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Merry Smutmas, leni_jess!

To: leni_jess From: iamisaac

Title: The Bonding
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Disclaimer:Not my characters, no money made, just for fun
Summary: Severus and Remus are acting as spies for the Order, Severus with the Death Eaters, Remus with the werewolves. The only way to prevent even the best Legilimens guessing their secret is to form a particular sort of magical bond…
Warnings: Bondage, coercion/dub-con
Author's notes: I hope I got at least some of your kinks in without touching your squicks. I tried hard, anyway!



They faced each other across a chasm of hatred and mistrust.

"It would be no use, I suppose, to say that I regret many things from the past?"

The words did not even start to describe what Remus felt. Guilt, shame, anger. If Severus had even once treated him as a person in his own right, rather than a member of a group he hated, and later, as a creature barely worth a claim to humanity – if! – sometimes Remus thought that he might have liked the other man; perhaps, even, something more. But it was useless to speculate. They stood like two magnetic Norths – repelling, not attracting. And now this.

"How perceptive of you," Severus sneered.

Black eyes reflected the years of dislike, and Remus could not but admit that Severus had all too many reasons for such an expression.

"Albus always has his reasons."

"If you think that anything else would persuade me to put myself in this position…" Severus began, but Remus interrupted, his voice tired and expressionless.

"I don't."

He could not, with all honesty, claim the same thing. He had fought for too many years a nagging attraction to Severus; an attraction that had lasted through awkward angry schooldays, through the deep division of their post-school years, to now, when both men worked for the same Order, albeit in their very separate ways.

And yet – were those ways so separate? Both men had their duties – to work with others from a different side (Death Eaters or werewolves: both were instinctively loyal to Voldemort). The bond that they were about to seal would be the final cord tying their two paths together. For Remus would be the holder of the knowledge that Severus was not all he seemed; Severus that Remus was not. Even the most talented Legilimens would not be able to discern their true allegiance once this bond had been fulfilled. It was necessary, but need not be welcomed. And Severus, Remus knew, was anything but glad.

"Perhaps we should start?" Severus suggested tightly.

Remus nodded, hesitated, and then spoke.

"I'm sorry, Severus, but I must bind your hands."

For a moment the other man froze, his face an indescribable mix of fury and humiliation.

"I can't help it," Remus continued. "It is an unavoidable part of the bonding."

"I have no doubt that you're devastated," spat Severus.

Remus could see the lines of tension running from his shoulders down his body. He had known that Severus would not like it; had, indeed, asked Albus Dumbledore if he would inform him in advance. Albus's quiet "I think it would come better from you" had prevented any further argument: Remus felt that he owed Albus too much, and had let him down too badly in the past (the animagus secret weighing heavily on his conscience) to push the point further.

"It does not make things easier for me," Remus said quietly. "But you will need to disrobe first."

He shut his eyes for a brief second to avoid seeing Severus's face; heard, rather than saw, the rustle that showed that Severus was removing his clothing.

"Am I really so repulsive that you will need to keep your eyes closed the entire time?" Severus enquired bitterly. "If so, I very much doubt whether you will be able to complete the bonding process."

Remus had no personal doubts on that front. He was struggling to keep his appearance calm with Severus naked not five feet in front of him. The desire that had tormented him through too many years welled up in force.

"I don't think that will be a problem." His voice was strained. "If you would lie down…"

Severus's teeth were biting so hard into his lip that Remus suspected they had broken the skin. It was only by a huge effort of will, he knew, that Severus was remaining quiet, not objecting to what Remus was putting him through. Remus wondered whether he would be able to taste the blood in Severus's mouth if he were to kiss him, subdued only with difficulty the wolfish hunger that throbbed through him at the thought.

Severus lay, nude and unaroused, on the bed, and Remus murmured a spell to produce ropes. As gently as possible, he bound Severus's wrists, tying each to the bed posts so that Severus lay open to him – to whatever Remus chose to do to him. The thought was unbearably arousing, and yet at the same time Remus was ashamed – ashamed to feel that way when Severus was so clearly unwilling. Also, terrified – for this was just the first night of bonding. Tomorrow, it would be Remus who was bound; Severus in control. And Remus had his own private nightmare to face in such a circumstance. But for the moment… for the moment it was Severus who lay supine underneath him.

Remus ran his hands softly over Severus's body, enjoying the feel of his skin under his fingers. He could feel the tenseness of the other man, and regretted it; wanted to calm him, soothe him. Oh, why not admit it? Remus wanted more than anything for Severus to enjoy the experience. So far, however, his ambition seemed far from possible.

"Can you just get on with it?" Severus demanded.

