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Zoe Washburne ([info]warrior_woman) wrote in [info]we_coexist,
@ 2012-04-27 01:11:00

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Entry tags:jesse custer, stand still, zoe washburne

What to do with an angry God (Jesse)
Zoe didn't say anything after she left the conference room; she hadn't even stayed to see if there was indeed an answer. She simply walked out. Perhaps she should have run, but she thought she'd give Jesse a little room to calm down. Just a little.

She caught up quickly though, for all the room she gave him. She didn't touch him until she was at his side, making sure he could see her. The Amazon took his hand, not slowing him down, not stopping him. She walked with him wherever he had thought to go; walking without stopping didn't exactly mean she wouldn't say anything.

"You asked more than one question." It was a small joke, and she was risking making him even angrier. "Don't think you're going to get your answer out here."


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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 06:22 am UTC (link)
Jesse looked down at the hand that grasped his and felt a kind of calm in it. But it couldn't erase his anger completely, which was a little aggravating on it's own. He didn't really like feeling like this.

"That fuckin prick has the nerve to stand up there and..." he was trying to formulate what he wanted to say, get the words out, but he just couldn't really do that right now.

"I've been here long enough to see what kinda bullshit goes on here. I ain't mad anymore at bein here, it ain't so bad really, just bein here. But puttin people through everything that he has. It ain't right. There ain't no need for shit like the Joker."

Jesse also wanted to argue that the City had given him nothing. But it wasn't really true, was it? It had given him plenty. He wouldn't have met his friends, or the people he cared about now if it weren't for this place. Though, he wouldn't have been taken from those he'd loved before either.

"I just don't know how to handle this." He finally admitted.

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 06:36 am UTC (link)
"They don't give out infowaves for this sort of thing." Zoe squeezed his hand, and before he could ask. "Handbooks. Though, I guess it would defeat the purpose. There's something it needs from us, which have to say, that doesn't make me feel all that friendly to him, it, whatever you want to call it." She shrugged. She didn't like thinking of the City as a living thing; she could accept it after a fashion or just overlook it, but with that Townsend person on the stage, it was hard to ignore it.

"There isn't a need for me either. I was second in command on a ship of smugglers, pirates, and criminals." She gave him a slight smile. "Not that I think it excuses the existence of the Joker; folks like that aren't exactly folks. I heard they put down animals that aren't right, and that's one animal that should have been put down and stayed down long ago."

She finally stopped, meaning to stop him. With him stopped, she claimed his other hand and directed both hands to clasp behind her. This would be the first time she had him do this so openly. It wasn't that she hid that they were in some relationship, but she was cautious after a fashion. The Joker was out there after all.

"If things didn't happen the way they did, we wouldn't be here." She tapped his foot with hers to indicate that she meant in the moment, together. "I can't say that I like what happened to get us here, but I can't say with certainty I would give us up if it meant that everything else would be kittens and puppies. It's selfish, I know. It's not right either. I wouldn't wish any of what that woman's going through now on my worst enemy."

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 06:44 am UTC (link)
"There's a need for you." He wasn't just thinking about himself when he said that. Zoe did a lot of good here. The Joker did nothing but bad. He'd been nothing but horrible the entire time Jesse had known of him. Hurting people, killing them. Getting away with it time and time again. Only to be thought dead and rise again so recently.

He wrapped his arms around Zoe like she directed, happy to do so. Glad to feel her warmth up against him, so closely. He buried his face in her neck and breathed her in for a long moment.

"That's part of what kills me." Jesse admitted. "I wouldn't give you up, neither, if I'm gonna be honest. Horrible as that might be, I'm happy. If I could help Dinah, I would in a second. But I can't..." Jesse looked away from Zoe. "I can't be like this place and just bring people here cause they want 'em. Even with..."

Jesse had no idea if Zoe knew what fate Jake had gone to. He didn't know if she had heard. He didn't expect that Batman and Black Canary had had a discussion about it.

"Even with where he went back to. I'd feel like a shithead to force people to be here."

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 06:54 am UTC (link)
Zoe held to him as he got closer, her eyes closing, and she just held on. She listened, looking in his eyes, and there was no judgment there. How could there be when she'd just said the same thing? Her hand lifted to brush through his hair a little, just tracing round his ear.

