Entry tags:

fic, severus/harry

Merry Smutmas, regan_v!

To: regan_v
From: gingertart50

Title: Being Snape
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and characters are the sole property of J.K. Rowling, Scholastic, Bloomsbury, and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. I make no money from writing fanfiction.
Summary: When Harry Polyjuices into Snape, he finds out more about the Potions master than he ever dreamed.
Warnings: Major spoilers for DH, mention of het relationship (not explicit)
Author's notes: Thank you to my two terrific betas!
Regan_V, you asked for (and I hope that I have given you) canon compliance, dubious loyalties, dirty talk, morally dubious situations and homophobia in the Wizarding World. Most of all, the story explores the issues of adultery and sacrifice. I hope that you enjoy it.

( Being Snape )

Please note: If you wish to link to this fic, please link to this post and not to the fic itself.

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(Post a new comment)

	kookoolaka 2008-01-05 09:12 am UTC (link)
	Awesome...but so sad. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	gingertart50 2008-01-05 12:31 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! But there is hope, at the end... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	nonajf 2008-01-05 07:18 pm UTC (link)
	Severus the tragic hero. Always willing to sacrifice himself for the good of others. Will he Obliviate Harry again, or are the children old enough? I'm choosing the second, and that Harry gives him hell for the memory charm. Great story! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	gingertart50 2008-01-06 09:49 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you for commenting! Yes, I suspect that this time, things will be different, and Harry will understand when Snape shows him his memories of their discussions about the children... Glad you enjoyed it! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	amanuensis1 2008-01-06 03:42 pm UTC (link)
	"Obliviate" endings frequently fill me with anger or deep sadness; I like that you demonstrated that mere "obliviate" will not keep apart those who aren't meant to be kept apart. Lovely. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	gingertart50 2008-01-06 09:51 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! Yes, I wanted the ending to be open, and Harry still has the same curiosity about Snape, the same attraction, the same yearnings... I'm glad you enjoyed it. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	*Impressed* (Anonymous) 2008-01-08 10:40 am UTC (link)
	I can say without doubt that this is the best Snarry fic I've read in about a year (and I read a lot)! Thank you, whoever you are... And please write more! ;-) (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: *Impressed* - gingertart50, 2008-01-10 09:53 pm UTC

oh, how I love this story. venturous 2008-01-09 04:28 am UTC (link)

Where to begin? your lovely turns pf phrase? the suspense, the twists of the heart, the beautiful obsessive longing... ahh. The satisfying hot sex? and the comedic turn of the mirror, wonderful! It's a well paced little mystery, very noirish at times... I can see all the shadowy settings. As I neared the end, and realized what Snape was going to do, it was all I could do NOT to cry out, "No! you fool! Don't do it!" But of course he did, he would. The image of Severus as the guardian angel is quite dear to me... he has indeed become one of my beloved companion spirits. (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: oh, how I love this story. - gingertart50, 2008-01-10 09:56 pm UTC

	twicet 2008-01-09 08:17 am UTC (link)
	What a great story. I was very close to tears and will imagine them together at some point in the future *G* Thank you for writing. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-01-10 09:57 pm UTC

lookfar 2008-01-11 03:29 am UTC (link)

OH. MY. GOD. This is the best thing I've read in ages. When I saw where you were going with the polyjuice, I worried that it might be hokey and contrived. Not so at all -- saved by your beautiful, artful writing. The first time Harry-Snape looked at himself in the mirror was like a moment from mythology, so deeply symbolic. When we love someone else, are we loving ourselves? Is loving a form of self-love? When we seek one who is missing, whom are we really seeking? There are so many gorgeous moments in this fic -- the encounter in which Harry knows it's really Snape, guilty Harry with Ginny in the kitchen, Harry and Snape's conversation in the living room, Harry's domestic fantasies -- it's just so fully realized. And the ending! It couldn't have had a better ending, yet I never saw it coming. It's perfect. I don't know who you are, Gingertart, but I want to read everything you've written. Wonderful job. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-01-11 09:04 pm UTC

