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Tweak says, "Good boy, you get an A+"

atypicalsnowman (atypicalsnowman) wrote in severus_sighs,
@ 2010-10-21 01:40:00

Entry tags:

challenge, ficlet, member: atypicalsnowman, pairing: severus/harry, rating: r

A Kinky Menagerie
Title: A Kinky Menagerie
Author:atypicalsnowman
Pairing: Snarry
Rating: R
Word Count: 700-ish
Warnings: Makes mention of anal beads, nipple clamps and other kinky things. Unfortunately, they're only mentioned.
Summary: Severus returns home with a gift.
A/N: Written for whitecotton's challenge. Thanks to roozetter for the beta.

Severus called out for Harry as soon as he closed the door. As much as it pained him to admit, three days without seeing that ridiculous spectacle he called his husband was more than he wanted to bear.

He put down his luggage and unpacked his valise, carefully removing his rather special...souvenir. Just the thought of the look on Harry's face upon seeing his gift was enough to have Severus smirking, and he handled the package carefully.

"Severus?" Harry saw him from the doorway to the kitchen and nearly leaped across the room and into Severus' arms. Kisses peppered Severus' face and he almost forgot to scowl.

Almost.

"Yes, I missed you too, you insatiable beast." Severus allowed himself to relax, no longer surprised when Harry pulled away smiling. "I have something in which you might be interested."

"Oh?" Harry said, shifting until he was rubbing his half-hard cock along Severus' thigh. "Can it wait? It's been days and I want to go to bed."

"It's three o'clock in the afternoon."

Harry leaned forward to bite at Severus' ear. "Let me rephrase that. I want you to fuck me."

Severus growled, but forced himself to remember his package. There would be time for antics in the bedroom very soon.

He cleared his throat and gently pushed Harry away, taking the box he'd laid out in his hands.

"This will have use for the both of us, but it's primarily a gift for you. A small gift, but I know your...guilty pleasures."

Lifting an eyebrow—a gesture stolen from Severus, no doubt—Harry purred as he opened the box, looked inside, and dropped it a second later.

"That's— Oh, God!" Harry cried out, a wild look in his eyes. "You can't be serious!"

Severus picked up the box, looked inside to assure himself of its contents, and frowned. "I fail to see how this could be a joke. Why are you so troubled?"

"Severus, I can't believe you would want to do something like that. And for me?" He shook his head and backed away slowly. "Look, I like trying new things. I didn't know half the stuff I know now when we first got together. But this...this is too much!"

Reaching into the box, Severus let his fingers gently stroke his gift, still not understanding why Harry was so upset.

Then it hit him.

He rubbed his temples as he felt a headache coming on.

"For the love of Merlin," he muttered, before picking up the small gerbil—Gerald, he'd decided—and holding him in the palm of his hand. "I'm going to be using this gerbil in my research for the common cold, you idiot."

"What?" Harry asked, eyes wide and still very upset.

"Did you really think I'd ask to put this creature in your arse?"

"Um..." Harry said, petting the small creature's head. "No?"

Severus sighed. "I will be using him in the final stages of my treatment for the cold. Once I'm through, I thought he could join the rest of your menagerie. Hence, a gift for both of us, but primarily you. Idiot."

Harry had the common sense to look sheepish. "I don't have a menagerie. Not really."

"Please, Potter, your love of small, fluffy animals is one of your guilty pleasures. Gerald here will make a fine addition."

Gerald took that moment to sneeze.

"Once I've cured his cold, of course."

"Gerald?"

"Well, you already have Robert the rabbit, Carl the cavy, Henry the—"

"All right! I'm ridiculous. I get it," Harry said, looking embarrassed now.

Severus put Gerald back in his box and took Harry in his arms. "Would you really have let me shove that poor creature up your arse?"

"No," Harry said, his voice muffled by Severus' robes. "But not because it's too kinky. I wouldn't want to hurt him."

Severus allowed himself to smile, knowing it would be hidden by the nest of Harry's hair, but unable to keep himself from appreciating what he loved most about his husband.

"'All creatures great and small.'"

"Hmm?"

"Nothing," Severus said, putting Gerald's box aside and looking for his other package.

Silently thanking Merlin that he had such an open-minded husband, Severus used one hand to find the anal beads and nipple clamps he'd procured during his journey. He smirked, knowing no small animals would be getting in the way of his real gift.

