InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm not crazy, my voices are!"

Zacharias Smith (puffheir) wrote in wished,
@ 2010-09-29 14:21:00

Entry tags:

!2003: 09, !complete, merlin toke, zacharias smith

Who: Merlin Toke and Zacharias Smith.
When: September 29th. Late afternoon.
Where: Merlin's place--> Zacharias's family home.
What: Horseback riding!
Rating: Low?
Status: Complete/Closed.

Zacharias wasn't sure if he was making the least bit of progress with Merlin. He thought he was, but it was hard to tell sometimes with that one. Who was like a closed book in many ways, and also like a deer ready to bolt at any moment.

It was a good thing that Zacharias enjoyed a challenge. And that when he set his mind to something, he was fairly determined to do it.

He had told Merlin that they'd be meeting in the late afternoon (after 2:53, whatever was going to happen at that time) and that he would pick him up. After walking him home after their dinner last week, he now knew where Merlin lived. And so going to pick him up was easy enough.

He was dressed in the casual side, in a pair of trousers and a thin blue sweater, because the chill of fall was settling into the air. He reached the place where Merlin lived and stepped up to the door, knocking smartly before stepping back to wait for Merlin to answer.

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oh_merling
2010-10-01 12:27 am UTC (link)

Merlin shuffled as close to the pommel as he was willing to get and felt Zach get up behind him, holding onto him. He held himself tense all over and not even the motion of the horse under him could relax him, although he was starting to remember what he loved so much about riding, quite apart from the few times he spent with his parents on horseback.

He felt secure on the back of the animal but he still couldn't really relax into Zach's arm, although he was content to just sit back and watch where they were going.

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puffheir
2010-10-01 12:32 am UTC (link)

Zacharias let them ride in silence for a while as he lead Ransom towards the treeline and the trails that wove through the woods. the trees were pretty, given the time of the year, the leaves changing colour in a medly of gold and orange and red, but still holding on, not quite ready to shed to the ground.

"So," he said eventually, his voice breaking through the silence. "Do you think you'll ever learn to trust me, or is that unlikely?"

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oh_merling
2010-10-03 02:56 am UTC (link)

Merlin lost himself in the scenery, drifted off through the beaten-copper colour of the trees into names, letters, animals and birds, shapes and numbers. He let the impressions wash through him, undisturbed because he was used to them by now, almost shaken out of it when Zach spoke to him. He heard the other boy's voice as if from far away, and not just in terms of distance.

"Unlikely but who knows. The leaves will fall and-" he stopped, distant and silent.

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puffheir
2010-10-03 01:27 pm UTC (link)

When the answer came, Zacharias wondered precisely what it meant. "The leaves will fall, and?" he prompted, when Merlin cut off and stopped talking, all of a sudden. His voice had seemed so distant, like he was speaking through a dream.

He fanned his fingers out against Merlin's stomach and flexed them, as if to get the other boy's attention when he didn't speak again.

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	oh_merling 2010-10-03 08:02 pm UTC (link)
	Merlin breathed deep and shook his head with a questioning little 'hmm?', as though he were waking from a deep sleep, moving somewhere between a squirm and a wince as Zach's fingers flexed against his stomach. "I'm sorry... where are we going?" he asked, loud enough for Zach to hear, divorced somewhat from the last five minutes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

puffheir
2010-10-03 08:04 pm UTC (link)

"Just for a ride," Zacharias replied. "We have trails that go on all through the woods." For miles and miles, some of them, twisting and turning. Some were shorter. All afforded pretty views and the tranquility of the forest.

"You know," he said then, the frown evident in his voice, as Merlin squirmed, and he took his hand away, letting it slide to Merlin's side. "If you want me to leave you alone, tell me. Say the word and I will."

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oh_merling
2010-10-03 08:41 pm UTC (link)

Merlin was satisfied with that, knowing in the next moment that nothing physical and terrible would befall them although, as Zach's next statement suggested, he couldn't speak for feelings being hurt.

It did seem strangely easier to breathe once Zach had moved his hand, but it felt noticably colder as well and Merlin held himself still so that he wouldn't shiver. "Maybe it would be for the better." he admitted. "But it wouldn't matter. What's going to happen isn't going to change."

