InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "become an hero"

Yuuki Kuran (trappedinresin) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-08-17 18:11:00

Entry tags:

ai kuran, kaya, lelouch vi britannia, sebastian michaelis, yuuki kuran, zero kiryuu

Day 389 - Backdated to early morning! OPEN
[Another day another dollar. Only there are no dollars in Marina, and neither does she run the flower shop because she has to. Rather, she does it because she wants to. Because she needs the distraction, and enjoys watching things grow. The day is early, much earlier than her normal hours, but she needs a little time to think and organize her thoughts. And sometimes, even compared to her shared apartment, this is the place she can do it best.

And to be honest, she doesn't expect anyone to stop by so early in the morning. Not today. But should someone, they wont find Yuuki immediately anywhere in the store. At least not to start, despite the hot chocolate still steaming upon the counter top. Or at least... what they do find isn't what they expect.

With a small leap, a brown, fluffy cat jumps up onto the counter. Padding across the desk, she peers into the steaming beverage, before her whiskers twitch and she pulls back. Apparently it's too hot...]

[OOC: Have a Yuuki cat. She's simply playing around with her ability to transmute and change her appearance. It needed to be done for butler reasons.]

[Backdated to Day 388 | Private Action to Zero]
[Backdated to Day 388 | Private Action to Ai]

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Backdated to Day 388 | Private to Zero

trappedinresin
2016-08-17 08:37 pm UTC (link)

[Her heart hurts. Staring at the floor with her knees curled up, there's so much pent up frustration. The events of the day before were no one's fault, outside of the wardens'. But that doesn't make the consequences less harsh. Oh, for her everything had been fairly simple. An entire new world of things to do and see, even though she hadn't taken her prison sentence seriously. She would get out, she had thought all along. And so looking around and exploring for the day had been natural. It had been easy for her, because she didn't know any better.

Unlike for Ai. Her daughter had remained the same. She knew who everyone was, and once more she had to endure being forgotten by the person who is supposed to love her most of all. Heart wrenching, she can only imagine the pain felt. It has to be so similar to that person. Kaname, who had endured over ten years worth of knowing the pain of having been forgotten. Burying her face against her knees, she blubbers miserably to the other person sitting beside her for comfort.]

I'm the world's worst mother...

[Sniffling, her one free hand curls tighter into the side of his jacket.]

Z-Zero....

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instrumented
2016-08-17 11:48 pm UTC (link)

[To a small degree Zero's was a different case. It was a "what if" scenario, just as much as Yuuki's was. However there's one thing he can't help but feel a different sort of heartache over. Ichiru. Light-hearted, confident, healthy, by his side. . . everything that Zero had always wanted when they were growing up. And so in the here and now, yes, he does mourn the fact.

On the other hand, however, it's so far from the truth. Having experienced what he did (still) reinforces the fact that Zero would not have changed anything about his past, save maybe for the way he had pushed Yuuki away on that night. Never again. Even through tragedy had he been given something so precious; something he'd never give up. She's always been his anchor, his light.

Right now he's hurting more for her. Even within his own guilt for having forgotten Ai, as well.

He moves to slip and arm around her shoulders, a hand resting upon her head.]

No. You're not.

[Quiet. He coaxes her a little to lean against him.]

It was never your fault. Things are going to be okay, now.

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trappedinresin
2016-08-18 12:18 am UTC (link)

[Leaning against him, her frown never disappears as she stares at the floor. Theoretically she knows this isn't something she could have helped. There's no way to counter the strange things that result from the dimensional stabilizer and wardens. At least not yet.

But it doesn't make it any less difficult.

. . . Especially when it seems like her daughter isn't ready to come home yet.]

I just keep thinking about how awful she must have felt. [To go through that again. Her heart must ache so terribly.] For over ten years, Kaname suffered because I couldn't recall who he was to me. He went through that all alone, while surrounded by people who wanted to use him on all sides.

[Her frown only grows, and she somehow slumps even more.]

I promised myself I wouldn't ever forget again. And I don't want to ever forget Ai. But I know she was really hurt by all of this.

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instrumented
2016-08-18 12:34 am UTC (link)

[Zero could say that he had forgotten Ai as well - all over again - but right now this isn't about him. It also briefly has him thinking back to when Yuuki actually forced him to forget about her. However such a thought doesn't have any place here. It was for entirely different reasons, anyway.]

That, too, wasn't anything you could have had control over.

