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Zacharias Smith ([info]puffheir) wrote in [info]wished,
@ 2010-08-22 09:50:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!2003: 08, !complete, theodore nott, zacharias smith

Who: Zacharias Smith and Theodore Nott.
When: August 22nd. Afternoon.
Where: St. Mungo's.
What: A visit with an old friend.
Rating: PG for swears?
Status: Complete/Closed.




To see - read - Theodore acting so bizarrely was a bit discomfiting. It was true that Theodore had always been a little bit straight. Just a tiny bit. Quiet and mousy and rather unlike many of their peers. But perhaps that was why Zacharias had always liked his company. He was clever, bookish, things that Zacharias liked.

He hadn't seen Theodore... oh, in such a long time. Zacharias had thrown himself into his Quidditch career after school and had been quite tied up with that ever since. But he had decided he needed to keep up with those people he actually considered friends - because it was only a small collection of people, after all.

St. Mungo's was there Theodore was, he discovered. And so that was where he went. Sunday afternoon. He held a small package, and breezed into the medical center, stepping with confidence up to the receptionist desk. And thus he was directed to where Theodore was being housed.

Reaching the room, he glanced at the number next to the door as the nurse unlocked the door to lert him in. Zacharias gave a brief, polite nod of thanks to her, and then stepped through himself.

"Theodore?" he asked as he entered, his eyes moving around the room until they landed on the slim, slight male.


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[info]puffheir
2010-08-22 07:45 pm UTC (link)
"Yes. Exactly." Or something to that effect. "Theodore and Zacharias." He wasn't quite sure if the other young man was clear on which name went with which of them - or if he comprehended, period. But at least he got the names.

"I doubt he was a bad boy, and shouldn't have been punished like that," he said, frown tugging lower on his lips. Someone had struck him, then, he gathered. Someone here? He was going to have a word with the nurses when he was through here. Zacharias was very good at giving people a tongue lashing - it was rather a talent with him.

"I came to see you," he replied with a little nod of his head. And then cocked his head curiously. "Yes, Theodore. I can see you." Although he did wonder that if Theo turned sideways, he wouldn't disappear. He was thin enough for it!

"I brought something for you," he said, holding out the box in his hands. It wasn't exactly like Theodore was injured or sick with the dragon pox and needed a Get Well Soon present. And yet it still seemed somehow appropriate.

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-22 08:49 pm UTC (link)
Again, Theo repeated the names after Zach did but it was still just a verbal echo.

He shook his head at Zach's statement though, bringing his knees up to his thin chest, the shirt he was wearing roomy enough to cover him and leave only his toes exposed. "He's a bad boy all the time. He deserves it" he explained, cutting himself short at the end of the sentence and looking back at the mess he'd made of the wall. "No one sees, no one says, tongues always getting in the way." he mumbled, looking up and curiously at the present Zach held out to him.

He didn't reach for it, looking back at the boy with uncertainty and then back at the box. "What is it?" he asked, seemingly unwilling to open it himself.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-22 08:53 pm UTC (link)
"He's not a bad boy, and he doesn't deserve it," Zacharias repeated with a small shake of his head. He wasn't sure of everything Theodore had done in the past, but in the state he was currently in, he couldn't see how anything he did could be considered 'bad'. He was messed up. To be unsubtle about it.

"It's a present," he replied, holding it in his lap for a moment before he set it down on the floor between them. And then he peeled at the wrapping paper, which was a shiny blue. He tugged it away rather neatly and then opened the box underneath and presented it to the other.

Inside was a stuffed toy. Specifically, a gray plush thestral. He had gone to a children's store to find it - they didn't carry many toy thestrals, but there had been this one, nestled among all the plush Hippogriffs and dragons and Puffskeins and other things.

"See? Until you can see the real ones again."

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-22 09:31 pm UTC (link)
Theo didn't know where to begin at pointing out the gaping holes in what Zach had just said, wondered if maybe the boy had been purposely contrary to the truth, but he allowed himself to be distracted by the box. It might not have been a thing he would have said before he'd come to St Mungo's, but then those were also times when Theo had the mental capacity to try and be the person he wanted to be, not the one his father had made him into. He just wasn't able to disguise the rest of it under a mask of his actualised self anymore.

