Zadkiel flinched away from the words. Hearing it that way made it hit home how little he'd really thought the decision through. He'd second and third and fourth guessed himself several times an hour for the past few days. And now the words were coming out all wrong and making things worse.
He looked up at Gabe, swiping at his cheek with the cuff of his sleeve. "No," he said quietly. "I'm not leaving. I'm saying things all wrong." He made a sound that might almost have been a laugh. "Not the first time, is it? But... when I emailed, I thought it would be to say goodbye. But I can't. I don't want to. I don't know how to make things work but I have to try because maybe here I can help..." you "...people. It would go against everything I've tried to do and be my whole life to leave. It's just taken a while to realize it, I guess."
Which probably didn't help at all, but he didn't know what else to say or do, since he couldn't take back what he'd already said.