(Post a new comment)

	gingertart50 2010-10-21 07:04 am UTC (link)
	snicker (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:05 am UTC (link)
	smirk (Reply to this) (Parent)

	jisa_hinode 2010-10-21 12:11 pm UTC (link)
	Ha!! Loved it! XD (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:05 am UTC (link)
	Yay! Glad you loved it. : ) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	bonfoi 2010-10-21 12:42 pm UTC (link)
	Better than coffee or green tea for a wake-up call! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:05 am UTC (link)
	Glad I could brighten your morning, darling. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	torino10154 2010-10-21 12:44 pm UTC (link)
	LOL Oh, God! No live animals please (well, no dead ones either :P). Love Harry's menagerie as well as the fact that they are clearly kinky enough for Harry to have the fleeting belief that is what might have befallen poor Gerald. Nice work. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:06 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I'm thinking Harry has reason to believe Severus would want to gerbil him. shudders Kinky bastard. : ) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	lemondropseven 2010-10-21 12:47 pm UTC (link)
	snerk This made me actually lol, so thanks for that, I needed a laugh. Love it, darlin'. XD LD7 (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:06 am UTC (link)
	My work here is done. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	fancypantsdylan 2010-10-21 01:51 pm UTC (link)
	sniggersnort silly Harry :D (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:07 am UTC (link)
	Yes, he is silly, isn't he? Glad you liked it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	veridari 2010-10-21 04:59 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, that ALMOST made me spew my coffee (you missed by that much.) ;) Would like part two now. makes puppy dog eyes (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:07 am UTC (link)
	Damn. I'll have to try harder next time. : ) (Reply to this) (Parent)

magialuna
2010-10-21 11:24 pm UTC (link)

ROFLMAO!! That was adorable! Naughty Severus leading poor naive Harry on like that. Of course he knew that Harry'd assume he was going to either a)dissect it for potions ingredients or b)use it for nefarious/kinky purposes. I guess one must keep one's husband on their toes, avoid boredom and all that. *snicker*

That was very Slytherin of you darling, to use the warnings to mislead your readers! Excellent job! And a very sweet and funny fic. I loved the interaction between them, and Harry's alliterally named creatures.

Love ya Snow.

Clare

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 04:08 am UTC (link)
	Misdirection is my glory. Now I just need to add smut to the humor. Glad you liked it, darling. smooch (Reply to this) (Parent)

	eriador117 2010-10-22 10:55 am UTC (link)
	Wonderful wee story :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-22 12:22 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks, hon! hugs you (Reply to this) (Parent)

	starduchess 2010-10-22 02:55 pm UTC (link)
	snicker Too funny! You got me, snow. We must all have dirty minds to think of that bestiality scenario first. bows to your awesomeness (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-24 05:47 am UTC (link)
	I knew it. I'm just happy I'm not the only one with a filthy mind. fist bump (Reply to this) (Parent)

	purpledodah 2010-10-23 10:21 pm UTC (link)
	snicker they don't have to worry about fur in the lube either! fabulous (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-24 05:48 am UTC (link)
	snickers, then 'eww's No, thankfully no fur in the lube. : ) Thanks, hon! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	torina_archelda 2010-10-25 02:18 am UTC (link)
	"All right! I'm ridiculous. I get it," Harry said, looking embarrassed now. Hahaha. Too true, Harry. grin Loved this--very cute! I love your exasperated!Severus. xD ~Torina (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-25 02:29 am UTC (link)
	Glad you liked it. And did you finally get the gerbil thing? : P (Reply to this) (Parent)

	k8bnimble 2010-10-25 11:15 pm UTC (link)
	So funny!!! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-29 07:00 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks, hon! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	kayakaari 2010-10-29 01:16 pm UTC (link)
	Do I wanna know what some of the stuff they've done before is about when Harry imagines a gerbil up the arse might join the list? Really? You see a gerbil and THAT's what you imagine? What's Severus been teaching the boy?! Lol Lovely... Or scary? Fun fic anyway :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	atypicalsnowman 2010-10-29 07:00 pm UTC (link)
	I told WhiteCotton I'd write a funny fic using misdirection. Then I said I'd use a gerbil. The sound she made was something hilarious. : ) Dirty minds thinks alike? : ) (Reply to this) (Parent)