	(Anonymous) 2008-01-11 08:58 am UTC (link)
	i hate commenting on ij. i do. but i had to tell you you blew my mind with this one. just finished reading, and WOW. will definitely be reccing this when i get my snarry turn on the broom, if no one gets there before i do :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-01-11 09:06 pm UTC

	lalaith_niniel 2008-01-12 12:52 am UTC (link)
	This was so fabulous! The end was especially well done, showing that Snape may have erased the memories, but not the emotions. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-01-12 12:49 pm UTC

aragon_san 2008-01-15 07:44 am UTC (link)

Everyone said already all the wonderful things I might have wanted to so I won't repeat sentiments. Just one thing: instant classic! THIS is the kind of magical, mature storytelling that make the HP-fandom such a different one from many others: that had/s people more invested for several years in their chosen characters than JKR's fascinating world and (often black and white, simplicistic, illogical within her own rules) books alone can account for. This is the kind of fiction that I want to reread even beyond fandom when I have no interest to touch DH again in the future. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-01-15 10:33 pm UTC

akuma_river 2008-02-21 12:41 am UTC (link)

Wow. I don't how, but you made me hate Harry/Ginny more than I thought possible... And Snape there, watching his lover... So heart-breakingly sad. Maybe, maybe there can be a happy ending, past events repeating themselves and everything? I'm near tears here after reading the story, I guess it didn't help that I was listening to Adagio for Strings. Absolutely brilliant story btw. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-02-21 08:06 pm UTC

(no subject) - akuma_river, 2008-02-21 09:11 pm UTC

	megyal 2008-02-21 05:12 am UTC (link)
	Maybe its the lunar eclipse, but I just read this, someone did a drawing for it, and now I'm in pieces. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-02-21 08:07 pm UTC

(no subject) - megyal, 2008-02-22 02:07 am UTC

	*applauds* loveslashangst 2008-02-23 02:38 am UTC (link)
	I've been away from Snarry for a while. This made me remember why I loved it so passionately. Beautifully and thoughtfully crafted, beginning to end. Just enough reality to be satisfying. Just enough romance to make even the hard-hearted squee. And of course, you give us as much OTP as is reasonable. SQUOOBLE!!! *applauds* (Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: *applauds* - gingertart50, 2008-02-23 10:24 am UTC

Squoobling! - loveslashangst, 2008-02-23 03:23 pm UTC

Re: Squoobling! - gingertart50, 2008-02-23 03:59 pm UTC

Re: Squoobling! - loveslashangst, 2008-02-23 04:03 pm UTC

hogwartshoney 2008-02-24 06:12 pm UTC (link)

I am just too filled with OMG and WOAH and NNGGGGHHH to even comment coherently about this fic. Excellent read! Great plotline and so, SO much to look forward to in the future. I love that Harry's obsession runs so deeply that he repeats his actions at the end. Loved Snape in this, and the Polyjuice scenes were really very well done. So too was Harry's dream about the scars and his realization! *sniffle* (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-03-01 01:12 pm UTC

	firefly124 2008-02-25 01:54 am UTC (link)
	This was absolutely amazing. There just aren't words to capture how thoroughly I enjoyed this. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-03-01 01:12 pm UTC

	twistaddicted 2008-03-01 08:55 am UTC (link)
	Brilliant character depiction, a plot I've not seen done before, hot, romantic, sad but satisfying ending. Loved it! (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - gingertart50, 2008-03-01 01:13 pm UTC

xikum 2008-03-22 05:35 am UTC (link)

I am about going nuts here - I have only just discovered this site (came over from LJ), and quickly joined, and since, for the last hour, I have been trying Very UNsuccessfully to read fics & see pics, but have not been able to see the links, or when I access them, nothing happens... I don't getdirected anywhere. I cannot figure out what is wrong. HELP anyone - is my access not yet approved? so very, very sad... missing all this lovely Snarry... Please?? (Reply to this)

	cluegirl 2008-03-29 03:50 am UTC (link)
	How can I possibly tell you how HOT this was...? Oh! I know! It was so scorchingly, panty-meltingly hot, I had to stop reading in the middle, in order to go molest my husband. In the MIDDLE, I had to stop reading! I don't DO that! Your Kung Fu is best! *Bows* (Reply to this)

	b_e_skrewt 2008-04-03 10:04 pm UTC (link)
	Oh god. how did I miss this in December? this left me panting and broke my heart. not too many fics can manage both. I don't suppose you'd consider writing a sequel... about the second time around? pleeeeease? *puppy dog eyes* (Reply to this)

e_witness 2008-04-18 10:35 pm UTC (link)

