Who: Robin and Dean What: Long overdue conversations Where: Roof Warnings: I don't think so, but will update if necessary
Missing her friends from New York wasn't something that was out of the ordinary for Robin. Some days missing them felt like missing a limb, other days it was a dull ache in her heart, but it just never went away. And lately, more than anything, Robin wished that they were there in Everett so that they could give her some advice on this whole...relationship thing. While in Everett, Robin had built a new group of friends, but she felt weird talking to them about this kind of thing. Even Ellis, who had become like a little brother more than anything else, because most of her friends now were also friends with Dean, and she refused to talk only for it to get back to him before she could approach him.
Before going off to fight Dick Roman, Dean had dropped the 'I love you' bomb on her and Robin, not sure what to say or do, had only impulsively kissed him as a response. Looking back on it now she wasn't sure if that had been the right response, but what else was she supposed to do? Not answering would have been a bitch move, especially considering the kind of thing he had been about to face. But she couldn't say it back either because, while she did care for Dean, she wasn't sure if she was in the love stage. Not in the sense that he wanted, and she refused to say it only out of desperation or feeling like they were all going to die.
This was stupid. She knew it shouldn't be so hard - you either felt something or you didn't - but Robin did not function like every other person. Love was a foreign concept for her, not because she never experienced it, but because it was always too complicated. She was straight cut and to the point in everything, but in this emotions crap? She fumbled, and she fumbled badly. Love had burned and hurt her too many times before, both because of her and because of other people, and throughout the years she had just learned to not let it take that big of a priority in her life. Even now, even if the world as she knew it had ended, she still didn't have that desire to settle down and find someone to share the end of days with. Before the world was overrun with zombies she had been in love with Barney, and had been crushed when she had found out he was engaged with someone else, and it was as if that had sealed a door for her. Now, with the way the world was... Companionship was nice and good, but love? Seeing Lily and Marshall before, so in love with each other, she had known it existed. Seeing Ellis and Zoey together was also proof that it still existed even now, but as happy as she was for her friends, she couldn't seem to figure it out for herself.
And now Dean was in love with her. She should have warned him ahead of time. She had thought they had an agreement, that this was casual and no strings attached, but somewhere along the line it had gotten complicated and she didn't know how to fix it or make it any better. She should have told him and reminded him this couldn't go anywhere. This was her fault, and she knew it, so she had to clarify it now. Now that the world wasn't ending. Not immediately, anyway.
If life hadn't turned so damn sideways so many times since arriving to Everett, would she have grown to love Dean as well? Who knew. But instead of all the close call experiences softening her up for a possible future with someone, it had hardened her instead. It made her pull away, and she needed Dean to know that. Give him an out, because she wasn't willing to hurt him with a lie. Not now, not ever. She would leave the ball on his court, and let him choose. Earlier she had left him a note in his cell, asking him to meet her on the roof after sundown, and as she waited she just toyed with her lighter as the nervous energy ran through her. She wasn't sure where the chips would fall after this, but better now than waiting for later when it would hurt so much worse. Would Lily agree? Would she understand? Robin wasn't sure, and the pang of longing she felt in her heart for her friend made everything ache. She would give anything to hear her again, even if it was for a scolding at what she was doing. Or Marshall, or Ted, or Barney.
Taking a deep breath, she shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. One thing at a time, Scherbatsky. One thing at a time.