Sirius Black (dogstarred) wrote in the100, @ 2015-08-24 21:38:00 |
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Entry tags: | remus lupin, sirius black |
Who: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin
When: Today
Where: Their room
What: Fighting over Peter
Rating: TBD.
He hated that Peter was here. He hated it with every fibre of his being, because up until he had been arrested, after he had found James and Lily, he'd come down to a single instinct: kill Peter. They weren't going to let him keep Harry, or else he could have funnelled himself into that. He could have protected that kid, he could have loved that kid as good as James would have. He would have given up everything then and there if Hagrid had given him his godson. But when Hagrid had refused, Sirius had known it was over. If Dumbledore was ordering Harry to be taken away, Dumbledore thought it was him. And if Dumbledore thought it was him who had betrayed Lily and James, there wasn't a chance in hell that anyone else would believe him.
And so, his future had been wiped away in one sweep. The only thing that could spur him on anywhere was hunting for Peter, for trying to bring this whole bloody act to a close.
And he hadn't even gotten that.
He had been framed and arrested and chucked away into Azkaban, knowing that, not only had he not gotten to kill Peter, but that the filthy bastard had made sure that Sirius was good and truly damned. That everyone thought he had done it and then framed him again, stamping his name on the death of all those Muggles on the street.
So, how could he believe that this was a sudden switch? That it was just that Peter had bowed to cowardice. It was more than that. There was a rougher edge. He had been cunning in each step; he had made sure that he wouldn't take the blame no matter what. He hadn't even tried to tell anyone what was happening. He hadn't stopped Sirius from switching. He had encouraged Sirius' suspicions of Remus. And down there, at the end, he had actively killed all of those people -- and for what? Just because he had been afraid? No, that wasn't someone who was afraid. That was someone who acted with planned conviction, and that wasn't something that had bloomed over night.
Sirius had never understood why Remus thought Peter needed protection. He didn't. Hadn't he sussed out the Animagus spell the same as the rest of them? Hadn't he helped them with the map? Hadn't he, alongside all of them all along, done magic far beyond what they should have been capable of doing? So, why was it, now, that Peter was suddenly too weak to stand up for himself? Not only to Voldemort, but to Sirius? Why was Peter, who was old enough that he was near enough to his betrayal if not already ball's deep, had to be protected from Sirius?
And why was it James and Remus who were protecting him? How was it that Sirius had suddenly become the odd man out? The one who was excluded from the fun? The one who was dangerous?
It was the last part that smarted, really. It reminded him too much of how all Hit Wizards had looked at him, arriving at that bloodied and torn street. They had been afraid of him. Was this the sort of power that Voldemort had angled for all along? Wizards who had been trained for situations like this, some of them individuals Sirius had fought alongside during the war, were afraid to touch him. Even when his wand had been retrieved and he was a guard of nearly a dozen and laughing so loudly that he couldn't have shot off a spell if his life had depended on it (and it had, it had), they had been afraid of him.
When Harry had revealed that he'd hit Peter, Sirius had thought that he'd finally, finally had an ally -- someone that maybe James and Remus would listen to. But instead, Harry had thrown Remus' words back at him: Peter wasn't yet the evil he would become, so, for some reason, that made him untouchable.
He was pent up. This place was too small. Sirius' skin was too tight. (This was what Azkaban had felt like, even in the processing room.)
He headed back to his room, even though he suspected that wouldn't help any, but he didn't want to be around other people. As soon as he opened the door, he saw Remus. He scoffed out a breath of disbelief.
"I can't be around you," he said out loud before he turned around to leave again. He didn't know where he would go. Anywhere. He would sleep somewhere else tonight.