dǫçţǫŗ şɭęęƥ (shone) wrote in valloic, @ 2020-08-24 12:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: dan torrance, ₴ inactive: river song |
WHO: River & Dan
WHAT: Inviting her out to talk, instead of just after the Wednesday meetings
WHEN: Today sometime
WHERE: A tea bar in the city
WARNINGS: Not really?
STATUS: Complete
After so many years, centuries really, of keeping secrets, hiding what she was thinking and feeling, River had never thought she would actually take Dan up on his offer to talk. Not properly. But there had been the meetings, where she still didn't speak, and the conversations after the meetings, where she'd shared more than she'd expected. She was late. Of course, she was late. Her sense of timing was nearly as bad as The Doctor's. Actually, her sense of it was perfectly excellent, if a bit unsettled here. It was more a matter of whether or not she paid it any mind. And part of her was still reluctant to let down her guard, especially with a stranger. It had been difficult enough with her wife, and there were still so many things neither of them would ever address. But that was the nature of their relationship, of who they were as individuals. There would only ever be so much they could talk about. As she slid into her seat, she offered a small, apologetic smile. After all, she had been the one who asked to meet today. "Sorry," she said casually, "I lost track of the time." By now, Dan had been to a few tea bars in the city - tea houses? He wasn’t sure what to call them, but this place in particular was good and featured bright, cozy ottomans and lots of wood-fired ceramic bowls, pots, and cups, not much fanfare to the storefront. Which was a positive. Because tea should speak for itself, right? He’d arrived a little early but simply picked a table and studied the menu; he decided to wait until River got here before he ordered something, however, and just mentally made a selection. Then he cracked open a book, an actual book he’d checked out from the library and read until company arrived. She was late but he didn’t mind - he could sit here and read all day (he’d done it in the past, in other coffee shops and libraries themselves). “No problem,” he greeted warmly, using a receipt to mark a stopping point in his reading material (he wasn’t fancy enough for bookmarks, and not chaotic enough to doggie-ear the page) and setting the book aside. “I haven’t ordered yet, so, whenever you’re ready we can do that.” The waiter had dropped off a glass of water to start with, so that’s what he’d been nursing for the time being. “You didn’t need to wait,” she answered automatically, the polite response. She looked at the menu, but didn’t seem to really be reading the words. It was just a distraction. Still, when the waiter returned, she made her selection without hesitation, equally politely, before settling back into her seat. At least she wasn’t quite as exhausted as she had been. It was easier to sleep in the TARDIS. Not much, but enough to make a difference. “You know, a few thousand years she’s had, and my wife still can’t make a decent cup of tea, bless her,” she said idly, “Or my husbands, for that matter.” “Oh yeah?” Dan chuckled, fingertips drumming on the table - he’d ordered an oolong tea, with lemon, something simple. Comforting. Plus, he’d already gone for boba tea a few days before with Georgie, and there was only so much of that he could handle - it was pretty sweet. “It’s probably something of an art form. I try, but end up just relying on tea bags instead of loose teas.” It was easy to prepare when he was at work, for example. Just dunk in hot water and let it sit. Better than shitty coffee from the communal pot, sludgy enough to pave roads with. But anyway. “How’s that going, by the way?” he asked. “You and the husband and the wife?” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I imagine it was going about as you'd expect.” While River had always loved them equally, none of them ever seemed to quite manage getting along with themselves. Too much ego, too many similarities they didn’t enjoy seeing from the outside, and too many differences they didn’t care to be reminded of. “My husband has...gone. And his younger self arrived.” And it was cruel and selfish to want to keep her here, when of all of them, she still had a life to go back to, friends who were waiting for her; but she’d been so grateful her wife was still here, a version of The Doctor who knew her completely. As completely as they ever had, anyway. She loved all of them, and she did her best not to play favorites. But...it was nice to feel she was loved in return. “So no less complicated, I’m afraid.” She kept her voice deliberately light to mask just how much she was hurting. She could try to hide it all she wanted, but anyone would be hurting after losing a husband, a wife, a partner - and River was no exception; she wasn’t made of stone, anyway, at least not in Dan’s opinion. Maybe a little cautious and slow to open up to someone, but a lot of people were like that and he certainly didn’t blame her for being that way. It didn’t mean she lacked feelings. “Whatever magic brings people here, it also takes them away pretty suddenly,” Dan said, his tone quiet. “I wish it was different. Or that we’d get some warning - but it’s not possible, and that probably wouldn’t be much better either.” He was still smarting from Abra’s disappearance. There was literally nothing he could do about it though - no one could do anything about the almost breakneck pace people were dumped here and then yanked back. “Could you still talk to your wife, about what you’re thinking? And feeling? About dying and coming back, I mean.” From what he understood, the husband and the wife were basically the same person, just different forms - but he hoped River felt like she could share things either way, that she didn’t have to keep everything locked within. River laughed, couldn't help herself, but there was no real humour in it. “Knowing doesn't make it any easier.” She'd seen it in The Doctor’s eyes, every day for 24 years, how much he'd dreaded goodbye, even when he’d wanted to treasure every moment of