He reached for the paper as Zach unwrapped the box for him, reaching to pick up a scrap of it and rub his thumb against the shiny blue colour; his dirty fingers left marks but he seemed not to notice them.

He curled his hand back, paper still within, and stared in frozen surprise at the toy he was given.

He cast a wary but completely unbelieving look to Zach before reaching out to take it, his fingers stopping and just petting the fluffy ear of the stuffed horse instead. "You got me a thestral..." he said quietly. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He didn't want to touch it though, but he couldn't stay away from it. "I, I'll make it dirty." he stammered, turning his hand over palm up to show Zach the mess, although he didn't look away from the toy.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-22 09:43 pm UTC (link)
"Yes," Zacharias agreed, because he had indeed gotten Theodore a thestral. Although it would shock most people who only knew him in passing - or only knew him for his mouth and his sharp, disparaging tongue - he could be quite caring and kind. When he chose to be. With the people he chose to be kind too.

"That's okay," he assured Theodore, holding it out to him. The stained fingers and palms didn't bother him at all.

"If you do, that's what cleaning charms are for," he said. Not something he had a lot of experience with personally (although he had learned some, rather reluctantly, in order to deal with some of his Quidditch gear that he didn't want other people touching). If blood and dirt and grass stains could be whisked away from his gear, well, he was sure that ink and charcoal could be whisked away from the plush toy.

"Go on. You can hold him. He's meant to be held." 'He', as if the toy was somehow anatomically correct. It wasn't... at least, that he knew of. Zacharias had never seen an actual thestral before.

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-22 10:30 pm UTC (link)
Theo shook his head once, hard like a fly had buzzed him and crossed his arms over his chest in a gesture that was purely protective. "No, no I can't, no cleaning, no charms, nothing, no." he said, his tone distressed and wounded in some way that wasn't immediately apparent. They'd taken his wand five years ago; he'd done no magic since.

He didn't touch the toy, although he wanted to. He wanted it to come alive before him, the lines of a form as thin as he was, thinner, tattered like his mind, elegant and graceful in a way he didn't feel anymore. He went quiet, gone away like Alice in his head, wandering lost and blind and waiting on something to bring him back out.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-22 10:33 pm UTC (link)
That wasn't really a surprise. If Zacharias had to guess, he would guess that Theodore probably wasn't allowed a wand. So of course he couldn't do cleaning charms. "Well, I can clean him when I come to see you again," he offered. Now that he was here and saw how bad off Theo was, he didn't think he could stay away completely.

"Here, hold him. If he gets dirty, I'll clean him. Don't worry." He offered the plush toy out again. It was soft and squishy and fuzzy, and he had chosen that over and harder toy for just that reason - not sure if a plastic or wooden toy would have been a good idea.

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-22 11:02 pm UTC (link)
Zach broke him out of his reverie and he gave the boy a smile, something distant still in his face that hinted that maybe he wasn't quite back on the same thread.

He reached out this time when the toy was held out to him, taking it and feeling the softness of it's wings between his fingers. "You got me a thestral?" he askd again, like he hadn't been around for the first part of their conversation. "Thank you." The thank you was quiet and Theo looked around like he'd be punished for it before holding the toy to his chest like a child. "I won't tell anyone."

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-22 11:05 pm UTC (link)
"I got you a thestral," Zacharias agreed, wondering if the last several minutes had just fallen out of Theodore's head. Or perhaps it got lost in the fog of his mind. He was starting to picture Theodore's head like thick pea-soup fog that had to be waded through.

"You're welcome, Theodore," he said with a little smile. It was hard not to make it a sad smile. It was not easy to see a friend in such a bad way. So disconnected. So lost.

"Are you going to give him a name?" he asked him curiously. And if he did, would he even remember it?

