The Doctor (attack_eyebrows) wrote in valloic, @ 2020-06-06 22:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: river song |
Who: The Twelfth Doctor, River Song
Where: Morningside Manor, lobby and then River Song's apartment
When: Sunday, May 31st, late afternoon (backdated)
What: The Doctor arrives and bumps into River - she finds out he's dying.
Status: Complete in Gdocs
Warnings: Mentions of death, suicidal thoughts.
Something fishy was going on, and damn it the Doctor was going to get to the bottom of it! The whole ‘you’ve arrived in another universe’ thing wasn’t the problem… he’d found himself in situations like that before, so no biggie for this time travelling Time Lord. No, what disturbed him most was how he’d been told that multiple people had done the same, mysteriously, without proper explanation. So much so that they’d given the whole subgroup a name, Outlanders, and had set up a proper department to deal with them. This smacked of something much more sinister. Crossing over from one universe to the next should not be this common, there had to be an intelligent process controlling it for some reason.
The whole aspect of magic had been immediately dismissed. Magic was a word primitive people used to describe a different, usually advanced, technology that they didn’t understand. It was used to keep people in the dark and was not a full explanation.
Actually, the Doctor thought, it wouldn’t surprise him if he found out Missy/the Master was behind the scheme. Missy had done something quite like this before, hadn’t she? Uploading loads of people’s consciousnesses before they died and kept them in a place she called Heaven? Maybe this was like that.
The urgent, almost manic need to know, was the only thing keeping the Doctor together at this point. Not long ago, back in his own universe, he’d been mortally wounded, teetering on the verge of regeneration. A regeneration that he was fighting to prevent. His last conscious memory had been being shot by a Cyberman in an artificially generated world inside a large space ship, and he was on the ground, expecting death. Hell, he wasn’t sure whether or not this place was also artificially generated. That was why he spent most of the introductory presentation scanning things with his sonic and poking them to make sure they were real. The senses could be so easily deceived, even his own.
He’d agreed to whatever they offered without really listening, just to get it over with. They’d given him a place to stay, and some of the local currency. His clothes were tattered and frayed, and his hair a wild mane of grey, yet he didn’t bother to even change or even wash his face. He was alone now, in the flat they’d given him, but he wasn’t going to stay long - his intention was to go out and explore.
It couldn’t be him. That was River’s first thought. It absolutely couldn’t be him. Not here. Not now. Not her Doctor.
Oh, but it was. She’d know that man anywhere.
Time had passed differently in the Library’s database. Sometimes it felt like she’d been with him only yesterday. Other times, it felt like it had been an eternity since the last time she saw him. But her mind wasn’t so fragile that she’d forgotten a moment of their time together. And seeing him again, the swirl of emotions threatened to overwhelm her completely.
But the familiar, ‘Hello, Sweetie,’ died on her lips as soon as she got close enough to put together a clearer picture of the man in front of her, the man she loved. He was as battered as she’d ever seen him. It made her hearts ache.
“What mess have you gotten yourself into this time, my love,” she murmured gently, more for her own benefit than his.
“Doctor,” she said, louder and more deliberate, her concern evident as she laid a hand on his arm, her eyes seeking his, “What’s happened?”
The Doctor never got any further in his mission to explore than the lobby of Morningside Manor when he heard a hauntingly familiar voice. He spun around on his heel to come face to face with River Song, a woman he thought he’d never see again. His wife.
“Ooooooh, no, no, no, no,” he moaned, slowly shaking his head, an expression of utter dismay upon his face, speaking more to himself than her. He scrubbed his scarred and bloody face with his hands, leaving them there to cover his eyes. “Not now. Not like this.” He was already knocking on death’s door. And even if he did choose to go on and regenerate, it would be just the same as death, since his current self would cease to exist. He spread his fingers wide enough to peer through them at River. “This has got to be some sort of dream. Are you even real?”
