eddie likes to (riddlethem) wrote in rooms, @ 2014-05-16 22:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | !dc comics, *log, eddie nigma, stephanie brown |
Who: Stephanie and Eddie
Where: Gotham -> VA Hospital
When: a few days after Grayson gets injured
What: Steph checks herself into the hospital and also gets engaged to Eddie whoops
Warning: None except their usual swearing
Two days.
Two days alone without Eddie, and Stephanie was on the brink.
The moment after he left, after throwing the vase against the wall near the front door, she had found whatever she could to throw angrily, too. Paperweights, books, picture frames flew through the air before meeting their demise against the warm brown walls or that bright accent green wall that made her sick when she looked at it. Then, caught by the sight of that growing mural in her office, she stormed into that room and brandished a fat paintbrush like a weapon of mass destruction. Who fucking cared about Gotham and its beauty and its good things anymore? Nothing was good, who was she kidding? Nothing, not herself, not her relationship, not her family. Everything was falling to pieces, burning to the ground, crumbling at her feet.
She stopped herself though, unbridled anger dissipating enough not to destroy the one thing she had been really, really proud of in the last month. She dropped the brush on the wooden floor, paint splattering across panels and her feet, and she walked out of the office. But, instead of cleaning the rest of the mess immediately, she hustled the pets into a room where they wouldn’t be at risk of stepping over the glass and changed into her running gear. She couldn’t investigate crime scenes or save her big brother or even patrol the rest of the city. She couldn’t even keep her anger in check anymore. She was a goddamn useless, helpless mess. But, she could run, and run she did. Run until the earliest hints of morning stained the sky, until her limbs were burning, until her chest was on fire. She buckled over with a sob somewhere near their home, surrounded by glittering signs and beautiful queens in sequined dressed. Hands on her knees, choking to catch her breath and failing at staving off another panic attack.
The sobs and choked out breaths were drowned out by pulsing music from the clubs surrounding her, gasps mingling with the muffled, undulating music as she crouched down and put her head between her knees. Hands laced together on the back while her whole body trembled as she bent over in the middle of the street. It wasn’t the strangest sight in that part of town, seeing a tattooed woman bent over on the ground. Usually though she was wretching after a couple of bad cocktails or too many tequila shots. Not because she was having yet another anxiety attack.
Stephanie didn’t sleep that night, nor through the day, just laid languidly on the couch and stared off into the distance. Oh, she was fucking livid with Eddie, anger coming in waves as she was able to ruminate over what happened for hours upon hours upon hours until she got so frustrated that she went for another run. She wasn’t going to apologize first, she told herself as her muscles screamed in protest. Some people had their drinks, or their drugs, but she would just push her body until she couldn’t feel the ache of anxiety in her chest or the panic in her bones. Just a broken body instead of a broken goddamn brain.
One day of sleeplessness bled into two, and it was showing. She was quicker to burst into tears or break something else when she spotted something that reminded her of Eddie (re: everything) or remembered how angry she felt about how useless and worthless she was. The apartment was slowly going to tatters, broken frames and tossed blankets on their bed, as if their home was reflecting the inside of her mind, and without Eddie to reign her in, what could stop Stephanie in her tracks? What could stop this breakdown?
Instead of sleeping, she paced. Around the living room, through the halls. Up and down, up and down. Wringing her hands together and blue eyes puffy and aching from tears. The animals trailed her around now and then, but mostly stayed on the couches, scared of the glass and how wrong their mom was acting.
She wallowed in the sharp anger and aching pain she felt. Truthfully, it wasn’t Eddie’s fault that the whole mess happened. She had overreacted immensely, she had taken it over the line, she had pushed him away in spite and in a warped sort of punishment for herself. She had wanted nothing more than to keep Eddie there with her the night before, but Dick was dying. She couldn’t be selfish. Mostly, though, all of that anger she passed onto him was anger for herself. She fucking hated herself more than ever, now that she couldn’t even help her brother when he was in real, godforsaken danger. What use was she? Really, what use was she at all?
The self-loathing bubbled and boiled over and burrowed underneath her skin like a disease. When she finally collapsed on their bed, staring at the rotating ceiling fan and curling into herself, two days after Eddie walked out of their apartment to save Dick Grayson and no sleep in between, she had convinced herself of how weak and pathetic she was. Why would Eddie even want to come home to her? He was doing himself a favor by cutting himself off from her. Steph, who at the moment was so destructive and selfish and broken that it seemed wildly incapable of loving someone or being loved.
She blinked, and there was the familiar flap of mechanical wings that had her sitting up in a slow, sleepless stupor. Blonde hair standing up in twenty different directions and blue eyes glazed. And when she looked, there stood Owlman with a smirk, with the blood of her teammates splattered across his kevlared chest, with the head of the Jokester in his hand. Stephanie screamed, scrambled back on the bed, and ripped the bedside draw open. There was her pistol, the same one she pulled on Dick weeks before (when had she taken that out of the safe?). Owlman inched forward, prowled forward, and she pointed the gun right at his neck, at that one weak spot in his costume and shot once, twice, three times.
Bang, bang, bang.
