Lucas Eli Sawyer (wingsofillusion) wrote in _fracture_, @ 2014-01-12 09:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | adam, flashback, kyle |
Ink Design
Who: Adam and Kyle
Where: A diner in NYC
When: flashback - 5 months ago, night
The next time Kyle walked into the diner when Adam was working, he was soaked to the skin. It was dark, cold and very definitely raining. Kyle had been wandering the streets for a couple of hours regardless. Harry had told him to make himself scarce, which meant that he couldn't go home. So, he'd wandered for a while, until the rain became too heavy.
The diner was just as dead. The weather had kept people at home which meant Adam was bored out of his mind. It was warm in the diner though, bright lights and grill keeping it that way. Adam was mopping, which he hated, but what else could he do to avoid it? When the door chimed he glanced that way and grinned at first sight of the guy only wound up frowning. "You're drenched."
"How observant of you, Adam," Kyle said, sarcasm dripping from his tone in the same way that he himself was dripping onto the floor. He remembered the guy's name from last time. He had a good memory for names, always had done. He just wasn't in a particularly great mood. Being kicked out of his home and having to wander the streets in the rain did that to a guy.
The guy remembered his name. "That's what I do Kyle," he said giving him his name back. Adam would have lied if he said he hadn't spent at least two days considering the guy, wondering why he cared at all. Enough to get Jeffrey to ask him what he was daydreaming about. Then the other man had things to distract him with and Adam had mostly forgotten about the guy whose drawing was still in his wallet. At least until now. Setting the mop aside he went behind the counter for a clean and dry dishtowel to hand to Kyle. "Coffee? Why are you in the rain?" He patted a seat at the counter in front of him, smiling still.
Kyle took the towel with a sullen expression and started rubbing it through his hair and over his face with one hand whilst he shrugged his soaked jacket off. “Harry had a… thing,” he explained, from under the towel. “He needed the apartment, so I needed to leave.” Kyle didn’t sound that upset about the event itself - he was just pissed that he’d been rained on, and not particularly well disposed towards his boyfriend as a result.
Adam brought over a mug of warm coffee. "A thing?" he asked. Jeffrey had tossed Adam before, but never without somewhere to go. And usually it was just out of a room. Though Jeffrey didn't keep Adam out of the loop of much. "You just let him kick you out? That sucks."
Kyle took the coffee with a look of gratitude, using it to warm his hands. He left the towel on the seat beside him. “I didn’t so much ‘let’ him kick me out as… I kinda owed him some time,” Kyle admitted, looking apologetic. “I don’t think he knew that the weather would be like this,” he added, quick to defend his boyfriend.
Adam made a face. "Owed him time for what? You make him watch a chic flick?" He leaned on the counter across from Kyle, smiling a little. The guy didn't look half bad wet. It wasn't a bad look for him despite it being an unnatural state. Adam was pretty sure he would just look wet, not seemingly put together and wet.
Kyle shrugged. “I… Embarrassed him last time we went out together,” he said, clearly uncomfortable talking about the subject. “He didn’t want me doing the same thing again. Which… I get. Easier if I’m just not there.” His eyes narrowed then as he really took in what Adam said. “Don’t make assumptions on on what kind of films I like, just because of the way I look," he warned.
"You did?" That didn't sound right. And what Kyle said next, that sounded worse. "I can't see how it's easier if you're not there. My night just got easier because you're here." It was a truthful statement, not said in flirtatious kind of way, just stating a fact. "You look like you like movies that take place under the sea," he teased, ignoring the warning tone. "Am I that wrong? More the shoot 'um action type guy?"
Kyle gave him a flat, unamused look. “Your night got better since I got here because you work in a diner and you were mopping floors and I don’t care who you are, getting to talk to anyone at all who’ll talk back has to be better than that. And right now I’m left wondering if you just made some kind of Little Mermaid reference in regards to me, in which case I’ll be taking my coffee to go and risking the rain.”
"You aren't having a good day are you?" Adam asked. "Yes. Talking to you is better than mopping but I like talking to you. And it wasn't. It was because you're wet." He waited a moment then reached for a menu to hand to Kyle. "Order something to eat and then tell me what happened."
