Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I like tea~"

snarrymod (snarrymod) wrote in snarry_games,
@ 2008-04-27 10:37:00

Entry tags:

amand_r, entry, team dragon

TEAM DRAGON ENTRY: Amand_r "The (Un)Professional"
Title: The (Un)Professional
Author: amand_r
Team: Dragon
Genres: Postwar, Humor/Crackfic
Prompt: Anniversary
Ratings/Warnings/Kinks: Rated NC-17. *Contains graphic violence. Oh, and some canonically dead people are not so very much dead. Is that a warning?*
Word Count: 42,363
Summary: "Sir, it's out of my hands. The gods want you to go to your Hogwarts reunion, and they want you to delete someone while you're there."
A/N: This is a "frusion" of Harry Potter and the film Grosse Pointe Blank. One need not have seen the film to read the story, but if you have, you will note key similarities and some cribbed dialogue. And one Shawn of the Dead reference (possibly my favorite bit), along with a modified Monty Python line. Credits at the end of the ~~film~~ story. Also (Also?! Geez!), this is AU for pretty much obvious reasons.
Credits: Thanks to jadzialoveand joanwilder for the spectacular betas. Late at night. In teh dark. With your mom.

"The (Un)Professional by Amand_r"

Don't forget to review!

Mod note: POLLS ARE NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE SNARRY GAMES.

Mod note: If you rec this story, please link to this POST, not the story itself, or the author/team will not get their proper vote tally or feedback. Thank you.

Mod note: Due to the length of this story, we will not be posting another until tomorrow morning. Thank you.

Page 1 of 3
<<	[1] [2] [3]	>>

(Post a new comment)

	dracofiend 2008-04-27 06:00 pm UTC (link)
	Ahhh, first comment! :D YES! Will come back to read in a bit but I'm laughing already! :D (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 07:44 pm UTC

dracofiend, 2008-04-28 02:53 am UTC

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:02 am UTC

	josan 2008-04-27 07:25 pm UTC (link)
	OMG! Haven't started reading and already I'm trying to guess which Monty Python line you might have cribbed! Back later. (Printing out...just because.) (Reply to this) (Thread)

josan, 2008-04-27 07:38 pm UTC

amand_r, 2008-04-27 07:45 pm UTC

josan, 2008-04-28 01:21 pm UTC

TWEAK is making me post this in TWO! -

josan, 2008-04-28 01:22 pm UTC

Re: TWEAK is making me post this in TWO! -

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:21 pm UTC

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:14 pm UTC

dswdiane, 2008-04-28 03:31 pm UTC

amand_r, 2008-04-28 04:12 pm UTC

	gingertart50 2008-04-27 08:09 pm UTC (link)
	Mwahahahahaha! This fic is eeeeevil. In a very good way. Loved the way it set up expectations and then turned them upsidedown, and the Muggle-wizard fusions and Ron grown up and sneaky (I always wondered what Hermione saw in him) ROARRRRRR! Go Team Big Scary Lizards! (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 08:14 pm UTC

jadzialove, 2008-04-27 08:23 pm UTC

amand_r, 2008-04-27 08:25 pm UTC

jadzialove
2008-04-27 08:18 pm UTC (link)

I totally less than three this story!

It's a fantastic 'frusion' (though I usually like my frusion with berries instead of guns), blending Harry Potter and Martin Blank into a yummy treat, very cleverly done. I loved everything about it, including the 'frusion' of Muggle and magic technology and how seamlessly the scenario fit in the HP world.

And it's even funnier than the original, IMHO. Angelina especially killed me.

Awesome.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 08:22 pm UTC

joanwilder
2008-04-27 08:20 pm UTC (link)

I love the take on Grosse Point Blank: Harry with firearms, Ron as a capable and slightly scary adult, Angelina's quirky Joan Cusak headset persona, and omg your Snape, who made me certain that you were going to deviate from the 'script' and allow him to hex Harry's genitalia. Dumping you know who in the CoS--heee, filled with glee!! From the first moment I knew who Confidential was going to be, I haven't stopped cackling.