Her concern deepened as she watched him. She’d obviously expected some amount of surprise, but this... She gently took hold of his wrists, but she didn’t try to move his hands. “Oh, of course I am, Sweetie.”
She tried to keep her voice light and reassuring, even if her smile was a little shaky. “Believe me, I was surprised, too.”
But she had more pressing worries. “Now. Let me have a look at you.” She brushed her thumb along his wrist, hoping he would trust her. “Please.”
The initial adrenaline rush he’d experienced when he arrived was fading, and exhaustion, brought on by an incredible amount of stress from before, was creeping over him. River’s soothing tone chipped away at whatever little stubbornness he had left. The Doctor lowered his hands to reveal how frazzled he looked. As he heaved a deep sigh, his shoulders sagged.
“Even if you aren’t, I don’t care. It’s fantastic seeing you, River.”
She smiled encouragingly, letting her fingers slide down to grasp his hands. “That’s more like it. It’s good to see you too, Sweetie.”
Her tone was soothing, but she still looked worried. It took all her restraint not to reach for her sonic and start scanning him. But this would go better if he talked to her, trusted her. And she wasn’t even sure she’d convinced him she existed yet.
“You look like hell. Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Oh. You know,” the Doctor replied in a sing-song voice that tried to be blithe, but still came across as tired. “Had a little run-in with some old friends. Cybermen, this time. Ha! If you think I look like hell, you should’ve seen how they ended up.”
Keep it light, keep it happy. Don’t make River any more worried than she already was. But even as the words left his mouth, he knew she was smarter than that, and the only person who was being fooled was himself.
She couldn’t even laugh for his benefit, but she smiled as she released one of his hands to run her fingers along his hairline, brushing the hair back from his face. “That’s too bad. I would have liked to have a word with them.”
He really did look exhausted, and not in the way he usually did.
“It’s for the best that you weren’t there.” The Doctor’s decision to stay back to fight the Cybermen while the others escaped was a suicide mission from the get-go. But he was already dying, so it made no difference to him. In one sense, it would’ve been comforting to have River along for the fight, but it would mean she’d die with him, and that was something he couldn’t bear. He’d watched her sacrifice herself once before, he wasn’t going to let that happen again. Not if he could prevent it.
The Doctor closed his eyes, letting some of his tension ease, but in doing so he lowered his defense too much. Where River’s fingers touched his forehead, a small spot of his skin began to radiate a bright glow, the undeniable evidence that he was about to regenerate. Realizing what was happening, he strengthened his resolve once again, pulling himself together, opening his eyes in the vain hope that River hadn’t noticed.
Today wasn’t his lucky day. Of course, she noticed. How could she not? She forced down an instinctive wave of panic.
She’d only just found him again. She wasn’t ready to lose him. But this was her husband, the person she had chosen and would choose over and over again, regardless of what face he wore. For him, she knew, it was still dying. He needed her to be the strong one now.
“Oh, Doctor, why didn’t you tell me?” And he was fighting it. She could see it now that she was looking, feel it. He couldn’t keep this up forever.
Sliding her arm through his, she gently pulled him toward a lift, kissing his shoulder. “Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere quieter.”
The Doctor didn’t say a word, made no protest. He was easily led by River, wherever she decided to take him, a man defeated. He kept avoiding eye contact with her due to an overwhelming sense of guilt. His condition wasn’t his fault, but it sure as hell felt like it. Up to the twelfth floor, to River’s apartment.
“Nice place,” he mumbled. “Been here long?” He was trying to avoid a conversation that was inevitable. All of a sudden, his mind switched streams and he turned to face her. “Look, it’s not that bad, yeah? You’ll still have me here. Wherever here may be. It just won’t be me.” He couldn’t help but add that last bit as an indulgence of self pity.
River fought the urge to roll her eyes, answering flatly, “Long enough,” even though she hadn’t been there long at all.