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 12:12 am UTC (link)
"You did?" Theo asked after the agreement, scanning the room quickly. "I think he's gone. Or taken. Things get taken." he commented, fussing with the toy's ears.

He stopped and shrank back a little more against the wall at the question though, his voice when he spoke hushed as though he was speaking taboo, afraid of being overheard. "It isn't allowed." he started. "To have things, to care for things like that, with names. Things get taken." he repeated, now visibly anxious. "They get destroyed." he was shaking now and he petted the toy thestrals neck in a manner that was almost compulsive.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 12:15 am UTC (link)
Zacharias followed his gaze about the room for a brief moment - and then realized that Theodore was once talking about actual thestrals. And while he wouldn't have been able to tell if one was standing right next to them, he figured there probably weren't any in St. Mungo's. "Well, you have the toy for now. Until you see the real ones again."

What kind of place where they running here? He wanted to scowl at someone. Or use rude words. He had a whole lot of them in his vocabulary. An entire section that was dedicates to insults, in fact. He'd been practicing them since he was a very young child, after all!

"Well then, you can give it a name in secret. But not tell anyone else. Only you'll know his name. So then it won't be problem," he suggested.

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 10:12 am UTC (link)
"A secret name?" Theo whispered, looking troubled and not seeming to like the idea of that at all for some reason, until he spoke and it was clear that it was just the idea of keeping secrets that he didn't like.

"No, no more secrets." his tone was sharp but he wasn't ordering or angry, more begging. "I can't take anymore secrets, this room, this room is full of them, full of screts... it can't hold anymore. I can't. Can't move in them. No more secrets, no more, no more." he was panicked now, close to hyperventilating and trembling like he would have never done at school in the most pathetic way. "No more."

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 01:44 pm UTC (link)
Ah. So secrets were not a good thing when it came to Theodore. And perhaps that went to figure. Zacharias scooted closer to him, and once again those surprisingly gentle fingers were touching his cheek.

"Okay, no more secrets," he said. "You won't have to have another secret," he promised him. Theodore was practically shaking! Zacharias wasn't entirely sure what to do with a person in that state, so he just looped an arm around him, drawing him closer, as if to steady him - and yet leaving the embrace lose enough that Theodore could get away if he wanted to.

"It's okay, Theodore," he said. "No more secrets. You can tell me the name. That way it won't be a secret. But I won't tell any of the people here."

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 06:03 pm UTC (link)
Theo held still as Zach reached out to touch him, some dark terror running through his expression like a sprinter, come and gone in a flash and leaving him wide-eyed like a scared horse.

He relaxed a little at the reassurance though, and was in a kind of mood where he leant in to the offered arm, the hold making him think of that sweat-smell of boy and Quidditch and he didn't know why but he was thinking about tattoos and a soft-shaved head.

"Can't tell." Theo pointed out, sounding scandalised. He lifted his hand to feel against the place where Zach's jaw met his ear. "They'll break it hear for telling. Cut out the loose tongue..." He traced his fingers to Zach's mouth as he said this, drawing them back hesitantly. "That's what will happen." As crazy as he was, this had actually happened to Theo for that very reason; his father didn't look kindly on gossip.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 06:06 pm UTC (link)
Zacharias didn't often have people touching his mouth (at least not when outside of amourous situations!) but he didn't pull away. Let Theodore trace the curve of his mouth.

"I wouldn't tell. Not a single person," he said, and he even traced a little 'X' over his heart - one of those childhood habits that always seemed to linger, for ages and ages.

"It will just between you and me. And no one else will know so they'll have nothing to be mad about."

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 06:27 pm UTC (link)
Theo watched Zach cross his heart but far from a motion to keep a promise, saw it as something else, although like the motion he had learned the other thing in childhood too. He traced over the cross over Zach's heart and kept going, lines and patterns etched by his fingertip before he stopped to put his hand flat against Zach's chest and murmur something that sounded Russian by way of Italy.

"Sealed." he said, seeming pleased with the nothing he had done - no wand, no magic. There were even dampers against him in this place to stop any accidental wild magic leaks. "It's called Theodore."