But, Owlman didn’t collapse to the floor.
Matilda whimpered distantly from another room, scared of the sudden loud noises. Three bullet holes made their homes in the walk-in closet. The delusion crashed down, and Steph screamed again, dropping the gun on the bed before scrambling off and falling off the bed to press against the wall as far away from the closet as possible. She was trembling from head-to-toe, shaking so violently and gasping for air like it had the solution she needed. The sounds that shook out of her sounded so violent and foreign she didn’t even realize it was her.
This had to stop. This had to end. For her own sake. For Eddie’s sake. If she wanted any sort of a semblance of the lives they wanted and deserved, she needed to fix herself.
When she could breathe, she crawled across the floor to the bed and grabbed the gun so gingerly it looked like she thought it was a bomb. The safe was opened with surprising precision, and she shoved the gun and slammed the safe shut before she could do anything else. Then, she went into the closet, stomach lurching at the holes in wooden doors, and pulled a baggy sweatshirt over her head, tossed her hair into a messy pile on the top of her head, slipped into a pair of leggings and her purple Converse, and grabbed a tote bag. Shuffled through the house with an air of finality, grabbing whatever she thought she might need -- phone, wallet, car keys -- she paused at the kitchen. She had to tell Eddie somehow. So, bleary and still not sure of what was real and what wasn’t, Steph snatched a pen and paper. Scribbling a letter for him, one full of love and hope and wanting things to be better, she folded it, wrote his name on the front -- a loopy, messy Eddie -- and walked out the door to drive herself to the hospital.
Eddie had to turn a lot of things off. Working to help the bat family in any capacity made him realize that there were only a few level headed people left in that brood and most depended on Eddie to be one of them. It’d be funny to him a couple years ago when maturity was a very paper thin thing to him, but things were different now. He wanted to help save Dick Grayson instead of just throw him in the Lazarus Pit? He’d have to grow up. He wanted to be mediator for two warring factions of the family plus some people from Marvel he didn’t know? He’d have to grow the fuck up.
Introspection was kind of his thing, but that night he let it go. He didn’t think about why he was trying to keep things together. Why he asked Bruce to be there when Grayson woke up. None of it was supposed to matter, but it did. It was more than just doing what needed to be done. He wanted the bat family functional. He wanted Bruce and Stephanie to be happy. He didn’t want to see the kitty cat worry. So, he stepped in. He turned off all the parts of him that hurt and he did what needed to be done.
He wondered if there was ever going to be a way he could forget about Stephanie Brown.
Later that night, Eddie didn’t do much sleeping. He wandered the manor quietly like a street rat invading a rich man’s estate. He found some expensive and dusty bottles of brandy and had a couple drinks until he could pass out. And, then he woke up in the morning, made a point to not even check his phone and then went back to check on Grayson and anyone else who happened to be there. He thought maybe living a life as a miserable bachelor with Bruce wouldn’t be too bad. The mansion was big enough that they could avoid each other when they wanted to and he’d get the additional bonus of seeing one of his only friends whether he liked it or not.
He took a long shower in one of those fancy bathrooms, stole a guest set of PJ’s, a robe and didn’t change out of it for the rest of the day. Every time worry for Stephanie popped up he swatted it away by busying himself with cult investigations or whatever baseball game happened to be on tv. He checked the clock so often he had to move to a room without one. He wondered if good, go was her way of telling him to leave forever. If all those things they told each other when they were alone meant anything to her or if she was done with it for good.
He thought about Helena. About how far down she got. He wondered if Stephanie would ever hit that rock bottom. He let himself feel alone and then found another baseball game to watch.
He thought about his confession to Selina in the Batcave. About how somehow, even being a world apart from Stephanie right now, he wanted everything he promised. He said a house and kids and pets in a jumbled mess like a man who couldn’t wait for the good to happen in his life. Like there was no doubt it would happen.
Eddie sat in the manor kitchen waiting for her. Wearing PJ’s and a stolen robe with his face cleanly shaven and hair slicked back. Waiting for her to come storming through that door to pull him back into her life. But, she never showed up and when the alarm for the Lazarus Pit went off, Eddie felt relief that there was something to distract him from her. Figuring out what Ra’s did? Checking clues and getting back to researching the cult? These were all things he’d rather be doing than moping about Stephanie.
By the second day, Eddie wrapped himself up in work and research. He had to. A moment of downtime left him thinking about Stephanie. His heart begged him to just go running back, already. To go find her and apologize even if she was the one who tore him down piece by piece. Eventually the longing he had for her and the inability to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time left him feeling desperate.
He’d go back for one night. He’d tell her how he felt and if she didn’t try to make things better, he’d scoop up Matilda and go right back to the manor. That wasn’t too weak, right?
Once Eddie gathered his things and boomtubed home, he expected a mess (Stephanie was a crusher. She liked to smash, too.) but this was far past what he expected. Pictures they had carefully put up on the walls were thrown, antiques they picked out together at flea markets were smashed and the pets were all huddled on the couches and chairs like they had seen a ghost. He stopped to give each one of the animals a reassuring pet filled with don’t worry’s and a promise to clean everything up once he got things sorted out with Stephanie.
