"He'd made friends. He had a weekly card game to go to and people who wanted to listen to him play. And several attractive bad decisions to pursue. "
WHAT: A song leads to one thing … that then leads to a discussion WHERE: Jaskier's apartment WHEN: Wednesday February 26th WARNINGS: Standard fade to black followed by conversations of death and war and loss STATUS:Complete!
Klaus grabbed a bottle of… whiskey? Yeah, the label said whiskey. Anyway he took the bottle and headed down the hallway, telling Ben not to wait up. He found it funny that he'd not invited Jaskier to his room for Ben's sake, but as it turned out the bard's room was right next to his sister's. Sorry, Allison, he thought, not for the first time.
Of course, there was no guarantee this evening was headed the way he thought it might, and it was possible that Klaus was reading too much into it that simply wasn't there. It was so hard to tell, he'd never flirted with anyone with text before. Usually these sorts of things initiated in a bar, and Klaus had been to the bar the night before, covertly, just to check out this bard.
Based on that experience, he was hoping this was going where he thought it was, but he was equally excited for the song. Hopefully, this was going to be a good night.
He knocked on the door and waited.
Jaskier still had no idea what to make of this place, but he had decided to roll with it. After all, it was better than wandering on his own because Geralt had proven to be just a phenomenal ass. The words his friend had thrown at him still hurt and it would be good to have space. Even if that space came in the form of a strange new world. At least this way he couldn't go crawling pathetically back to Geralt. He was not going to do that. Geralt wanted him gone, so gone he would be. See how the great oaf liked that.
Besides, people appreciated him. He'd made friends. He had a weekly card game to go to and people who wanted to listen to him play. And several attractive bad decisions to pursue. Like this Klaus guy. He was looking forward to this private performance. He definitely got the sense the guy was interested in more than his lute.
He'd been tuning his lute, making sure it was in good shape, when the knock came. He got to his feet and made his way to open it, stopping at the sight of the man there.
Yeah, this was definitely not just a musical performance.
He leaned against the doorframe, cocking his hip slightly as he looked Klaus over. "Well, hello," he said. "Come on in and make yourself comfortable. I believe I owe you a performance."
Holding up the bottle of whiskey, Klaus made his way over to the couch and agreed., "I believe you do. And I brought refreshment for the occasion." It seemed only fair, given that he wasn't about to play a lute and sing. He took a seat, leaving the bottle unopened for the moment, as he took in the bard's appearance, a small smile forming on his lips. The other man's style was enviable, but Klaus rested his gaze on Jaskier's eyes. Those were the sort of eyes a man could get lost in. Very happily lost, at that.
"I take it you've decided on a song then?" he asked, forcing himself to concentrate on the moment at hand, not the future he hoped would transpire.
Jaskier could definitely appreciate the whiskey. And the company. Klaus was certainly something to look at, and Jaskier liked what he was seeing. This could be good. Something to take his mind off that blighted witcher for a while. "Well you have my thanks," he said, taking the bottle of whiskey and looking it over. He opened it and took a long swallow because cups were for proper situations and this one was far from proper. He licked the taste from his lips and passed the bottle to Klaus.
"That I have." Jaskier had thought long and hard about it. Too few tragic ballads had any hope in them. Too many hopeful ones were saccharine and overly romantic. Hope didn't always have to come from romantic love. In the end, he'd spent the better part of the night composing something. Geralt had never appreciated the amount of work he put into his craft, but then Jaskier often played the fool around him. But no more.
He settled down with his lute and began playing. The song was a lovely one if he did say so himself. He might be biased with his own work, but he liked to think anyone else would agree. A tale of a man constantly fleeing from destiny and all the heartache it brought. Geralt. It was about Geralt, because of course it was. Everything was. The man in the song couldn't see that in pushing away destiny, he was bringing himself misery and ruin. Jaskier sang with an aching wistfulness, until the end when the man stopped running and found a measure of peace in accepting destiny. It was what Jaskier hoped for Geralt, even in his anger. He just wanted Geralt to find some peace.
