The Artist Meets Diner Guy Who: Adam and Kyle Where: A diner in NYC When: flashback - six months ago, evening
Adam’s boss reminded him that he shouldn’t be hungover when he showed up for his shift that started at five, but in his defense, he was still coming down off his last high and hungover from the night before. It didn’t help that it was a slow night at the diner, very few customers and just too long of Adam leaning on the counter, sipping on coffee to stay awake and ease the headache that after the sun had gone down had started to ease. He had a plate of fries too, nibbling at them idly as he watched the door, hoping someone would show up so he could do more than keep filling the cup of coffee that the guy in the corner booth had ordered and would likely give him a few cents tip for. You would think that it was freezing outside, when in reality it wasn’t a bad night, warm enough for Adam to be in just a t-shirt that he realized after he’d gotten to work wasn’t his and was a tiny bit too tight, and didn’t quite reach the top of his jeans.
Kyle was distracted when he pushed open the diner’s door, thinking through the list of everything he needed to get done. It was still early, and Harry wouldn’t expect him home for another three hours. He had time for a coffee and to sit down for a little bit. Not too long - Harry didn’t like it when he was late and he’d already warned Kyle that they would be having guests over tonight, so the apartment had to be perfect and so did Kyle. He slid his phone out of his pocket to check the time and for any messages as he sat down in one of the booths. Still on time, no messages. That was good. Harry liked to change his mind, change plans. He got angry when Kyle didn’t notice.
Adam’s eyes cut up when the door opened, excited to have something to do that wasn’t just staring off into space and what was even better was who it was. He’d seen him before. He’d been in before and usually around the same time and things like that didn’t go missed in Adam’s mind. He pushed off the counter as the guy sat, knowing he was a little too eager as he got closer to him, head tilted to the side. He had no idea why this guy seemed to appeal to him, seemed to catch his attention, but Adam didn’t have an answer for why that what. “What can I get you?” he asked, thigh against Kyle’s table, half smirk on Adam’s features.
Kyle glanced up from his phone as he was spoken to, pushing the item into his jeans pocket. “Hi,” he said, recognising the server. His eyes batted down to the name badge and the small fit of the shirt didn’t go unnoticed either, though Kyle’s eyes didn’t linger. He was in a relationship, he wasn’t meant to notice other guys. Harry got jealous, which was reasonable. Kyle knew he got jealous as well. He would be such a hypocrite if he didn’t follow his own rules. He had to be good first, before he could ever expect anyone else to be. “Adam,” he said, meeting Adam’s eyes. “I’ll have a coffee, and maybe a slice of pie?” he suggested.
Yeah it was weird, how nice it was that the guy addressed him by his name. Sure, it was written on his shirt, but the guy in the corner had been there for well over an hour and he didn’t seem to do more than grunt. “I can do that. Cherry or apple?” he asked about the pie. His smirk shifted to more of a smile, wanting to give this guy that.
Kyle shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t mind - whichever you’d recommend,” he said, agreeably. He wasn’t so good at making his own choices about things any more. Habitually, he just went along with what he was told, so much so that even choices of what he should eat seemed challenging and best avoided. He did give Adam a smile in reply though.
Adam wasn’t sure being asked his opinion on things. Or in a sense that didn’t already have an answer. Jeffrey asked all the time what Adam thought about things, but he’d learned which answer was right, if Jeffrey just wanted to be told that something sounded fine or backed in that it was stupid. Food though, at least that he had his own ideas behind. “Well...honestly the apple’s better. You want ice cream with it?”
More questions, more decisions. “Whatever you’d normally serve it with will be fine,” Kyle sidestepped. Maybe he should have just stuck with coffee. He was starting to feel twitchy. Harry always said that Kyle got so stressed, worrying about making the right choices about things. That was why Harry had started ordering for him, as far back ago as their second date. He’d just wanted Kyle to relax and have a good time. Kyle had found it weird at first, but now it was just one of those things.