Kyle cringed, immediately feeling guilty that he’d snapped at Adam when the other guy had only been trying to be nice. “I’m sorry,” he said, accepting the menu. He looked it over. He didn’t really want to choose anything, and he really didn’t want to talk about what had happened, but… He’d been such a bitch, and he needed to make amends for his behaviour to Adam. “I’ll have… Just a salad?” Kyle suggested, looking a little uncertain. “With blue cheese dressing?”
Adam had his pad and pen poised, ready to take his order when Kyle's answer sounded more like a question and Adam set the pad down again. "I'm not getting you something you're not sure you want. You can have just coffee. Or pie. You okay?"
Kyle straightened, his face going blank. “I’m fine,” he said, shortly. “I just hadn’t exactly planned on eating.” He took a breath and when he spoke again, his voice was steely certain. “The salad. With the blue cheese dressing. And a glass of ice water,” he said, ignoring the fact that he was still frozen to the bone and something warming would be better for him. He knew that, now that he’d ordered. He always ordered the wrong thing. But - he did so like salads. Harry wouldn’t approve of the blue cheese dressing though. It was fattening. But it was also his favourite and he figured he deserved a little something he liked, given that he was cold and wet and temporarily homeless.
There it was again. Adam had thought he'd imagined that plastic face, but it was back again. "You're lying. About being fine." He wrote the order down though and went for the ice water.
Kyle arched a brow. "And you're a waiter. I didn't know you expected the truth along with your tip," he deadpanned.
Why did that sting so? It shouldn't. They didn't know each other. They weren't friends. But it stung like someone who had been his friend said it. Adam set the glass down and shrugged before heading back to his mop. "Just trying to help."
"If I wanted help, I'd've gone to a bar," Kyle said, internally wondering how the hell his bitch switch had been flipped back on. Harry had successfully managed to work with him to kill it. Or so he'd thought. Until now, talking to this guy, when Kyle felt it all coming back. He didn't even feel such a driving need to make up for hurting Adam's feelings right now.
Adam pushed up his sleeves to expose the tree tattooed on his forearm and leaned on the mop, looking at Kyle. "No you wouldn't. Not like that. Face it, you came here." He didn't know that for sure but it sounded like a good idea in his head.
The brow arched once again. "You make it sound like I did it on purpose. Like this was the only place that I could possibly want to be. Instead of just the nearest place when I got too cold to function." His eyes dropped to the tattoo though as he spoke, and he found himself tracing the lines and appreciating the form of the drawing. It was well done, and made the most use of the canvas.
"It isn't? You didn't want to spend a night kicked out of your place with me?" Adam was joking, obviously not thinking of himself as worth that. It was a nicer thought though. "I know it's not on purpose. I'm usually the last resort at best. You know, the only guy left in the world."
"I wasn't 'kicked out'," Kyle protested, though it was weak. "And I wasn't... You have real self-esteem problems, has anyone ever told you that?" he asked.
"No?" Adam asked before pushing the mop again. "No. No one has taken the time to notice." That wasn't a self esteem thing though. That was just the truth. He didn't cause trouble as a foster kid outside of not having friends which was the least of the system's concerns.
“You have self-esteem problems," Kyle told him. He was wet and he was tired and apparently his inner bitch wasn't entirely strangled to death. Right now, he was just going to go with it and nobody he actually knew needed to ever know about it. "Last time we talked, you seemed entirely convinced that you were some kind of ugly. Now you're all about how I'd only want to spend time with you if you were like the last guy on the planet. Nobody is that unwanted. No one."
Adam laughed more at himself than Kyle. He pushed the mop to clean up Kyle's wet footprints. "You said that, about not really wanting to be here. And I'm not ugly. I know that. I'm just not...cute." There was an obvious hesitation in his movements as he remembered wanting to be adopted, wishing he was cuter and not so old so that some family would really want him and not just take him in because they could. Shaking his head to shake the memory away he started mopping again. "I was unwanted for a long time. Not now. But I know how it feels."
"I thought that was an act, you know, last time," Kyle told him. "The whole... thing. Now I don't think it is. I guess guys don't really go around telling other guys that they're cute. But I would have thought there was a girl or two that would have pointed that out by now. I mean, you're... how old?" he asked, figuring the guy was a year or two older than him at best.
"Twenty-two," Adam said without looking up. He was trying not to feel chastised. "There's been girls." Just not many. And drinker hook ups were just that. Not a self esteem boost. "It's not a big deal. I'm not upset about it."
