InsaneJournal

99 problems// grand opening (OPEN TO ALL)
Lorne had looked at the Fangtasia flier, silently loved the pun and hated the name of the place, and sighed aloud. Vampire-friendly? Caritas was totally vampire friendly! Who was this Fangtasia person?

"Well, it doesn't matter," the demon mused. "This place is still gonna happen. Every night and technically twice on Saturdays."

When the opening night crowd rolled in at 9, a kid at the door handed out a special opening night menu with $5 drink specials and happy hour food, including the Best Wings in The City.

There was a good turnout, mostly human, from what Lorne could gather from the singers. The place wasn't packed to the walls, but seats were at a premium. There was a lot of laughing, a lot of singing, and a lot of free-flowing liquor. Lorne was happy; he wished someone from back home could see this. Caritas as it was meant to be.

Also not on fire.

At 9:30, Lorne was onstage, mic in his hand, extra snazzy royal blue suit on, and a big grin on his face.

"Hey there, City dwellers. I'm your Host, and this.... is Caritas." Lorne's eyes sparkled as he said it. The place, in all its incarnations, had always made him so happy. "Caritas is a little different from places you might be used to," he began. He nodded to the piano player off to his right, and a slight, slow strain of accompaniment began.

"Y'see, folks, Caritas is a sanctuary. I'll invite you once again to take a gander at the House Rules over there," he said, gesturing to the large poster on the wall. "...and realize that I'm very serious when I say everyone is welcome here, everyone should get to feel good here, and we do mean business of the seriously fun kind."

The crowd applauded, and Lorne nodded. "I'm so glad to be opening up another set of doors for this purpose, that, well, I just feel like I need to sing about it."

He nodded at the piano player, closed his eyes, and felt completely happy--and an awful lot of happy coming out of his patrons, too. "This is a song I've been loving a lot lately, and tonight it goes out to the guy in the back. In the hat."




"If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son--
I got 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one.

Tip my hat to the sun in the west,
Feel the beat right in my chest.
At the crossroads a second time,
Make the devil change his mind.
It's a pound of flesh, but its really a ton.
99 problems and a bitch ain’t one.

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son--
I got 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one.
99 problems....
But a bitch ain’t one.

Like broken glass under my feet,
I can lose my mind in the sea.
Looking for prize but I don’t want blood,
All I wanna drink is drink the flood.
You can come inside, but your friends can’t come.
99 problems and a bitch ain’t one.

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son--
99 problems and a bitch ain’t one.
I got 99...
99....
....99
99.....

The guy in the hat looked stunned.