InsaneJournal

In colour, and two pages, so can be posted in full!

So, in less than two hundred years, Earth has gone from being a disunited planet of countries that make war on each other (and sometimes themselves) to a united (enough) planet capable of interstellar travel, and the most warlike/best-armed in the galaxy; and then did a complete 180, becoming solely interested in peace and learning, with weapons consigned to museums. That's...a remarkably short period of time for two such drastic cultural shifts.

Anyhow, the Varlan invasion is very effective, since the Earthlings are reduced to using harsh language against them. The Council of Elders (all balding white men) are alarmed, soon even the capital city will be overrun! Obviously, this is a good time to consult the High Priest. (The High Priest of what exactly is not explained.)

In the tradition of elderly advisors, the High Priest wants to start with a history lesson. The Leader of the Elders is impatient (and a complete weenie,) but the High Priest uses his mind-reading abilities to give the LotE a verbal smackdown, then proceeds. It seems that back when Earth was still in the galaxy-conquering business, its scientists came up with a weapon so ridiculously overpowered that absolutely nothing could stand before it. The High Priest of the time spoke to the (slightly younger-looking) Council of Elders, and convinced them to construct the weapon, but then stockpile it somewhere secret, since their then-current weapons were already doing just fine, and it's always good to have an ace in the hole. The High Priest was the only one who knew the weapon's location, and he passed it down to the current High Priest.

Great, says the LotE, and where do we find this wonder weapon? It is, of course, sequestered away in the Black Lands, where no one sane has gone for generations, inhabited by enchanters and monsters. (So much for the study of science in the future.) Only a hero would go there, and planet Earth breeds only wimps now. (The LotE being Exhibit A.) The High Priest has a plan. As it happens, he knows where to find a time machine. Up until now, it's only been used to observe past events and grab a few loose items. There's no reason why it shouldn't be able to grab a hero.

The Leader of the Elders notes that such a use of the time machine could be disastrous, but hey, it's not like letting the Varlans win is a good option either. The time machine proves to be undamaged, and its inventors are found cowering under a table. The High Priest explains his plan, and their scientific curiosity is immediately piqued. The scientists focus the time screen on 1983, in Africa. A hapless native is being charged by a water buffalo, but he's not the subject they're looking for. Instead, "Mighty Whitey" Morgyn the Mighty comes into the picture, and is described by the computer as "by far the strongest man on the planet."



Guess they didn't escape those whips long!

Joe may not be much as a soldier, but boy can he aim, twin pistols mowing down Gestapo with ease. At the bottom of the stairs, he realizes the angle of the door will make it impossible to get the sentries outside without getting shot himself, so Joe tosses out a grenade instead. That works, but it turns out Joe also blew up the escape vehicle, so the pair have to hoof it with the Gestapo in hot pursuit.

Until the rest of the Azbaks show up and lend a hand. The tribe escorts Joe and Lord Plimpton to the Mountain of Statues, the next place on the trail to Shemelov. Joe wonders why the name as he climbs. Turns out there's a stone blockhouse at the top lined with statues of local tribesmen, though Joe isn't sure if they're Azbak or the hostile Urbak tribe. The statues are kind of creepy, almost as if they're watching Joe....

Next up is "Quest for El Quandor."

In Edwardian times, Jamie Chesterson and his half-brother Mark have gone to South America to look for their missing father, only knowing that his disappearance has something to do with "El Quandor." A partial map brings them to a jungle region, but with no idea where to proceed from there. A peccary bursts out of the underbrush, and Jamie heads after it to get some dinner. But then he sees a whole herd of pigs headed towards him, as though driven by shadowy shapes.



At this point Mark shows up with the native bearers, and his gun. Most of the jaguar men are chased off. Jamie thinks that perhaps Mark is becoming more considerate, but Mark insists he did this only because Jamie had the statuette they need to find the mate of in order to inherit a fortune.