[His words aren't chiding. ]

But, you're hurt. [So very much so.] Ai will forgive you. I promise. Because that's how she is— she's your precious daughter, and she loves you so much. Even I forgot her. [ (I forgot you.) ] Just as you do, I'm so sorry that I had.

She might need time, but, we haven't lost her.

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	trappedinresin 2016-08-18 03:23 pm UTC (link)
	Mm... [And she knows that, too. Ai is safe. She's alive and also healthy, and she can't ask for much more than that. It's merely an upsetting event. Staring at the ground with a frown, she nods.] What was all of that anyway? [She knows well that neither Yuuki or Zero seemed to know the other, either.] A 'what if' scenario? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	instrumented 2016-08-18 09:30 pm UTC (link)
	[He only frowns, brown knit.] That's probably the best way to put it. [His hand around her tightens just a little against her arm.] The 'what if' nothing had happen to either of our families. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2016-08-18 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	['What if'. How many times has she wondered that kind of thing herself? If her parents hadn't died. If neither had suffered through the tragedies they've been through. Until now, she never thought she would see such a thing.] . . . You seemed happy. [He even had his brother.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

instrumented
2016-08-19 12:19 am UTC (link)

[Nor did he ever imagine he would, either.]

It was very different. To have him healthy. . . the idea of him being able to work alongside me. It's something I'd often thought about, most particularly when we were kids. Instead of the fact that he was rejected by the Association - deemed wholly unfit - and how they made sure that he knew that.

[It does hurt to think back on. Just as much as it hurts to see the way Ichiru is here, in Marina. And how there's nothing Zero can really do about it, despite all his efforts.]

But I— [A ghost of a smile crosses his lips, as bittersweet as it is calm.] If I did have the choice, I wouldn't go back to how yesterday was.

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	trappedinresin 2016-08-19 09:00 pm UTC (link)
	[A cruel thing to tell a child. But she has to wonder if it was honest, too. If he didn't have the strength for such a demanding job, he only would have been killed. A cruel thing but something meant to save his life and others. His admission, though, stuns her. Head lifting up, she glances back to him at her side.] Even despite everything...? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

instrumented
2016-08-20 01:23 am UTC (link)

[That's the thing, though. Not all hunters are necessarily ones who do field work, like Zero and his parents do. There's administrative tasks as well. And Ichiru was even too sickly to do that. Or so Zero thinks; he's harbored such a sense of guilt over having 'stolen' Ichiru's strength since they were incredibly young.

And yet he's able to answer her without a moment's hesitation.]

Yeah. Even despite it all. [He does briefly pause, now. With what he wants to say, it's always such a double-edged sword in ways.] The only thing I regret is having pushed you away.

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trappedinresin
2016-08-21 09:37 pm UTC (link)

[He really is a wonder, to be able to say such things honestly. It both touches Yuuki and hurts. There isn't a single day that goes by that she's not grateful for his support, or the fact that after all they've been through, he hasn't abandoned her side.

She just doesn't always think she deserves that. Her gaze lingers on him a moment more, before it falls away. She smiles, though it's faint.]

Sometimes I don't understand why you changed to begin with.

[Glancing back up to him, she speaks quickly to cut off a protest.] I'm not saying it doesn't make me happy. That's not what I mean. Of course I treasure Zero and the fact that you're by my side. [That isn't the issue. Not at all.]

It's just... [She draws a breath, before her gaze wanders back to the floor once more.] You were forced to be by my side from the start, and were manipulated so much.

[All by the other person that Yuuki still can't forget about.]

If you resented or hated me because of all that, I would understand.

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instrumented
2016-08-21 11:13 pm UTC (link)

[At least her response is one he more or less could see coming. He won't leave, though. Not here and not home. Never again.He can only hope that she'll (continue) to accept him just as well.

So he lets her speak without interruption.]

I'm not the same as I was when we met.

[She knows that especially well. He's so, so far from that.]

I never did hate you. I- [. . .] Sometimes what did bother me was how close you seemed to be with him, although that was more specifically when we were still rather young.

[He pauses again. Brows slightly knit.] But you know, Yuuki. I had always truly believed you would continue with him along the same path. I wanted to support the two of you even before you returned to being a vampire and gained back your memories. I disregarded my own feelings for you.

[He faintly smiles as well.]

I know you don't want to think of this point in time, but- in the moments before he gave his heart to the furnace, he had embraced the two of us. [Granted it was very strange from Zero's perspective.] He had said that he never thought that my feelings for you would have turned into what they did.