He ended the song and set aside his lute. "I have others if that one doesn't suit," he told Klaus. Just not Her Sweet Kiss. He wasn't sure he wanted to lay his soul quite so bare as that. Maybe another time.
When the bottle was passed back to him, Klaus easily obliged. And then he took another sip. But once the song started, the bottle was set aside, as Klaus's full attention went to the bard and his lute and the song, and the raw emotion he could feel emanating from it. He sat, riveted, as Jaskier played, held captive by the lyrics, with everything he'd asked for delivered as promised, and somehow more.
He sat silent as it finished, passing back the bottle, imagining the taste of whiskey on the bard's lips.
"No, that was perfect," Klaus replied, his voice honest and aching. He had no idea of the man those words sang of, but he knew he was not that man, and never was going to be that man, but he also knew that right now it hardly mattered.
He made the first move, or at least he thought he did. Things became far hazier than the small amount of whiskey he'd drank allowed for, but there were no complaints on his part when he no longer had to imagine the taste of Jaskier's lips, or what his fingers felt like tangled in his hair, or how truly lost he could find himself pulling away just far enough to gaze into the bard's eyes.
Jaskier took the bottle when Klaus offered it, taking another long pull of whiskey to drown the emotions the song had evoked within him. Maybe it had been a mistake to sing about Geralt, because now he was thinking about the witcher and how much he missed him and how much it still hurt that Geralt had cast him out of his life. Another gulp of whiskey followed. He had a gorgeous man here and he was not going to let himself drown in his regrets over Geralt.
It helped that Klaus was so effusive in his praise. Perfect. When was the last time someone had complimented him so genuinely? It was much nicer than having his singing referred to as fillingless pie. No. Not thinking about Geralt. Geralt could go fuck himself for all he cared.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he said, and then didn't have the words to say anything else because Klaus's mouth was on his and his hands were in his hair and okay, yes. This was good. This was exactly what he needed. His own hands settled on Klaus's hips, pulling him closer as he chased the taste of whiskey on Klaus's tongue. Gods, but he had missed this feeling. Connecting with another person. It had been a while, that was for sure.
"You really did enjoy it, didn't you," he laughed, dragging Klaus closer as he stumbled to his feet. He had a perfectly good bedroom after all, and it was all too clear where this was going. "Why don't I show you what else I'm good at."
This.
This is what Klaus had needed. Wanted. Both? No strings and no commitments but a perfect distraction from life, the end of the world, and this random new world he'd found himself in. An escape, seemingly mutually desired, at that.
He'd not yet commented on the subject of that song; that beautiful, melodious, haunting song nor had Jaskier mentioned the dog tags that had remained around Klaus's neck. Ghosts and baggage, momentarily forgotten.
Now Klaus was curious, however, and propped himself up on his elbow, looking at Jaskier. Not a bad view at all. "Whose destiny was that about?" he asked.
As Jaskier laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling in the aftermath, he had to admit that he had needed this. Needed connection with someone else without any expectations. He'd put too much of himself into other people of late and only gotten heartache in return, so this was a nice change. A balm on the pain in his chest.
But it seemed that the questions Klaus hadn't bothered with before were coming out now. "A friend," he said, shifting onto his side to look at his bedmate as he spoke. It wasn't the whole story, but he wasn't sure he wanted to share that yet. "Or he was. He did a rather phenomenal job of shoving me out of his life. I devoted myself to him for twenty years of my life and he repaid me by blaming me for all his troubles. He...I still hope he finds happiness. His life is difficult and I hope in the end it goes the way of that song." Knowing Geralt though, there was every chance it would be sadder and bloodier.
Reaching over, he toyed with the chain around Klaus's neck. "Who is David?" he asked, because one painful turn deserved another and he'd never been good at keeping his mouth shut.