their last ‘night’ together. But at the mention of her wife, her expression softened again. “I did, actually. Some of it.” She twisted her hands together in her lap, a rare outward sign of her nerves. “She's the oldest I've ever seen her. Not just her. Any of them.” Glancing up, she realized perhaps she should clarify. “She knows me, knows our life together. That helps. Not much. But it helps.” Their tea was delivered, a beautifully crafted clay pot with matching cups - and when tea was actually poured, the smell was amazing. It wafted up beneath Dan’s nose, his oolong and all of its fragrant glory - something fresh, like a bouquet of flowers; it went well with a little bit of lemon flavoring. “Oh, you talked to her?” Dan’s eyebrows lifted curiously, as he stirred and breathed in the steam. “That’s good. What did she say?” From what he’d heard during one of their former chats, River sort of indicated that it hadn’t gone well since her husband just experienced all this guilt and relayed that - which probably didn’t help matters, when someone close to you was trying to explain how they felt. Focusing firmly on her own tea, its scent and its warmth, River nodded. She took a few moments to consider how much she wanted to say, how to explain. The connection she and The Doctor shared was…special, personal. Their conversation might also not have gone as well without it. There was also the matter of her wife being…very different from her husband, despite being technically the same individual, just as her husbands were often different from one another. “She handled it beautifully,” she settled on, finally. Better than she’d expected, certainly. “She apologized, but she didn’t dwell. She…knew I was upset, asked. She doesn’t do that.” Tilting her head, she amended that with a slight smile, “Well, maybe she does. I’m still figuring her out.” “That’s good to hear,” Dan smiled a little, sipping on his tea, once he’d poured some into the cup - it was still hot but not scalding which meant he didn’t really need to wait for it to cool. Just enjoy it. “I think there are some differences between women and men when it comes to this sort of thing - women tend to be more empathetic than men, or at least, some research has shown that.” Their brains signaled empathy more often, they felt other people’s pain - of course, given Dan’s skillset, he sort of went against the norm there but his masculinity wasn’t fragile; he would gladly admit that women were pretty amazing in other ways too (and the superior gender, come on - they made for better bosses, better leaders). “I’m glad you were able to explain how you felt though. Even if it’s a different version of the person you love, you deserve to be heard.” And he meant that. River poured her own tea but simply set it in front of her. “I love all of them. I always have.” Well, at least, since the moment she had learned she didn’t have to hate them. “They are different, but that's never mattered to me.” It didn’t matter if he turned up in velvet or pinstripes or that ridiculous bow tie or if he was her old man with the cross eyebrows. And it certainly didn’t make a difference now that she’d shown up in that, frankly ridiculous, rainbow shirt and never seemed to wear pants that came past her ankles. She was still The Doctor. She only had to look at her to see that. “The truth is, it wasn’t either of them who made the final decision. It was a husband who hadn’t even met me yet. Though, this one certainly knew what he was doing when he gave him that choice to make. And in all those years, centuries really, none of them ever came back, not even to say goodbye.” Which was to say, she still had her reasons for being upset with all of them, even if she didn’t entirely blame Pretty Boy for his choice at the time. And the older the Doctor, perhaps the more she had blamed them. And it was hard to turn off those emotions, but it had been easy to forgive when she could feel the warmth of her wife's love, when she knew what she would give to protect her now, if she could. “It's complicated,” she said eventually, softly. “It usually is,” his smile turned sympathetic. “Especially when you just want to fix things, make them better - but it often isn’t that easy. Still, saying what you need to say helps.” And River’s wife had recognized that she needed to speak, to be listened to - that was an important step. Dan’s fingers rested on the sides of the cup, and he let the heat soak in - things had been a rollercoaster lately (but really, when weren’t they?), so he was grateful for the chance to just sit a moment. And not think too hard about anything in particular. “What was your wedding like?” he wanted to know. “I think I spoke to your wife a little on the network, she shared a few details.” “Rushed,” she answered immediately, chuckling, “Simple.” Then she tilted her head, sighing as she lifted her cup. “And complicated.” River took a sip of her tea, letting the warmth seep through her as she thought about her wedding. “We were married on top of a pyramid, a handfasting using his bowtie. Less romantic than it sounds, I assure you. Reality was collapsing.” She dared to look up at him. “Because I’d refused to kill him.” Always with the complications, huh? Yeah, Dan understood that. Rarely was anything simple. “I don’t know, on top of a pyramid sounds pretty amazing no matter how you slice it,” he replied. He and Allison were considering Skyhold, a literal castle in the forest, but a pyramid sounded picturesque too - the desert at night must be pretty. He imagined the shadows of cacti looked like ghost ships. But then again...the reality thing. That sounded like it would end up a literal hot mess. “Who expected you to kill him? And why?” he asked, eyebrows lifting above the edge of the teacup, as he let more of the hot liquid roll down his throat. It had been beautiful, though River wished circumstances had been different. Still, what else should she have expected? Nothing about their relationship had ever been ordinary, and more often than not, it had all been terribly dramatic. Really, it had been fitting that their wedding had taken place with reality unravelling around