[While also telling them both that he wanted them to be together. But that's not something Zero really needs to add on right now.]

But maybe you've already seen that in my blood.

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	trappedinresin 2016-08-22 10:46 pm UTC (link)
	[Thinking about it- about him, she can't do that kind of thing. At least not without her emotions welling up. Feeling as though there's a hole in her heart, she's not surprised to feel warmth trickling down her cheeks. Lifting a hand up, she wipes at her eyes. Their entire situation- it's the most mixed up thing, isn't it.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	instrumented 2016-08-22 11:20 pm UTC (link)
	[Nothing about them is easy. It never has been. He further wraps his arm around her as they sit. Whether or not she wants to lean more against him is up to her. There's an apology at the tip of his tongue, but he knows she's aware of it already.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2016-09-05 07:44 pm UTC (link)

[Allowing the comfort she does lean against him, closing her eyes. She knows he cares, and is only saying and doing what he can to help. He's always tried to look out for her in his own way, and this moment is no different than normal.

The silence between them isn't uncomfortable. They could sit together in a room for hours without talking, and still be content. She allows herself to simply take comfort in his presence, before finally speaking again.]

I'll have to make it up to Ai-chan somehow. You'll help me, wont you, Zero?

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	instrumented 2016-09-06 02:01 am UTC (link)
	[Quiet moments like these are some of what Zero loves the most about spending time with each other. In a way it's been like this since they first met. Even despite how his attitude was back then.] I will. [He gives her a gentle squeeze.] Although I'm sure she'll forgive you without a second's thought. I had forgotten her as well. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2016-09-08 07:04 pm UTC (link)

[There's a small pause at that.

It's different, though, isn't it? She's her birth mother. Only... glancing at him, she studies him a moment.]

It... doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it? That is... how Ai addresses you. [ . . . It certainly feels strange to Yuuki. Not that she tells her to stop or disrespects their relationship at all. But...

How long has Ai called him 'Papa'.]

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	instrumented 2016-09-09 12:26 am UTC (link)
	It doesn't. Ai said that I was around with you two enough so that I became like a father to her. Biological or otherwise. [He seems quietly pleased by all of this. It's proof that he continues to be besides her.] . . . If I'm to be honest, it feels kind of amazing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2016-09-10 03:06 am UTC (link)
	[ . . . ] Why do you think that? [She's not saying it's wrong. Or that he doesn't have the right to feel that way either. It's only... he hated Kaname. She understands that he doesn't hold Ai accountable for her father's actions. It's just unusual, isn't it...? To readily accept such a thing, and without any hesitation.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	instrumented 2016-09-10 03:36 am UTC (link)
	Why? [He can likely guess what she's thinking. It's practically a given.] I guess I never imagined myself as really having a family again. [Ah. Wait. He should probably add on something else to that.] Well, I guess aside from how it was with the Chairman. I mean of my own. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2016-09-10 06:41 pm UTC (link)
	Even though... [She tenses a little, uncomfortable. She doesn't want to hurt him. She's not trying to hurt him with this, either. It's not her intention.] You still feel that way, even though I'm not at a point where I can return anything? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	instrumented 2016-09-10 06:56 pm UTC (link)
	It's not right now. I know that much. It's still awhile off; it may even be many years into the future. But it's a part of both or our futures all the same. I've always been patient, haven't I? [Although, from what Ai has said, the current, "Marina" her is from about twenty years into his and Yuuki's futures. Regardless, he'll wait for Yuuki.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2016-09-10 07:15 pm UTC (link)

I'm really happy that you're part of my future, Zero. And being with you always makes me feel better.

[It's no lie. With him, she feels as though she can be herself. She treasures him so much.]

But if you ever tire of waiting for me... I'll understand too. [Even if it would hurt] I want Zero to be happiest of all. And I don't want you to be held back by my own inabilities.

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	instrumented 2016-09-10 07:30 pm UTC (link)
	That's all I could ask for. [Her happiness.] Ai as well. I won't. Like I've said before, I never want to be without you. [His arm around her shoulder tugs her in a little closer again.] My feelings won't ever change. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2016-09-10 07:43 pm UTC (link)
	[With just a smile, she nods, before allowing herself to rest fully against him. Eyes closing, she relaxes. She doesn't know how she's been so fortunate as to have someone like him in her life. But she's grateful for him.] Thank you. For always being there, Zero. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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instrumented, 2016-09-11 02:42 am UTC

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