And, he half expected her to just walk out of the office. Angry and crying and ready to kick him out again. But, their home was empty. There was a quiet over it like something priceless had just been smashed and Eddie could feel anxiety burning up to his throat. After checking the office to find nothing, Eddie called out Stephanie’s name in a panic and then busted into their bedroom to find another empty space. He smelt gunpowder.
Letting out a string of curse words, knowing that he’d have to do some crime scene investigations on his own girlfriend, Eddie walked back to the front room to get his cellphone to try and call before really getting into serious panic mode. On his way out, he noticed something new on the kitchen counter, a fresh envelope with his name on it. Hands shaking, he prayed this wasn’t a suicide. He prraaayyyed he wouldn’t find her in the bathtub, drowning in her own blood. He let himself imagine the worst and then he opened up the envelope.
The letter took all of that anxiety and fear of her being dead away in an instant. While he was gone, Stephanie hit rock bottom and instead of doing something selfish like make it worse or run away or kill herself, she was at the hospital trying to make things right. All on her own.
“Farm animals.” Eddie wasn’t crying. He wasn’t crying at all. If his face happened to be wet and eyes red, that was because he was really tired. “I’m going to come back and clean up the whole house. Well- no wait. Riddle me this, when was the last time you ate?” The pets on the couch perked up. They hadn’t eaten all day.
He smiled at them, then back down at the letter and rubbed his eyes. The wind pushed back into his sails and he was off. The pets were fed, the front room cleaned and a floorboard was popped open so he could grab a small little trinket there. Eddie took a moment to shower, shave, to change and then he followed her to the hospital.
Stephanie made her way to the Veterans Affairs Hospital on the other side of town with cautious driving and a grip on the wheel to keep her there and in the moment. She was frightened, despite the hopeful words in her letter to Eddie. She had never, ever done something like this, and suddenly? Everything else didn’t seem that scary. In that moment, Black Mask, Earth-3, the plague, all the things she’d seen and fought seemed like nothing. This? This was daunting. This was earth-shatteringly worrying, and she had to convince herself multiple times to keep driving. That she and Eddie needed this more than anything at that moment. Her mental health and being able to be with Eddie as a full person again was so much more important than her pride and how shit scared she was of what was to come.
Part of her was hurting for Eddie, too, even if she knew she needed to do this on her own. What she would give for his hand in hers as she drove across the Gotham streets towards something bigger and scarier than anything she had ever faced. To see him be proud of her even when he shouldn’t. But, he would get the letter, and that would be enough for her. He would know that she still loved him endlessly, desperately, and with every single piece of her. That would be enough.
She parked in a spot close to the emergency room, and slowly walked into the hospital. It was big, more modern than not, and while it was removed from all the insanity that Gotham liked to bring, it was still fairly full, being the only facility like that within the metropolitan area. The ER was busy with plenty of men and women waiting to be seen. Stephanie signed in dutifully, eyes cast down and away from the veterans who were there for various reasons, some of which she could sense was closer to her problems than not. The nurse gave one glance, nodded, and waved her off to the nearby waiting area with a chart to fill out and a promise that she would be called as soon as possible.
The blonde shuffled quietly to a corner of the waiting room near the vending machine filled with almost stale chips and candy and gum, and she sat in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs to stare blankly at the questionnaire in front of her. Technically, Stephanie wasn’t a veteran of this Gotham -- she’d never fought for the US Armed Forces, or any other eligibilities. But Eddie, always pragmatic, had given her falsified official papers and identification that made it look like she had been a member of a field artillery squad in the US Army. It was as close as explaining what they had gone through would get, for the moment, and it made her eligible for treatment at the VA.
But, she couldn’t concentrate on the words right then and there, letters garbling in her panic and compounding worry as she sat there. So, she placed it on the floor, then her tote next, and held her head between her hands. Facing down to the linoleum floor, elbows resting on her thighs as one of her legs jiggled. She looked like an absolute wreck, blonde hair falling out in tendrils, red-rimmed eyes on the floor, sloppy clothes. But, she was there, and that was the first step, wasn’t it? Admitting you had a problem?
A couple feet away, she could hear the sound of wandering chuck taylors. Up one side of the waiting room and then down the other until they stopped in front of her chair. “Riddle me this: What did I get you from the gift shop?” Eddie’s voice was clear to the point where she might have thought he was a hallucination. But, no, there he was. Standing above her smelling like his city slicker cologne and dressed in jeans, a tweed jacket and a fresh t-shirt almost like he had gotten ready for a night out with her to some bowling alley or a miniature golf course instead of trekking down to the hospital.
When she looked up at him, he smiled at her, all comforting and loving. Eddie knew she was a mess, could see her struggling to even be here at the moment. He also knew that what he was about to do might completely overwhelm her and end badly, but he had a good feeling about it. He read her letter over and over, seeing every meaning to it and knew if he took her hand and held it through all of this, they’d get what they wanted. Not a fairytale. Something better because it was real.