Kyle smiled a little at that, both at the way Adam put it and also at the confirmation that the guy was at least someway straight and this certainly wasn't some kind of warped chat up. It made him worry less about Harry. "Okay, so you're not that upset about... whatever. That's good, at least."
"About not being cute," Adam said though he found himself wondering if Kyle thought he was cute. Which was followed quickly with wondering why it mattered. Before he could say more, Kyle's food was up and he abandoned the mop to get it and refill his coffee cup. "It's not a bad thing. I'm not an unhappy guy or whatever."
Kyle accepted the salad off Adam with a smile of thanks. "There's a lot to be said for not being unhappy," he agreed. "Pretty much the goal of life really, when you think about it."
Adam made a face. "I thought the goal was happy," he said, lingering and leaning on the counter opposite Kyle again.
Kyle shrugged a shoulder. "Isn't it the same thing?" he asked. The strange thing was that he honestly wondered that.
Adam shook his head. "No. It's not." He watched the other guy. "What happened tonight? Or when you upset him."
"It doesn't matter," Kyle said, dismissively. "Or, at least - it's complicated. And a long story. And - I don't really want to get into it." Some people really didn't get the dynamics of his and Harry's relationship, and Kyle knew he always came out of it looking like the weird one.
"I think it matters." Adam shrugged a little. "Well I got nothing but time. But I get it. Draw anything else recently?" He asked, picking a new topic that felt safer
Kyle finished his mouthful of salad before answering. "I told you, I don't do that any more." Which Harry had reinforced since then. Strongly and, when Kyle had pushed, physically. "You have a one off, rare Van Allen original," he said, mocking himself. Once he'd thought that would be worth something in the art world. Once he thought he'd be worth something.
"And I think I told you that was dumb." Adam frowned and thought about the drawing in his wallet. "Well, awesome as that is...I was hoping there'd be more."
"I thought that the customer was always right? Not 'dumb'," Kyle said, not all that happy about being insulted.
Adam made a face. "I never said you were dumb, but what you're doing is done. Don't you like it?"
"Being told my life choices are dumb? No, I don't like that at all," Kyle retorted.
"No. Art." Adam ignored the snide comment and opted for pulling out his pen instead and sliding it towards Kyle.
Kyle dropped his head into his hand and massaged lightly at the bridge of his nose. "I'm having a really bad day, you know that?" he said, sounding tired.
Adam nodded. "I noticed. Remember I asked and you didn't want to talk about it?" He leaned on the counter. "You gotta tell someone. Why not me?"
Kyle looked up and arched his brow. He was going to get premature wrinkles if this guy didn't stop making him want to do that. "I meant that I was having a bad day and you're just adding to that," he said, his voice flat. He sighed. "Why do you care, anyway?"
"Am I?" Adam wasn't sure he'd done that much wrong, plus if wasn't like Kyle had been nice to him anyway, but he still sounded apologetic when he said it. "Someone should care. And I just do. I like it better when you smile." And that sounded like a come on which hadn't been his goal but there it was. What kind of freak was Adam being today?
"Someone does care," Kyle told him. "My boyfriend cares. My boyfriend cares enough to support me in the fact that, whilst I love my art, it's not good for my mental health. And I'm not a good person when I try and be some kind of an artist. He was there with me to help me as I made the decision to give up something I loved. And he respects that I've made that decision. He doesn't call it dumb, and he doesn't try and get me to start up again. Just the opposite, in fact. He's my strong person, when I forget. When I think it can't really have been that bad. He's the memory - the one who reminds me who it really is. Who helps me find other things to smile about."
Adam sighed. "I meant about your bad day." Then he shook his head. "Sounds more like he made the decision." The same way Jeffrey had made a decision that it was okay for them to start playing games that were more than Adam was ready for, to start dealing and to start doing more harmful pranks. "But fine. No more art. What other things make you smile?"
"Well, sure it sounds like he made the decision. Given that I gave you the really simplified explanation," Kyle said, though his tone was kinder. He was aware that he was taking his frustration out on Adam and, really, the man was just being nice and kind of sweet with the way he was all interested and stuff. "What makes me smile? Seeing other people smile. Especially if I'm the cause. I like to cook, which you know-" since Adam seemed to remember things about him. "-I like to see people enjoy what I've made. I like to see new things. Visit new places. I love to travel," he said, gaining in enthusiasm as he talked, and that clearly showed in his face.
