InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Am I bovvered?"

Roy Harper-Todd (bowjob) wrote in westviewic,
@ 2025-05-18 15:29:00

Entry tags:

!log, roy harper (bowjob)

WHO: Roy Harper and assorted NPC (possibly open)
WHAT: A collection of trips down memory lane
WHERE: Roy and Jason's room then various
WHEN: Now
RATING/WARNING: The first one is pretty light. It'll change and I'll put a warning on each as it applies.

Apparently there was someone new on board? Roy hadn’t really had time to check the network recently. Chasing after a toddler did that to you. Chasing after a toddler while worrying over your quieter than normal husband and trying to distract yourself with the things you were building did that to you. All of it was probably a distraction because Roy was awful at being alone, terrible in extended silences and he knew if he didn’t find a distraction he’d find himself at the bar. Again. Or worse. Again. He forces a smile and moves in the direction of Lian’s room when the world around him goes dark.

Roy blinks and he’s standing in a familiar room. The walls are made of steel and lined with arrows. There’s a large supercomputer set up against one of those walls, its screens growing a faint green in the near darkness. Towards the middle of the room sits a table with arrows arranged in a neat row. A boy stands over those arrows, picking each one up and inspecting it reverently. He wears the same fake smile Roy had on his face only moments ago. Standing across from him, barely hidden by shadows, is a taller figure dressed in a cloak.

“You’d be proud of me, Ollie. I motivate, just like you taught me.” The boy brags, glancing at the figure standing just in the shadows. “You always give the best advice, man.”

Roy groans as he instantly recognizes this. He knows this boy. He was this boy. Standing in their control room, inspecting arrows, wearing bright reds and yellows, telling Oliver Queen that he thinks the world of him is a younger version of himself. A teenage Roy Harper from the years he barely remembers when he was a member of the Teen Titans. He barely remembers this but he knows it’s not what it seems. Something about it is wrong. He inches closer as the younger version of him complains about Robin, replying to a comment Roy didn’t quite catch from Ollie.

“Oh, I agree. Pompous and a little sus…” It’s been years and Roy barely remembers this time of his life. The most he remembers is what he’s been told by other people who lived it alongside him. Somehow, however, the idea of Dick Grayson being pompous and sus still rings true. He’s not going to argue about that even if he’s not so sure Robin is the mean girl of the team.

He inches forward, around, the younger version of him is still talking. Still singing Oliver’s praises. He wants to see what the older man thinks of all this. He’s not surprised Ollie hasn’t really been able to get a word in edgewise. Roy’s a yapper. He always has been. Occasionally, he talks just to hear his own voice. It helps him feel not so alone…

It clicks at the same moment the younger version of himself turns and lets an arrow fly. It hits the figure standing in the shadows and the hood falls back revealing the blank face of a practice dummy. He’d been talking to hear his own voice. Telling the empty space around him everything he wanted to tell Ollie. Everything he wished he could. He watches as the younger version of himself steps to the dummy and pulls the arrow free, the smile fading from his face replaced, for a moment, with a frown. The boy turns to look at the empty place where his mentor should be seated, should be having this important conversation that Roy, himself, has only partially listened to. The room is quiet but when the younger version of him speaks it’s almost too soft to hear.

“... I just wish you could make the time.”

The scene reset itself, starting from the beginning. Roy watched it two more times in silence before the annoyance and embarrassment set in. “No one’s there!” Roy hissed at his younger self. “No one’s there.. No one’s ever there. No one’s ever going to be there. Just. Stop.” He rushes forward and grabs his younger self, spins him around to try… something. To talk sense into him or anything. The younger Roy with the fake smile and sad eyes reacts then, knocking him back against a wall of arrows… or what he thought was a wall of arrows. From this close the whole thing looks more like a very elaborate painting. He could break out with the right tools…

Roy finds his gaze drawn back to the arrows sitting on the table next to his younger self. Those look real enough. He attempts not to disrupt the scene as he grabs the arrow he’s looking for. The bow might be out of the question but he doesn’t need it. He might not have powers but his aim has always been perfect. He throws the arrow at the far wall with enough force to detonate the explosive within it. The wall crumbles and Roy rushes through without a thought to what might be ahead of him.

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Warnings: Drug use, needles, violence

bowjob
2025-05-23 12:42 am UTC (link)

"...You have to understand, Roy's just so-- so-- empty inside..."

Roy frowns as he mulls over those words again. Two rooms later and the words spoken by an unfamiliar boy are still echoing in his head like a particularly annoying song. He didn't remember the boy or any of the people in that room but he remembers the way hearing that made him feel. He remembers the hurt, the anger, the betrayal... He doesn't remember what he did about it but he assumes it wasn't smart. He's always been desperate for someone to notice him. He's just never known what to do about the emptiness.

Pushing thoughts of the redhead boy and his friend with the dark hair and purple eyes out of his mind, Roy decides to focus on the task at hand. The room at hand. He's not sure where he's going or if he's even making any kind of headway here. He just knows that he has a husband and a daughter he needs to get back to and he won't stop until he finds them.

The scene before him really wants to test that resolve. Unlike the other scenes, this one is painfully familiar. This one he knows all too well. His younger self sits, bent over a table with his arm extended. There's a band tied around his arm, a needle sticking out of his vein, and a dazed look in his eye. His skin is pale and kind of clammy. He doesn't look good. In a few moments Ollie is going to walk through the door and find him like this. He'll get a black eye and be tossed back onto the streets where Ollie found him. Roy hadn't really tried in any of the others but he can't stand to watch it happen again. Maybe... maybe if he just cleans up the obvious paraphernalia Ollie will just think he's sick. Maybe he won't be thrown away again.

He can't move fast enough. Before he can even try to sweep the needle into the nearby bin and clean himself up, the door swings open and Ollie steps in. Roy watches his mentor, his father figure, walk through the door. He watches as the smile falls from his face replaced, first, by shock and confusion, and then anger as realization dawns upon him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Oliver demands. He's on the younger version of Roy in a flash, hauling him up out of the chair and looking him over, shaking him to try and rattle some sense into him. He's yelling but the younger version can hardly understand what he's saying so Roy himself has very little memory of it to work with. He's always understood the gist of it. He's a disappointment. He betrayed Ollie's trust and let him down. He's trash. He's not worthy of the love or attention he had so desperately wanted.

It ends with a punch when Roy does get enough awareness to realize Ollie is there and pissed. It leads to a few more before he's tossed out onto the street and has the door slammed on him.

Watching it is almost as traumatic as living it. At least, from this angle, he can disconnect from what he's seeing. This happened years ago. It still stings, still hurts, but he and Ollie have made peace. They can stand to be around each other. Occasionally, they even like being around one another. Anyway, it wasn't like he was a complete innocent in all of this. Ollie's reaction was over the top but it wasn't like Roy didn't deserve it. As the barely remember kid said, he was empty inside. Not that great of a person. It was only a matter of time before the people he cared about found out and threw him away.

Roy shook himself off and moved forward. He still wasn't sure where he was going or what was next. He wasn't even sure if he should keep moving. He was looking for Lian and Jason but he couldn't help but think the two would be better off without him.

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