She didn’t acknowledge the squeak of sneakers against the floor, accounting it to a pacing would-be patient getting anxious as he or she waited to be called next. But, a familiar voice rang out and her leg slowly stopped jiggling, foot ceasing its taping, and she dug her fingers into the side of her head. If she was imagining his voice, this was going to be so much harder. She dared to look though, hands slowly lowering and chin tilting up until puffy, red eyes looked up at the riddled man before her. The scent of his cologne hit her next, then she took in how clean-cut and put together he looked.
“Eddie?” Steph asked in confusion, eyebrows furrowing and blues squinting up at him as if to blink him out of existence if he wasn’t really there. “You came?” She pressed her fingers to her mouth and bubbled out noise that was gratitude and astonishment. “You got my letter?”
His smile grew, messy and wide. “Yeah, I got your letter. I loved your letter. I wanted to frame it, but I didn’t really have the time.” Eddie reached to gently run his fingers over her knee and then looked down at the floor like he was about to jump off a cliff. “I got you something. I was going to make you answer my riddle before I gave it to you, but I decided to let you use a cheat code tonight.” He looked back up at her and there was a nervousness flashing like an alarm in his dark eyes.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Eddie took another long look at that floor and then dropped down to one knee. He reached for her hands, both of them with his and looked up at her. “Look, I know neither of us got any sleep and we’re in the eye of the storm right now. So, you might think my judgement is impaired, but it’s not. I might get a lot of stuff wrong, I might fall asleep standing up at some point tonight. But, this, this is something I’m really sure about. And, I know you’re going to feel the same way. So, I’m going to talk for a while and then you can tell me what you think. Okay?” He was doing a lot of vague talking that didn’t make any sense. It felt like all the words were just tumbling out of his mouth even if he had rehearsed them over and over on the car ride there.
He kissed her knuckle and didn’t bother to look at her face yet in case there was a big no there, somewhere. Maybe back on Earth-3 he’d expect it or even a couple days ago when they were at each other’s throats. But, she wrote him a letter. She listed out all the things she wanted in a life they were going to share from here until the very end. So, what was the point of waiting?
“I was in the gift shop. I was looking for something to get you to make you feel better. I know how much you love those talking teddy bears that get creepy evil voices after a couple months. I was going to get that, but then something else caught my eye.” Eddie reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny black box. He opened it to reveal the ring he had tried to give her back on Earth-3. The same. Exact. One.
“I know, right?” Eddie held the box up a little more for her to see and grinned. “I swear to god I thought I threw that into the pits of Hell and what do you know it was waiting for me at this very gift shop. Swear to god. That’s honestly, completely what happened.” Eddie shrugged, as if of course he was telling the truth. That he didn’t actually save that ring and keep it close to him at all times for the past three years. That it was on him when they zapped back to this Gotham, that he had hid it with his cigarettes because he knew the time was going to be right one day.
“Steph.” Eddie’s tone turned a little more serious, the love was still there as bright as a neon question mark. “I know things look bleak right now, but they aren’t. We are going to figure this out. We’re going to have the life we want and I was hoping to god you’d consider starting all of that with me once you get out. You’ve been my light of hope for as long as we’ve been together and I just- I want to be that for you. I want you to know this is the last big hurdle before we get the life we want and I’m going to be there with you through all of it.” Eddie looked up at her, big brown eyes still nervous, but filled with all the things a Gotham kid from the streets wasn’t supposed to feel. “Here’s a riddle you’ve heard before: Stephanie Brown, will you marry me?”
“I’m glad you got it. I’m so glad.” She sounded relieved beyond comprehension that he was there. Stephanie didn’t realize at first what was going on otherwise. It didn’t click, too lost in the happy shock that he was there that everything else was momentarily ignored. He was there. He was there in front of her, touching her and speaking to her and actually existing. Living, breathing, actually there. It was enough to keep her grounded so desperately in that moment and away from the gleam in Owlman’s eyes before she shot the apparition to pieces. He didn’t hate her, hadn’t given up on her, hadn’t gotten so fucking frustrated that he decided to hide in Wayne Manor for a week before checking up on her. He was there. He was there.
Red-rimmed blue eyes widened almost comically as he knelt down on one knee, and while she opened up her mouth to say something -- he was right. She nearly asked about his state-of-mind, of his judgement after days of work and no sleep and that letter that he loved so much. So, she opened her mouth, the protest on her tongue, but when he told her to wait, she did. Mouth slowly closing as she listened to him speak. Because despite the circumstances, this was absolutely what she wanted. More than anything in the entire world, she wanted this and him and forever. If she already laid it all out on the line, if she promised him that she was getting better for both their sakes, there wasn’t a point to wait.
She smiled softly, expecting him to pull out some plastic, chinsty ring from the quarter vending machine in the gift shop as a placeholder for now. Or a piece of string. A ribbon. Maybe a rubber band. Something that worked in a pinch when they were both under fluorescent lights and surrounded by people with varying degrees and kinds of sickness. Her thumbs rubbed the back of his hands as he spoke, closing her eyes for a second to absorb the cadence of his voice, let the happiness and the strength wash over her like a drug that she would use for as goddamn long as she needed while she was here. That was another scary part of all of this, probably the scariest part of all. Being away from him? Was going to make this harder than anything. The questions, the doubt, the lack of his physical, tangible support. She knew he loved her, but would that be enough?