"Dinah doesn't need that sort of help; that's not the way you help someone when they lose...anyone. You don't bring them back; that's just not natural. Not if they've left here." She wasn't sure about bringing someone back from the dead; she hoped she never really had to decide on that.

"She needs time, and that's always the tough part." She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "She also needs support." Zoe was still trying to figure out a way to do that without having to reveal the truth to the Bat's identity.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 07:00 am UTC (link)
He was glad she agreed. He'd had a feeling she would, it was just nice to hear it. Nice to know that he wasn't being selfish in that matter, too. Not being willing to do that was something that made him feel superior and inferior.

"Maybe we could have her over." Jesse felt weird suggesting that, but Zoe was right. Dinah needed people. Zoe couldn't be Bruce for Dinah, but she could be a friend. There just needed to be a way in. Jesse had done a favor for her, and he knew that she was trying to handle it on her own. Like he probably would have. And Zoe, for that matter. But if he could help, he wanted to.

"For dinner or somethin. With Dean, he lives above her shop." He couldn't believe he was trying to organize a dinner party.

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 07:06 am UTC (link)
Zoe stood up straight to look in his eyes. Was he being serious? His suggestion was so...domestic. She looked around, not sure what she was looking for, but she wondered if maybe she had misheard or she'd lost her senses for a moment.

"You want to have dinner with Dinah and one of those Winchester fellows?" Her brow was definitely lifted in question, and she was certainly smiling. Her hand lifted to his temple then slid round to his forehead to see if perhaps he'd gotten a fever; she doubted it, but she had to check.

"I guess we could. Not to poke something I shouldn't, but will you be able? You haven't exactly sat down to eat with me in a while. You've been running yourself ragged, doing only you know what." Her hand went back to tracing his ear and playing with his hair a little.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 07:17 am UTC (link)
"It's absurd." Jesse agreed. "But I think it'd be good for her."

He thought that a dinner with the three of them alone would be awkward. Somehow, putting a fourth into that mix seemed right. But he could have been wrong.

"I think that Dean is close to her, and if I told him that I was doin this for her, he'd agree it was a good thing." Jesse shrugged, grinning at her fever check. "I ain't sick. Promise. I just don't really know any of her other friends. I guess you'd know her better, if you've got a better choice, tell me."

Jesse thought about everything that he'd been doing, and how wiped out he'd been doing it. "I'd like to at least try. If I fall asleep at the table, you can draw on my face."

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 07:25 am UTC (link)
"How bout I just kick your ass in private later, so you don't lose face in front of a superhero and a possible drinking buddy?" Zoe had heard Dean enough to guess that he may be exactly what Jesse needed as far as a friend. She leaned in for a quick kiss. "He'll be fine. Think he was there because she asked, so that'll be fine."

Zoe hadn't exactly said much about what was going on with Jesse; she'd tried giving him room, but it wasn't getting better or easier.

"People are starting to stare." They were just standing in the middle of a walk, holding each other. That did tend to get attention. "I had to wake you up before you drowned in the shower the other day, you know that?" She knew he probably couldn't or wouldn't drown, but it seemed that way. "And I haven't had a good time with you in a while, and quite honestly, not something I'm liking." The good time wasn't just playing checkers or hoop ball.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 07:30 am UTC (link)
"I have a feeling that Dean would draw on me." He said, thinking about it. But he didn't mind not being drawn on by his girlfriend. Though, now that he gave it even more thought, he couldn't put it past any one of the three not to do it if somebody else started it.

Jesse sighed and nodded. "I know things ain't been great. I'm really sorry. I just feel like I need to help. It's gotten a bit outta control, but yanno, I can help, so I should."

He kissed her cheek, and then her neck. "I'll make it up to ya. I swear it. Somehow, I'll do it."

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 07:37 am UTC (link)
"Got a feeling he'd do it." Zoe laughed softly.

"You like being the go to man for the god-fearing sort? I'm not saying you shouldn't help, but..." Her mind got a little distracted as he started kissing her neck. That was cheating, and the pinch to his ear said so, not that she was stopping him exactly.