Remus nodded regretfully. He could not force Severus to take pleasure in what he was going to do to him, more was the pity.

"Try and relax," he murmured.

Severus made a noise somewhere between a snort and a grunt, and Remus sighed, muttering a spell that made his fingers slick and sticky. Gently, he pushed one finger cautiously inside Severus. He had not thought it possible that Severus could tense further, but he had, and in one blinding moment, a shocking thought occurred to Remus.

"Severus…" His voice was barely more than a whisper. "Have you never…?"

"No." Severus spoke quickly, and Remus knew that the question had been an intrusion.

Again he shut his eyes. God help him, the idea that he was to be Severus's first lover, to initiate him in sexual contact – even through an unwilling bond – was nearly enough to make him come. His hands clenched into fists with his struggle to keep control, the knuckles turning white.

"I assure you," came Severus's angry voice, penetrating his consciousness, "that I would not have it this way if there were a choice."

"I know." Remus opened his eyes and looked straight at Severus. "I will… try to make it as easy as possible for you."

"I do not need your pity."

"You do not have it."

The feelings stirring within Remus were nothing like pity. He wondered if Severus would dislike the truth even more fervently; suspected he would. One finger became two, moving gently, pushing at the ring of muscle. His other hand slid down to Severus's cock, stroking it with the same gentle motion, touching and teasing him into hardness.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, the fingers were removed, the lubrication spell cast once more, and Remus pressed his erection against his partner. There was a moment of resistance before Severus took, almost pulled him, inside his body. Remus and Severus gasped almost in unison; Remus from pleasure, though he was not certain the same could be said for Severus. Then Remus was rocking, just a little, penetrating only an inch or so before retreating again. But it was good – it was better than he could possibly imagine and he gasped

"I… oh God, Severus, I can't be gentle… I…"

Remus's muscles tensed with his struggle. Severus was tight and yet giving and Remus's self-control was helpless against such sensations. His hand was clasped around Severus's cock and the least – the least he could say was that Severus was, at least, hard and hot beneath his touch. Barely realising what he was doing, he had pressed his mouth to Severus's, was kissing him, firm and desperate. He could taste the iron-red-bitterness of Severus's blood and pulled his face away as he thrust into Severus again and again. He had meant to make it gentle, had truly meant it, but this… this was too much. He could not think, could hardly breathe. Everything was compressed into the five senses – he touched, he smelt, he tasted, he saw, he heard the unsteady breathing of Severus.

"I'm sorry," he gasped helplessly; "I'm…"

He could say no more. Orgasm overtook him, strong and heavy and so intense that he shut his eyes, his mind whirling away through time and space as his heart pumped blood through his body at a rate faster than he'd ever experienced. Dimly, as the world spun back to the now, he noticed that his hand felt wet; realised that Severus, too, must have come, despite the heat and strength of Remus's desire. He opened his eyes, to see that Severus had his face turned to one side, his breathing forced, his black eyes wide open yet strangely unseeing.

"Severus?"

His companion – his lover, Remus thought dazedly (albeit enforced lover) – did not reply for a minute or so. Finally, Severus said, his voice bleak

"You could untie me now, could you not?"

"I could."

And Remus was back in the moment; in the world of dislike, of emnity, of long standing grudges and mistrust. His fingers were clumsy as he struggled with Severus's bindings, and as he untied them he could feel his partner's eyes watching his every fumbling move.

Remus turned away as Severus rose, dressed and made to leave. It was over. For tonight.

***

The next evening, however, brought the two together again. Remus had spent a restless night, torn between aching, throbbing memories of the previous evening and a bleak, heart-stopping fear of the next day. One glance in the mirror before he left had showed him a haggard man, old before his time. He couldn't wonder that Severus had shown little interest in him.

It was harder, this time, to meet Severus's eyes. They had yesterday's memories to add to the confusion; Remus was not sure whether he feared more Severus seeing the desperate desire in his face or the terror of what was to come. Severus himself, from what Remus could see, looked as cold and scornful as ever.

"I suppose the same rules apply today as yesterday?" Severus asked.

Remus nodded slowly. The binding, the possession; all would be a mirror image of yesterday. He hoped that he would not be physically sick.

"Then I suggest that you will have to disrobe first." It was a deliberately ironic repeat of Remus's own remark the day before.

"I realise that."

Remus half-turned away from Severus as he unbuttoned his robe, sliding it down his shoulders.

"There's nothing that I have not seen before," Severus said drily.

"No."

Remus was naked, and Severus indicated the bed with a glance of his eyes. Reluctantly, Remus walked towards it, his muscles tensing. He lay down on the bed and waited, as Severus conjured ropes into his hands, trying – trying desperately – not to show the abject terror he felt.