Cracky, quirky, clever, and the resolution of poor, lost Harry, like Martin, is a gift for everyone. And the end! MWAAHAAA!!! Ace Detectives!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 08:27 pm UTC

joanwilder, 2008-04-27 08:33 pm UTC

amand_r, 2008-04-27 08:34 pm UTC

	amonitrate 2008-04-27 08:24 pm UTC (link)
	I'm still reading this, but so far it's quite fun. I love the match of Grosse Pointe Blank with Harry Potter, somehow it works! Will let you know what I think when I finish... (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 08:24 pm UTC

amonitrate, 2008-04-27 08:27 pm UTC

amand_r, 2008-04-27 08:27 pm UTC

fbowden
2008-04-27 08:43 pm UTC (link)

Muhaha fantastic!! I kept waiting for a Mr and Mrs Smith moment with Snape and Harry trying to kill each other in some sexual dance off but the fact that Snape took a contract out on himself was even better! He's such a damn Slytherin! I did feel angry with Harry for leaving him like that in the first place though, and for so long! If I'd been in Snape's shoes, he'd definately have had his balls hexed a bit LOL

Great work, great contribution to the games!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 09:33 pm UTC

	unbroken_halo 2008-04-27 09:53 pm UTC (link)
	Nicely done. I loved the movie and this was a cracktishly nice blend of the two. Thanks for an afternoon of laughter. (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 10:49 pm UTC

	paperbacked 2008-04-27 10:11 pm UTC (link)
	I love this, I love you for writing this and I am now going to do a DANCE OF GLEE to try and express how much I enjoyed it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this fantastic piece of writing! Okay, I'm nearly finished fangirling. Promise. (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-27 10:50 pm UTC

	carpet_diemon 2008-04-28 01:55 am UTC (link)
	Oh wow! I love all the allusions. It's like tarantino!snarry. And Snape taking a hit out on himself. Cracktastic. (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 02:12 am UTC

	snarry_fan7 2008-04-28 02:51 am UTC (link)
	A perfect work of art in the humor spectrum. I love the Princess Bride reference, and the various other movie references. Excellent and inventive work.~Sophia (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 02:52 am UTC

gaycrow
2008-04-28 03:40 am UTC (link)

Well, I've never seen "Grosse Point Blank", or "Shawn of the Dead", or much of Monty Python, so I was completely in the dark here, but I enjoyed reading this, even though I'm not sure about assassin!Harry. I kept reading to the end, (but I did have to check that Snape and Harry were still alive first!) and think you succeeded in providing a rollicking good "gangster"-type story.

I liked your Ron and Hermione here; it was nice to see that Ron turned out to be reasonably competent.

And I very much liked that Snape managed to save himself. I thought the imagery of him handling and reloading the gun was quite erotic. ;-)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 04:16 am UTC

	alisanne 2008-04-28 05:58 am UTC (link)
	Ahahahaha! Ok, so I have to admit that several of the references went over my head. I've never seen Grosse Point Blank, although I did see some Python references in there. Very funny. Poor, confused Harry. And nice revelation at the end. And your Severus made me literally LOL! giggles Quite the cracktastic tale. Thank you for the laugh. :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:22 pm UTC

telwyrd
2008-04-28 06:08 am UTC (link)

It took me three read-throughs, a couple of rest breaks, and one wiki synopsis of Grosse Pointe Blank to understand and really enjoy this ingenious and outstanding story. The (Un)Professional was an incredibly well-crafted story. The "frusion" with Grosse Pointe Blank was flawless.

::points at icon:: I'm a big Snape fan and your Snape totally PWNED me. I loved so many of his lines. Here are some of my absolute favorites:

Snape took the bag dubiously, but slowed his pace as he opened it and peered inside at Harry's gifts. "A date rape drug and a poison remedy," he muttered dryly. "Come now, Potter, you couldn't just get flowers?" He pocketed the bag anyway.

