Caroline Forbes (outofhershadow) wrote in zombieslogs, @ 2013-06-15 23:01:00 |
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Entry tags: | caroline forbes, elena gilbert |
Who: Caroline and Elena
What: awkward meeting is awkward
Where: outside the originals cabins
When: the other night
Warnings: Angst
The moments since she was told that Matt and Nate were gone and never coming back seemed to pass agonizingly slow. She tried to sleep, hoping that Matt would come to her in her dreams, that he'd give her some sign he was okay, but sleep evaded her. So she tried to focus on helping everyone around her. Checking in like some mother hen on crack. Because she felt too much. Too much pain, too much sorrow, too much everything and this was too much. This was just too much and Caroline wanted it to stop.
Never had she been tempted to turn it all off. Everyone thought her line of vampires was lucky because they had the option to turn the humanity on and off as they pleased. It was more like a curse because some part of her, the part that felt like she was crushed under the pain of the double loss, wanted to flip it off. Just for a little bit. Embrace being numb and compose herself before she let the emotions drown her again. But she wasn't sure she would turn it back on. She didn't want to give up what was left of her true self and risk never getting it back.
The pain mixed with anger, and she found herself feeling bitter and petty. She wanted to be selfish. So she left for a bit. She went and saw Katherine. She drank with her friend. With her creator if you will, and she tried to get numb that way. Instead she just got cold. Cold and angry and so damn sad.
She thought of Serena and Nate on their wedding day. The hope that surrounded them, engulfed them really, and how that was gone. She thought of Matt and those eyes that were windows to his soul. Of that smile that could trick you into believing the world wasn't so harsh. The laugh and the strength and his scent. God she would miss them both so much, but Matt was part of her heart. She felt like he took it with him and the parts that remained were jagged and ugly. Cutting her from the inside out.
When she went to Klaus she wasn't sure what she expected. He said he could help her, and she wanted to believe he could. She wanted to explode. To explode without losing herself. The need for destruction was becoming overwhelming, but she couldn't give into the temptations around her. She didn't want to be a killer. Never again.
He helped her by taking her to a building and having her destroy it with him. They slammed sledgehammers into the concrete shell of a place that had been a home before the virus. They broke it down, brick by brick, window by window and she began to cry. Sob. Scream. He encouraged her to purge it all. To unleash that rage and that anguish and she did. Until she could barely stand to lift the hammer anymore. She was so tired. Physically and emotionally and he practically carried her back to his place. He gave her liquor and tea and she began to come down from the rollercoaster of emotions that had been driving her insane.
The grief was still there. The pain was still there, but the voices in her head, they were more calm. She felt like she could sleep tonight. Maybe she would get to see him after all. Maybe he could tell her how to live her life without him. Because she was at a loss. God she just missed him so fucking much.
It was late when she said her goodbye to Klaus and promised to see him again. She thanked him for his help and let herself out. Just as she was at the edge of his property, she heard another door open and then close. When she looked at the other cabin, she caught a quick glimpse of Elijah and then a longer glance at Elena. They both stood frozen like deer in headlights as they simply stared at each other.
What in the hell was going on here? She had a feeling Elena was asking the same damn question to herself.