Adam wasn't sure that was how it worked, but he didn't say it as Kyle's tone changed. At least he wasn't snapping at him anymore. "Yeah well you make me smile. When you're not being mean," he said with a smirk before pushing away from the counter to get the coffee pot and refill Kyle's cup. "Where have you been?"
Kyle's smile faltered for a moment. "I'm sorry," he said, meaning that. "I didn't mean to be mean. I'm just... I guess you're an easy target. Which is no excuse. You don't deserve that. You've actually been nothing but nice to me, and remembered me when you probably have a gazillion customers every day and you probably have better things to do than talk to me anyway and I'm really, really sorry to be a dick," he rambled, completely missing out on answering Adam's question.
Adam shook his head. "Don't apologize. I'm used to mean. And you weren't...you weren't even that bad. I know I'm a target." He'd been his whole life. It seemed to be the only time he wasn't ignored was when he was being pushed around. It could have been worse, but it made being invisible more appealing. "I remember you because you stand out. And I don't have anything better to do. I'm glad you came in." He refilled Kyle's mug then put the pot away. "Where have you been?" he asked again.
Kyle frowned, still ignoring the question, though for different reasons. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to answer it this time, but more that he wasn’t to find out what Adam was talking about. “What do you mean ‘you’re a target’?” he asked with some concern.
Adam glanced up as he set the coffee pot down. "Have you seen me?" He smirked a little and shrugged. "The kid with no home and no friends. I've been an easy target since I was kid. Not until Jeffrey." And now he was protected, which made everything better. It didn't mean he wasn’t still a prime target, he just wasn't treated like one.
Kyle shrugged a shoulder and offered an apologetic smile. “Sorry. If it helps, you look like you can hold your own?” he offered. He wasn’t sure what else to say. For all he didn’t see his family much these days, he knew he’d had a loving, supportive upbringing. Sure, his parents had had their faults, and the fact that their wants for Kyle’s life and future had been the cause of the rift between them, since it didn’t match up with Kyle’s own wants, but still… He had had a home. He had had friends. And now he had Harry. He had never been a target of any description.
Adam smiled. "Now I do. But really, don't worry about me. I'm good. Things are better." Well, relatively. There was an issue with the fact that Jeffrey was becoming increasingly more insane and there were plenty of legal ramifications from their behavior. That worried him. But without Jeffrey he had nothing else.
Kyle’s smile widened a little. “I’m glad that things are better for you now,” he said, sincerely.
Relatively. But Kyle didn't need to know about that. The accessory to crimes thug wasn't for him. "Right. Now. How do I make things better for you?"
Kyle looked down at his coffee, then back up through his brows, a laughing smile playing over his face. “You don’t,” he said, kindly. “But - thanks. I appreciate that someone else would want to.”
"Aw come on. There's got to be something. Something that'll really cheer you up." He smiled his best smile, looking as innocent as he could. Jeffrey rolled his eyes at the look, saying it wasn't nearly as pathetic as Adam wanted it to be, but it worked on him most of the time.
Kyle blushed at the look, looking down bashfully, then immediately back up again, biting his bottom lip between his teeth. He figured Adam didn’t realise how he looked, that it was just him, that it was nothing and as long as Harry didn’t see it, it was fine. Of course, if Harry did see it, there was a real chance that Adam would end up beaten to a pulp, but Harry had his night with his guys and it was still raining. He wouldn’t be leaving the apartment. Kyle shrugged, “You’re incorrigible, you know that,” he said, playfully.
Adam had no idea why, but he felt a surge of pride that Kyle reacted that way. What did it matter? Kyle was a guy. Maybe it was just because it worked on him instead of Jeffrey. "I have no idea what that means, he admitted."
“It means…” Kyle said, drawing out the words. “That no matter how much I try and convince you otherwise, you just keep going. You’re not going to stop until I, I don’t know, get you to think that you’ve like cheered me up, or solved all the problems you seem to think I have, or painted you a picture I’m not going to paint, or… Something. Give you what you want.” And somehow he’d managed that in a way that made Kyle feel amused and appreciated, rather than making him want to throw the rest of his ice water over Adam’s head and storm out, never to return. Damn it, but the guy was kind of charming.
Adam grinned. "I'm not. Plus I'd know if you were just saying you were cheered up." He'd probably give that plastic face again. "And I wasn't going to make you paint something. I mean, maybe another napkin drawing. Or...well. Nah."