them. “It was my purpose.” She fidgeted with her cup, pointedly avoiding looking at him. Her childhood wasn’t something she talked about, The Church and Kovarian. It was easy enough to turn it into a joke once they were past it, once she was finally free of their influence...how she’d killed him, not only once, but twice. But explaining it to someone else, the reasons behind it? “The Doctor was always meant to die, and I was always meant to be the weapon.” “Oh,” Dan blinked those baby blue eyes. He thought about it for a moment, fingers resting against the sides of the teacup again. “Maybe it sounds odd?” he hedged, glancing at River. “But I think it’s kind of romantic - you overcoming your purpose, and actually...falling in love with who you were meant to kill.” There were probably other reasons why they fell in love, he didn’t have a whole relationship timeline - but from what River described, it seemed like she was always out of sync with her husband (or wife) in a way; like that was just the way they existed, and because of that there was always this sense of mystery - which could be compelling for someone who was meant to know basically everything about everything. “Well, it was such a basic mistake, wasn’t it?” That's what she'd told Kovarian. “They taught me to hate him, to kill him; but they also taught me to think like him. His bespoke psychopath. Who else was I going to fall in love with?” Her entire childhood had been filled with the Doctor, primarily in the form of horror stories and long lists of his misdeeds. But no one had ever bothered to show her real kindness or genuine love, not until she'd tracked down Amy and Rory, and she’d had to settle for being their friend rather than their daughter. Then she'd met the Doctor, and he was nothing like they'd told her he would be. He was just like in Amy's stories. There he was, dying, and he still cared. He cared so much about her parents, about her. Why should he care about her? She’d as good as killed him. Of course, she understood now. He'd already met her. But at the time...she only knew he had no reason to care what happened to her. She’d still been so young, but she’d fallen in love with him that day. River picked up her tea, staring into the liquid as she pulled her thoughts back into order, realizing she'd been quiet for longer than she'd meant. “I think loving the Doctor is the one choice in my life I made for myself.” Dan just let the silence sit between them, while River gathered her thoughts - he’d invited her out to talk, sure, but they didn’t have to constantly be talking. Sometimes a little companionable quiet was pleasant too, and he simply sat there and sipped his tea, pouring a bit more from the pot when he reached the bottom of the cup. For some reason, his heart twisted at that statement - it was amazing, though, how others took choice for granted on so many occasions. “I’m glad she’s here with you,” he said sincerely. “I hope you’ll both come to my wedding? It’s not until November, most likely, but it will be nice to see you there.” Who knew what would happen between now and November. He imagined it’d be an open invite, for all resident Outlanders, but there were certain people Dan definitely wanted to celebrate with him on such an important day. “As selfish as it may be, so am I.” Because she did love her, so much sometimes it was terrifying. But she smiled at the question. “I'll ask, but I'm sure she'd love that.” She tried to ignore the lingering worry that either of them might not still be here by then, the sting of the younger Doctor's disappearance still fresh in her mind. “How is that going, by the way? The wedding planning,” she asked, sipping her tea as she watched him. A gravelly little chuckle escaped Dan. “It’s...going?” he said, fingers scratching over the sandy-colored stubble on his cheek. “We picked a location for the ceremony and then the reception, I think. A castle in the woods, one that a friend of mine is looking after since it’s from her homeworld.” Though things were a little rocky with Hawke lately - she was not doing well, for various reasons, and so he hoped that things improved. He hated to see her hurting. “And picked a date too - 7th of November,” he added, and while it seemed far off he figured that time would fly by as it always did. They were certainly kept busy enough here - felt like only yesterday that he’d just arrived, and it had been months and months in reality. “I’m thinking the rest of it will come together? Food and color schemes and whatever else.” Falling in love, planning a wedding...It was nice to see so much happiness, that kind of hope for the future. “Fancy.” Her expression softened. “Really, it sounds beautiful.” She laughed quietly, and this time it was warm and genuine. “I used to long for all of that. Not a big wedding, just a normal wedding. But those details become less important with time. And I did enjoy making up for it every anniversary we managed to spend together. You have so much to look forward to.” Knowing that a wedding was approaching and knowing that it was his was just such a foreign concept for Dan - he never thought he’d be in this spot, having to pick between something like chair ribbons vs. no chair ribbons, or whatever else. He was happy, though - for all the bullshit this place threw at him, in whatever form, the good more than made up for it. “I am - looking forward to it all, I mean,” he grinned. “I just know I love her - I’d get married anywhere. Though yeah, I’d say I’m more a normal wedding kind of person too.” Planning all this out felt good, it felt right, and he’d hold onto it as long as he could. They all should, in a place where uncertainty was a common theme and you never really knew what you had until it was gone. She didn’t know his fiancé, but River could see he was happy. Perhaps she could make an effort to get to know both of them a little better before the wedding. He'd been more than kind to her these last weeks, had proven himself a friend, and she’d never had many of those. “Enjoy every moment,” she said sincerely. “I'll let the Doctor know we've been invited to the wedding. I wouldn’t miss it.” |