This Thea is the best that she could do (besticoulddo) wrote in valarnet, @ 2013-01-22 18:21:00 |
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Current mood: | excited |
Entry tags: | thea queen |
Independence
Free at last, Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm Free at...
That's tacky even considering it happened on Dr. King Day isn't it? Tacky and privilege showing and all of that, but I AM free now, and can do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it. That thought is weird. I left the ranch with my stuff when Ollie came to get me yesterday and I'm not sure exactly what my next step is. I wound up on his pullout last night, since his live in apparently dumped him or some shit, believe it or not, and today....
Well, it's back to looking around and seeing what looks and feels right, really. I'm definitely meaning to go check out that church that I saw advertised here. I mean if God can accept a former drunk, former pain pill popping girl who hasn't gotten a GED yet, that is. It's worth trying, I figure, and maybe that's the kind of thing I have to do to get to see Livvie again, getting okay with God and all of that.
I mean, the only thing I know is the answer isn't going to be at the bottom of a pill container or a bottle. That's a good start, right?
Here I am. Eighteen and ready to take the world on again. Having lived through the plague put a lot of things into perspective. That's probably why I cried when Ollie came to get me yesterday. I mean, I hit him first, because he hadn't been there, but then I started crying and I couldn't stop.
It was...a good birthday really. Quiet, but the first I've had in years. We didn't celebrate anything after Livvie died, since it didn't seem worth it, and it made my 'parents' worse. I don't know if that was emotionally unhealthy or not, but it was how it went. Yesterday that changed. With Ollie at least. I'm glad I burnt the bridges with my 'parents' who couldn't even call and were happy to dump me on him.
Ollie dumping me on the ranch...I don't think it was because he wanted to get rid of me anymore, and it's a good place, just, not for me anymore, I guess? I don't know, and if I need the help, I probably can come back, even after I gave them hell at first, but I want to try the real world first. Here goes?