Katherine & Merlin Friday morning, October 5, 2012; Katherine's house All the feels. No, really. Merlin's helping Katherine feel feelings again for the first time in 5 centuries. All. the feels. EVER. TBD/In progress
Katherine had been in a battle with herself for the last month and change. Between the promises from Caedus and the talks with Jacen, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do in that respect any more. The post she'd made on the boards a month ago had spawned several conversations she hadn't anticipated. She had expected a lot more flack than she'd received that day, but it had given her a lot to think about. And the girl who had virtually no friends, had a lot of time to herself to think things over. Somewhere along the way in this redemption act, she'd managed to actually start believing her own words and she actually wanted to follow through with what she was setting out for herself.
She hadn't expected things to hit her this way, but in part, it had been a comment Lilah had made to her that made her second-guess what she thought she was doing. How could she be sure that Caedus would follow through with what he promised her? Surely, she couldn't be that lucky, not twice in succession. Manipulation was something she was familiar with and there was always the potential for someone to try to out-manipulate her. That was not something she was okay with, nor was it a risk she was willing to take, and for what? Promises of things she'd never dreamed of. What did that even mean? That was vague, and probably for a reason. Moriarty had been specific. What she wanted, she got, at a price. A price she was willing to accept at the time for the protection with his witch and the material things he provided her with. Thinking back to when she was working for Moriarty seemed like another lifetime now. So much had changed, right under her own nose.
Her meeting with John three nights ago had been the biggest recent turning point. She was trying to help him, though she wasn't sure it had worked in the way she intended. Katherine thought that maybe he could try to find a way to push through everything if he let out the anger out on her. From what she heard from Jacen, it sounded like maybe the meeting had the opposite of the intended effect. That bothered her, though not in a guilty sense, rather more annoyed than anything else at this point. She had a fleeting thought, wondering if that might change after today.
Now that she had finally come around to realizing where she was in her own head, knowing what she wanted, Katherine was uneasy. What she was starting today was far from the easy path to take, which was hard for her because that was always what she defaulted to. When things got tough, she took the easy way out. She couldn't do that this time.
She had been up, pacing the front room of her house for an hour now, waiting for time to pass and Merlin to show up. He would be here, she had no doubt of that, time just seemed to pass slower for her today purely out of spite.