I will be needing a new assistant, qualifications are as follows:
- Must be good with technology, profanity, and able to receive dictation - Must love alcohol. - Must not love, or offer the services of, editors. - Preferably not an asthmatic. You will still be welcome, but your complaints are not. - Must have a proficiency and ability to handle stress, violence, nudity run errands in a timely manner. My words cannot wait while you delay in fetching me the proper materials I need.
Payment will be made in the form of experiences, prior to the attaining of a proper expense account.
Serious inquiries only. I've already dealt with magic portals today, and find myself in no mood to entertain the company of professional time wasters. You can find me at the bar. Just listen for the sounds of shouting, or the frantic -- and insanely novel -- sounds of a scribbling pen...