“Ice cream it is then.” Adam smile a little and hesitated for a second, like he wanted to stay there, before heading back to the counter and finding Kyle a mug for his coffee. He took out the pie too, cutting a slice and setting it to heat it up a little bit before starting back to Kyle with the mug. “Having a good night?” he asked, filling the mug with the coffee he’d brought with him.
Kyle accepted the pie and coffee gratefully. Picking up his fork, he delicately cut himself a mouthful of pie and added some ice cream, before taking a mouthful. He made sure to chew and swallow before speaking. “That’s really good pie - thanks,” he said. “And yeah, tonight’s pretty good. How about you - the place looks kinda quiet. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing for you…”
Adam really hadn’t seen anyone eat like that. No guy at least. He was used to O’Donnell heathens who ate like monsters. “I didn’t make it. But yeah it’s not bad.” He looked around the almost empty diner and shrugged. “It makes it boring. Not helping the hangover either. Doing anything good tonight? Going out or something?” He was dressed for it at least, looking nicer than Adam did.
Kyle shook his head. “Not going out, but my boyfriend and I have some friends coming over later.” Kyle reflexively pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it. Plenty of time. No messages. Everything was good. He glanced around the diner and out of the window, then back at Adam. “Did you - I mean, if you want to… Since you’re not busy, and with the hangover and all - you could sit down. If you wanted to,” he said. He felt worried as he asked, though he kept it off his face. Harry wouldn’t be pleased at him talking to another guy - but he’d mentioned Harry straight away. There was nothing funny going on.
Boyfriend. Adam couldn’t explain that weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he might feel if some girl had some guy or was hooking up with one of his friends at a party when he wanted to talk to her, but that didn’t make sense. He was pretty sure he wasn’t into guys. At the offer though, he looked around, thinking about it for a second before nodding. “Yeah, I can sit. You can tell me about your party.” Just making friends right? That little tiny surge of excitement that came with the offer was nothing. Nothing real at least. Just a chance to be off his feet and do something other than wish he could do a crossword puzzle without getting a migraine. He held up a finger to give him a minute, rushing to refill the other guy’s coffee and grab his own mug and fries before sitting across from Kyle. “What’s your name?”
Kyle had finished most of his pie by the time Adam got back. It was good pie, and Kyle had learned a while ago now to eat quickly when he wasn’t with Harry. After all, if his boyfriend rang and said he needed him home, then Kyle would have to just up and leave. Pay cash, leave it on the table, don’t wait around - just go. Harry didn’t like to be kept waiting, and Kyle was a punctual person by nature. Unless he got distracted. He used to get distracted. Usually by his art. He missed his art. His fingers still twitched to do something, to draw something even. Just little things. Harry said it was best that he’d given all that up. Kyle didn’t really get why, but every time they talked about it, Harry managed to explain it. He would probably have to explain it again soon. Kyle missed it so much. “Kyle,” he said as Adam sat down across from him. “My name’s Kyle.”
“Kyle,” Adam repeated with a nod. “I like that.” Which was ridiculous to say. Not to mention he’d just used that same line with a girl at a party a few days ago. That hadn’t panned out, but it had been for the best. Jeffrey had told him she was kind of a whore. It just had been nice to talk to her for a few minutes earlier in the party. “So what’s the party gonna be like?”
Kyle quirked a smile at the compliment, but didn’t rise to it. Adam was just a guy, and Kyle had a boyfriend. Which Adam knew. Kyle didn’t take it as a line. “It’s not so much a party,” Kyle explained, finishing off the pie and pushing the plate away from him a little. “Just some friends coming round. I’ll pick some beer up on my way home, and I made some food earlier on. It’s nothing big though. Probably.” He hoped it wouldn’t be. Harry’s get together’s sometimes got out of hand, and Kyle really didn’t like it when that happened. He always woke up the next morning not feeling very good about himself. Harry said that Kyle overdid things at times, but that he always looked like he was having such a great time that Harry didn’t want to make him stop.
