InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "ha, im here....now im here!!"

Harmony Kendall (harmonybites) wrote in parabolical,
@ 2009-06-15 13:16:00

Entry tags:

buffy summers, harmony kendall

Who: Harmony Kendall and Valley Girl!Buffy
What: So. Much. Dimwitted. Blonde!!
Where: The street Buffy said she was on
When: Backdated to the night of the 14th
Rating: TBD
Status: In Progress.

Buffy had gone insane, thought Harmony, as her limo drove through the LA streets, Or more likely she'd been swapped out with Bizarro Buffy. Cause Cordy would never have been so mean about her, well up until all the unpleasentness with the betraying and trying to get all her friends killed, but that was totally by accident, and years ago now, well...about 3. 3 was years. Well for Cordelia specific betrayals, The thing with Angel about Hamilton didn't count.

She wasn't sure what to do with the Slayer or, not Slayer once she had her, on one hand, Slayers tasted goooood. On the other, Spike would kill her, and she didn't have the Gem of Arabia. On the other hand, it would solve her Buffy problem, but killing blondes in her limo might disrupt her ratings.

Or, ooh she could turn her. Spike would have to approve then?

Right?

Why was being an amazingly awesome and popular vampire so hard

She'd decide what to do once she found the Slayer, first there would be shopping. If they really were BFF's in Bizarro land, Harm wasn't about to let her become a vampire looking all worn and tired, she could even get her stylist if Buffy really looked hidious. Her driver nodded to her when they got to the street in question and Harmony looked out onto the street.

She totally was standing like a hooker, a classy hooker, not like Julia Roberts kind of hooker.

"Hey Buffy!" she called

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chosenforthis
2009-06-15 05:13 pm UTC (link)

Buffy had lit up as she saw the limo approaching. She tried to stand like she was expecting the limo, and expected limos to come for her every day. It was her posh mimic of a stance that Tyra Banks did a lot because she started getting fat.

When the door opened to the limo, courtesy of the driver, Buffy went bossy on Harmony. "Like, OMG? Where have you been? Do you want me to get stabbed out here by gang bangers?" She shoved herself into the limo, making Harmony scooch over.

The driver looked to Harmony questioningly and then shut the door for them, getting back to the business of driving. He didn't always know where he was driving, but Harmony seemed to yell at him less when he was keeping them in constant motion.

Buffy sighed dramatically, leaning back on the leather. "Oooh, finally. Civilization has arrived." She was acting more akin to as if she'd been picked up after a day alone trying to survive in Egypt. "Now seriously - how do I look?" She sat up then, for Harmony's appraisal.

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harmonybites
2009-06-15 05:43 pm UTC (link)

She was bossy, Harmony really really didn't approve of bossy. Especially to her. When she was friggin HARMONY!. But Buffy definitely wasn't the Slayer, not the same one anyway, it was weird but she didn't feel...gross, the way she did around Faith or the other Buffy. But she bet her blood was still way awesome, like that idiot Slayer that had tried to kill her.

But Buffy admittidly was asking important questions, and Harmony looked her over critically, distracted mostly from her neck.

"...You look...frazzled" she decided "You need drinks, and shopping, like now. Take us somewhere pretty" she told the driver, he was so awesome, he knew so completely what that would mean. Harmony meanwhile was pouring drinks, she kept actual alcohol in the limo as well as blood in little bottles, it could way pass as something with lots of cranberry.

"I have shnapps?" she offered. Ooh if she was drunk maybe she wouldn't remember the biting, and Harmony could have just a little taste, a little tiny bit.

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chosenforthis
2009-06-15 06:49 pm UTC (link)

"Frazzled? Oh God, is my hair frizzing?" She reached her her long hair, suddenly certain that the locks were lying flat. "I'm wearing that mineral foundation stuff it better not be fading!" She made a big deal out of breathing in and out, closing her eyes. "Ooooom...I am a centered individual who is empowered with...empowerment...ooom..."

Ah..okay. "Drinks, yes!" She reached out for one of the flutes that Harmony had poured. "Gimme!" she ordered. Once it was in hand, she downed half of it in a gulp. It burned, but she thought it made her look cool and tragic.

Speaking of. "God, I am such a tragic figure now. They might write books about me, like Anne Frank." Yea, Anne Frank wrote her own diary but - Buffy wasn't that smart... "I cannot believe this happened to me. I mean, I was just minding my business and then -" A pause. "There's dirt on my heels! Ugh, gross!" She started kicking her foot around. Then began whining. "Why does everything bad happen to meee--eeee-eeee?" Throwing herself over Harmony's shoulder, she sniffed.

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harmonybites
2009-06-15 07:27 pm UTC (link)

Harmony blinked a time or two in sucsession. So she'd never been the smartest, but unlife had wised her up just a little, was Buffy just stupid now, shallower than Aura on a bad day.

More drinks, more drinks were totally a plan. Harmony poured her another still sipping at her one drink and was once again suprised when the whining started. Actual whining.

"Uh...yeah I know, it sucks Buffy it really really..."

Sucks. Great phrasing Harm.

Buffy had thrown herself over her shoulder, neck right there, right, there. Right in front of her all necklike and tasty.

Neck of a Slayer. More or less.

She vamped out, just for a second, just for a moment when Buffy wouldn't notice, before forcing herself back to human and pulled back breathing heavily.

