𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔸𝕣𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕤𝕥 (thearchivist) wrote in wtnvgame, @ 2021-01-03 13:49:00 |
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Entry tags: | !action/thread/log, -player: ashe, -player: michelle, the magnus archives: jon sims, â‚´inactive: martin blackwood |
He Knew Martin was behind him before he felt arms around his waist and he relaxed into his boyfriend with a contented sigh. "Breakfast is almost ready," he said, turning on the burner for the eggs and putting a bit of butter in the pan. "Kettle's on if you'll make some tea," he said in a tone that was just shy of pleading. He preferred Martin's tea to anything else these days. He turned before Martin could move, standing on his toes to press a quick kiss to his mouth before going back to cooking. Cracking eggs into the pan, he watched as the white turned from translucent to opaque and seasoning them with salt and pepper and, in the case of his own eggs, a liberal amount of paprika and cayenne. "And good morning. How did you sleep?"
Being able to touch Jon soothed the last little bit of Martin's nerves. He leaned his head down to rest his chin against Jon's shoulder. "It smells good," he said, his voice still a little rough from sleeping. Chuckling softly at the request he make tea, he nodded. "I'm on it." He returned the kiss with a happy smile and gave Iris an affectionate scratch behind the ears before moving to work on his assigned tasks.
"I slept really well," he admitted. "It was so strange. So nice and quiet. I think I forgot what it was like to get a full night sleep"
Better Tim gave a pleased little trill and Jon had to fight not to utterly embarrass himself by doing the same. He'd always had a hard time with physical contact, but Martin made it so easy. Which led his thoughts to a facet of their relationship that they really hadn't discussed yet. Well, now was as good a time as any. Well, in a moment anyway. He popped four pieces of bread into the toaster, plating up vegetables and eggs as they cooked, then turned to the toasted a moment before the bread popped up, adding it to the plates.
"Good," he said. "Good. I'm glad. I want you to be happy and safe. And so...that's good."
"Martin," he added thoughtfully after a moment, careful to keep his tone casual as he moved over to the table with the plates of food. He certainly didn't want to make Martin anxious. "Do you want sex to be a part of our relationship?"
Finally though, he busied himself making the tea. He had complicated feelings about tea, owing - as many things did - to his mother. She had always asked him to make tea to avoid dealing with emotional confrontations. But all the practice had given him skills that made his tea such a hit with Jon and the others. He poured two cups and fixed Jon's exactly how he liked before picking them up and making his way over to the table.
"Yes, Jon?"
The question caught him off guard and he nearly dropped the tea before steadying himself. That was not what he had been expecting just then. He wouldn't lie and say that he had never thought about sex with Jon or would want to have sex with Jon. Of course he had and of course he did. He had been in love with Jon for a long time. Jon's aversion to touch was not unknown to him though and he could live without it. "Um...Well..." He set the cups down before sitting down. "I won't lie to you. I'd like it to be, yes but it doesn't have to be."
But he also Knew that Martin was saying that because of things he had been told and assumptions he had made and it wasn't quite so simple as all that. Because while Jon didn't feel any particular desire toward sex in general or sex with Martin, he also wasn't opposed to it. He'd done a lot of research when he had first come to terms with his sexuality and he'd come across certain terms. Sex-repulsed had been one such term, among a lot of unfortunate discussions about asexuality and trauma which...no, he wasn't the way he was out of any kind of trauma, thank you. Anyway, sex-repulsed had never felt right. He wasn't repulsed, just largely indifferent. But he knew Martin would enjoy sex as a part of their relationship, and he liked the idea of Martin being happy even if the notion of sex or even sex with Martin didn't do anything for him. And he did have a libido, albeit one he usually took care of alone. So it wasn't as if intimacy of that sort was entirely off the table. He just needed Martin to understand that.
"Why doesn't it have to be?" he asked, figuring it was better to let Martin explain himself first.
"I've slept with other people before." A semi serious relationship in school, a few drunken hookups. It wasn't an extensive list. Then school and his mother got sick and he had gotten the job at the archives. He hadn't time for anything else and hadn't really missed it. "I guess I just don't…I can live without sex, Jon. I like what we have now."
There were ways to take care of any urges that he might have on his own. "I love you and if this...Sleeping in the same bed, kissing, touching, is all there is...I'll be totally happy. Any change in this respect is completely up to you." He took a sip of his tea. "And I am sorry for the rambling and ridiculous response."
"I haven't," he said. "I mean...I haven't slept with anyone. I haven't wanted to or felt particularly driven to and Georgie and I certainly didn't. And I haven't really had a relationship since then. And there is nothing wrong with that." He gave Martin a small smile, reaching over and squeezing his hand. "It means a lot," he said, "that it would be enough for you if we didn't. But what I'm trying to say is that...we can. If you want."
He picked up his tea, taking a sip before continuing. "I don't feel any sexual attraction," he reiterated, "but I'm not sex-repulsed. I could, in theory, engage in sex without any negative emotional or psychological consequences. And I do still have a libido. It's simply something I see to on my own. Because I haven't seen the point in involving another person. Just...lots of mess and fluids and just general unpleasantness." He bit his lip. "But...I would be willing to try. With you. Because I love you. And I like making you happy. I wouldn't get what most people get out of sex. That's not really the point of it. But I would get to make you feel good and I quite like the idea of that. So...if you want to...we could."