“You cooked? Wow. I should invite you to our parties. We usually just have like take out or pizza.” Adam ate a lot of pizza. “Our parties always get big. That’s what happens when Jeff and his brothers throw a party, everyone comes out.” Though even their casual gatherings could get a little rough around the edges if someone sparked something in one of the crazier men.
“Pizza’s good,” Kyle said. “But - I like to cook, I always have.” He gestured with his coffee cup. “Though I’m not available for catering, so you’re going to be stuck with your pizza, I’m afraid,” he said, sounding actually a little apologetic. “Especially not for big parties.”
Adam shrugged. “We’ll manage. No one complains about the pizza unless someone orders something weird on it.” He nibbled at one of his fries, watching the other guy. “So what goes on at one of your parties besides eating fancy food that you made? Girls? Or just guys…”
Kyle coloured a little, looking down at the table for a second before he made himself look back at Adam. He maintained eye contact, his face carefully blank. It would be rude to just refuse to answer a question, but Kyle really didn’t want to talk about Harry’s parties. It was his own fault that he was in this situation now though. After all, Kyle had told Adam about his plans in the first place. Adam was just being nice, showing interest about them. “It’s usually just the guys,” he said, then moved swiftly on. “What kind of pizza toppings would be considered weird?” he asked, taking another sip of coffee.
Adam didn’t mean to, but that little blush made Adam smile a touch more, thinking it was kind of cute in a weird way. Why was that cute? He wasn’t into guys. Guys weren’t cute. But this one sort of looked sweeter when he blushed. And when had Adam ever made anyone blush? The girls at the parties he met weren’t blushers. He was the one who blushed. Then Kyle looked at him and there was almost nothing there. Just...like he was some sort of picture or doll or something. Adam’s smile faltered for a moment, not sure what that face was or what to make of it. “Just the guys. We’ll probably have one of those nights soon. Tonight. Though I’ll be late. They’ll start without me.” Which Adam sounded disappointed about. “Oh, um, last time it was pineapple? One of the guys ordered it and Jeffrey lost his shit. Wound up stepping on the pizza and kicking the guy out.” Which had been weirder considering it was one of their closest friends. The guy had to beg to get back into the next party and Jeffrey had made a point of humiliating the guy for the whole night.
“Wow - your friend really doesn’t like pineapple,” Kyle said with a low whistle, feeling happier now they were off the subject he would prefer to avoid. He made the assumption that this Jeffrey guy was a friend - it was a safer assumption than anything else. Better to correct up to boyfriend than the other way round, and - that shirt aside - nothing about Adam really screamed ‘gay’.
“Not on pizza. I don’t think he has anything against it in general.” Adam shrugged, taking another fry. “People know that though. Or know what he likes. I don’t know why they just don’t do what he likes. He’s better when he’s happy.” He was great when he was happy. And it showed on Adam’s features that he knew that much. He loved it when his friend was happy.
Kyle knew that look, which made him pause for a moment and wonder if his first tack wasn’t actually wrong. If ‘friends’ wasn’t the correct term. Adam hadn’t corrected him though, so he kept quiet about it. “It’s nice when people are happy,” he agreed, with a small smile. He liked making Harry happy and he managed it, most of the time. Though, lately, it seemed that the things that used to make him happy didn’t so much any more. It almost felt like, every time Kyle figured out what he needed to do to keep his boyfriend happy, Harry found new things that he really really wanted from Kyle.
“Right? Same with your boyfriend?” he asked, thinking maybe it was. That smile made sense. The others, they got a look like that around Adam sometimes. Sometimes it was less smiling though. More frustration that Jeffrey never got too upset with him.