Kyle rolled his eyes. “I guess then, I’m going to have to ask you to name your price? What will it take?” He felt weird, like everything was wrong, yet at the same time, it was okay. He had a bubbly… nice feeling inside as though, for the first time in months, he wasn’t standing in a field of landmines that he’d planted for himself and then forgotten the map to.
"To what? Make me believe you're feeling better?" Adam smiled more, reaching for his abandoned pen, playing with it before handing it to Kyle again. "You could design my next tattoo." Then he bared his arm, the one without the tree, wondering if Kyle would bite. He didn't really need another one, but he'd thought about it. And why not see if Kyle would draw it?
Kyle eyes drank in the ink on his arm. “But whoever did your current one did such a great job,” he breathed, not looking up at all. “It’s… It’s beautiful.”
"Yeah?" Adam asked, looking at it. "I was happy with it. I wanted roots ya know? Stability." Then he looked at Kyle. "Come on."
Kyle managed to drag his eyes up from the tattoo. “Come on?” he asked, not getting it.
Adam waved the pen a little to explain then held it out to Kyle. "Please? I wanna see what you come up with."
Kyle gave him a look, then rolled his eyes and took the pen. Pulling a napkin toward him, he said, “What kind of thing do you want, and where? And - you do appreciate I’ve never designed for skin before, right?”
Adam reached out and stopped the napkin, careful not to touch Kyle. He grinned a little then set the bare arm out, inside of his forearm up. "You pick."
Kyle brows sought the sky. “Pick? You… want me to pick something permanent? For you? On… No. Oh, no. nononono. Absolutely not. I can’t take that kind of responsibility.”
Adam almost laughed. "Ky," he said softly. "You're drawing on my arm. It's not a commitment. It's supposed to be fun."
Kyle opened his mouth. The closed it. Then opened it again. "Oh. Right. I... thought... that you actually... wanted a design. Like... But... doesn't matter. I... Okay... just... you can wash it off later."
"Well I do. And if I like then maybe. But I don't have to." Adam smiled, trying to be reassuring.
Kyle grasped hold of Adam's arm, bringing it toward him. "Tell me about you," he said, pen poised. "Whatever you want. What's important. Tell me."
Now it was Adam's turn to open his mouth and close it again without saying anything. The contact. The question, it all left him faltering. "Um you know a lot already. I live with my best friend. I'm an orphan."
"And that gives me nothing to go off for this. Tell me about you. Thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes. Whatever comes to mind first. Doesn't matter what it is. Start talking and don't stop."
Adam opened his mouth to answer, but nothing actually came to mind. He didn't know the answer. But he knew he had to say something, which meant he needed to make words happen. "I like when you smile," he said then closed his eyes. "I mean...nothing. I don't know." Where had that even come from? He was some guy who wandered into the diner. A guy. Adam was losing his mind.
Kyle hesitated. He capped the pen, but didn't seem to realise that he didn't actually put it down, instead running his fingers over it absently, as though it were something precious. "Maybe this is a bad idea," he said, regretfully. "I have a boyfriend." Which Adam already knew, but given that comment, he felt the need time restate.
Adam frowned. "It's a bad idea because you have a boyfriend? Or something else?" He didn't see what having a boyfriend had to do with it, but he'd give Kyle room to explain.
Kyle almost hated Adam in that moment. He felt like he was being toyed with, or he would have done save for the fact that he was getting to know Adam now. To be able to see where the other man was coming from and in this, with this reaction, Kyle would lay money on the fact that Adam wasn't playing him. He just didn't know how he was coming across. He didn't see that, when the only thing he could come up with when asked what he liked was 'seeing you smile', that might be taken as somewhat inappropriate. Yet - it was clear that Adam had never meant it that way. Kyle took a breath, hung his head, and sighed, looking back at Adam again. "Come round this side of the counter. I can't do this with you over there," he instructed, uncapping the pen again.
Adam wasn't sure if the issue was solved, but he did as instructed, going around the counter with a little bounce in his step to sit next to Kyle so he could rest his arm on the counter. "You didn't answer my question."
Kyle shook his head, helplessly and he answered as he bodily repositioned Adam's other arm - the one with the tree tattoo already - to rest on the counter. "You response kinda... cleared up the issue. It doesn't matter any more."