"I don't want you to make it up to me. I want you..." She laughed softly, shifting her weight a little so that she pressed closer to him. "I want you to come back to me; though, I'm guessing this is why there's no wife of God mentioned in that book." She hadn't really thought of how the word 'wife' might sound at the moment; she just expected there to be a wife rather than a girlfriend or mistress, seemed to fit the story.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 07:45 am UTC (link)
"I don't particularly like the responsibility, bein the one that they turn to here, when it ain't my place really. But they don't got anyone else. Ow." Jesse straightened up after the pinch.

"But what if I wanna make it up to ya?" He raised an eyebrow. "It's weird, cause the more I help, the more I feel I gotta, but the easier it is. Sort of."

He hadn't really thought about it, but using his power was not a difficult think for him at the moment. There was no thought, he just did it. Which wasn't exactly a good thing or a bad thing. He supposed it might ultimately be bad, considering how tired he was. Falling asleep in the shower and not really remembering that he had to be dragged to bed.

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 07:59 am UTC (link)
"Easier? It's like pulling the trigger or throwing that punch. Those things don't seem good at first, but they can help. And they get easier the more you do it." Zoe would know. "Now you do some amazing things, and I love you for how much you want to help. But, there are times I'm afraid I'll lose you if you don't slow down. I don't think you're going to go whoring it up. Just think you're going to get lost in all this do gooding and forget how to be you."

She knew he smoked less around her out of respect for her, yet she'd noticed a lack of smoke as of late. She gave him a soft kiss and smiled just as softly.

"I'm not saying that what you do is like pulling a trigger or punching someone, but it can be dangerous. I love you, and I just don't want you to disappear even while you're sitting on my couch or sleeping in my bed." She gave him another kiss.

"Walk me home now please. I'd like to take advantage of you before you start back to it." She was torn. She didn't like it because she wanted him to be happy and to do go, but she wasn't ready to give him up to it either.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 08:10 am UTC (link)
"I don't think about doin it so much now. I'm not sure if I like that I don't think before actin, that I just do it automatically. What's it mean about me that I just use what I got and don't consider?" It was a lot like fighting, he'd gotten used to fighting Jody, so when he'd broken out into the real world, he hadn't really thought much about getting into fights in bars or over women, or whatever else. The knowledge of how to fight had come in handy later, sure.

Jesse tuned out a little of what she said after that, focusing on the three words he'd never heard her say before. He took her face in his hands. "You mean that? What you just said?"

He'd also heard the bit about taking advantage of him, but that part could wait a little while. "Say it again."

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 08:15 am UTC (link)
Zoe was about to answer his question, though it might have been one that he didn't need answered. It might have been a question he was asking himself more than her. She blinked at the hands on her face, a little surprised.

"I want to take advantage of you?" She hadn't noticed that she said what he wanted to hear again. She'd meant it, but she was a little confused. Hadn't she said it before?

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 08:18 am UTC (link)
"Well, that's nice, sure." He shook his head. "But it ain't what I meant."

He wasn't sure now that she'd meant to say what she'd said. He worried that she maybe wasn't ready for it. But he had to know, either way.

"Ya said 'I love you', Zoe." Jesse waited a beat. "I guess I just wanna hear it again so I know that you feel about me the way I feel about you."

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 08:34 am UTC (link)
Zoe blinked.

"Oh." Her eyes dropped to his lips as she thought, retracing what she'd said. She looked back up into his eyes. "I'm pretty certain I have said that before. Haven't I?" Her hands lifted to take his and lower them, squeezing his fingers tightly.

"Of course, I love you, Jesse. Don't know any other feeling that have me wanting to kick your tail for falling asleep during dinner only instead to put you to bed and crawl right in there with you." Her voice held no anger, malice, or accusation, perhaps a little confusion and a good bit of truth and smile. "Think your godlike powers are on the fritz if you couldn't tell that."

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 08:38 am UTC (link)
He shook his head again. "You ain't said it. I know that for fact, cause I ain't said it."

He smiled at her, then kissed her, nothing short or flirty like she'd been since they'd been standing here. He didn't particularly care who saw.

Finally, he drew back. "Knowing and hearing are two wholly different things." Not wanting her to be left out, "I love you, Zoe. I haven't wanted to rush ya one step of the way with this, cause I know... well. I've been waitin for you to say that a while now."

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 08:51 am UTC (link)
Zoe's laughter was pleasantly lost in the kiss. She didn't fight him off, or resist either. Her body pressed closely to his. She didn't seem to care much if people were watching at that moment either.

