Who: Zack Fair and Cloud Strife What: Birthdays and feelings When: August 11th (backdated) Where: Orrinshire Rating: PG Status: in progress
The living room of the small farmhouse had never been so full, at least not since Cloud and Zack had moved in, but for the moment it was filled with talk and laughter. Zack had asked him about his birthday — which Cloud had honestly lost track of — and if he wanted to do anything for it. Cloud's shrug and "I guess we could see if anyone wants to come over," had turned into a small gathering the afternoon of the eleventh. It wasn't many people, Noctis, Prompto, and the others, mostly, with a couple of the farmers in the area popping in with baked goods and well wishes. There had been food and beer, and Cloud had teased Zack about not being half-bad at party planning before he got pulled into a conversation about swords with Gladio, then another with Ignis, Luna and Nyx before Noctis and Prompto grabbed him again.
It was very, very nice. But it was a lot after a while, especially with him right at the center of attention, being pulled between one group or another. Cloud didn't know if Ignis just had an uncannily perfect sense of timing or if he'd noticed Cloud starting to look a little tense, but he'd ushered everyone towards the kitchen for cake with a warm smile in his direction right as he was considering mouthing 'help me' at Zack. Cloud leaned towards Ignis noticing something in his body language or expression — the other man had know Noctis all his life, after all. That had to be more than enough experience to note when a quiet, less social friend was reaching their limits.
Friend. Cloud had paused and looked around at his friends as they sang Happy Birthday to him — some with much better voices than others — and quietly reached for Zack's hand to give it a squeeze while the cake was cut and slices passed around. He had friends, and if he felt a faint pang for Tifa, Aerith, and Barret, well. He didn't regret coming to Winterdale, he couldn't, not with Zack right next to him, but he could still feel the loss of them and let it go. It felt like it shouldn't be that easy, but as the chatter started to die down and laughter turned into another round of birthday wishes so everyone could get home before it was fully dark, he found that in a way, it was.
The next half-hour felt easier after that, and Cloud was lit up with his smile as he waved one last time from the porch, leaning absent-mindedly against Zack as the sun sank lower in the sky. He hadn't quite realized he'd taken the other man's hand again, had been the one to step into Zack's personal space and initiate contact instead of Zack being the one to ruffle his hair or throw an arm around his shoulder to get close to him. He'd also missed the amused looks. The fact that he and Zack were together wasn't a secret, not really, and holding hands wasn't a big deal, beyond the fact that Cloud was relaxed enough to do so unconsciously and without overthinking and second-guessing it.
He simply wanted to be close to Zack, so he was, which confirmed more than just what their relationship was. He was also reluctant to move once voices had faded away and quiet had settled back in. The sun was low, the sky vivid with the late summer sunset, and Cloud felt wonderfully, lazily content. He didn't feel a particular need to wander off alone somewhere like he usually did after he'd been around people for so long. Oh, he needed some quiet, definitely, but Zack seemed content enough in the moment, too. Why end it? The chocobos had all been taken care of earlier, didn't need to be looked in on until the morning, and were likely enjoying all the extra food and treats they'd been given. He had time to watch the sunset if he wanted.
"That was nice. Thank you," Cloud said quietly, turning slightly and tilting his head up so he could look at Zack. What was meant to be a simple thank you for the party felt like more once the words were out — a thank you not just for the afternoon, but for everything. For being his friend, for caring. For so many things, large and small, for being so brave, for his life, what Zack had been willing to sacrifice — had sacrificed — just so Cloud had a chance to drag himself, more than half-senseless, to Midgar. For being here, now, settled in the sort of country life they'd both gone to the city to avoid. It meant more than Cloud could say, and he'd just make a mess of it if he tried to explain. He might have gotten better with people, but words were still tricky, and it always seemed he was at his most awkward and ineloquent when he most wanted not to be.
Like now. Thank you was entirely inadequate. There had to be something better Cloud knew there was. There was a word for that feeling — for all of those feelings — and suddenly it was there, sneaking up on him from behind and planting itself firmly in his mind before he could do much more than draw in a breath in realization. He'd had a crush on Zack for a while, back after they'd met. He'd admitted to it after they'd been on a couple of dates, had found that maybe there was something there between them. Cloud hadn't spent much time focusing on what it was, hadn't named it. Things had been easy between them, and he'd been afraid that looking too closely at it could mess it all up. Why complicate things that didn't need to be complicated?
Of course, keeping those feelings carefully and safely tucked away left him almost blindsided now that they'd settled in where he couldn't go back to not acknowledging them. His eyes swept over Zack's face, searching for — he didn't know. The same realization, like they were in some movie and they'd both had the same epiphany at the same time? No. Life was good here, and ridiculous sometimes, and amazing, but it wasn't a cheesy romance novel. What he did see in Zack was warmth, the liveliness and openness that had drawn him in when he'd been a shy fourteen-year-old tramping through the snow, the only one able to keep up for once. Backwater experts, an instant bond.
He loved him for it, and he loved him.
"Zack —" he started, and found that the rest wouldn't quite articulate itself. How did you even confess to someone? When was the right time? Had three words ever been so simple and so complicated at the same time? Before Zack could start asking questions, or think something was wrong, Cloud shook his head and smiled at him, giving a little shrug of his shoulders as if to say never mind, don't worry about it. In case that wasn't enough, he leaned up and pulled Zack into a kiss. Maybe he could convey something of what he felt that way, by tugging him close and kissing him breathless.