But there he was, solving the puzzle yet again because he knew how to fit perfectly with her. They both did.
She peaked open an eye as he pulled something from his pocket, ready to love whatever it was no matter what, but she wasn’t expecting that ring. The ring. It was impossible. Her eyes widened a second time, mouth going slack for a second in shock before blossoming into a wide grin. Tears started to well up in her big blues, but they were happy things. Everything about her, from her big grin to her watery eyes to how she leaned into his space slightly just spoke of how goddamn happy he was making her.
Her pulse began to race, and for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t the signal of a panic attack. He could feel it as he held her hand, the thump, thump, thump of her heart rattling in her chest, and when he finally asked, she couldn’t stop the happy tears from slipping down her face. “You kept it?” was what she said at first, focusing on the purple ring and that symbol of hope and failure from years ago. Symbol of their continued love, of his continued dedication to her and what they wanted. “After all these years, you kept it. Of course you kept it.” Her lip wibbled, and she nodded. Here they were, one of the happiest moments of their lives, in the middle of a hospital waiting room surrounded by more and more curious eyes and her fallen off the brink. And wasn’t that so them?
“Yes, I’ll marry you.” She bubbled out a messy laughing sob, shaking her head in disbelief and grin hurting her face as her blue eyes bore into his puppy dog browns with an almost unrecognizable happiness. Her voice was choked with emotion. Overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. “Yes, yes, yes! Edward Nashton. Of course I’ll marry you.”
Eddie thought for a half a second that the sudden thump thump of her heart beat meant she was afraid of all of this. That he was coming on too strong and welllll that was part of the deal when you dated the Riddler. But, those big happy blue eyes told a different story and he grinned along with her. The rest of Gotham didn’t matter. It didn’t even matter that they were in the middle of a hospital waiting room with every single person in earshot watching them in confusion. “Of course I did.” Eddie echoed her and nodded with a shrug as if to say there was no other solution that problem. “I tried to throw it out. That night I snuck off to Gotham Harbor. I tried so damn hard, but I couldn’t do it.” At the time, Eddie thought it was weakness that made him keep the ring. Looking at her now? He knew it was something completely different.
“You will?” His voice cracked and he took the ring out of the box and very carefully placed it on her ring finger. “See, baby? It’s a perfect fit.” He dropped to both his knees and pushed closer to her, pulling her legs down so he could press his head against her belly. Eddie could barely believe they got this far, that she said yes and that he could feel so fucking happy in a hospital waiting room. “I wanted to do something big, something dramatic for you.” Eddie looked up at her and then kissed any part of her that was close. “Something way over the top. I’m sorry. Is this acceptable? Shall I do it again?”
Stephanie didn’t care about the other people around them. For a moment, for a long, utterly blissful moment, they didn’t even exist. That hospital room didn’t exist. Her anxiety attacks and insecurities didn’t exist. The center of her entire universe at that moment was Edward Nashton. The crack in his voice, how he slid the ring on her finger with such reverence, how it fit so perfectly. Like it was always just meant to be there, and maybe that was the truth. It just was supposed to be there. “I’m glad you didn’t throw it out,” she whispered, marveling at the beautiful purple ring on her finger. “I’m so glad.”
Steph nodded. “Perfect. It’s perfect,” she agreed, voice cracking again and more happy tears streaming down her face. She laughed, tangling her hands in his hair instead of wiping the wet streaks from her cheeks. “No, it’s perfect. Come here you baboon.” Using one of his favorite little nicknames for when someone was being outlandishly dumb. Shaking her head, she tugged at his hair until she could reach his mouth and take a few quick kisses for herself. “I’m gonna marry you. I don’t care how it happened.” Unadulterated happiness infused her words, and people wondered how this could be the same mopey girl that had come in only moments before. “I’m marrying you,” she repeated against his mouth, still crying her happy tears, still smiling from ear to ear.
Eddie thought he was going to hold onto the past couple of days like a bad cold. Before he saw the letter he thought it was all going to sit in his ribcage and hurt until so much time passed he got used to it. But, he was an easy riddle to solve when it came to her. Stephanie had taken this huge step for herself, for him, for them and the only thing it made him want to do was take another big step with her. He grinned into her kisses, messily climbing up to kiss her chin and neck and mouth like he hadn’t touched her in years. Maybe it felt that way. Just a little.
“Yeah, you are, baby.” Eddie confirmed with a sure nod and then climbed on the seat next to her. He reached his arms out for her. “You’re going to be my wife. And, now you have proof.” He motioned down at the ring. “Here, let me see it on your hand again. I’ve been waiting years to see what it looks like.” He leaned his head against the wall behind them and reached for her hand, watching those Earth-3 gems sparkle in the fluorescent light. This wasn’t exactly how he pictured it all going down, but it still felt good to see it. “Tell me you love me?”