Kyle nodded. “Harry knows what he likes. He’s decisive like that, which I could never be.” Kyle paused at that, thinking that wasn’t quite right. He used to be decisive about some things, but everything had seemed to get so hard. He seemed to think too much, and Harry had pointed out that, even when he made sure to think things through properly, he almost always made the wrong choice at the end of it. In fact, it seemed that the more Harry had encouraged him to think about things, the worse it was. Until they tried giving up and Harry had started to make the decisions for Kyle. Then both of them were happier. Kyle had stopped doing everything wrong, and Harry had stopped worrying about Kyle stressing himself out and being miserable.
“Yeah Jeffrey’s the same way. Though...I mean sometimes it’s best to just agree. It’s nice that he wants me around.” That was all that mattered to Adam, despite all the trouble, all the fear that things would go horribly wrong at any moment.
Kyle opened his mouth to say that it wasn’t like that with Harry. He didn’t ‘just agree’. He just knew from experience that Harry knew best - and had Kyle’s best interests at heart. Harry loved him, he was sure of it. Harry was helping him in so many ways. Working so hard at this relationship to make Kyle happy and safe and content, even if Kyle knew that he could be kind of high maintenance at times, and it was only right if Kyle returned that by doing whatever he could to make Harry happy. Even if that meant not necessarily being happy all the time. Harry didn’t need to know that. Kyle didn’t need to cause him more problems. He couldn’t think how to say any of that, though, without sounding rude. He took a sip of his coffee to stall, and then offered, “You seem like a nice guy, Adam. I’m sure that having you around is no hardship.” Maybe once upon a time, the tone of the comment would have been slightly flirtatious - but Kyle had a boyfriend now. He didn’t do flirtatious any more. Harry got jealous, and he very certainly was not happy when he was jealous. Kyle’s hand dipped towards his pocket, the guilt reflex pushing him to check his phone. Just in case. He stopped himself though. His phone wasn’t on silent. He’d hear if there was a message. And he still had plenty of time.
Adam caught the hesitation though, the way Kyle went for his coffee when the was in a place to carry on the conversation. People did that, when they didn’t know what to say. He’d watched it for years. The comment was nice, though not really necessary. What else Adam noticed was the way that Kyle went for his phone. He might not have followed through on the action, but Adam still caught it. “You need to check that?” he asked about his phone, nodding towards his hand under the table.
Kyle went to shake his head, but then nodded. See: he couldn’t even make a proper decision about whether or not to check his phone. He hadn’t realised how bad he was until Harry had started kindly pointing out his flaws. Then he realised they were everywhere. “If you don’t mind… I just… I tend to lose track of time. And I really can’t be late.” He checked his phone. He still had over two and a half hours to go. He quickly recalculated; even allowing for delays and a queue at the store, he had just under two hours free. But he should shower and change before people came over. And leave time for tidying up, even though he’d done that first thing that morning, sometimes things got messy. Still, he had over an hour. No messages. Timetable was still the same. He pocketed his phone. “It’s all good,” he said with a smile. “So - how long have you worked here for?” he asked.
“You can’t? You don’t seem like the type that’s late much,” Adam said because someone as put together as Kyle was right now? No way he was late unless the roads were all shut down. “It’s fine though. You’re just visiting. I have to stay here.” He shrugged a little, trying to think of how long it had been. “Year I guess. Not really that much of a big deal, the work thing.”
Kyle shook his head. “No - something has to go really wrong for me to be late. But part of that is that I tend to check the time a lot. I used to be…” He rolled his eyes at himself and relaxed back against the seat. “God, I used to be awful. I would get lost in things and I swear, days could go past and I wouldn’t notice. Hence: regular checking of the time,” he explained. “I take it that working in a diner wasn’t your ultimate dream and goal in life then?” he asked with a little smile.
“Days? What on earth did you get lost in for days?” Adam asked, smiling a little and wondering what that was. “Ultimate dream? No I guess not. Who has dreams like that? I’ve got more than I ever had before.”