Shifting, she took his face in her hands. “Idiot. You know that’s never mattered to me. I’m worried about you.” She smiled, soft and sad, stroking his cheek. “But I am very fond of this body.”
Her expression shifted, tone becoming more serious, but her touch remained gentle. “Doctor, I shouldn’t even be here. You shouldn’t either. The technology… There must be something we can do.”
She wasn’t ready to give up on him yet.
Funny, the Doctor hadn’t considered himself into the equation. A few minutes before he’d been ready to chuck it all in and prevent his regeneration altogether. How could he even tell her that? She was already fraught with worry. It was decided - he would let himself regenerate for River’s sake. His expression remained stoic, until she wondered out loud.
“Do?” he scoffed. “It’s too late to do anything” His tone was grim. “The Time Lords don’t even have the technology to reverse regeneration once it’s come to this advanced stage.” A combination of factors had led to his loss of hope. “But...” he took River’s hand from where she touched his face, and brought it to his lips to tenderly kiss. “... I promise to stick around for a bit longer in this form. For you.”
“Don't worry about me.” It still surprised her sometimes, how much she loved him. “But let me tell you something about the Time Lords, Sweetie. You’re the best one I’ve ever known. You had centuries, and the best you could do was put me in that Library. Something here pulled me out. There are people from all over time and space and different worlds. You don’t even want to try?”
The Doctor opened his mouth to protest, but was silenced by the revelation, “You came here from being in the Library?” He’d assumed River might’ve been pulled from some other point in her timeline, but what she just told him never even crossed his mind. For several moments he remained that way, processing. If he knew how, he would’ve removed River out of the Library a million times over.
“Are you sure you came from the Library?” His skepticism was brought on by his pride - if he couldn’t do it, then nobody could.
Perhaps she could have broken that news a gentler way. But she had needed to make a point. And judging by that look on his face, she thought, just maybe, she’d succeeded.
“Positive, Sweetie.” She spoke softly, careful to keep her own emotions in check, even as she admitted, “I’d been there for a while.”
She couldn’t say exactly how long. The truth was, she didn’t know. Months, years, decades, centuries? It had passed all too quickly and painfully slowly. And in the end, it had been lonely. Still, being alive again hadn’t been the easiest adjustment either. She wasn’t worried about that now, though. She was trusting that he would think about the fact something or someone managed to do what he couldn’t: bring back his wife.
River hoped it might be the push he needed to consider asking for help, that it might give him some glimmer of hope that it didn’t have to be the end for this face.
Of course, she would love him regardless, though she hadn’t been lying about having a special fondness for this particular version of her husband. But she wouldn’t let him die without at least trying, without fighting for him.
As always, the Doctor’s first concern was for others, specifically River, and her response to being in the Library gave him serious pause. A while. He’d been trapped in his confession dial for a while, too. He grimaced, then gave her a look over, as if her current appearance might give any indication to what she’d been through. Naturally, River was good at keeping her metaphorical cards held close to her chest… she was always much better at hiding her emotions than he was.
He remained silent for a few moments, then, “Do you know somebody specifically who might be able to do… this?” The suspicion in his voice changed direction, from the possibility of him being healed, to the person who might be able to perform the healing. He wanted to be sure they knew their stuff. “Tricky business, Time Lord physiology. Regeneration. If I’m going to stick around now, I don’t want to run the risk of it being botched up.”
Slowly, she shook her head. “I'm sorry, my love, I don’t. I haven’t been here long enough.” She gently ran her fingers along his hairline, her other hand reaching to tangle with his. “But sometimes, we have to take a chance.”
Take a chance. That ought to be the Doctor’s middle name. But there was a time for throwing caution to the wind, and time when one calculated the danger before stepping forward. Because River was involved, the Doctor hesitated. However, in these sorts of circumstances, her confidence emboldened him where he was weak.
“Yes dear,” he said in the exaggerated sigh of a henpecked husband, but the warmth in his eyes revealed nothing but love behind his teasing.