It probably wasn’t advisable by any standard to get engaged in the middle of a semi-clean waiting room while you were waiting for mental health treatments. After kicking your boyfriend out of your apartment. After shooting holes into your shared walk-in closet. But, Stephanie and Eddie were never very good at keeping to the status quo, and this proposal in a dingy waiting room was more them than anything big and outlandish would be. And, she need to know that he was going to be there for her after this was all said and done. This beautiful purple ring that sat on the finger with a direct line to her heart would do just the trick.
She laughed airily, leaning into each kiss readily like she had been waiting days, months, years for this, and she really had. When he settled into the seat next to her, she curled up into herself and rested her head on his arm while he inspected her hand. She sighed in contentment, assuaged for the moment that everything would be more than fine once she could get through all the muck and mess. That once she finished, once she was better they were going to have everything they always wanted. The marriage, the children, the pets. Everything.
“I’m going to be your wife,” she murmured into his arms, eyes closing as the exhaustion finally hit her. She felt safe with him there. “And you’re gonna be my husband. My husband. I love you. I love you.” Pressing kisses into the tweed fabric of his jacket there and there, then reached up to kiss his jaw. “Tell me you love me.”
Eddie felt her relax against him and his messy heartbeat suddenly steadied into something almost mechanical. She had heard it before when they hid away on their anniversary every year or when she held him close at night in front of the tv. Nothing untangled the riddled man like Stephanie. Not drugs or Arkham or more riddles. She was the only one who could make him just stop and feel a moment. He pulled her close, arms wrapped around her like a shield from the rest of the world and he rested his head on hers, sighing softly. “I’m going to be your husband.” He repeated, almost like a vow and kissed her blonde hair.
“I love you, Stephanie.” Eddie said after a moment, trying to put all the meaning and love he could behind each word so she could feel the weight of it. So she could roll it around in her head later as proof that this wasn’t all just a way to give each other a temporary high. “I cleaned the house, fed the pets and I’ve got some extra clothes in my car for the both of us. Plus, plenty of board games, video games, books, whatever.” He pulled back to look at her. “I’ll go in there with you and stay until they kick me out. I’m not leaving.”
Like she untangled him, Eddie was the only one who could make her feel safest in the entire world. The second his heartbeat slowed and steadied, she sighed and melted further into him, nose digging into his arm and arms wrapping around him as he pulled her close. He was always the only one able to really feel normal. Feel like herself. Stephanie Brown could be someone without Eddie Nashton, but she never wanted to think of the possibility. She didn’t want to be Stephanie Brown without Eddie around. Maybe that was more than a little dependent, and maybe it was even unhealthy, but they completed each other. They were partners, each other’s halves. Try to rely on someone so desperately over six years without getting so entangled it was sometimes hard to tell where one person ended and the other began.
She let his words wash over her without a noise, just closed her eyes and pressed her face into his chest as he held her close. She could measure the steady beats of his heart, and it made it easier to avoid another anxiety attack at the daunting process in front of her. There was a tiny noise, a whine-sob of gratitude. “Oh, baby,” she said, word muffled. “I love you.” Of course he was prepared to stay, and she wanted him to stay more than anything. But that made it more real. Her fingers dug into the lapels of his coat, and she let out another sob, this one sad and worried, before digging her face into the fabric of his t-shirt.
The smell of his cologne grounded her, and that thump, thump of his heart helped her breathe more easily. After a moment, she let him go and stretched away to grab the chart, pen attached. “Can you do this?” she asked weakly. “I can’t--I can’t concentrate. I can’t even think about filling that out.” She twisted the ring on her finger back and forth, back and forth. Like she was checking to make sure it was still real.
Eddie took off his jacket, revealing fresh circuit board wounds up his forearm (though he didn’t say a damn word about them) and took the chart from her. “Gimmie one more kiss.” He tilted his chin up and pushed his lips against hers, deepening the kiss almost immediately like they were rolling around on the bed and then pulled away. “There’s a lot of stuff happening in Gotham right now.” He reached to touch her wrist, inked fingers over inked skin. “If they ask you to stay, are you sure...” Eddie rubbed his thumb over her wrist lightly and then thoughtfully rolled her purple ring back and forth on her finger. “Can you promise me to stay here even if things get bad out there?”
He looked up at her and he knew it was asking a lot. She didn’t know Ra’s was back yet, she didn’t know that extra old man taste in his mouth was from eating some Lazarus Pit soup and that was the the beginning of it. “Maybe we can compromise? That’s what being partners is all about, right?” Eddie offered her a small smile and then went back to filling out her chart.
The messy, passionate kiss earned her the tiniest rumble from her throat, a kind of appreciative and happy sound as her hand, the one without the ring, cupped his cheek. There was an easiness to it, to the embrace, and the desperate sort of whine was something he probably hadn’t heard in a very long time by their standards. Stephanie felt like something clicked into place. Like in spite of all the bullshit that was happening and had happened between the two of them, things were going to turn out a-okay. That maybe she wouldn’t be plagued by all the problems she had. That maybe, just maybe, they’d be able to be themselves again. No ugly fights (or, at least, that ugly), no panic attacks when he tried to climb up her body, no more hiding.