It had been like this since his early years at Hogwarts. Suddenly given such a huge library of books, Remus had read – devoured, almost – every one which held even the faintest mention of lycanthropy. That there had been other people like him… it was like an invisible tie with another world.

But then he had seen them. The pictures. The pictures showing what ordinary wizards thought of werewolves, what they were capable of doing to them. A man – an ordinary, human man (it seemed). Tied up, arms outstretched, as spell after spell after cruel, punishing spell was cast upon him. And Remus had looked at the man's face, his mouth open in a soundless scream of pure agony – and had been afraid. This could be his future: this man could be him. The teenage Remus had sweated and strained in countless nightmares as he was punished for what he could not help.

And now he lay with Severus – who had always despised him for what he was – tying his wrists with firm, unyielding knots to the bed. The sweat was beading on his upper lip; was clammy and cold on his forehead.

"Severus…" he said hoarsely, and the other man looked at him coldly.

"A werewolf and a coward. Who would have thought it?" The tone was cutting.

Remus fought against the urge to struggle helplessly against the bonds. Against the urge to yell his fear and his pain aloud. He had agreed to this. He must go through with it. Severus, despite his own humiliation, had made no scene; he must not, either. The veins in his neck and shoulders were sticking out; every muscle was tensed to its utmost, and Remus could not help himself.

"Severus… please," he whispered.

Did Severus pause, just for a second? It was as if the world whispered and was still. Remus saw the adam's apple bob in Severus's throat as he swallowed. Black eyes suddenly met his with an expression that Remus could not read.

"Trust me."

The last words Remus had expected to hear. So strange that for a moment he doubted himself; yet… that peculiar expression on Severus's face – was it a silent entreaty? And Remus bit down on his cheek hard, and nodded, the fear not gone but subdued, just for the moment.

Severus's knots were as tight and unyielding as one might have expected from him. Remus knew that there would be no chance of fighting free, knew that he was completely in the other man's power. And suddenly, for one strange, magnetic second… he felt not only terror but a strange, inexplicable thrill.

But Severus's hands were gentle on his body, almost – almost tender. As he stripped his own robe off, he looked down at Remus and the glance did not seem to have the same hatred, the same mistrust, that Remus was used to seeing there.

Then he… Severus kissed him, and of all the things that Remus had expected, that was not it. He made to reach out to Severus, then realised that with his arms bound, of course, he couldn't do so: he was dependent on Severus's movements. He kept his eyes open, watching Severus – but not with the fearfulness that he had anticipated. Instead it was… it was close to being exciting. He knew what was to come – not punishment, in fact, not curses or hexes, but sex. His long hidden desire for Severus burgeoned once more and his increased heart rate was no longer because of countless nightmares crashing in on him but for a much earthier (and so much pleasanter) reason.

He wanted what Severus was going to give.

And looking at Severus… the other man did not look, he thought, quite as unwilling as he had expected. There was something… something in the slight flush on the usually pale cheeks, something in the mouth, open just a tiny way… Severus was – he might deny it, but Remus thought it was true – Severus was aroused.

Remus was in no position to deny his own arousal. Naked and exposed to Severus, naked and pegged out for Severus's pleasure (he hoped). It might be a forced bonding, but at moments like this, it was difficult to remember the obligation. When Remus next dreamed of ropes… this would be the image that came first to his mind.

And the coupling… oh, Remus would never forget what came next. Severus had a talent that would leave Remus sweating for him in many a sleepless night. He combined a surprising gentleness of touch with a force and passion that left Remus gasping; trying not to beg aloud for more.

"Severus… Severus…" The name had been whispered in fear and shame; now it was moaned aloud in ecstasy as Severus took him with swift, determined thrusts, simultaneously stroking him to his own rapture.

Too soon was it over. There was a precious, priceless few minutes as they lay together, catching breath and feeling the world return around them. And then Severus moved away, dressing himself before he released Remus from the bonds that had tied them together in this spell.

Remus too, dressed, unsure what to say – how to say it. Eventually, he murmured

"Thank you."

He ran fingers over his right wrist absently, feeling the slight indentations where the ropes had rubbed. And Severus replied, with the brusqueness that Remus had heard too many times before

"It was duty."

Remus nodded, regret and shame mixing in his mind. He began to turn away when he was stopped by a hand on his robes. He looked back, and caught Severus's eye.

"Next time…" Severus said slowly, but with intent, "next time, it will be pleasure."

And the ice had melted, and the two opposing Norths were a distant memory.