"Twenty…" Klaus started to ask how old Jaskier was, but was soon distracted by the bard's question, sighing in turn. "Dave was the man I loved," he said, the sad smile turning up on his face matching his haunted eyes. "We served ten months on the front lines of Vietnam… Ten months where the war was secondary compared to my love for him. But bullets don't discriminate, and I loved and lost him all in one place and time."
Explaining Vietnam, the time travel, the unexpectedness of the journey and of the man he'd fallen for along the way didn't seem a necessity when Jaskier was clearly from a different place and time himself. Even if the question of age had drifted from his mind, replaced by other questions he was uncertain about asking.
Oh. Well, that was more than Jaskier expected. He didn't know what Vietnam was or what a bullet was, but he knew that Klaus had loved someone completely and had lost them. That he had suffered a very particular sort of heartbreak, and Jaskier felt for him. He had always said that he fell in love just a bit with every person he bedded, and it was true. He didn't know Klaus, but he felt for him, and that made him want to sooth the pain the other man clearly felt.
"I'm sorry you lost him," he said, more sincere than he usually allowed himself to be. If it was odd to have this sort of conversation in bed, he really didn't care. He just wanted Klaus to feel less alone. "But you loved him. And he loved you. And you'll always be able to hold on to that, no matter what. And that's...more than a lot of people find in their life. I imagine Dave would want you to be happy, even without him. I know that's probably hard, but he doesn't sound like the sort of man who would be selfish enough to want you to drown yourself in grief." He shifted onto his back and tugged Klaus closer, running his fingers through the other man's hair.
"Tell me about him," he said, wondering if Klaus has ever been able to just talk about his lost love. "What was he like?"
Klaus realized Jaskier didn't know anything about Dave, or their relationship, so everything he was saying was fairly presumptuous. But it was also accurate, so in the end it didn't matter much, did it?
"I got sober," Klaus said quietly. "I got sober to see him again. Hasn't worked yet." With one day erased from his memory he didn't know that he had seen Dave, that he'd gotten a glimpse of that smile that made his heart melt and that inspired him into better and greater things. No, Dave was his fondest memory now, and a recent one at that, but the distance between the life they had lived together and his life without him now seemed greater than the couple of weeks that separated them.
Nor did Klaus realize his words wouldn't have made any sense to Jaskier, caught up in his thoughts.
"He was brave," Klaus said wistfully, closing his eyes, picturing the way Dave had woken up upon his arrival, confused. The way he'd offered his hand and assured Klaus that he'd adjust to the ups and downs of war. "He never stood down, always jumped into the fray. He made me want to be better, to be fearless, and I learned how to be because I had never loved anyone else before."
He sighed, opening his eyes. "He didn't carry the battles with him, somehow. He taught me, and all of us, but especially me, how to find the light when we could. Those ten months were fraught with danger, but also full of joy…"
His lips quirked upward, a smile softly playing on his lips.
"Anyway, that's Dave."
He fell silent for a bit, and then remembered the question that had puzzled him before. "How could you have devoted yourself to anyone for twenty years?"
A pause. "Was he only a friend?"
Jaskier didn't really understand what being sober had to do with Klaus seeing his dead lover again. It didn't exactly make sense. But he was hardly going to question it. That would be rather rude, in the face of all that Klaus had told him. Maybe it was a sort of magic, that required a level of sobriety. He'd never bothered to make much sense of magic. It wasn't really his thing, and every encounter he'd had with it had gone poorly. Better to keep away from it as much as he could.
Still, he could be supportive, if nothing else. "I hope that you find a way to see him," he said, truly meaning it. He had enjoyed this dalliance, but he hardly expected Klaus to forget about the love of his life because they'd shared a bed once. That would be ridiculous. This was just a pleasant passing of time. Nothing more. He wouldn't be adverse to having Klaus in his bed again, but he had no expectations.