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 06:30 pm UTC (link)
Russian was not a language that Zacharias knew much of - except how to say 'hello'. He recognized the cadence of it, and that was about it. Curiosity slipped through his blue eyes as he watched Theodore, and felt the soft, light swipes of fingers.

"Sealed," he echoed, although he wasn't sure what Theodore was talking about. Still, agreeing seemed the best bet in these cases, when Theo was calm - calm was good.

"Well, Theodore is a very good name," he said with a smile. "A good choice." In a way it almost was fitting. Because Theo the Wizard was so small and vague - he could be easily overlooked. Unseen.

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 07:59 pm UTC (link)
Theo nodded at the repetition, looking back at his thestral and considering what Zach had said. "That's my name." he pointed out, as though Zach had suggested it. "You can't do that, you can't-" he got up and threw the toy, angry and pacing all of a sudden. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

He calmed a minute later and turned to see the toy lying on the floor where he'd thrown it. "He fell... he..." he whimpered unhappily and went to pick it back up, holding it to his chest and cradling it like it was some broken thing, like he was. "What happened?"

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 08:03 pm UTC (link)
"It is your name." Zacharias nodded his head in agreement. eyes flickering upwards as Theodore suddenly riled up in anger, pitching the toy across the small room, and climbing to his feet to pace.

He stood as well - and he was a good bit taller than Theodore was. Such a tiny thing the Slytherin boy was. He stood there as Theo paced, back and force, until a wash of calm seemed to crash over him again.

"He fell, that's all," he murmured. "But you saved him. You have him now and he's okay. See?" He touched the neck of the stuffed toy (plush had definitely been a good choice over anything more solid) and slid his fingers along the softness. "He's okay."

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 08:39 pm UTC (link)
Theo flinched away from Zach as the other stood up even as he paced, settling again with the thestral in his hands.

He watched Zach pet it, staring at the toy with a look that was somewhat divorced from the moment. "I didn't save him." he said, still looking distant. "I didn't save anyone. I wasn't there, I did, didn't, I... no one got... no one..." he stammered, fell apart like a broken record, his mind stuck in a rut of bad times that it was desperately trying to forget at the same time.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 08:41 pm UTC (link)
"Yes you did. You saved him. Your thestral," Zacharias said, his voice gently edged, and rather soft. Like Theodore was a deer and any loud noises might send him skittering away, off like a short.

"Come here," he said and he guided the smaller boy over to the bed in the room and helped him sit down. "Theodore," he said, trying to distract him from his ramblings, to get the broken record back on track. "Look at me, okay?"

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 09:25 pm UTC (link)
Theo silenced when Zach spoke, but it wasn't clear that he was really taking in what Zach was saying. He let himself be guided to the bed and sat on it, his eyes meeting Zach's with a wariness borne from situations he hadn't spoken about to anyone, not even Greg (although his boyfriend likely had more ideas about the things that haunted him than anyone), but he didn't say anything. Just sat and watched and listened in that Theo way he had that was more active - especially now - than anytime he was actually moving or being active; it was one of the more unnerving things about him, and always had been.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 09:31 pm UTC (link)
Zacharias looked at him again, their eyes meeting. His mouth curled into a smile then. "Good, that's good," he said approvingly. He nodded his head a little bit, to show his satisfaction.

He reached out and petted the thestral again. "Do they let you have books in here?" he asked, changing the subject completely. To what he hoped would be a safe subject, although it was becoming clear that he couldn't tell what a safe subject would be!

"Do you still like to read? You used to read all the time. Always with a book."

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 09:58 pm UTC (link)
Theo liked seeing the smile, liked the nod a little less, but still liked the approval. He flinched again when Zach reached out, but didn't move too much, it was mostly self contained.

He tilted his head to think about the question, something fluttering at the edge of his brain when books were mentioned. "They were brought to me by... the one. The... he brought it.." he rubbed at his eyes with on hand as though he was tired. "He's dead a long time ago." he said, shaking his head.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 09:59 pm UTC (link)
The one? Well that could be... anyone. "Who's 'the one'?" he asked him with quiet curiosity. "That was nice of him. To bring you a book." The one who brought him the book was dead? Or someone else? Had theodore jumped subjects again? It was so hard to tell.