That didn't help things. Adam was still confused and it showed on his features.
Kyle walked round to Adam's other side so he was better positioned and sat on the stool. Taking Adam's hand loosely, he hunched over and started to draw, not asking for any further permission. For all that he said Adam hadn't told him enough for him to have any idea what to draw, he already knew exactly what he wanted. Inspiration was never far away for the erstwhile artist. "You're getting your ink - stop looking so confused and let it go," he recommended, his voice thick with concentration. He didn't look up as he spoke, his head down and concentrating on his work, dots of pressure scattering against Adam's arm around the top of the tree.
Adam's fingers twitched when Kyle touched him, not able to help that. But he settled after a moment, watching Kyle. "I'll drop it for now," he amended, finding that watching Kyle was more interesting. Sure he was hyper focused, but it was a nice thing to see, the way Kyle was concentrating. How could it be bad?
Kyle didn't reply, his concentration entirely given over to his work. He drew without pause, confident, deft strokes, traveling up the sides of Adam's arm. Kyle pushed his sleeve further up, to bring the arcing and swirling lines he was drawing in together at the top of Adam's bicep, using the natural flow of the muscle to highlight and complement the design. He worked swiftly, his head down and body covering much of what he was creating. So much so that it would be difficult for anyone observing to really get a feel for what he was creating.
Adam didn't care if he couldn't see what Kyle was doing. The attention, the contact, it was all new and scary, but in the best way. No one had paid that much attention in that sense. Jeffrey did, but physical contact between them was friendly, distant unless Jeffrey decided otherwise. It was Jeffrey that crashed in Adam's bed when he was too drunk. Not Adam. But as Kyle's hand traveled up his arm, Adam's breath caught in his throat.
Kyle stretched past Adam to pick up his water glass. Placing it where he could see, he wetted his left thumb and used it to smear some of the ink on Adam's upper arm, causing a watercolor like smear of grey he could play with to get the right effect. Adding ink as he needed, he continued to smear it around Adam's arm, adding in detail with the pen, working up and down Adam's arm as he created his vision on the other man's skin.
Adam had to ball his free hand into a fist to keep from shuddering. He wasn't used to this at all. Instantly he was jealous of Kyle. He had this in his life because he had Harry. Adam didn't have a girlfriend or anything like that. No one to have the simple touches with and it had been something that had been missing his whole life.
"Yeah, like that," Kyle said absently, not reacting to the way Adam balled his fist other than to appreciate the way it made his muscles flex slightly, making Kyle's work easier. He carried on until he was finished, only then sitting back to examine what he had created. Some of his hair had fallen down from the quiff he habitually kept it in and into his eyes and he pushed it backwards, absently.
What graced Adam's arm now looked like one long tattoo from his wrist wrapping round to his shoulder. Rather than creating something new, Kyle had expanded on what was almost there, starting in the branches of the tree, where he had drawn a multitude of tiny, individual stars between the branches. Above the tree, Kyle had expanded the design, creating a sky of Adam's arm. The stars were dotted there, each one unique, with an effect such that they seemed to be flowing upwards from the top branches - the stars got fewer and further between up Adam's arm, as though the tree itself was birthing the sky. Twisting up each side of Adam's arm, Kyle had framed the sky he had created with a light, swirling mist of ink, detailed in places by variable-thickness lines. Unlike the stars, the mist seemed to grow thicker towards the top of Adam's arm, meeting to create a rounded arch at the top of Adam's arm. The effect was light and seemingly nothing more than a pretty, but random, cloud. Looking closer, Kyle could see the detail he had specifically put there - the two people, joining together, looking downwards. He had purposefully wanted to leave that vague. To leave the impression of a couple watching over the tree and the stars, but without thrusting the image down people's faces. Kyle made a couple of additions and then looked up. "Sorry - it came out rather larger than you probably intended me to do."
Adam didn't know what to make of the reaction he had to Kyle saying that. It was uncomfortable, but damnit if he didn't keep his arm just as Kyle said. It didn't help that that look, the way he looked with his hair in his eyes, looking like he'd enjoyed the hell out of what he'd done, made Adam's mouth go dry. Weird. Very weird.
Being able to look down at the work on his arm though, that helped pull his thoughts away from the way Kyle was making him feel. "Damn," he murmured, awe in his voice. "That's...wow."