"I don't recall ever asking for a dead Death Eater," Snape said calmly, picking up the jar Harry had damaged and repairing the spiderweb of cracks on its side. "But I imagine it's better than flowers."

"No one made you a murderer, you know," he said over his shoulder as he opened the door to the inner chamber. "You made yourself one."

"Because I know you, Harry Potter." Severus blinked and one corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. "I always have."

Harry was...most intriguing. He seemed a study in contrasts. On the one hand, there was the utterly calm, highly competent Assassin!Harry and on the other hand, was still the old familiar Harry with the saving people thing. His portrayal in this story was very well done with his inner musings and deftness with guns, knives, and incendiaries, quite fascinating seeing such a different, yet very much still-the-same Harry. Though I am miffed with him for leaving poor Snape in the way he did all those years ago. The idiotic git.

Ron really stood out in this story. I was impressed with what a great Auror, husband, and friend he was, as I am usually rather indifferent to his character.

Angelina was cracktastically good.

::jaw drops:: Confidential was WHO??!!! Heh, that was a hilariously good reveal.

Much love for this:

"Hey," he said softly. "Severus?"
"Yes?"
"Did you, by any chance, take a contract out on yourself?"
"Yes."
"You...well that...well...you..."
Severus rose up on one elbow to face him, eyes hard. "You made me wait for eight years," he said plaintively. "Not that I was waiting, per se—"

Severus Snape FTW!

This was a totally AWESOME story! Thank you for this deliciously long and fabulous Snarry tale!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:24 pm UTC

	ex_lilyseyes671 2008-04-28 06:28 am UTC (link)
	I laughed my friggin' arse off! Hilarious!! (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:25 pm UTC

	iulia_linnea 2008-04-28 08:44 am UTC (link)
	As much as I don't buy assassin!Harry (or Snape waiting for him for so long), I think this is a pretty damn good fusion of the movie with the HP universe. (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:25 pm UTC

	florida_minxie 2008-04-28 11:31 am UTC (link)
	never saw the movie loved the fic without the reference knowledge prints out to read again and again and aga... (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:26 pm UTC

	svartalfur 2008-04-28 11:36 am UTC (link)
	Hilarious! I think the masonry was my favorite part. Or the little cat in the medallion. Or the Glock ... I can't decide. Great job! (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:27 pm UTC

	keyairreem 2008-04-28 01:09 pm UTC (link)
	I have not read it yet but I have a feeling that is is going to be hilarious as Grosse Point Blank is! I Lovee that movie! (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:27 pm UTC

	fitofpique 2008-04-28 02:55 pm UTC (link)
	I have been looking forward to this ever since you posted your outline! I am waiting for the people I share a printer with to go to lunch so that I can print a frillion pages without anyone noticing. I hope I'll get a chance to read tonight - I'll be back with my feedback. (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 03:28 pm UTC

fitofpique, 2008-05-05 11:37 am UTC

	vamp2puppy 2008-04-28 05:27 pm UTC (link)
	I love this story! Grosse Point Blank is one of my favourite films and when Angelina was speaking I could hear Joan Cusack. (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 07:10 pm UTC

	lovesseamstress 2008-04-28 05:52 pm UTC (link)
	Funny, yet riveting. I admit to not guessing Confidential's identity (I half expected it to be Snape). I haven't seen the movie(s) you referenced, but now I want to. Loved your characterizations--the grown-up trio, Angelina, and of course, Snape. Very entertaining! -C (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 07:12 pm UTC

	plantinshadows 2008-04-28 07:29 pm UTC (link)
	I have never actually seen any of the movies you used as reference, so I probably missed the most of the links.. I found it a little difficult to get into the story at first, but in the end I really liked it. it's unusual, I think, and all that gun talk.. well..ok, but sev and harry got back together (after 8 years!)so: yippeh! (Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-28 09:34 pm UTC

Brilliant job!

e_witness
2008-04-28 08:44 pm UTC (link)

Hem hem. Nightmares, I tell you, weeks' worth of nightmares. :D The action blew me away, the suspense over Confidential (and otherwise general lack of important information mixed in with subtle hints) kept me wondering, and I was super-glued to every sentence. The one thing I'm a little confused over is when Rodolphus was captured. All I remember is his blowing up the Shack-turned-pub and then turning tail for the...woods? I'll have to reread sometime when I don't have a midterm looming in four hours' time.

