WHO: Caroline (works as a narrative but open if anyone wanted to tag in) WHAT: Who says Stefan has a patent on brooding WHERE: Along the fence surrounding the prison WHEN: Tonight! WARNINGS: None
Caroline liked to think she was good person. At least where it mattered. Sure she had her bitchy moments (though those seemed to be fewer and further between since her turning) and god help whoever woke her up before eight am but deep down she liked to believe she was a good person. Well... good vampire. Which some days felt like an oxymoron of its own making. Still though it was what she aimed for. Goodness. Goodness on the slippery slope that was being a vampire. It wasn't enough as a vampire to just remember to think before she spoke, or to put herself in someone else's place and realize her words could cut and her actions could cause harm. No, it was controlling the part of her that wanted to go bad, that craved to just let go and give into the monster inside of her.
She bite on her lower lip slightly as she contemplated that while she walked the length of the fence. They'd managed to get the thing back up but she was sure she hadn't been the only one since Z-Day who'd been out double (and triple) checking their patch job. They'd lost good people in the attack and Caroline didn't want to see that happen again.
She couldn't help but let her mind wander back to the fight as she walked though, and the countless fights before it. The thing about zombies, the thing that always hit her hard only an hour or two after any fight, was that they used to be good people too. They used to be someone's friend, daughter, son, mom, dad, you name it. Of course she knew they weren't any of those things when they were mindlessly attacking for human flesh but they had been. And it wasn't long before she would find herself bogged down with the knowledge that she'd just killed a bunch of people, even if logically she knew the virus had killed them first.
So it made it hard, being a good little vampire when she was forced to fight. Sure she was protecting her friends, the people she'd do anything for, but every fight she had to let go just a little bit more. Every fight she had to let her vampire nature show, had to give in to the part of her that could tear a zombie's head off with her bare hands and not think about the person it used to be until later. Every time it scared her a little bit to think that that might be the time she didn't come back down. She knew it was against their nature to live the way they did; her, Stefan, Elena, Damon to an extent, she knew they fought their basic instincts to keep their humanity running high the way they did. It was a terrifying thought that maybe one day she wouldn't be able to do it anymore. As much as it dragged her down after the fact she dreaded the day she didn't think this way, didn't think about the people the zombies used to be, the people she'd just torn apart. Because that was the day she'd truly be a monster.