Or, at least, that was what she hoped. She eyed the fresh scars on his arm and looked up at him with concern. Knitted her eyebrows together at the strange taste of his mouth. “What kind of stuff?” she couldn’t help but ask, voice soft and blue eyes staring at him through long lashes. Her gaze flickered back down to the ring, and she nodded. “Compromise. Yeah. Give me a good compromise.”
He focused on the chart for a good 30 seconds, not answering her question because there were so many answers. Finally, he turned to look at her. His dark eyes were clear, they always were in the middle of the battle as if he were someone who didn’t mind getting caught in a tornado. Chaos fed him. It gave him clues and puzzles and riddles. Chaos fed everyone in Gotham. “Grayson was hurt very badly, but he’s going to be okay. It’ll be a while until he can walk again, but he’ll be okay.” That explained the scars. “The pit died. I ate some of it to make sure and it’s dead. R-word used it to bring himself back. It’s all over the journals. The cult is targeting Diana. Selina is dating this doctor and Stephanie you have to see him. He’s like a big teddy bear. It’s driving Bruce nuts. But, he’s smart and nice so who am I to judge? And, well, no I think that’s it.” He offered her a smile like oh this was no big thing even though they both knew the opposite was true.
“A compromise. If the Bat asks you to leave, you do it. If no one else can save my life, you do it. That seems fair, right?” His voice had gone low enough that only they could hear over the buzzing of the vending machine. He reached to kiss her hand, to look at the ring again and then went back to filling out her chart.
The time he took to answer indicated to her that it was pretty serious shit, and Steph whined quietly again, taking his arm and wrapping it around herself so she could rest her cheek on his chest. “You can tell me,” she whispered, encouragement in her voice bleeding out the doubt. She dug her nose into his chest, closing her eyes and sighing as he finally began to speak. Listening to the rumbling of his words in his lungs as he spilled out all the happenings in Gotham. And it was serious. Dead Pit, Ra’s’s return, Dick’s injuries. Selina’s new man? It was all a little overwhelming, and she couldn’t actually suppress the worried frown on her face. “Can we agree on one thing? No eating Pit while I’m not around. Please.” Cheek still pressed against his chest, she rubbed her face against the fabric of his t-shirt. Another whine rumbled out. “Why does everything have to happen at once?” Because when it rained in Gotham? It poured, and Stephanie was fucking useless for any of it.
She had dropped down to a murmur, too. “What if things get really, really bad, and you all need my help, but you’re not telling me to protect me?” She watched him filling out her chart for a second before looking back up to his face. Sadly counting down the moments until she wouldn’t be able to look at his face for god knows how long.
Eddie immediately regretted telling her, but how could he keep her in the dark? They were partners, even with her possibly staying here. She wouldn’t do it to him, he wouldn’t let her. “It’s like I told Selina, the only way I know the Pit is working is by eating it. The Bat was there, I’d be completely fine. All they have to do is knock me out and I’m back to normal.” Eddie pressed his lips against her head and buried his face there in the blonde hair. “And, I know things are crazy right now. We get one nice day, one moment of rest and then it’s back to the races. You know we could move to Diana’s town. I heard it’s sunny and has beaches and very little crime. We could move there, but we like it here in all the craziness.”
He leaned back until she looked at him and then pressed another kiss to her mouth. Hungry for her, like any moment he wasn’t kissing or touching her was wasted time. “Baby, I’m telling you everything that’s going on. Who else will put up with me for long periods of time? Selina’s got a new boooyfrrieeennd, Bruce hates everything ever, I don’t want to get punched by Diana anytime soon and- no that’s all I have. I fuss over you, but I don’t protect you from Gotham. You know that.” He said it like another vow and really there was going to be a lot of that lately.
“I still don’t like it. Whenever you do it, I don’t like it,” Stephanie confessed, making a small, protesting noise. She would never like the Pit, no matter how many times it might have helped them or could help them. She could still, years later, feel the burn of it underneath her skin from time to time. When dreams when vivid and bright green and haunting. “Next time. Not without me there. Okay?” Because as much as much as she trusted the Bat, she wanted to be the one to pull him out of those kinds of things. It was selfish, probably, but she didn’t care. He was going to be her husband, and he gave her proof of it with that ring, so she was allowed to be at least a little possessive. Right?
She continued to frown, sighing and wrapping both her arms around his middle. “I like the nice days, too.” Then, she paused for a moment before continuing. “What if I need only nice days after this?” Steph sounded worried. If she had to give up Gotham, if they had to give up Gotham in order for her to get better, would that be too much? Suddenly, she was wondering about the final straw. What would be too much? Even with this ring, even with all his words, there could be something that made him stop and think if this was all worth it. He could see that in the flicker of her blue eyes before she took the kiss, just as hungry for him and soaking up every single second she could get.
Then, she could feel the weight of the ring on her finger, the assurance in his vow, and she smiled an easy little thing.. “I think I’m stuck with you now, so I have no choice,” she responded, as if putting up with him for long periods be the worst thing ever. In reality, she couldn’t think of anything better at the moment. She wished that she could do that instead of locking herself away because she was losing her mind. “Keep the fussing at the minimum while I’m here. I don’t wanna spoil whatever time we get together.”