Kyle looked up, a smile blossoming on his lips at the tone of Adam’s voice. “You like it?” he asked, sounding like he was honestly worried that Adam would say no. Harry had always said that whilst he thought Kyle’s style was most definitely unique, he worried that most people wouldn’t like or understand it. It was too abstract, Harry would say. People had to think too hard to understand the meaning. “I could - if you’ve got a phone, I could take a picture, so you could see it better?” he suggested.
Adam wasn't so great with understanding art, but he knew he liked what he saw. A lot. "Dude, I love it," he said before looking up, then jumping up to get his phone out of his pocket and hand it to Kyle. "Um yes. Do. I was going to take one when you left anyway."
Kyle smiled wider and took the phone. It was a nice phone - nicer than he expected someone who worked in a diner to have, though he knew he shouldn’t judge. He knew how much they cost though - he’d just bought one for Harry last week. Bringing up the phone app, he moved to get into a good position and took a few shots, making sure not only to get the overall image, but some of the little details. The angels at the top of the image, the way the stars in the tree were all unique, pinpoints of light. The parts he was most proud of. It was a pity the image would only be fleeting. “Here you go,” he said, handing the phone back to Adam, his thoughts bitter-sweet.
Adam took the phone back with a grin, flipping through the pictures and alternating between looking at the pictures and looking at his arm. "Shame it isn't real actually," he said before looking up with that same smile. After a moment it changed though, something a little more mischievous as he reached for the abandoned pen. "Let me see your arm."
"Yeah," Kyle agreed. It was a shame. But it was just a picture. Kyle shook the momentary depression off and held out his arm, then pulled it back. "I... you can't," he said, regretfully. Harry would... not be happy.
He'd already moved closer, ready to write on Kyle's skin, but then Kyle pulled away. Adam's smile faded. "What? Why not? I'm not going to do anything bad. It won't be this good, but it won't be bad."
Kyle bit his bottom lip. "It's not that. It's just... Harry. He... doesn't like other guys touching me."
Adam felt his heart sink for no good reason. "Yeah, but I'm not...It's not..." He sat back for a moment, chewing on the end of the pen. "You can wash it off."
Kyle shook his head a little. "He'd know." He always seemed to know. Kyle was terrible at lying to him. It always made him feel awful.
Adam frowned again, but wound up nodding. "Okay. It wouldn't have been much of anything anyway." He shrugged to himself before getting up, grabbing Kyle's abandoned plate. "He'd be mad enough with you drawing on me. No need to make it worse."
Kyle looked down at his hands, and the ink smeared across them. "Er, Yeah. Yes. I... 'scuse me a moment," he said, hurrying to the restroom to scrub at his hands.
Adam dropped Kyle's dish on the pile to be washed, letting the guy leave without a word. Why was it bothering him? What did it matter? He was just a guy who came into the diner. A guy. Adam had no idea, or why he was thinking it'd be interesting to follow Kyle, invade his personal space and see what he would do. That was just weird. And not like him. He didn't make moves. He didn't approach people. Shaking his head he fixed his shirt and went back for his mop again.
Kyle emerged again, once his hands were clean. He'd managed to stop himself before he'd scrubbed his hands red raw. Harry would know as much then. And then he'd have to deal with a lecture on trying to hide his issues as well as being a disappointment. He walked back over and sat back in front of his coffee. "I would have liked to see what you came up with."
Adam looked up from his mop, watching Kyle for a moment before drifting closer. "Well I can't draw, but I had something else in mind." He bit at his lip a little before going for a napkin and writing out what he'd meant to add. It was simple, just a piece of a song lyric. He didn't know much about what he liked beyond what Jeffrey liked but the song had always jumped out at him when he listened to it. After writing it down, he slid it towards Kyle. His handwriting wasn't great, but he'd tried to keep it simple and he drew it out on the napkin like he would have on Kyle's arm. "You are the smell before rain" written in two lines as evenly spaced as he could get it.
Kyle took the napkin with a laugh, expecting it to be some stick figure, or cartoonish drawing. The laughter died in his throat when he read the script, and he swallowed. He looked up at Adam, wide eyed. "Yeah - glad I didn't let you write this on me," he breathed, his turn to sound awed now. The words seemed to echo in his head and he felt goosebumps erupt up his arms.
Adam moved away again with a shrug, not wanting to look at Kyle just then. "No?" he asked as casually as he could, not wanting to seem like that voice and what he said got under his skin. It reminded him of the next line of the song, which made the single line mean something else entirely. You are the blood in my veins.