Karka attacks, but Jamie is able to push him back while removing the cultist's mask. Karka stumbles into a stone idol, which falls and crushes him. Under the mask, Karka turns out to be a man named Stephen Telford, a colleague of Jamie's father. He had an El Quandor amulet on under the jaguar skin, which is engraved with a strange symbol--perhaps it's a clue?

The German commander finds this sort of thing terribly unsporting. Fundi, meanwhile, turns out to be a fair engineer, and comes up with a plan for repairing the bridge with a wide margin of safety for the train.

The Germans attack again, this time forcing their troops to wear shoes. Too bad Sands has mined the ground with gun-cotton snares! Yep, he's a smart one, though too dignified to carry his own rifle even in combat.

The bridge is repaired, and the Germans go off, releasing a Belgian prisoner they had. He informs the Brits that the Jerries are off to attack the Belgian Congo column. The British commander wants to drive the train over that way to warn the Belgies, but Sands doesn't want to risk the ivory also on the train....

"The Colours of the 193rd" takes place during the Crimean war. Jack Ranken and Phil Forbes are the colour ensigns (flag carriers) of the eponymous regiment of foot. During the battle of Alma, their flag is captured by Cossacks, and when the boys try to get it back, they're captured too.

The boys are imprisoned with other British soldiers at Sebastopol, then put on a ship to Odessa (which happens to also be carrying the very same Cossack cavalry unit that still has their colours.)



The boys take advantage of the confusion to grab the flag and make a run for it. Sadly, they are promptly captured by the second wave of Polish bandits. They narrowly evade being shot by explaining the whole "British prisoners" thing. They're taken before the bandit leader, who makes them a proposition. He's heard what good fighters the Brits are, and if they'll join him in rescuing the rightful ruler of Poland, being held at Castle Bourbaki in the Pripet Marshes, he'll let them go--with their colours and his compliments. Jack and Phil aren't too keen on this idea, but honour and duty call....

Turns out that the designers of the Centurion want the plane tested to destruction, and Clegg assures them Watson is the man for the job, especially since he deliberately didn't tell Wilbur to steer clear of the war this time.

There's some difficulty getting the heavy plane off the ground, nearly clipping the hangars before clearing the runway. Nor is it particularly maneuverable in the air. Wilbur spots an air raid, and goes in for a closer look, hoping to scare the Luftwaffe away. He dives at a low-flying bomber, which panics and crashes into a steeple. Wilbur needs all his muscle to pull out of the dive, but at least the wings stayed on.

Then the German fighter escort comes after the Centurion. Wilbur flies straight into a beach sandstorm, trusting to his instrument flying. This proves workable, but the following flyer's engines seize up from the sand and he crashes. All the storm did to the Centurion was polish it nicely.

So it's time to head for home. Oops, turns out the Centurion's designers didn't include strong enough brakes!

And to wrap up the issue, "A Rough, Tough Summer for Alf Tupper."

Alf is working at the run-down Welsh summer camp of Poulson's, which is hurting so badly from the competition of posh rival camp Burton's that it is only paying him food and shelter. Alf's been gathering firewood for a barbecue, but Mr. Poulson explains that the camp can't afford the extra food they'd need to make it work, and no store in town will give them credit. No worries, says Alf. He never accepts credit anyway.

He starts his plan by accepting a bakery delivery job at 4 AM, but he needs paid daily. Alf then also accepts a paperboy and grocery delivery job, before wrapping up by grabbing a butcher boy position going begging. (Most of the kids can get good jobs at the summer camps, compared to the poorly paid delivery boy gigs.)

Next morning, he's off on his rounds, amazing people with his biking speed on heavily laden bicycles. Alf is shocked to learn that in the time it took him to do the butcher and grocery runs, the old delivery boy wouldn't have been half done with the butcher's delivery route. The butcher throws in a hearty local sausage lunch. Two more food delivery runs, and...



And with Alf taking a well-earned rest, we bid farewell to 1983 (temporarily) and InsaneJournal.