"There is nothing wrong with that at all," he agreed. "I'm not the most experienced either and I've never been in love before." Martin took Jon's hand in his and lifted up to press a kiss to the back of it. There was a tiny guilty part of Martin that felt a bit of excitement at the idea of sleeping with Jon. He was okay with them never having sex and he didn't feel any negative feelings about Jon not wanting him sexually. He did want Jon though and it was something that he would have to manage. Even if they slept together, it would be Jon's first time and he would want it to be when he was ready.
"I do want to." He swallowed hard. "I do want to have sex with you but only if you're sure ." he said. "I don't want to push you into anything. I love you so much. All I want is for you to be happy. We've got time here. We don't have to rush. This is all your call."
He flushed as Martin kissed his hand, feeling something that wasn't arousal but was something softer and infinitely more complicated in his stomach. God but he really did love Martin. "I know," he said. "I know you would never." He took a deep breath. "I don't actually like tea. Never have. Don't see the appeal of it. I never even really drank it for most of my life. The tannins and...I mean, if you need a caffeine boost, there are better options. I don't seek out tea. I don't need tea to live. I have never sat down and thought, I really want a nice cup of tea right now." This was probably horribly confusing. "And then you started making me tea. And it clearly made you happy to make me tea. And so I drank the tea. And I enjoyed the tea. Not because of the tea itself, though I will admit your tea is quite a bit better than anything else. But because it's your tea. You've made me tea and that's what makes it enjoyable."
He smiled softly. "It's...it's like that," he said. "I don't want sex. I don't crave it. I don't need it for anything and I don’t have any particular desire for it. I could be perfectly content without it. I have been perfectly content without it. But then there's you. And you're lovely and kind and open and so very, very wonderful. And I think that sort of intimacy with you, being able to give you that and make you happy in that way, would be very enjoyable. Not because of the sex, but because of you."
It was strange to hear that Jon didn't like tea. He had been making it for him for quite awhile. He almost said something before Jon continued. "That is..That is probably one of the sweetest things you've ever said to me," he admitted beaming at his boyfriend. "I really thought that you liked tea and that's why you asked me to make it." On impulse, he leaned over the table to kiss Jon deeply. "I can learn to make coffee if you want." he said softly as he pulled away with a smile.
Biting his lip, Martin tried to think of a way to say yes without sounding too eager. "If you're sure...I think that it would be too." He could feel a blush rising on his cheeks. God, he was embarrassing. He wished he could be less awkward when it came to things like this. To answer the question confidently without worrying that he seemed like a horny teenage boy."So yes. My answer is yes."
Jon ducked his head, feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed. "Well...I mean," he said, "it doesn't really have much in the way of competition, does it? I've never been very good at words when it comes to...this." Or anything really, save perhaps for statements. "I like when you make me tea. It's different than liking tea." He considered Martin's offer and shook his head. "No, thank you. I'll just stick with the tea if it's all the same. I think I'd miss it if you stopped."
He felt his ears turning just slightly red at Martin's enthusiasm. It was odd that Martin was so attracted to him. It wasn't something he understood, but it made him feel warm and wanted. "Alright then," he said, throat feeling a little dry. "Good. That's...very good. I'm glad we sorted that out. I suppose I'll let you know next time my libido decides to make an appearance." He hesitated. "Or we could go back to bed and...um...see what happens. I mean...it might be nothing, but it couldn't hurt to try."
"You’ve said some incredibly wonderful things to me. Even if they don’t seem important at the time to you." Reaching over, he touched Jon’s cheek. He knew it wasn’t always easy for Jon to express himself. "But I don’t really need words. I know how you feel and how I feel. I didn’t think I’d ever really get to be happy. That anyone would ever want to make me happy but I am so happy." He laughed softly. "Oh good because I don’t really like coffee and I’m not sure I’d be any good at making it."
It had been an awkward conversation to have but Martin was glad that they had it. It was one that they would have had to have sometime. He would never admit it outloud but he was also glad that they had come to the decision they had. "I’m glad we sorted it out too." he said softly before taking a sip of his tea. "I don’t...I don’t want this to feel like an obligation to you, Jon. If you want to wait until you feel…" He swallowed hard. "Or if you want to see if something happens now...I am there. Even if it ends up with us just laying in bed together."
"You deserve words," Jon said, leaning into Martin’s touch like a particularly affectionate cat, as he tried to keep Martin from slipping toward melancholy. "Words and actions and...you deserve so much, Martin. You deserve happiness and I’m glad that I can help you to have that." He turned his head slightly, pressing his lips to Martin’s palm, giving a low chuckle at the comment about coffee. "Well, we wouldn’t want that, so let’s just stick to tea."
He couldn’t help but smirk as Martin stumbled over his words, feeling a bit of the confidence he'd once had years ago. "You are never an obligation, Martin," he said, carefully unwinding Better Tim from his neck as she made a displeased rumble and nipped at him. It was probably a bit venomous, but that wouldn’t hurt him. Nothing much hurt him these days. He gave her a scritch behind the ears and a bit of leftover egg on toast to appease her. "Now, let’s go back to bed. The dishes can wait and honestly, just laying in bed together sounds like a very nice use of a Sunday morning. And whatever else happens...happens."
Of course, there was a chance nothing would happen. That, in spite of Jon's best intentions, nothing ever would. But he was content with the fact that, even if that were the case, Martin would still love him and they would be okay.