He was touching her, grasping her hand in his own and she stood fluidly when he pulled her up. And when her hand lifted and brushed her hair back her breath hitched in a little sob and she managed to choke it down just barely. The move was so familiar and touching and just *so* much like it had always been between them. It was hard. Especially when she'd thought back to conversations she'd had earlier in the day. He had to be so angry with her and she wasn't certain she was ready for that pain.
She owed him though. Owed him the explanations she'd never given him. It hadn't been fair of her to do what she'd done. She had hated herself then for doing it and she still hated herself now for it. Would he understand at least a little? She thought he would. Understanding didn't mean forgiving though and that was what she desperately hoped for even if she didn't deserve it. She'd tell him still, tell him everything he wanted to know.
But she still couldn't bring herself to let go of his hand knowing this. If anything her hand tightened around his, a reassurance despite the one he'd already given her. "I haven't. But I'm back. For good." And she was. She couldn't leave again, despite teasing to Quentin she would. Her heart would break if he didn't want her around, wanted nothing to do with her. She couldn't leave again though. She'd stay and she'd bug their friends for details about him, make sure he stayed happy.
"Merlin, Alix," she took a deep breath and took a step forward, toward him. Had he been a stranger she'd have been invading his personal space. Instead she was just putting herself into a space she'd used to occupy in the past. "I've missed you. So much. I can't even... Decisions were made so fast and then... God. How have you been?" She wasn't entirely sure she was making sense.