"Its really tragic. So hey, shopping!" she tried, breezilly.

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chosenforthis
2009-06-15 08:02 pm UTC (link)

Buffy was so pulled-up in all of her dramatic antics she almost didn't notice that Harmony was acting weird. But the breathing/panting act was a little hard to overlook.

"Geez, calm down - do that meditative thing I just showed you!" Buffy insisted, pushing Harmony's arm away from hers.

Sipping more of her schnapps, she looked thoughtful. "Hey, will I be on your show? You should totally feature me. They could tour my closet!" She screeched happily. "Or maybe they could pay for a redo of my shoe closet area and film all that, and then be all paying for it and then Daddy wouldn't be able to say no! Oooh...goody. I have such good plans. I always did, haven't I? I mean, God. I probably could have gone to Harvard if I'd wanted to." ... "But think of all that work, yuck. I can't believe you're doing an internship thingy. Double yuck. Do you even get PAID for that? Do they care if you ruin your nails working for them?"

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harmonybites
2009-06-15 08:57 pm UTC (link)

Mean. She was MEAN with her totally bitable neck, and looking like, well, being, someone she really really wanted to bite and drink.

She had to get herself calm, had to focus, Shopping, shopping was the most awesome of plans ever. Shopping made everything better and even distracted her from the bitableness of the neck across from her.

"Okay!"

Not a chance Summers, she thought, not a chance at all.

"You can TOTALLY be on the show, it would be the best fun ever, even if the show is about me, and like, called after me and all, you could be on as the BFF, You could be like Niccole Richie"

She was a little insulted by the job bashing. She'd needed to get a place to live!. And, blood, and clothes, and ceramic unicorns.

"Its a pretty cool place actually, Great benifits, and its being a Personal Secretary. My nails are a way important part of the job. But know what else is awesome, being famous. What shop do you want me to get open? Any shop"

God she already hated her.

"You're so the best Buffy. I way missed you"

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chosenforthis
2009-06-15 09:44 pm UTC (link)

"Ugh, I am NOT Nicole Richie! Get real. I'm so much more of a Paris." Buffy scowled. Harmony was gonna be a bitch to her, now?

"Harmy, I know you wanna be totally sweet to me, but you're like, hurting my feelings by trying to cast me as the ugly, fat, sidekick." A hand to her head - she was getting a headache. The cure for that was obviously more drinky.

"Do you not have any champy?" That was their lingo for Champagne.

"Hey, and where's your boyfriend? I wanted to meet him face to face so I could give him a really dirty look for being such a dickhead."

Realizing she had friendship duties to Harm she quickly said, "Any shop is fine, and I way missed you - too!"

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harmonybites
2009-06-16 12:33 pm UTC (link)

She was a little bit Nicole Richie. Just a little bit. Harmony was so Paris. Even had the awesome cute dog.

"Not in the limo right now no, Had a party last week, and haven't restocked the car yet. I should maybe get on that"

Her boyfriend. Oh she loved hearing that. Boyfriend. Her man. Her Spikey, And Buffy hated him, that was awesome too, she didn't want to loose him to Slayer McSlay Bitch anyway. But right now she had to be all good and nice and friendly.

"I'm so happy you're here!" she said, filling out another glass, a double measure this time and handing it to Buffy.

...was it wrong slipping people roofies to feed? Would she fall over too? Where did she even GET roofies.

She should just hit her. Hit her on the head.

...She was confused.

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chosenforthis
2009-06-16 09:01 pm UTC (link)

"Yea, you should. Geez. Don't you have people to get on these things? Chop, chop, or whatever? I talked to some guy who says he has all of these British butlers. Maybe you need the Brits?" Because then there'd be hot foreign help that she could seduce and make Harmony jealous over!

Buffy accepted the glass happily, drinking away as she chatted and waved her glossy manicured nails around. She had no idea that Harmony was plotting things. She never gave Harm much credit. Her version of Harmony wasn't so much of a go-getter unless it came to snagging a limited time nail polish color made with real diamond flecks.

Which Buffy had gotten, and Harmony had missed out on - haha, in her face!

"Hey - why are you looking at me weird? Do I have something on my face?"

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harmonybites
2009-06-20 04:59 am UTC (link)

"Uh, No, buy American and all that, why should I give British people jobs!"

She was getting more and more drunk and GOD Harm wanted to bite her, totally totally did. But that would be wrong wouldn't it, that would be bad, but no one would know, no one at all would have to know, cause what would not-Buffy say? Who would she say it to, she'd even be drunk, it was fine. No one would know, right. Right?

"I'm not looking at you weird, I'm so not looking at you weird, why would you say that"

She was looking at her weird.

"Shopping...Driver, shopping!"

They pulled to a stop and Harmony practicly bolted from the car toward the store. Shopping was totaly a distraction

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chosenforthis
2009-06-20 09:35 pm UTC (link)

Harmony was ditching her? Oh HELL no. Buffy clumsily exited the limo, chasing after Harm.

"But you know...the British...they are... are hoooooot," Buffy whined in Harmony's ear. "Minus those teeth. They should get American dentists, or something. Hey - I wanna see your teeth. Did you get yours whitened recently?" Buffy did a full-on 'teeth' smile for Harmony, to show off her own teeth.

"See? I had this pro do it," she explained like a bad ventriloquist as she kept her lips spread in a smile.

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