I love this Harry. This trained, observant, ex-Auror Harry who not only doesn't have his life in hand but also possesses every complex from Moody-surpassing paranoia to long-term escapism to partially psychopathic vigilante tendencies, all while retaining his canonically bumbling, heart-on-his-sleeve persona. After it all, he still can't speak in full sentences without stutters peppering his speech, and yet what he has learned from all the years on the chase is to notice and, moreover, appreciate individual scents. Isn't that just like our Harry? He's a little nutty, nuttier than usual I mean, with his random existential babble and passive, almost artistic musings. I love how he tries in his chats with the portrait to justify it and reason it out, painfully honest and awkwardly vulnerable as always. He so carefully lays all moral struggle and entanglements aside, yet can't prevent the barrage of clashes between his supposed conscience and his supposed practicality. This is our Harry, yes, he vibrates off the page, but this is our Harry taken a step further in maturity, made to struggle, made to face the world as it is and himself as he is, made to kill for money, made to run away from love, made to grow up and change in completely unexpected ways. This is a Harry I can see coming to the gloriously complex Snape as an equal.

A good Snape, says my current opinion, is not as difficult to do as a good Harry. :D You've captured both (and a super cool Ron!) with fantastic heapings of plot and action and mystery and magical-Muggle innovation as well. Oh, and the humor! How could I forget the crack? I haven't seen "Grosse Pointe Blank" or "Shawn of the Dead" and don't remember much of "Monty Python," so I missed out on most of - er, all - the parody, but in the face of Harry's paranoia, death by fork, Harry's crazy pingpong thoughts, and the Angelina with the twins, I don't think I could have laughed much harder anyway. I'm beginning to think brilliance is only par for the course with you. Thanks for an awesome romp!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: Brilliant job! -

amand_r, 2008-04-29 02:57 am UTC

Re: Brilliant job! -

e_witness, 2008-04-30 01:24 pm UTC

reijamira
2008-04-28 09:11 pm UTC (link)

OMG, I don't even know where to begin! First of all, let me say this: It was an incredibly awesome read! I really enjoyed it!

It is well-written, well-crafted, all the details (especially about Harry's job, weapons etc) are just so amazing! And OMG, one of the things I'm very interested in are assassins, professional killers. I liked this fic so much because you made Harry Potter a very believable, realistic acting assassin!

I've never seen the movie, but now I really want to see it!

I loved it that you made Harry always scanning his surroundings for possible threats, that you made him play his little game of how many things within reach he could kill with.

Head Auror Ron has something, too! I could definitely feel the aura of expertise, experience and danger that surrounded him and especially Harry.

Your Snape is awesome! So very IC! So snarky! Brilliant!

I love the last fighting scene, when Harry is protecting Snape and professionally killing their attackers. It is a very exciting scene!

And this is here...

"Hey," he said softly. "Severus?"
"Yes?"
"Did you, by any chance, take a contract out on yourself?"
"Yes."
"You...well that...well...you..."
Severus rose up on one elbow to face him, eyes hard. "You made me wait for eight years," he said plaintively. "Not that I was waiting, per se—"
Harry made sure his face was sober. "Of course."

... is beautiful!

Thanks a lot for writing and sharing this great fic with us!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

amand_r, 2008-04-29 03:00 am UTC

Page 1 of 3
<<	[1] [2] [3]	>>