Kyle shrugged and blushed a little again, taking a sip of coffee. “I used to be in art school. My projects there… were pretty involved,” he said, feeling that itch in his fingers again. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad - not to go back to school. He knew Harry was right in that. School was too intense and stressful. He was so grateful that Harry had been able to make him see that. But… just a bit. A few sketches. He missed his art. It was getting bad again. He was starting to see the world in the way he’d draw it. He looked at Adam and he didn’t see a waiter. He saw a man and imagined how he’d draw him, to bring out who he really was, underneath. Yeah - he needed to talk to Harry.
“Art school? Really?” Adam looked impressed. He didn’t have much in the way of discernible talents, so the idea of having something like that was too good to be true. “That’s awesome.” He reached for a napkin and a pen, pushing it out to Kyle. “Show me.” He was grinning at least until the guy in the corner started to make noises about needing his coffee refilled. “Be right back,” he said before getting up and going for the coffee pot.
Kyle stared at the napkin and pen as Adam walked away. He swallowed. He shouldn’t. Harry and he had talked about this. Many times. How Kyle may love his art, but it wasn’t good for his mental health. Harry said Kyle wasn’t a good person when he was working. That he was different. But… Kyle loved it so much. He felt empty without it, and it was only his trust in Harry’s opinion that stopped him. Yet… He looked around once again, as if expecting Harry to be standing at the window, watching him. There was nobody there. Ducking his shoulders and hunching forward, he quickly sketched Adam. Nothing fancy. He didn’t have time for that. Just his face. Emphasis on those eyes, and that close mouthed smile that seemed to be honest and self-aware at the same time, as if Adam was always on the verge of laughing at himself. Kyle sat back and looked at it, as always, hyper-critical of his work. He almost balled it up and threw it away, but it was the only thing he’d created in getting on for six months now. Good or bad, it brought tears to his eyes, seeing it there.
Adam got the guy coffee and he finally ordered something which meant Adam was headed back with the order, scribbling it down to give it took the cook, who grumbled but got to work. Then Adam went back to Kyle, sitting across from him with an apologetic smile. It shifted though as he saw the drawing, reaching for it and sliding it across to himself. “You...drew me.” He wasn’t expecting that. “Why me? Wow...this is good.”
Kyle shook his head. “It’s just a shitty sketch,” he said, dismissively. It wasn’t quite self-deprecating though. It came from a different place. Kyle knew he could do better. He wanted to do better. It was frustrating that, in six months, that was all he could achieve. Hoping Adam was distracted by the sketch, Kyle subtly wiped his eyes before he did, actually, shed a tear.
Adam was looking at the drawing, but didn’t miss the way Kyle wipe at his eyes. That was interesting. “Well, it’s not, but if this is a shitty sketch, I don’t think I’m ready for what you can actually do. You’ll have to show me sometime.”
Kyle shook his head. “I don’t…” He took a deep breath. “I don’t do that anymore,” he admitted. Who was he kidding? He’d talk to Harry. They’d discuss it. And Harry would be kind, and supportive, and wonderful, and remind him of all the bad things that came when Kyle was let loose with his art. That door was closed.
“You don’t...what? You’re joking right?” Adam said shaking his head. “You didn’t actually give this up right? You’re that good, you should keep doing it.”
Kyle’s expression disappeared in an instant. He sat upright more, his posture stiff as he said, “I’m not joking. I don’t do this anymore. Talent is not the be all and end all.” Harry’s words - You’re so talented, K. I’ve never known anyone like you. But sometimes talent isn’t enough. It’s not the be all and end all. It takes more than that. It takes a strength that you haven’t got, Sugar. I don’t want to be cruel, I know it’ll be hard for you to hear. But I can’t just stand here and watch you work your fingers to the bone, only to have some kind of a breakdown from it. Not when you don’t need to.
Adam made a face. “Yeah but it’s more than most of it right?” he asked. “Sure there’s hard work, but it’s not like I can do this on a napkin.” He smiled at the drawing before sliding it back to Kyle. “Don’t give up.”