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puffheir
2010-10-03 08:44 pm UTC (link)

"It would matter," Zacharias insisted. "If the only reason you're spending any time with me at all is because of some inevitability you think is going to happen... well, I don't want that." His lips pressed into a thin line.

"I want to get to know you, Merlin, but you don't make it easy. And if it's always going to be like this... like you're constantly worried that I'm going to do something, well... then why would I keep it up?" Getting to know Merlin was like pulling teeth and while Zacharias was stubborn and liked a challenge... eventually he would give up.

"So if you think it's for the best, say it."

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oh_merling
2010-10-03 09:08 pm UTC (link)

Merlin went tense although he didn't grip the horse in anyway, mindful not to startle the poor animal. "That and you keep asking me. Why keep asking me if that's not the point you were trying to prove anyway?" That when it happened it wouldn't be that Merlin didn't want it; it was either going to be because Zach would do it without his consent - something that Zach had vehemently denied - or it would be something Merlin would do without Zach's consent - something that Merlin wouldn't do but that he had seen himself doing, so how could he escape the guilt of that?

Maybe saying yes to Zach at all had been a mistake, his attempt to quell the guilt and even to lessen the trauma he knew was going to be caused for them both.

He bristled at that comment though, that he didn't make it easy. The last time he'd made it 'easy' he'd been stalked. He reached for Ransom's reins, taking the slack Zach had left and tugging the horse gently to a stop. "Let me down." he said, his tone without inflection.

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puffheir
2010-10-03 09:11 pm UTC (link)

Zacharias snorted softly. "I'm not going to let you down in the middle of the woods," he replied tartly. Alright, Merlin could Apparate away, but just incase he decided to do something foolish like walk through the woods, Zacharias wasn't going to allow it.

He took Ransom's reins back and tugged to the right, turning the horse around. "I'll take you back, and then you can go," he said, heels digging into the horse's sides so he could pick up into a trot. No need wasting time, since Merlin found his presence so intolerable.

"I kept asking because I wanted to know you. But I won't anymore," he told the other after a bout of silence.

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oh_merling
2010-10-03 09:37 pm UTC (link)

Despite himself, a shudder of fear went through him imperceptibly at that until Zach turned the horse around and Merlin wanted to kick himself for being such a pussy.

He nodded to the get out clause, unsure as to how this would work with what he'd seen, but then he had to shake his head irritably because he was hearing, of all things, the strains of 'you've got to hide your love away' - what were the fucking Beatles doing in his head and what did they have to do with anything anyway?

"You will know me. We're going to fuck. And I know you said you wouldn't-" he cut himself off there because he couldn't even say the 'r' word. "It's going to happen. You don't have to do this." It was just as much for Zach's benefit as for his in any case; he had no idea why it made a tacky twisty feeling in his chest turn up.

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puffheir
2010-10-03 09:41 pm UTC (link)

Zacharias's upper lip twisted. "I won't. And we won't," he said, because that angry feeling was twisting his gut and pushing away anything else that might have been there. He clammed up and went through the rest of the ride in silence.

When the stables came into view, he urged Ransom towards the rail of the outside fence. He slowed the horse and then stopped him. Once the horse had stilled, Zacharias slipped down with ease, landing on the ground with a soft thud.

He held up a hand to help Merlin down, letting him go as soon as he was on the ground. "I won't be contacting you anymore," he told him as he fastened the lead onto Ransom's bridle. "Whatever you saw - well, you were wrong. Or that future won't happen." His blue eyes had iced over.

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oh_merling
2010-10-03 10:20 pm UTC (link)

Merlin caught Zach's tone and he wondered if he hadn't kidded himself believing Zach's initial disgust at the idea that he'd rape someone - who knew what he'd do if he was that angry. Merlin held his tongue, afraid but unwilling to be.

He took Zach's help in getting down only because he didn't want to end up faceplanting himself and potentially being more vulnerable - to say he had trust issues would be a hysterical understatement.

He wanted to tell Zach that he was wrong, that he'd try every possible way around it but he knew that it would happen. He couldn't though, just shook his head and apparated away with an angry crack like the sound of their strange little fake dance of a burgeoning friendship, if that's what it was, breaking.

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