Eddie didn’t seem too bothered about leaving Gotham. Selina said that he’d never go, but Stephanie had top priority in everything he did. “I don’t give a damn if we live in Gotham or not.” Revealed like it was a secret no one knew except her. “I love this city and I think we can make it better, but I love you more. I honestly would be happy in Gateway City or Star City or even a suburb outside of Gotham.” He looked up as if that last suggestion broke his brain and then shook his head with a smile. “No, no suburbs. Cities. Safe ones that aren’t Metropolis.” And, there was no doubt about that in his eyes.
He finished the paperwork, snuck another kiss and then relaxed back in his chair. He breathed like they just got off a rollercoaster. “I get at least ten minutes of uninterrupted fussing.” Eddie bargained, because bartering was what he did. “And,” he raised a finger like he was going to add another stipulation, his finger rising up in the air until it deflated. “Wait, what the hell should I say to the bat family about all of this?” He looked at her with that wide, I’m generally not good with people beyond taking their money, look.
Gotham was their city, but at the end of the day, Eddie was her home. If she did have to leave, if she needed to remove herself, even for a little bit, as long as he was with her, she could do anything. She could do anything with him to hold her hand. That was why the fact that he was her fiance now (holy shit, he was her fiance now) and the ring on her finger meant so much to her. Made her tear up just a little bit more as he disavowed Gotham for her sake. There were going to be times, plenty she was sure, where she felt like giving up, especially without him at her side. But, she had this ring. And she had his words. She had these concrete reminders of how committed he was.
Steph nodded, smiling into the kiss with eyes drifting shut for a second. Imagining life after all of this was done for a split-second before he began his stipulations. “I’m the one checking myself in, and you’re giving me slack?” she teased, blue eyes puffed and narrowing suspiciously. Then, she cocked her head to the side in thought. “I...don’t know,” she admitted. Who should know what? Who would even care anymore? “Just. Tell them. Whatever you need to keep for us, keep for us. Whatever you don’t, you can share with them.”
Eddie tilted his head and smirked at her. “You know, now that you’re going to be my wife, you’ve gotten so wise. Where did that come from? Did it somehow transfer over to you or...” He teased and then winced because he knew a punch to the arm was incoming and grinned brightly. Everything felt so strange. He felt good and hopeful and that this thing here with her at his side with a ring on her finger was right in every sense of the word. But, he also could see the storm they were about to walk into. His stomach leapt up into his ribcage and stayed there as he thought over how many obstacles were left before they’d have the first glimmer of the life they wanted.
She could see a flicker of nervousness in his eyes and she’d know it wasn’t about the ring. It was about the rest. He inched closer to her, setting the chart down on the seat next to him and wrapped his arms around her in a messy, uneven embrace. “I love you. You got this.” He told her quietly and kissed her face before holding her tight. Eddie didn’t want to sleep in his bed alone tonight and he was probably going to stay at the hospital for as long as he could, even if they just made him wait outside. Eddie didn’t care. Being a city away from her again wasn’t something he was going to deal with right now.
Steph did punch him in the arm, a little weaker than she usually would. So tired from the last two days and so lovesick over that damn ring on her finger that she didn’t have it in her to even play-hurt him. He earned a face though, nose wrinkling and tongue stuck out slightly like they weren’t in the middle of a waiting room, counting down the seconds until she was assigned to a psych ward for god knows how long. Like they were in their living room, and he had just proposed to her over a spread of Los Tacos. Alone in their own little world for the few moments they had left until all of this was over.
She made a noise, clinging so damn desperately to him like he was her anchor. And, he was. He had been for the last six years, he would be here, and he was going to be for a very, very long time to come. “I love you, too.” She kissed whatever bits of skin she could reach, on his chin, his neck, his cheek, his jaw. “I love you so much.”
The embrace lingered, and Stephanie dug her face into the crook of his neck. Lips pressed against the thready pulse of his heartbeat. After a few moments, a clear voice rang out, “Stephanie Brown,” and her pulse started to race. Dreading more and more each second about the inevitability of all of this. About the inevitability of missing him. The nurse called out again, and Steph detangled herself, waving weakly and slowly pushing herself up and out of her chair. Visibly trembling, she held out her hand for Eddie so he could steady her one last time.
Eddie held onto her and then sighed when her name got called out over the intercom. It reminded him a little of how Gotham operated. You got moments of amazing, simple bliss even though you knew it was only a matter of time before you were sent right back out into the trenches. Gotham was a storm and the future Nashtons were a tough little boat out to sea. They were used to the up and downs of waves and currents. They could even take a giant whale if they had to. “Here, your chart.” He handed the chart to her that was perfectly filled out in his impeccable, blocky handwriting. Then, Eddie grabbed her hand and tugged her close, kissing her fingers and her thumb and the skin right next to her ring before smiling up at her.
“Let’s see if I can sweet talk them into letting me come with you. At least at first.” He smirked, wiggled his eyebrows and then got to his feet. Taking her tote bag and his jacket, he put his arm around her and walked her to the front desk.