Openings at the Steinkamp Centre (not that kind, you dirty-minded people!)
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
With the current expansion of the Steinkamp Centre, we find that our personnel resources are stretched beyond the maximum level of efficiency. To complete the required tasks at the level our esteemed clientele expect, we are taking efforts to redress this deficiency in our current planning; and to that end we are hiring for the following positions:
BARTENDER - The ideal candidate will have experience in the proper mixing of sports drinks with alcoholic beverages as well as inventory control of toilet paper supplies. Company uniform required.
CHANGE ROOM MONITOR - Responsible for maintaining acceptable standards of decency in changing rooms at all time. Candidates must possess demonstrable ability to resist heated personal situations and graphic visual distractions.
CCTV ENGINEER - For this newly created position, which reports directly to the Controller, candidates should have a high level of video editing skill and the utmost in discretion.
PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO THE CONTROLLER - Seeking extraordinarily competent multi-tasker; large personal headset is a plus. May be asked to apply actors' makeup on occasion.
JANITOR & GENERAL MAINTENANCE CREW - Must bring own toolbox. Candidates with previous criminal convictions welcome. Minor personal disagreements with members of skating team are acceptable (offending skaters can be fired).
To apply for any of the aforementioned positions, please comment below with your:
Name: Age: Location: What position are you applying for and, in one sentence, explain why you are qualified? You are locked in the ice rink overnight. Do you (a) call to get out (because of course you have ample minutes on your phone), (b) dramatically beat against the door as mascara tears stream from your eyes, or (c) cheerfully freeze until morning, since you know fanfic's cure for hypothermia? Fandoms (in addition to AWZ, obviously): Fannish activities, past/present/future (vidding, fic, meta, etc.; if you lurk, that's okay too - interested in dipping your toe into anything in the future?) Prosecco, raki, or Maximum+vodka? (Not that we encourage imbibing of alcohol while on the clock.)