Koe Tidraq (discant) wrote in adusta, @ 2010-01-10 11:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | koe tidraq, oaths, vedette uthral |
for the judgment of the heart is weak (vedette)
Koe woke from his slumber to find himself in the middle of a bright, clear day summoned from some place other than the miserable weather they'd endured on their journey here. What was the name of this village? He wished he could remember. His skull did not precisely ache, but it did not rest comfortably within his flesh, either. Perhaps a cause for concern. He'd given himself worse injuries than this simply by enjoying the product of fruit which man seemed to value and cherish above many others. In short, he'd consumed far too much wine, and now his body was informing him of his error. Or so it seemed. Within a few moments of rising he thought he would be all right. Or so it seemed. Iluq was nowhere to be seen. Yet he knew that he'd fallen asleep with her body cradled against him. Far more cunning than he'd first believed, if she'd slipped away without being noticed.
She would bear watching.
That this thought made him smile was troublesome despite its pleasant nature. It brought his thoughts back to Minaht, where they most decidedly not belong just then. His limbs felt stuffed to the brim with creaky stuff, of the kind that made old men hesitate. Sheets far too rich for an inn in so small a village were brushed aside by a sweeping hand. He was flying across this plush mattress, and a sweep of his arm was the sweep of a wing. Why did it bother him? Certainly he'd ... indulged himself ... before. Not while Minaht retained even the thinnest grasp on her sanity. But in the years that came since then? Certainly. He would never say it aloud, but to himself he would say it. He would be honest. Music was not just a conduit through which he expressed himself to the world. It worked in reverse; the music was how he received emotion, as well. Impulses. Strong things that could not simply be ignored.
Of course, that led to another question. As he fumbled for his trousers in the too-bright bath of light which consumed color, Koe knew very well what the question was. If he did not feel guilty for a dalliance when he had indeed dallied before, then what was the tightness in his chest on this day? Was it as simple as believing that he should not have done what he'd done, with a dragon so much younger than he? Or did he fear that he might actually care for the beautiful creature who sang as well as anyone when she knew the words? That should have pinched his face into a tight and embarrassed smile. Instead the smile was lazy. Easy. Trousers were not always so difficult to apply, were they? He did care for her, despite the relative youth of this expedition. He did think of her fondly in these private moments. That was not always true of those with whom he... indulged himself.
Koe thought he should have been scandalized. Luckily, nothing was so simple as that.
They were here for a purpose. But this would only complicate things if he let it. The trousers were fine. His shirt smelled of pipe tobacco and fine wine. Not unpleasant smells, but ones that could turn off an otherwise willing stranger in the arena of questions and answers. Was that what he intended on doing today? Koe tugged on the wool things called socks with some difficulty, sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to reconcile all of these thoughts in his mind. They were here for a reason, true. He did not want to be some awkward fool who had never enjoyed the company of another before. Oh, to be as self-assured as he sometimes sounded. That would end most of his troubles right there, and not at all soon enough for his liking. Of course, if one wanted, one could simply be self-assured by never considering anything that would in any way challenge one of your opinions. That was a coward's way out.
While it was fine and poetic to think that he was better than that - it would be far easier than this. Asking himself what sort of fellow she would be impressed by. Cavalier and incautious? Solicitous and caring? Or perhaps she wanted a fellow who was aloof and disinterested? Bah! Why was he so concerned with what would impress her? Koe decided then and there that his future questioning of himself would be much less reliant on asking himself questions that he had both already asked and already knew the answer to. Digging through one's saddlebags with abandon to find a shirt unstained by the wear of the road was a trickier proposition than one thought. In the soft light of the evening mulled wine and rich smoke could mask the scent of the road. Now, though, he would need something approaching an actual bath before he felt right again. Whether or not that was going to happen remained open to guessing by the gods themselves.
Not that he wanted to know what they thought.
Useless lot, the gods.
Except for Bahamut.
He hoped he had thought of that in time.
His coat had been cast aside long ago, wool with simple silver embroidery on the cuffs. Black wool made some think of him as a rich fellow, but in truth it was the easiest coat to wear between washings, because there were few things that showed up clearly if one happened to stain such a coat. Koe did not think of himself as messy, but it had happened, and he did enjoy being prepared. Only the matter of his boots was left when Iluq entered as though the winter wind had carried her from the home of the gods to this place. He felt a slight chill on his single naked foot, and hastened to tug on the soft leather boot even as he smiled a greeting to her. Self-assured. What would a self-assured fellow say? Was he not self-assured? Why did her smile make him feel small and weak of stomach? And why did it trouble him so much that she should have this power over him?
Didn't he write song after song encouraging the masses to give someone that power?
"I see you had an early start," he told her with that smile on his face. "I think I drank too much wine."
A hiccup.
Oh, yes. Very self-assured.