against her. She wasn't sure what exactly she'd done to deserve to be this happy--she didn't really think she'd done anything particularly good with her life the last decade--but she was beginning to trust it. So far, they hadn't botched it up. So far, it was wonderful, and maybe it was going to stay that way. Maybe Al wasn't going anywhere. She curled her arms around him, glad that neither of them bothered to wear much to bed, and pressed herself against his skin. "And don't be concerned with me, Al. Trust me, I can more than keep up." |