ignis (totalclarity) wrote in winterdale, @ 2020-12-06 22:24:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | character: ignis scientia, character: noctis lucis caelum, fandom: ffxv |
Who: Ignis Scientia and Noctis Lucis Caelum
What: feelings
When: December 6th
Where: Orrinshire
Rating: TBD
Status: in progress
Ignis was starting to feel guilty. He knew he wasn't being fair to Noct by… not avoiding him, exactly, but by keeping some distance between them. It would have been one thing to be careful for a week or two after the kiss while he figured out what to do, but he hadn't done that. No, it had been three months and he was still awkward, still hesitant to face what had happened, and at this point he was certain he was actually hurting Noctis — and it was hurting him, too. To be fair Noct hadn't made any indication that he wanted to talk, and that just confused things further. Ignis didn't know if Noct regretted it or not, if it had even meant anything or if it was something better left alone and forgotten.
Maybe in another few weeks the embarrassment would be gone. Maybe. It stung a little to think that it might have a mistake, but he could live with it — he'd lived with much worse, after all, and here, at least, Noctis was safe and alive. That was miraculous enough in itself, though it didn't help Ignis shake the feel of Noct's lips pressed to his own, the shock and the want and how close he'd been to losing himself in it. Had the kiss actually meant something? If he could be reasonably certain either way he would know what to do, and yet…
He'd never truly allowed himself to think he and Noct could ever be together. They'd had their roles, and as much as Ignis had let go of all of that, it seemed unreal that there could be something more there. Being in Winterdale hadn't seemed completely real until Noct had kissed him, and then exactly how different it all was came crashing down on him. He'd been so focused on their friendship and so careful about separating his feelings for Noct from that friendship that when faced with the possibility of something more he'd frozen, and he was still frozen months later.
And now it was keeping him up at night. After Gladio had gotten him to talk — and Ignis had to admit that it had helped to finally let everything out — he'd hardly been able to think of anything but Noct. The haze of alcohol, the closeness, the ridiculous longing that had settled in to his chest that he was doing an awful job at ignoring. Not to mention everything that had happened over Halloween. Noct's insistent closeness had given him some hope, but the strange magic involved had thrown doubt onto that, too. He'd never gotten any clear signs from Noct when he was sober and/or fully himself, and if he were honest with himself, he was afraid to ask and find that there wasn't anything.
Two in the morning was hardly the best time to be in the kitchen, making coffee and pining over your childhood friend, but there he was. He needed to talk to Noctis. He knew he did. It wasn't fair to either of them to drag this out, and Ignis almost laughed. He hadn't felt so young and clueless and in over his head since he'd been a child. Hell, he might have actually handled this better as a child. He remembered Regis gently explaining that no, he and Noctis couldn't get married, and Six. This was a mess and he'd let it go on long enough.
He'd find Noct the later in the day. Drifting towards the windows that looked out at the gardens, Ignis wrapped his fingers around his mug and sighed. The forecast had been speaking of snow soon, and he could well believe it from the chill in the air. His attention was caught by noise behind him, and he turned. Noct. Taking a breath to gather himself, he smiled faintly, hesitantly, at the other man. "Noctis, I —" He still didn't know what to say, so he settled on a quiet, "Stay?" It probably wouldn't make up for the past few weeks, but he hoped it was a start.