Kyle met Adam’s hand in the middle and pushed the napkin back to him. “Keep it,” he said, quietly, dropping his eyes away from Adam. He couldn’t take it home. Harry would pitch a fit. There would be hell to pay if he knew Kyle had gone against their agreement.
Adam froze when Kyle’s fingers brushed his. It wasn’t until his fingers touched his that he wanted him to do just that. He frowned, looking at the picture then at Kyle. “You’re sure. I mean...I gotta look at this ugly mug every day in the mirror. You’re the one who might forget what I look like.”
Kyle stared for a moment, wide eyed as he tried to work out why this guy was intimating that he wanted to ensure Kyle remembered him. The expressionless mask returned and Kyle reached to ball up the napkin. “If you don’t want it…” he said, knowing that he would have to throw it in the trash. He would prefer that Adam kept it. He would prefer never to destroy any kind of art. Especially when it might be his last. Even if that was his own damn arrogance speaking.
Adam caught Kyle’s wrist with ease, keeping him from crumpling up the napkin. “I didn’t say that.” He was teasing before, but it brought out that mask again, the plastic version of Kyle.
Kyle let the napkin go, and pulled back his hand, massaging his wrist, though Adam hadn’t hurt him in the least. “You… you shouldn’t call yourself ugly,” he muttered.
“Yeah well there still isn’t much going on there,” he said without thinking about how it was a weird thing to hear from a guy. What he was looking at was the way Kyle was rubbing his wrist. “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”
Kyle shook his head. “You didn’t hurt me. I just… I don’t really like being grabbed,” he admitted. Which was the first time he’d admitted that to anyone. The admission was uncomfortable and unnerving, which was why he went with the other subject. He looked across at Adam and scowled - an expression he hadn’t used in a while. “Do you hear yourself? ‘There isn’t much going on there’? Please.” He rolled his eyes at the whole thing, figuring Adam was being falsely modest, even though he didn’t get that vibe from him.
“Oh. I didn’t...well I didn’t mean any harm,” Adam said with a frown. “I’m sorry. I should have guessed. I just didn’t want you to crumple it.” Adam smoothed the drawing before looking up and shrugging. “What? Really, not much going on.”
Kyle stared at him as though he were insane. Okay, so he’d gone into this whole conversation on the basis that he had a serious boyfriend and so couldn’t look at other guys. But, he was an artist. He saw beauty. It was like oxygen to him. Boyfriend or not, he could appreciate the man across the other side of the table had a certain… symmetry to his form that would be considered attractive. And something about him made the asymmetric parts of his visage - those little freckles for instance - add to the appeal, rather than detract from it.
Adam looked at Kyle, then past himself over his shoulder, and back at Kyle. “What is that look for?”
“You,” Kyle said, bluntly. “With your whole…” He gestured towards Adam. “‘I don’t know I’m hot’ act you have going on. It really doesn’t work for you.” Which was a lie, Kyle decided. It did. He was starting to think it wasn’t false modesty. In which case, it was just kinda cute. He wasn’t going to say that to Adam though.
Adam stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. “It’s not an act.” He heard the bell ring that the order was up and held up a finger, before getting up from the table and hurrying to get it. He tugged at his shirt, from where it rode up, grabbing the order and taking it to the other guy. Smiling a little before he headed back to Kyle.
Kyle watched him go. The guy was cute, definitely. And that - definitely - was Kyle’s cue to leave. He got up, pulling what he figured was way over the odds for the check in cash out of his back pocket and left it on the table. Then, with a glance toward Adam, he walked out. He would be back, he knew he would be, but not today.
Adam watched Kyle go, not sure what the hell had happened. He took a few steps towards the door, but the guy was already gone. Adam wondered what he’d done to run him off, not sure what, but knowing it had to be his fault. With a sigh he grabbed the money, hating that he left such a good tip and then looked at the drawing. After a moment of thinking about it, he folded it up and stuck it in his wallet for safe keeping.