"I mean, this is kinda cool and all..." Kyle swallowed, trying to bear in mind that Adam didn't seem to have any clue about how he came over. "But, talking about how I smell? In a way that's not telling me I need to shower more? My boyfriend wouldn't like that. Not at all."
That got Adam to turn around. "How you smell? That's what you got?" He laughed a little and shook his head. "That's not what it means. I mean, I don't really know what it means, but it's a feeling. That feeling when you smell that? I dunno. I don't get it always but it's that..." He stopped for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. "It's that feeling like everything's about to change. That that instant matters." He was gesturing more than usual and ended it with a shrug. "For some reason it feels like it suits you."
Kyle sighed. "I get what it means, Adam." I was just hoping you didn't. "Look, Adam. You're a really sweet guy, but I should probably go." Go and not come back. He was with Harry. He couldn't go hanging around good looking, sweet, charming, naive guys.
"Then why would you..." Adam made a face, not getting it. Nor was he getting the part where Kyle was talking to him like every girl that had ever left the morning after or the night of. But at least as little as it happened, it was familiar. "Sure. Looks like it's not raining as bad." He tugged at the hem of his shirt, as if it might help the feeling of feeling really exposed. Why did he feel exposed? He didn't do anything.
Kyle glanced toward the window. "Yeah, looks like it's getting lighter. Thanks... for the meal. So - can I get the check?" he asked, hating the hollow feeling in his stomach at that.
Check. Right. Because they weren't friends. Adam couldn't even do that right. He smiled though, bobbing his head with a nod as he scribbled out the last of the check, leaving it in front of Kyle, trying not to hover and hesitate, but he didn't have anywhere else to go.
Kyle took his wallet out of his back pocket, glancing at the check and then bringing out pretty much double. In cash, always in cash. Harry took care of the bank account, even though most of the money in all of the accounts was actually Kyle's. Another thing that he'd learned he didn't have to worry about. Harry always made sure he had enough cash. He laid the money on top of the slip and glanced at Adam. "I... Don't be a target, Adam. You're better than that," he said, offering it up as an apology as he pulled on his still uncomfortably wet jacket.
Adam watched Kyle pay, and despite probably needing the tip he wound up sliding half of it back across counter. Apologies weren't bought in real life. He'd seen that too much to know that it didn't work as well as people thought. Plus, he didn't need the money for anything. Jeffrey's family was loaded and didn't mind offloading some of it when Jeffrey bought him things. It was probably the most legal transaction they made. "Don't quit what you love. It's not worth it." He didn't correct Kyle about being better. He wasn't. He just was. That was all. He existed and did his best not to get in the way. "And I'm sorry. For...whatever." Something. He'd done something wrong. He always did.
"Don't apologise," Kyle said, not quite looking at Adam. God, he didn't want Adam to apologise, it just hammered home that he didn't mean any of this. This was... just who he was. It was Kyle who was in the wrong here. Kyle who shouldn't even have noticed this guy. Kyle who had a boyfriend and just because he'd started out tonight pissed with the guy didn't mean Harry deserved to have Kyle go and flirt with some guy in a diner. Didn't deserve to have his boyfriend meet some guy who made his stomach do back flips and twists that were good enough for the damn Olympics without even trying. A guy who made Kyle feel like maybe he could do anything, or be anyone he wanted. Kyle glanced at the money which Adam tried to give back and shook his head. "Keep it," he said. "Or, if you don't want to, give it to the guys in the back." Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Kyle headed for the door. He left the napkin behind. He didn't need it. The words were already burned into his brain.
"It's what I do." He'd apologize for breathing if he thought it would help. Staring at the money he rolled his eyes, not sure what to do with other than drop it in the jar they kept by the register for takeout orders. Adam stared at Kyle, wanting to say something else, but what else could he say? He'd run him off. For the second time.
Kyle stopped by the door, opening his mouth to reply. Only then he realised what he was actually doing. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay here and spend the rest of the night talking to Adam. Maybe he’d be on shift all night. They could talk until they didn’t realise how late it was. Until the sun rose and they could watch it together.
I have a boyfriend, Kyle reminded himself firmly. He flipped the collar of his jacket up in an attempt to keep out at least some of the rain and then, without looking back, he walked out into the night.