I am coming very late to the ride here, but goodness am I thrilled that I have found this (via painless-j's rec at the Know-It-Alls archive: http://mujaji.net/kia/). What a quiet, moody tale of obsessive love and self-identity. The tone seemed sedate for the story it was telling, but the passion that lurks just beneath the surface snuck up to ensnare me each time I began to question the atmosphere. That scene where Harry confronts Snape with the realization of his identity, where Harry lays it all down ("Then remove your glamour" had me gripping at my desk) and they have it out - gahhh, I would not trade that for the entire book of Deathly Hallows. And Harry. Oh, Harry. Moments like when he Obliviates his own mirror or when he desperately reminds him or Snape that he loves his kids - those moments chill me a little. He knows how dangerous it is, he even knows how "wrong" it is (which can be inferred from his wondering how something so right could be so wrong), but our impulsive, emotionally-driven Harry would not stop this plunge if he could. (And I think he could, if he were anyone else.) His addiction to danger is a fascinating, very apt point to bring up. It's always been there, hasn't it? And the circumstances of his childhood and of his growth can only have nursed the urge. It isn't likely for him to slip easily into a placid, staid family life. You do a wonderful job with their characterizations of course, but much more than that, what really makes this whole piece so dazzling to me is how well you capture their characterizations in relation to one another, in their interactions. I don't know if this makes any sense at all, but my point is, you really make me believe that they need each other, that they can be truly and honestly themselves only with one another. Every scene reinforces that for me, from Harry's itchy passivity with Ginny to the relaxed tension between him and Snape. By relaxed tension, I mean an off-kilter mix of banter, sexual tension, and deep, very deep understanding. That's what I get from these two in this story, and despite how many Snarrys I've read, I rarely get the sense that the relationship is Right, as I do here. And of course, the exploration of Snape's body all throughout is gorgeously sensual. All the details woven with such pure indulgence on Harry's part - Wow. I had to remind myself to breathe quite a few times. The last thing I would mention is the Ginny treatment. I want to serenade you, sing you every adulation I know, for how beautifully created she is. I can't really understand her, but I cannot dislike her either (your writing just does not allow me to), and I'm willing to overlook any opaqueness to her character because of how well strangely bland works for her, emphasizing Harry's need for something darker. I know there were several other things I was thinking about as I read, which I'll later regret for not remembering now, and there is a lot I know I've missed as well; when I reread, I'm sure I'll find another handful of jewels in your writing. This seems to be a story that ferments and grows sweeter and richer with each taste, so I'll just stop here and thank you for a really brilliant and enjoyable story. :D (Reply to this)

jiapa 2008-04-29 03:43 am UTC (link)

Ouch. That was exceedingly painful and awkward and wince-inducing and well written. The conflict between Harry's fondness for his wife and love for his children and his obsession with Snape was excruciating. I kept having to put it down, walk away, and then come pick it up again because I just couldn't envision a happy ending. Obliviating Harry was actually a much less painful solution than all the possibilities I was envisioning, and it fits nicely with protective Snape, but *shudder* ouch. Looking at the very end, I can't help wondering just how _many_ times Snape has had to obliviate him. (Reply to this)

elohyn 2009-07-05 08:28 pm UTC (link)

This foc is so wondderful, I'm aching. I love both your Harry and your Severus, especially your Severus. How he doesn't want to reveal himself how he chooses Harry's happiness above his own.....it's so very in character and thus so very sad. I like the fact that the WW isn't a place of orgies and completly free sexuality in this fic, as it is in too much fics. A lot of authors take the easy way out and pretend that everyone is open-minded (and that about everyone is gay, too) and happy for every couple, however unlikely it seems to be. You handled this topic with much more care and delicacy. Oh, and I lovethat you made the characters seem so very real. The fact that Snapes abdomen is a flabby made me completly fall in love with you, cause naturally he isn't as fit as Harry or Ron, cause he ain't an auror. Detailslike this made your story a wonderful experience for me. Great, great work! (Reply to this)

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