Elena Gilbert (compassionkills) wrote in zombieslogs, @ 2013-03-28 13:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | !storm of the century, elena gilbert |
Who: Elena Gilbert
What: Diary Entry
When: Backdated to Sunday night during the party.
Where: Her cell
WARNINGS: None
The snow reminds me of my parents. It didn't snow often in Virginia but we would get storms sometimes. Jeremy and I used to love them because it meant a day off from school and Mom and Dad would stay home with us. When we were kids we would build snowmen. There were always two of them, a snowwoman and a snowman to keep her company. The snow was packed so tightly that I would have to help Jeremy get the head up on top of their bodies. Mom always had some spare buttons for eyes and a carrot for the nose. We picked some sticks up off the ground and brushed them to make their mouths. When we were little Jeremy used to cry when the snowmen would melt. I would hug him and tell him that it was okay. That things fall apart but next time it snows we could make another.
Things fall apart but you can't just fix it with a hug and a carrot nose. Right now the blizzard is raging outside of the prison and all of the people that I love except for Damon and Tyler are out there in it. I have no idea where Jeremy, Bonnie, Caroline and Matt are right now. It's taking every effort not to go out in the storm and look for them. The only thing that stops me is that I don't want to become yet another missing person. Someone else for Damon and Tyler to worry about. I have to believe that my friends can take care of themselves and that Jeremy is safe somewhere. I wonder if he thinks about those snowmen too. I wish I could fix everything for him. I wish I could take the pain and the anger away from him. I know he doesn't hate me anymore but sometimes I hate myself for dragging him into this mess. We are blood and even if we aren't truly brother and sister he will always be my little brother.
There are people having a party. I can hear them from where I sit, Diary. They're laughing and talking and drinking and doing the things that I once did all of the time. Mystic Falls was known for some pretty spectacular parties. Now I can't even think about trying to have fun. I know that Damon would get me to try and have fun and I would only feel like I was letting him down. Even though Stefan is out in the storm too, Damon can compartmentalize in a way that sometimes scares me. The only time I've ever felt that disconnected was when I had turned my humanity off. Sometimes I wish I could be more like Damon and other times the way he is scares me. He knows that it does too. He knows me like nobody else has ever known me. There's no changing that.
The mark on Bonnie's hand is troubling me. Things don't just appear on your body without a reason. There are so many things about witchcraft that I don't understand and considering the way Bonnie feels about vampires I feel this divide between us. Like we're just not as close as we used to be and Caroline is the only one who can somehow cross that chasm. Caroline is one of the few I don't worry about. She has come so far in such a short time. I barely recognize her anymore from the girl that she used to be. It's easy to lump all vampires into a bad category until you meet Caroline and realize that it's just not that black and white. It's hard to imagine that only a few short years ago Caroline, Bonnie and I were having sleepovers and baking brownies and watching movies and doing our nails like normal teenagers. I miss those days. You can't turn back time. You can't go back no matter how much you wish you could.
I don't trust this truce with Klaus and his siblings either. Vampires have heightened emotions and the original family seems to have the hardest of times controlling theirs. Their tempers are unpredictable and you never know if they want to kiss you or kill you or if they even know the difference between those two things. I have no choice but to go along with it for now. If it will save my friends, if it will keep Jeremy out of their crossfire I'll honor their truce. I just wish Elijah was here. His word I would actually believe but I'm not sure Elijah can even keep his brothers and sister in line.
I think I'll go for a walk up on the roof. The fresh air could take my mind off of things and I've never seen a full blown blizzard before. I would bring you with me but I think I'm probably more durable than you are, dear diary. For now I'll leave you safely under my bunk where no one will find you.