"I can bring you a book next time, if you like?" Maybe a picture book would be most appropriate. But a book was a book, yes?

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 10:29 pm UTC (link)
Theo smiled thinking about it, something that relaxed him entirely, almost made him look like a different person, almost made him look sane. "Mmmm, one, he..." he held his hand out, fingers spread. "Big hands. Big smile." He lay back onto the bed like a cat, stretched in much the same manner and if he could have, he probably would have purred. "Big, big, he breaks me, breaks me then puts me back together, comes in down from the sky, through the windows to take us away away away..." he sighed and then grinned back at Zach. "We can just go to the library." he suggested, back in school again.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 10:34 pm UTC (link)
Well then! Zacharias still had no idea who Theodore was refering to, but it was now going to guess that it was a lover of some sort. Given the way he was sliding against the bed, which was very nearly obscene. Was it a real lover, or a fake one? That was the question. "Does he have a name?" he queried, curious.

Another smile. He could only smile, because it was either that or stalk out to try and track down who had put Theodore in such a state - if that was possible! "We can go to the library, sometime," he agreed - easier to agree than not. He'd bring a book next time.

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 10:58 pm UTC (link)
Theo gradually went still, the smile leaking down off his face as well until he was lying motionless and expressionless on the covers, watching the ceiling. His grip on the toy was loose, everything about him seeemed loose. "He. does. not." he murmured, the spaces between his words too long, the sentence a splinter from a fractured mind, and maybe if he'd written it down it might have sounded differently, might have revealed more than anything Theo actually said.

He didn't move to answer, didn't really say anything but his fingers were cold and shaking again.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 11:01 pm UTC (link)
"Oh, well, that's alright," Zacharias murmured. That left it a mystery, one he was curious about, quite a bit. However there was nothing he could do to shed light on that particular mystery. Questioning theodore wouldn't accomplish much - except to potentially upset the other.

He reached out and took a shaking hand in his own, instead. Squeezed it lightly. Cold! His skin was so cold. Zacharias's was quite warm in comparison. "I'll come and visit you again, alright Theodore?"

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 11:13 pm UTC (link)
Theo's cold little fingers barely curled around Zach's until his friend sounded like he was about to leave, at which point Theo's fingers tightened on Zach's and he turned, knees drawn up towards his chest, Zach's hand gripped close to his chest.

"No!" he exclaimed, a whimper in his voice. "They come, when he's alone, they come when he's alone!" he said, upset.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 11:22 pm UTC (link)
"I'm not going anywhere, not right now," Zacharias said. He had been thinking of it, because Theodore had seemed like she was getting tired, but he didn't want to further upset him.

He let Theodore cling to his hand, fingers staying snuggly around his. "It's alright, Theodore. I'm right here, see? I'm sitting, I'm staying." He gave another light squeeze. "Why don't you rest a little bit?"

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[info]booksmart_devil
2010-08-23 11:40 pm UTC (link)
Zach managed to calm Theo considerably, although he didn't let the boy's fingers go. He relaxed a little bit and sighed heavily. "They come then, through shadows, to the bed with-" he stopped himself there and closed his eyes, apparently taking Zach's advice. He even cuddled his toy thestral to him. "Run away if they come." he murmured, a warning or a plea. It was the last thing he said before he slipped into restless, terrifying dreams.

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[info]puffheir
2010-08-23 11:42 pm UTC (link)
Zacharias smiled and it was a pleased smile as Theodore began to relax. Laying there, holding the thestral, eyes closed, he looked like a child. A sweet and innocent wisp of a thing. He smiled. And sat there, holding onto his hand until the young man's breathing evened out.

Theodore was shifting in his dreams, but at least he was asleep. Zacharias very lightly, very gently, set his hand down and rose from the edge of the bed. "Goodnight Theodore," he said, the words nothing more than a whisper before he saw himself out.

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