He listened as Klaus talked about Dave, what he had been like and what Klaus had loved about him. He sounded like a good man. Noble and kind and brave. The sort of person someone like Klaus deserved. Jaskier had never known him but he felt a sort of grief as the man was described to him. It was always a shame when good men died. There wasn't much fairness in the universe and such things left the world so much the worse.
"He sounds like a good man," he said after a moment's silence. "You were lucky to have known him. Life can be hard and battle even more so. Having someone at your side in trying times...it's a gift. I'm very sorry that you lost him." It had to be hard, going on after losing someone like that. Nobody would really measure up.
And then Klaus was asking about Geralt, about the years that Jaskier had given him, and he had to take a moment before answering. How could he explain the fragile, complicated thing that has existed between him and Geralt? Or, perhaps, it had only existed for him. Geralt had certainly been rid of him easily enough. But it wasn't quite as simple as all of that. He knew it. Yes, Geralt had been an ass, but it didn't change the years they had shared or the fact that Jaskier missed him like a limb.
"I met him when I was young and naive and foolish," he said. "And he was...so much larger than life. I looked at him and saw adventure and danger and...I couldn't help but follow him. He had a reputation for being cold and heartless, but he was noble and brave and he felt so much. He just...wanted to make the world better. And I wanted people to see all the good that was in him. He was so alone and I just...wanted to fix that."
He sighed. "We didn't travel together for all that time," he said. "There were years when we were apart. He had his monsters to fight and I had my own work. But we always came back to one another…" Until Geralt had demanded he leave. There had been a feeling of finality to that. A sense that there was no going back.
He laughed as Klaus asked if Geralt had just been a friend, a quiet, pained sound. "If you asked Geralt," he said, "I doubt he'd even admit that we were friends. He was very good at pushing people away. But to answer your question...I loved him. I have loved him for years. But there is nothing to come of it. He never cared for me that way. There was someone else who had his heart."
Klaus listened patiently as Jaskier explained why he had devoted himself to Geralt off and on for twenty years, but that hadn't been his question. He waited to rephrase it though, feeling the pain of unrequited love even though the idea was new to him. He'd loved once, and it had been returned, only at least twenty years too short because he could have loved Dave forever.
"I'm sorry," he said simply. He could say Geralt didn't deserve him, but the truth was often more complicated than that. And though Jaskier was a beautiful and welcome distraction, Klaus didn't hold illusions or even the desire for anything more than that. Still, he leaned in and kissed the bard, his way of offering further empathy without having to find words. He'd leave that to the wordsmith.
"What I meant though… How old are you?" There was definite confusion in his voice. He'd pegged Jaskier as old enough for this evening to be comfortable and apparently he was more correct than he could have imagined.
Jaskier appreciated the sympathy, unnecessary though it might have been. He would never regret giving his heart to Geralt, in spite of how things had ended between him. It had helped him to grow as a person and become better. He had learned from Geralt and he hoped that their friendship had bettered the witcher as well. Besides, he’d loved plenty of people over the years. It wasn’t always having those feelings returned that was important.
The kiss was nice though, and he’d certainly take comfort in a physical capacity. Because he did miss Geralt and he was terribly lonely without him. Still, he would move on. He always did. And he was certain that he and Klaus could have a good friendship here, even if the man was never going to become more than that. Well, they might repeat this now and again, but romance wasn’t really in the cards for them.
"Oh," he said, laughing at the question. For all Yennefer’s jabs about crows feet, he had always looked rather young for his age. So he could understand Klaus’s confusion. "I’m forty-one years old. People always do say I don’t look my age. I do hope that isn’t a problem."
"You look exceptionally good for your age," Klaus replied in a murmur, pressing another kiss to Jaskier's lips to indicate that no, it wasn't a problem. It seemed they were done talking again, and that was fine. There were plenty of other things they could do to pass the time.
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Jaskier said with a laugh, dragging Klaus on top of him as they continued kissing. They were definitely done talking for the night.