When he pulled back, he would see a teasing smile on the warrior woman's lips. A brow raised as she watched his face.

"So you knew I loved you, mm?" She laughed softly. "You just didn't want to say anything?" Her fingers curled in his shirt as the smile faded a little and the teasing left.

"How long have you...?" Known, felt the same, waited. She looked at him. There was a hint of fear in her eyes, not because he had known or might have known. Saying it meant that if he ever left, she'd lose someone else she had given her heart to. She wasn't sure she would recover from that.

"I think I need to sit down." It was very real how she strongly she felt for him, which shocked her, even if she had decided some time ago this was how she felt. Saying it made it real.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 08:55 am UTC (link)
He stiffened at the change in her. Because he didn't want her to lose this moment of joy because of her past and what she might be thinking right now.

"Before this mess." He said. He meant what the City had been going through. Before the City had been confined to the body they had just seen.

Jesse wrapped an arm around Zoe's waist and found a bench for them to sit on while she gathered herself. He let her sit silently for a little bit, to think. But he needed to say what he was going to say, so he didn't let it go on forever.

"If he tried to make me leave, Zoe, I'd come back. I'd find a way."

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 09:02 am UTC (link)
Zoe leaned heavily against him. She could be strong, and she knew she should be. She knew she should be happy that it was said, that he had said it. But for the moment she also needed to recognize why she hadn't before now.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, but they wouldn't fall. She took a slow ragged breath, nodding. She let the breath out just as slowly. Her hand found his and held it tight, as if the City might actually try to take him away at that very moment. She took yet another breath, and finally smiled a crooked by real smile.

"I know. I'm sorry." The laugh was a little shaky. "I didn't know that would happen; don't think I could have."

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 09:08 am UTC (link)
Jesse pulled her in close, seeing those tears. He didn't want her to cry, or feel that she needed to. He hated, really, that she had to feel this way at all. His hand was tightly clasped in hers, and he wouldn't let go until she was ready to.

"It's okay. You don't gotta say yer sorry for anything." The words were said quietly in her ear. "I can understand where the feelin came from. After what I provoked him into sayin, then what you finally said out loud, I think it's only natural."

Jesse kissed her temple softly. "I would come back." The words were a promise that he would die to keep.

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 09:21 am UTC (link)
"I know." The warrior woman curled up, not feeling at all like a warrior woman. She just wanted to be held, to be soft and breakable, to be. She took a few more breaths. Oddly perhaps, or as it should be, she did know that he would do whatever he could to come back to her; even as he slept through dinner, seemed so distant, felt as if he wasn't there at times, she never questioned how he felt for her. She also never thought that it was just part of the Cowboy God role he'd taken to so much and so well lately.

"I know I said I'd take advantage of you." She did want to, and she would eventually. She sat up to look at him. "But can we just watch an old wave with the Duke?" By now he had to know that 'wave' meant movie, and he probably knew which of the John Wayne films were high on her list to watch more than once.

She felt tired all of a sudden, and wanted nothing more than to be close to him, just enjoy a quiet a moment that hopefully end in both of them falling asleep on the couch.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 09:29 am UTC (link)
There was surely no way he could have denied her anything she'd asked right then. If she'd desired the moon, he would have put it into her hand.

"We can watch McClintock." Jesse said, standing and pulling her to her feet. "That'll help ya smile some."

He really sort of expected that they would just fall asleep together curled up on the couch before it got too far into the movie, but he didn't mind that either. He decided, before she could ask, that they would go back to his place. He had all the movies she could have wanted there, and he wanted to get her all cuddled up in a big soft blanket and make her tea to drink while they watched.

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[info]warrior_woman
2012-04-27 09:33 am UTC (link)
"I think you like the bit with the shovel a little too much." Zoe stood, smiling a little more. Her hand still held his, maybe not as tightly.

"You have to say it again before you fall asleep." Her body was as close to his as walking without stumbling over each other would allow. She was teasing, which was a good sign.

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[info]cowboy_god
2012-04-27 09:36 am UTC (link)
"Yep. It is most certainly the spanking." Jesse agreed, glad that she was feeling a little lighter than she had been the past few moments. He knew it wouldn't pass entirely until she had gotten some sleep to recover. But if she could tease, then she was on her way.

Jesse pressed his lips against her ear again. "I love you."

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